Closing her eyes, Kaitlyn took deep breaths. Each one pushed the sting of tears further and further away. It was only once she was certain she wouldn't cry that she opened her eyes and said, "You can come out now, Josh."

He detached from the trees and came to join her near the edge. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he gazed out at the sea. His eyes flicked toward her, as if he wanted to study her without being obvious. "You okay?"

"If you have to ask, I guess I'm doing a pretty good job acting like I am. Hey, no tears this time, so that's something." She backed up, close enough she could still look out at the ocean but could also sit down without worry. Josh joined her down there.

"If you need to cry, uh..." He rubbed the back of his neck, which had grown red at some point. "I won't let anyone else see. And I can act like I'm not here."

She didn't expect to smile, and she didn't even realize it was starting until it had already formed. "Thanks, but no thanks. Despite what you may think, I don't really like crying."

He shrugged. "I've been told it can feel good to just let it out."

"Did you receive this advice from the same person who told you watching personal conversations was okay?" she teased, and her smile grew at his wince.

"I do tend to do that a lot to you, don't I? If it helps, it's not you I'm trying to listen in on. It's always your dad. Speaking of him." Josh twisted so that he sat facing her. "What was that thing you said to him about? The forged bond?"

It was her turn to wince. She hadn't been sure how much he'd overheard, but she really wished he hadn't heard that. After years of facing scrutiny from Sages, whether it be from accusations of nepotism or doubting her abilities, she hated voicing what made her different from the other Soul-Bound.

There was an openness to Josh's expression that convinced her he wouldn't act like that, but she couldn't shake the unexpected fear that he'd look at her differently. Despite being an idiot, he'd somehow kindled her respect and, perhaps even more shocking, her friendship.

He wouldn't think less of her for this. Not like she did.

She picked at a piece of grass and rolled it between her fingers, using it as a distraction from meeting his eyes. "Back before the veil separated the two realms, the Soul-Bound were in higher demand than bonds formed. The entire world was plagued by monsters, the Paladins and Shadow Knights fought more directly, and lives ended much quicker. Because of this, the Sages gathered the most talented amongst themselves to combine the energies of a willing human and dragon. Three out of five times, such a close connection would spark a bond into being. For the humans it didn't work for, they were, well, consumed by the energy."

An inhalation of breath had her looking up. Josh's mouth paused partially open to speak, but as if thinking better on it, he shut his mouth and watched her expectantly.

She swallowed and glanced back down at the grass. She picked a few more strands from the ground. "It became a cautioned practice until it nearly disappeared. There wasn't as much demand for Soul-Bound as the years went by, and they couldn't justify the potential loss of life. These forged bonds also had downsides even when they succeeded. The Soul-Bound weren't as strong, as they could never accomplish the fullness of a true bond. There were also instances of corruption leaking through from one party to the other. Over the years where forged bonds were more popular, four different Paladins and their dragons went rogue. Including..." She met his eyes once more. "Including Lucien."

Shock widened Josh's eyes. "Whoa."

She waited, fidgeting as Josh mauled over her words. She waited for the shift, not because he'd think she was bound to join the dark side or anything, but because he'd put the pieces together and realize how lame she was.

"So, your bond with your dragon," he said slowly. "It's like those ones? Forged by another Sage?"

She nodded. "I showed a desire to join the Sages from a young age, and my father wanted me in the ranks. When I turned thirteen with no signs of bonding, he took matters into his own hands. As we've learned, he's very good at making situations go his way, so despite it being highly frowned upon..." She gestured at herself and shrugged.

"It's what you wanted, though, right?" His hard voice was flint, waiting for a strike to spark an ember and set his tinder of emotions ablaze.

"Yeah, I just said it was. Why do you ask—oh," she said, realization dawning. "No, my father didn't manipulate me into this."

"Good." He peered closer at her, and then his face broke out into a grin. "That's pretty awesome."

She did a double take. "I'm sorry, but did you just say it's awesome?"

"Well, yeah." He leaned back, using his arms to keep himself propped up. "There's a certain assurance when you're chosen, yeah? Because you're not risking your life when the bond forms, and you don't have to worry about being weaker or anything. You knew all these downsides, yet you still chose to become a Sage because you believed so strongly in it. So, if you ask me, that's pretty awesome of you."

A tingle began in her stomach and made its way to her increasingly warm cheeks. He hadn't said anything profound, but the earnest way he spoke the words had them settling in her heart.

"I suppose I never thought of it that way. Thank you," she said.

"There's no reason to thank me for pointing out facts. Also, I saw you in action in the other realm. You managed some really cool stuff with your powers, so if this is you weaker, I'm scared of what you'd accomplish otherwise."

"Okay, now you're pushing it," she said, laughing, though she couldn't deny the way her stomach continued to flutter. When was the last time someone had built her up like this? "You're just trying to make me forget you were watching me and my father from the trees like a creep."

He gave an exaggerated sigh. "Well, I guess it isn't working very well if you can call me out on it."

"Besides," she went on, "I could barely do anything in combat. Though I'm sure you already know I'm trying to fix that."

His brows pulled together. "Why would I know that?"

She faltered. He should know, right? Yet as she searched his face, she couldn't find any signs of deceit. "Didn't Mara tell you? I try to find a couple of days in the week to come here and train with her and Ioana."

The light drained from his eyes. His smile remained in its place, but its easy manner had been replaced by tension. "She failed to mention it," he said, looking anywhere but at her.

Guilt needled at her, and she didn't even know what she'd done. "What's wrong?"

He shrugged. It was his turn to pull at the grass, but he just tossed the tiny blades into the air. "Nothing. How's the training going? She hasn't said much to me about it." The bitterness dripping from his words didn't match the puppy dog way he typically gazed after Mara.

She could let it go. Her own emotions were a mess, even if she'd been able to forget about them for a little bit. What right did she have to offer help when she couldn't even help herself? And he'd already given her an easy escape.

But logic reminded her that people on the outside could typically wade through the complicated waters of situations better than the people involved. Beneath the rational voice was another, one she'd found growing louder than the logical one by the day.

The logic didn't matter. What mattered was that she wanted to be there for him. Maybe his tenderness toward her after her confrontation with her father could be dismissed as payment for her help with the fear devourers, but that didn't feel right.

It surprised her how right it felt to reach out and squeeze his knee. "You can talk to me, if you want. I can just listen, though I hear dragons are very good at doing that for normal Soul-Bound," she added at the end, smiling gently.

Snorting, he shook his head. "When I talk about this stuff, Boomer tells me I need to get help." He paused for a moment, and then the flicker of a smile passed over his lips. "And he's proving my point now."

Envy peeked its head out from the tomb she continually tried to keep it in. She'd long ago accepted that her bond with Odema would never be like what other Soul-Bound had with their dragons.

She didn't get to dwell on her thoughts. Josh shifted uncomfortably and averted his face. Still, she caught the flashes of shame and frustration.

"If Cale came up to you and asked what was wrong, would you tell him?" he asked.

"Huh?" She frowned, trying to disentangle his meaning, but she came up empty. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, I mean, you really like him, right? That's why you were always following him around and stuff?" he said, the statement shifting into a question when she didn't immediately agree.

"About that..." She bit her lip. Nobody had ever called her out on always keeping an eye on Cale and trying to stick near him. The other Sages would understand the purpose, and none of the Paladins paid her too much attention. Or, if they did, they didn't show it. As she merely thought of explaining herself, embarrassment heated her face. "I've never liked Cale. Not like that, I mean."

"Oh." Josh no longer hid his face, his own troubles seemingly forgotten at this new turn of the conversation. "But then why did you follow him around like a lovestruck tagalong?"

Pressing her lips into a thin line, she dragged her emotions to the back of her mind so that they'd stop trying to use her face as a grill. "My father has made it no secret that he'd love to sway Cale's allegiance, and he thought having family ties would help do that."

"How would you following him mean family ties—oh." He gawked at her for a moment before shaking his head. "No, no way. He was trying to make you hook up with Cale? That's messed up, especially if you don't even like him."

If she thought about it for a second, she knew he had a point, but for the longest time, what her father said was law. The Sage's goals came before everything. Cale, according to her father, would make for a better future Sage leader than any of the current Sages. He had a tactical mind and strength that hadn't been seen for centuries. The strategic move would be to bind him to the Sages somehow, specifically Joel, and nothing did that quite like romantic relations and familial bonds, both of which would be achieved if Kaitlyn could woo him.

She would earn her father's respect, and Cale was a good guy, so he'd allow her power as well if he took over the Sages. There were few downsides if things went as Joel had wanted.

Except that she didn't feel that way toward Cale, and that she'd have to earn her desired approval by being a pawn in an admittedly questionable scheme.

She glanced out at the sky and sea again as something settled on her chest. There was too much to unpack in that situation, and she didn't know how. Blowing out a breath, she faced Josh again.

"What did that have to do with anything, by the way?"

He peered at her, and she had a horrible flash of fear that he wouldn't let her escape the subject. But then he blew a frustrated raspberry and dropped chin into his palm. "Something's wrong with Mara, but she refuses to tell me what it is, and that doesn't seem right. It doesn't, right?"

She already regretted her offer to listen. She'd just confessed that she'd been chasing after a guy she saw as nothing but a friend because her father told her to. Was she really the best to help with this? Deciding all she could do was be truthful, she said, "I haven't seen many healthy relationships in my days, but from what I understand, communication is really important. It would be something like a bond, right? You open yourself up to each other, and you're supposed to become closer over time, share more of yourself, grow together. So, no, I don't think it sounds right."

The more she spoke, the glummer Josh appeared. He sunk into himself and stared unseeingly at nothing.

"She won't talk to me, and I don't know what I did wrong," he whispered, as if voicing it aloud took too much effort to speak it any louder. "I just want to help her. I want to see her smiles again. Not these fake ones she's been doing, but her real, beautiful smile. She's not happy. How do I make her happy again?"

She hated seeing him like this. He was so loud with his thoughts and emotions that he seemed to suck up the sun when he suffered like this. It would be easy to dampen her blows, or to focus on reassuring him. But, again, she fell back on the truth. "It's not your job to make her happy, Josh, or to make her problems vanish. You're doing all you can by being there for her. It sounds like she's the one doing something wrong."

"No, she's not. She's just..." The anger that flared at her words instantly dissipated, and Josh buried his face in both hands. "I don't know," he settled on.

Kaitlyn didn't, either. Her only remaining advice felt too callous and cruel, and she wouldn't subject him to that in this state. Instead, she plucked more blades of grass and threw them at him.

There were enough blades that they brushed against his exposed skin and caught his attention. He raised his head. "Did you just throw grass at me?"

She shrugged. "I had to do something with all the bits I picked. Why? Was it a problem?" she asked innocently. As she'd hoped, his eyes sparked at her challenge. Her heart felt lighter, especially when his lips began to curl into a smirk.

"Careful what fight you start, Sage. I'll have you know, I'm a grass war champion. I once raked up all the grass we mowed and dumped it on my brother's head."

In response, she flicked another blade at him.

"Okay, that's it!"

If someone had told Kaitlyn two months ago that she'd be sitting at the edge of the Sanctuary with Josh, pulling up bits of grass and laughing as they continued to pelt each other or completely missing, she'd have thought them crazy. Not only did she believe him to be nothing but Cale's annoying teammate, but this was painfully childish and stupid.

Childish and stupid seemed to be exactly what she needed to ease the near-constant weight upon her shoulders, and as the cracks faded from Josh's expression, she realized she'd been right about him needing it, too.

"Okay, okay, we should probably stop," she said between her laughs. "I don't know how quickly the grass grows back up here, and we're giving the ground some bald spots."

Josh gave an exaggerated sigh. "Fine, if you insist. But..." Smirking, he tossed his last handful of grass at her. "I do win, just so we're clear."

"Uh-huh. Whatever protects your ego." She stood, feeling much lighter than when she'd walked out here. "I also need to get to training. Your weapons master sure is intense. For every minute I'm late, I have to spar for five minutes longer without stop."

As much as she hated the punishment, it had increased her endurance massively. Thanks to her typically being at the university and trying to avoid discussing her training with her father, she'd been late more than a couple of times.

Josh rose to his feet as well. "Good luck with that. You'll have to show me your new skills sometime."

"Why don't you come along, then?" She regretted the words as soon as they were out. She had been so focused on the destination their conversation had reached that she'd forgotten what started it.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "Thanks, but no. If she wanted me there, she'd have mentioned it."

She didn't know what to say without further picking open the scab they'd just managed to close, so she said nothing and nodded instead.

"I'll catch you later, Kaitlyn. Maybe this time it won't require me stalking your dad." His lips curled into the imitation of a smile. It was much more an upward curve than any real expression.

No longer trusting her mouth not to drive the nail in deeper, she simply raised her hand in silent farewell. She watched Josh's back as he retreated, doing all she could to ignore the sinkhole taking residence in her gut.

She wasn't alone dealing with fragile bridges, but she'd chosen this. All she could do was hope that Mara opened her eyes to the pain she caused before their bridge broke, taking Josh down with it.

Sighing, Kaitlyn squared her shoulders and headed to the training grounds.

Fun Fact: Lucien having a forged bond was an extremely last second choice, as in it was decided as I was writing this chapter, because I realized it just made sense.

Josh and Kaitlyn bonding time is fun, and at least these two are actually opening up to someone about their issues and taking comfort from them.  Looking at you, Mara and Cale, looking at you.  Speaking of Cale, really, Joel?  Trying for that marriage angle?  Ew xP But at least Kaitlyn seems to be growing better at ignoring what her father wants of her.

Let me know your thoughts on the chapter down below, and if you enjoyed it, don't forget to vote and comment! I also have a discord open to anyone who wants to join, and we have a section there to discuss the book :D Let me know if you want to join!