Listen.

I am a 5 foot, ten inch female.

I run, I work out, I try to pay close attention to my posture--I do. I try so hard.

But usually, when I think about it, I am slumped. Hunched. Bent over. Slouching.

So, it is no surprise that for my 25 and a half birthday, that I got a visit to the chiropractor. My neck was killing me. It was causing tension headaches so severe I was nauseous, couldn't open my eyes. Nothing helped except a bag of frozen peas and numerous ibuprofen.

The chiropractor did a full screening including x-rays, stretch tests... you name it, she did it.

And when she put up my neck x-ray, she asked me, "Paige, do you see anything wrong here?"

I mean, no. I don't even know what I'm looking at. Well, that's my head, but beyond that, you've got me.  

"Not really," was my actual reply.

"Well, you see this?" She ran her pencil down the vertebra on my neck. I nodded. "When these are healthy, they have a curve to them."

"Mine are straight," I said.

She nodded, "Exactly. This is the first stage of spine degeneration. It's where your pain is coming from, and we need to get it fixed before it becomes more severe."

Thus began our long-standing relationship. Needless to say, after lots of stretching, adjustments, sleeping a certain way, and a host of other things, my neck is curved again. But through this whole process my posture became more obvious to me. I paid more attention to standing up straight, not looking down when I walk, sitting up in my desk at school or chair at work so as to keep the strain off those touchy bones.

As I began to pay more attention to my posture, I also began to recognize a pattern of when I tended to slouch.

I love to read. So much so, that on my days off, I would spend hours with my chin tucked into my chest. I sit in class numerous hours a week. I have this horrible habit of folding my legs up, and sliding down in my chair during lectures. This is horrible for my back.

But one instance struck me as odd in its number of occurrences, and that was when I felt some sort of shame.

Someone picks on me at lunch, even in the friendliest of ways (I'm a bit sassy myself, but sometimes I shrink back before striking), I would literally shrink into my chair. The same goes for in class if I did not give a correct or on point answer. Whoop--further into that seat I went.

Someone reprimands me? ...even if it was just my husband about my attitude? My chin automatically went into my chest.

Time after time, incidence after incidence, I was bowing my head to circumstantial, non-vital situations in my life so much so that I realized it was causing me pain.

And one day, God connected the dots for me:

Holding my head in this position was the opposite direction that it was made to go. My head was created to sit straight, upright on my neck, perfectly in line with my shoulders. Tall and proud for all to see. It was not meant to stay downcast, staring at my feet. When it stayed in that position for an extended time, it literally caused me pain.

Man, how much like shame is that in our lives, really?

Not that we weren't created to feel shame, because we do, but just like looking down is fine for the head every once and a while, staying in that position is not only painful, but debilitating. We, as Christians, are not meant to spend out lives wallowing in shame. We are not created for that. Actually, it is the opposite of how He has created us, and if we choose to walk in that then eventually your body--which was not made to bend in that way--will try and conform.

Shame is painful.

Shame is not pretty.

Shame is not what God intended for us to live with.

Instead He calls us to an abundant life, in fellowship with Him.

Now listen, we will walk in humility, but there is a difference between humility and shame. Humility is the product of saying no to shame; of choosing to walk in grace that we know we did nothing to earn, and that was given to us freely. The natural by-product of being grace receivers is being humble servants.

But, servants that keep their head up.

Have a little pep in their step.

Because we are children of the King, and there is no better news than that.

Shame is not an easy load to lift off your shoulders. Not only did I have to work to correct my neck, I also would have never been able to do it without the help of my doctor.

We rid ourselves of shame in the same way, I think.

Even when we are so consumed with our shame that we are drowning in it, He still hears our cries (thank God). For real though, He says "Hey, are you weary? Burdened? Let me take care of that."

And even better is a passage from the book of Hosea.

Some background? God tells Hosea to go and marry a prostitute. No lie! So he does, and she runs away a few times, but he goes back and gets her. Not only that, but he speaks loving words to her. Words like these:

“Therefore I am now going to allure her;

    I will lead her into the wilderness

    and speak tenderly to her.

15 There I will give her back her vineyards,

    and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.

There she will respond as in the days of her youth,

    as in the day she came up out of Egypt." 

                                                    (Hosea 2: 14-15)

Countless times throughout scripture, we see God seeking to restore His people. He is so ridiculously in love with us that time and time again He goes to crazy lengths to show it. He offers us unconditional love, and gave us a payment for our sins. We couldn't come to Him on our own, so He made it possible. I love these basic truths about Him! I love that He loves us so much that it drives us to do the crazy as well. 

And I think that one of those "crazies" is letting go of shame and holding tight to redemption. 

Let it go. 

Hold your head high. 

You weren't made for shame, 

But you were made for Him. 

So, go. Cling to His promises. Let Him allure you into the wilderness where He can speak tenderly to you. Let Him give you hope. 

Let Him give you a reason to walk with your head up.