SINCE KAITLYN WAS young, she'd been taught to turn to intellect when emotions became too much. Emotions, Joel told her, were a tool, and if someone used their mind to hone and direct that tool, they could be a powerful weapon. When they took control, all one gained was unnecessary struggles.

Emotions, she decided, were like string, and when they tangled, she could smooth them out with logic. Once smoothed, she could get from the start of the emotions to the end without facing hardships.

She'd managed it when she'd first started wondering why she didn't have a mother around. The divorce occurred when she was still young, so she hadn't known what she lost, but that lack of knowing combined with a feeling of being discarded plagued her for a week. Finally, she'd calmed herself by spending an entire day pointing out the fallacies of her emotionally charged thoughts. She didn't even know her mother, and why would she want one who couldn't even stay?

The next hard moment was when Señora Valera, one of her instructors, died. Her death hit Kaitlyn harder than the few others she'd experienced in her life. But everyone died someday, and Señora Valera lived a fulfilling life. Her passing had been peaceful. Even if Kaitlyn would never see her again, she had hundreds of memories she could treasure.

She'd never run into twisted threads she couldn't use logic to disentangle.

Not until now, with the multiple knots blocking her way forward. The complicated thread of her feelings toward her father refused to loosen. When she reached for a way to explain away his actions, about why they had no power over her, she came up against a wave of fury and anguish.

Every day, a new knot joined the fray. Hope for a relationship with her mother, anger that her mother hadn't tried to tell her the truth, uncertainty about the direction the Sages took.

Had she ever truly overcome her struggles in the past, or had she snipped the prior tangles away, unaware they continued to gather out of sight?

The jumble of thoughts plagued Kaitlyn daily, but for once, they felt further away. She stood a foot away from the edge of the Sanctuary. The seemingly endless ocean and sky spread out in front of her.

She had worried the thoughts would be louder here, especially when she refused to attend another meeting despite her father's insistence. With this view, though, her own problems felt smaller and less powerful. It was a serenity she'd yet to find at the Sage's college base, but that could also be because of the reminders all around her.

The wind blew, snatching the few strands of hair free from her braid and rustling the paper in her hand. She glanced down at the single sheet of notebook paper and sighed. Following the creases that had made their home on the page, Kaitlyn carefully folded the paper and slid it into her back pocket. The words on it might as well have been burned onto the back of her eyelids.

Her mom wanted her to visit.

Sparklers went off in her stomach. Each settling speck of excitement, though, produced an ember of anxiety. She hadn't seen her mother for years. Laura Caldwell had left the Sages when Kaitlyn was only three, and her mom had decided she wanted to move on with her life when Kaitlyn was six. At least, that was the reason her father had given her for the visitations ceasing. After learning the truth about what he had done to Roman, Kaitlyn had doubted that reason, and she'd been right.

Twelve years had passed where she didn't see her mom, and now she could. What was her mother like? Aside from what little she'd put in the letters, like how she'd found solace in the Shawnee community or how she was dating a man named Dean with a teenage son and young daughter, Kaitlyn knew nothing. Did she still make waffles and fill the holes with syrup to form shapes? Did she still shout at the world and dance when she was too upset to do anything else?

And did she have these same thoughts about Kaitlyn? Would she be disappointed, or see too much of the man who had ruined her life reflected in her daughter?

"I want to see her," she said to the world.

It didn't tell her not to, but unfortunately, that didn't settle the worms taking residence in her stomach.

She supposed it didn't matter anyway. Her and her father had come to the Sanctuary for a reason. This new assignment to visit the Elemental's society and approach their council would already consume a couple of weeks from her life. With the thinning of the veils, she didn't know if she could take time away even after the mission.

Would her mom be safe? Maybe her father and her mom hadn't ended on good terms, but if he wanted to leave her to die, the Sages wouldn't have provided her with protection.

It was nice and calming to be able to sort through her thoughts again without emotions flooding from their designated spot. She could stay here for hours. Unfortunately, life had other plans.

"Ah, here you are."

The unstable walls shattered, and the feelings hammered down at her like they could mine her sanity. She should have known her peace was nothing more than temporary relief.

Taking a deep breath to ease her stuttering heart, she turned. Her father walked across the courtyard to her.

Hate him, she pleaded to her heart, but still she found her body straightening, her chin lifting, her eyes searching his for signs of pride. He'd lied to her, and she'd blackmailed him. Yet here she was, still desperate for his approval. What was wrong with her?

He stopped five feet away from her and clasped his hands together behind his back. Anyone else who saw the scene might not have noticed the difference, but they might as well have been neon signs to her. He never met her eyes directly anymore, and a distance had sneaked into his tone when he spoke to her.

Neither of them had burned the bridge between them, but it stood on fragile foundations that could give at any moment. They danced around each other, waiting to see if they'd take the final blow to the connection, shattering it completely. Her, waiting to see if what she learned would become too much. Him, wrestling with her disrespect and the constant unknown.

The silence building between them could fill a chasm. Finally, after an eternity of studying her, Joel cleared his throat and moved to stand beside her instead. Not too close, but enough that if she stretched her arm, she could touch him.

"Your mission with Tafari will continue as planned. As expected, Cale's group will accompany Hisato and Ioana. Keep a close eye on Cale. He's too great a talent to lose."

She didn't know if she hated or appreciated that he often spoke to her as the Sage leader giving orders. He might not have deserved his position with how he'd abused the power, but it was at least familiar.

When was the last time that they'd spoken as father and daughter?

That was too much to unpack when he awaited a response. "Yes, sir," she said. As much as she hated his continual attitude of Cale being a prize to capture, she chose not to fight that battle. She'd planned on watching him already, but as a concerned friend.

"We will be waiting for a couple of days before you leave." Joel hesitated. A rare sight, since her father either always had control or wanted to give the impression that he did, and those in control didn't take a moment to doubt. "We need all hands available to escort civilians in the protective barriers to Sanctums."

She hadn't known about this decision, but it made sense. The wards didn't have a one-hundred-percent success rate, but it was close. Close didn't cut it when the veil between realms had become so painfully thin, though.

"Wait," she said, realization hitting like a charging dragon. Her heart hurt as it thudded against her ribs. "What does this mean for Mom?"

His jaw flexed, and she realized she'd found exactly why he'd hesitated. "Like others, she will be encouraged to return. However..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if bracing himself, before finally turning back to her. His Sage leader mask was on full display, entirely unfeeling and uncompromising. "We will invite her to the college. You, however, shall remain here."

"What?" she shouted. "You can't do that!"

"I can, and I will. Jodas will have orders not to allow your return." His voice carried blades, and each word was an unforgiving slice into her. "You have a vital mission to the cause, and we cannot allow your commitment or emotions to waver. Laura has never approved of your path. Her words during your time together will reflect that."

Kaitlyn hated the sting of tears in her eyes. Her father saw displays of emotion as weakness. It was why, when she cried, she tried to make sure it was never in front of him. Yet here she was, within the span of a single month, nearly driven to it again.

A voice that sounded suspiciously like her father whispered beneath the torrent of emotions, pointing out the logic behind his decision. This mission was important, and her inclusion was meant to represent his presence since he couldn't be there. It was also an extension of faith, showing he was willing to put his daughter's safety in their hands. As with all moves Joel made, it was calculated and cunning. She needed to play her part to help ensure success.

But the much louder voice raged against the order because this was her mom, the woman he knew she was trying to reconnect with. The woman who he'd already robbed from her once.

Movement off to the side stopped her from screeching at him. A figure lurked within the trees a hundred or so feet away. One who she was growing increasingly familiar with.

Joshua Davidson.

She didn't expect the sudden soothing his appearance had on her, but seeing him took her to the last time her father had seen her cry. Three weeks ago, when Josh had confronted him, and she'd chosen the Paladin's side. Josh had held her. In that moment, he hadn't been the goofy guy who took little seriously, but he'd been a shield between her and the rest of the world. For the first time, she'd felt safe in her feelings.

Her anger and betrayal didn't dim, but it became a honed blade, just like what her father had utilized moments before. Instead of breaking down, she fixed her father with a glare.

"I accepted a forged bond to join the Sages, Father. I've always been dedicated to our cause. If anything is going to sway me, it isn't Mom. It's you."

She saw her words go through him like a wave. His body straightened impossibly further, and his eyes lifted to stare over her head. Her glare faltered. This was her father. Yes, he'd been stern and lacking on parental love, but he had never treated her coldly.

I'm sorry, she thought.

Be proud of me, she begged.

But she kept her torment off her face, because no matter how much she craved his approval, he didn't deserve her to see her raw and unmasked.

"My decision is final," he said, and then he strode away. She didn't argue. It would do her no good.

The bridge felt closer to breaking than ever.

Fun Fact: Joel, as the more stern and less parental figure, gets the more respectful and distant address of father from Kaitlyn.  Meanwhile, her mom, who in Kaitlyn's mind has only ever been more lenient and emotional, is mom to her.  This is also driven by my subconscious association of father/mother being more respectful terms while mom/dad are more casual.

Kaitlyn and her father are NOT having fun times 😬 She definitely runs a risk of those bonds vanishing, but honestly, with how Joel is... Okay, I guess he's her father, but still. He sucks xD And now she doesn't even get to bond with her mom v_v And come on, Josh!  Give this family time to have their own private conversations already!

Let me know your thoughts on the chapter down below, and if you enjoyed it, don't forget to vote and comment! I also have a discord open to anyone who wants to join, and we have a section there to discuss the book :D Let me know if you want to join!