I had been doing nothing but talk to Theo all day although of course it had only been a few hours since I woke up, so it was not important how much time I spentToday at three I'm in front of your house lilo Don't call me that, but of course Don't forget Of course not. I have to do some things so we'll talk later goodbyethat was the last message we sent each other, the butterflies appeared as they did lately, I liked it but there was something that didn't feel very nice at all as if a parted e my subconscious didn't allow me to take a step away from the past or at least move forward liah, come on a second - you heard my brother's scream and I flew down the stairs, I almost fell but it was only a stumbling in the middle of thiswhat happened - ask as soon as you get to the hallway that connected the front door to the living room I go to the store, you want me to bring you something - I ask in that tone, I didn't know he had that tone but you knew it wasn't his normal voice no, thank you - I answered with a tone more assertuado than normal doing0 qu eme look jusgona way with the eyebrow raised and I look at the time on the clock that was seen in a very scarce way by the distance - at what time you returnI don't know, you had some plan - I ask back- aunqeu will only be half an hour, an hour maybe Maybe and go out there you know to walk - I answered him in a way as calm as possible so as not to raise suspicions as you like, just don't get lost - said me after a long sigh with a little laugh at the last part of the sentence Don't rush it, be careful - I told him when he started to leave but he stopped suddenly - I almost forgot, when I come back I'll go see the races with max, if you want you can comeno - I answered him for two reasons first I did not know if it would be returned cuandosea que el viera and second aunqeu out you must in when with theo I do not like the feeling of nostalgia that I preovocaba that place - I'm a little tired so I want to sleep early today if, you go out a lot lately, that must be, you're feeling better - I ask with a smile is that I'm looking for a nice place to kill myself - I answered with a smile from end to end of my face Anyway, goodbye - answered disinterested saliedno reluctantly by the front door, I knew he was tired but yoi too and that was the only way not to tire each other with conversations that would not make sense and promises that we would not fulfillI leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, I put my knees against my chest and leaned my head and let out a big sigh and lifted my head looking up at the ceiling remembering how I felt that day, how the feeling of bitterness and sorrow filled me and carried the air awayIt had been a week since the accident and I felt like shit did not sleep and barely ate. while looking at me in front of the mirror, notice that I had some noticeable dark circles in my eyes and was paler or was the black color what made me paler- I thought approaching the mirror tacand my face with my hands wanting to decipher it lightly moved to look at it from many different angleswe have to go- you jack interrupted me, she heard melancholy and off, her tone was not as imposing as it was usually, she had pacified, like when a fire throws water yes - I answered looking at him through the reflection We left the house, I went behind him and by his phone he called a taxi that in cuastion of minutes arrived in front of the door, in what we expected the winter weather began to take hold of the streets with a cold breezeWe arrived shortly by taxi, the funeral home was in front of us and there were people coming from both sides of the streetMax - I heard it from my brother's lips, he was a friend of hers, he was wearing a black suit just like my brother, he was without a tiehello, as they are - he approached us with those words and he noticed on his face the regret when I finished saying that - why not better we go in - stutter walking in accompanied by my brother and followed by my We entered the room looking hostile, there was a woman in the front row, it was her mother accompanied by her husband, I felt terrible to see her. People came to give her their pity, we approached and her mother greeted us in a warm way as was her custom we are sorry - said my brother and I repeated the same in a whisper looking down at the ground with clemency in my eyes I wanted to cryI wanted to cry but I felt selfish doing it there in front of them, for the first time I thought of his parents i.e., they saw him born grow up and leave now, and after greeting both of them we passed in front of the coffin that was open, I remembered when I woke up next to him in the mornings after the nights of motorcycle racing, but it was not the same, nor came close to the memory, now his face was pale and I ran my hand over his cheek, I was cold not to say frosty, I ran her quickly and looked away second looking at the flowers surrounding the coffin, tulips and lilies all white I love you - I used to my lips gently like a secret The guys and I sat in a few free seats in the second row we were on the right end of the row, I wanted to go my stomach felt like they hit him with a metal pipe nonstop, I lowered my head after seeing my brother and max talked about not know what, I didn't understand them and even if I did I felt too bad to pull, I could hear murmurs all over the room, 'we deserved it' was what was heard the most as if it was the opinion of the common public was shit think of something else - I said with disdain towards them in my tired head that they would try to justify that I did not deserve it, nobody deserves death, of course there some cases but this was not one of them. while thinking about this I began to breathe heavily when a voice made me raise my head and calm me down a littlefriends family - I eat with a dscurso the priest, with a deep voice - we are here for alex rhysona, a sweet person even if he was not the best in his studies, he did not deserve this that filled my everything I did not want to continue there and I got up from the chair as quiet as possible and I went from there, I went out of that placefor a corridor to a courtyard that was there and the first thing I saw when going there was a pot on a bench kicked it unloading mu hate in it, for more that callo did not break and I kneeled on the floor and began to cry the one that was broken was me You look bad - told me a woman smoking behind my back leaning against the wall, when I saw her I noticed that she was not a woman any was alex's mom I stood and leaned against the wall- sorry - came out of my Don't tell me that's the only thing I've heard all goddamn day - he said taking the cigarette to his voice - 'I'm sorry' they all say it to me like it hurts them He took the cigar to the voice and so we were until he ran out - they should have finished by now, let's go inI just nodded and followed her, when I returned to the room my brother was with small tears in his eyes and I just put my hands over his shoulders and hugged him, he stood still and we eparamos - it will be better that we leave - I nodded again and left the room without saying goodbye or anythingIt was back in me, in that hallway in my house, what I had kept back here was a knock on the door, I assumed it was Theo but there was no one when I opened just some flowers on the floor with a noteI knelt down and took it while the flowers were still on the ground Sorry, I got a problem tomorrow at the same time I'll take you to a very good place. with affection, theo I went up to my room with the flowers after putting them in a pitcher of water and leaning them on the dresserme sit in that small wooden bench that I already know well and painted some white flowers, the special thing about them was that some were new and others were withered but there were more new flowers that withered