Stella's POV

"Kate! Harry! I need to tell you something," I say while we tuck into our meals we bought from Burger King," It's about what Storm told me today at the park."

Both of my foster care's parents' attention is now on me and no longer the food. Kate clears her throat before turning to Jake, Josh, Evie and Ellie; they have all finished their food faster than the rest of us so they are all driving each other crazy because of boredom.

"After you take your plates and cutlery to the sink, you can go play upstairs nicely," Kate suggests.

"But I thought we can't be excused from the table until everyone has finished eating," Josh asks, scrunching his nose up in confusion at their exemption from one of the rules that Kate and Harry explained to us when we first arrived at their house.

It's mind blowing how long ago that seems(but really it's been a short time yet many changes have taken place)! One very clear example of how I've changed since I moved in is my behaviour: I promised myself that whoever decides to foster me can never be trusted because my own parents left me when I thought they never would so why wouldn't people of different blood? Why wouldn't people who were complete strangers before I started being fostered by them? Before my parents' death, I had always believed in the proverb, 'blood is thicker than water'. I had always believed that my familial bond was the strongest of them all; stronger than friendship or love. I thought that my bond with my family could never be broken but I witnessed it shatter to a thousand pieces on the day of the car accident. In one way, glass is like family: when it's broken, there are too many pieces to put back together and from my personal experience, something coming undone in a family can give you more trauma than anything else.

I smile - something I haven't done in a long time; I've almost forgotten how to do it - as I watch Jake, Josh and the twins looking pleased while they scurry up the stairs after receiving confirmation from Kate that the four of them being allowed to leave the table(even if everyone hasn't finished eating) is not a trick. I'm ashamed to say this but when I first met the four children who also lived in this same house, I tried to spend the least time possible with them but eventually my fascination overwhelmed me. When they become my age, I know for sure that all four of them will be much stronger than how I am currently as they were put in the foster care system at a much younger age and were forced to grow up sooner than other children at their ages. Looking at Jake, Josh, Evie and Ellie, makes me realise how lucky I was to have more time with my family than they did because I had the opportunity to develop a deep connection that other children in the foster care system can only have in their dreams. Therefore, they don't have the same worry that I do: if I grow closer to my foster care parents, I'm replacing my Mum and Dad.

The floorboards start to vibrate with noise as Jake starts counting while Josh, Evie and Ellie dash in different directions, searching for a hiding place.

"So, what did Storm tell you?" Harry asks openly.

Get comfortable! Here, we go again!

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I don't know where to look because I don't want to look at either Kate or Harry so I decide my long forgotten burger is my best bet.

"I'm going to start washing the dishes," I try to escape from the uncomfortable atmosphere. I stand up and I'm about to pile Kate and Harry's plates on top of mine before I'm stopped.

"Stella, sit down," Kate sounds quiet but seems as dangerous as a hungry lion so I obey her command.

"Are you okay?" Harry questions, concerned once I'm seated.

If it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, I would have burst out laughing at this question. I've been asking myself this question ever since I punched the wall in the school toilets because in that moment, I didn't recognise Stella Johnson, who was raised to be kind and loving. I could just imagine Mum and Dad shaking their heads in disappointment at the monster I've become. I could just hear their warning whenever I would let them down:

Look in the mirror, Stella! Who do you want to be?

Every time, I would answer 'Stella Johnson' and my parents would smile but if they had voiced the same question to me right now, I would have answered 'I don't know'. Although they're not with me right now, I can picture their reactions to my response: Mum would have her sad smile while Dad would remind me that I'm Stella Johnson. Their replies seem so real that tears start to fall from my eyes, which I didn't even know were teary-eyed until droplets splash onto the tablecloth.

A chair scrapes across the floor and the sound makes me wince because of how sharp it is to the ear. Someone, who I can't identify because of the blurriness my tears have created, stands up from a seat and comes to kneel down by my chair.

"Pretending that you're fine is far worse than releasing your emotions," Kate is the person kneeling down. Her gentle, reassuring voice reminds me of how Mum used to console me, which makes me cry even more.

"Oh, Stella!" she sighs while stroking my dark hair. My eyes are less blurry, now, so I manage to see Kate get to a standing position and her arms reach out to hug me.

Flashback

Mum wraps me in a bone-crushing hug and the fragrance of her perfume is the only scent I can smell. She has different smells, depending if she has just had a shower(she would smell of her lemon and lime shower gel) or if she has just finished cooking.

Flashback Ends

"I'm fine," I assure her, trying to subtly move away from Kate's open arms as I wipe my damp eyes.

She drops her arms by her sides like a limp rag doll in bewilderment and I don't blame her: one minute, I could have been mistaken for a fountain; the next, I've stopped crying and the only evidence that shows I was is my reddened, watery eyes, the wet patches on my face and my thick, wobbly voice.

"If you say so," Kate is unsure.

"I do," I insist. 

Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!

Go away!

The only reason you're saying you're okay was to get rid of Kate!

Kate has now gone back to her chair and I think she feels my gaze on her because she gives me the smallest of smiles, which I return before I continue the argument I'm having in my head.

I don't know what you're talking about!

You know why you wanted to get rid off her! You didn't want her to hug you because if you allowed her to, you felt like you were betraying Mum! The last time you were hugged was on the day of the car crash!

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yell. Kate starts at the sound of my booming voice while I can't tell if Harry is angry or shocked.

Why are they looking me at that? It's like they could hear everything that was being said in my head...unless they could! Oh no, I must have shouted the last part aloud! I really am going crazy!

"Don't worry, Stella! Tomorrow, I'm going to march over to those girls' houses and give them a piece of my mind for what they have done to you," Harry's furious tone answers my question of which emotion he is experiencing.

"No, please don't! Storm promised me that this isn't how her sister normally behaves and if she still wasn't grieving, River would have never even thought of trying to hurt me. Emma may not be the kindest of people but she was manipulated and she told Storm to pass on her apology; she regrets what she has done and is trying to fix everything," I defend the two people who shouldn't even be receiving my support.

"And Storm?" Harry asks.

"What about her?"

Why has he brought her up?

"Don't be naïve, Stella-"

"Don't call her naïve!" Kate defends me.

"I'm just saying it can't be a coincidence that the two people involved is Storm's sister and best friend."

"Storm wouldn't lie to me."

"But she would turn her back on you whenever you're going through rough times."

"In case you haven't realised, I'm still struggling yet she came back."

That's the last I say for the night as I run upstairs and shut myself in my bedroom. Kate follows me but she doesn't arrive before I lock my door so she stays on the other side, pleading for me to open the door. When it's time for Josh, Jake and the twins to go to bed, I finally hear her footsteps move away from the door, which is a sign that she has given up for the day. After I switch off the light, I snuggle into my warm covers but unfortunately, tonight, sleep is not on my side.

"But she would turn her back on you whenever you're going through rough times..."

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Because of the very little sleep I had last night, I wake up with the worst headache I have had recently and the pain worsens when everybody else in the house gets out of bed. I'm sure a stampede of elephants can't even imagine creating as much noise as the people I live with! I know that sooner or later, I would have to heave my body out of bed because Harry has to work today so Kate is in charge of the school run, which means I'll have to trail after them. I turn the other way; I'm no longer facing the door. They have another thing coming if they think I'm going to leave bed when I'm so exhausted! I close my eyes, trying to free my mind off the pain that feels like my head is being split in two and bury myself under the duvet. These are the times when I envy animals that hibernate during the winter! I'm just about to drift off into the land I journey to while I'm asleep when a pair of heavy footsteps approach my door. Either Kate or Harry is about to knock on my bedroom door.

Three...

Two...

One...

On its cue, a hand hammers at my door. Usually, whoever is behind my door would peep in but it's still locked from last night so the person will just have to speak to me from the corridor.

"I just thought you'd like to know Harry's going to drop off everyone else at school on his way to work so us two can just chill together until we have to pick them up this afternoon," Kate tries to sound excited but she can't hide the drowsiness in her voice: looks like I'm not the only one who stayed up for most of the duration of last night.

"Yay!" I exclaim sardonically but the duvet muffles my interjection so even if Kate heard it, it sounds more like a muttering. Even if I was on talking terms with her, I still would be dreading for what she has in mind for the day because it seems like adults don't understand the definition of the word 'chill'.

"I'm starving! I'm going to start making breakfast. What do you want?"

She definitely didn't hear me!

"Toast will be fine but I'll prepare it when I come downstairs. I'm going to try have a bit more sleep before eating," I answer.

"Oh, well, actually, I was hoping to talk over breakfast."

I have to worm myself out of this one! My guess on what she wants to talk about is yesterday's evening dinner and I'm confident that I'm spot on.

"I would really love to, Kate, but my I'm feeling a bit dizzy so I would like to get some rest."

It's not like I'm lying because just hearing and thinking about food is causing a wave of nausea to wash over me.

"Oh, it's alright! If you feel any worse, just give me a call."

My plan is successful because I hear Kate walk away and a few seconds later, the stairs start to creak while she's going downstairs. I'm able to hear the whistle of the kettle as it's turned on for the cup of coffee she has every morning with her breakfast. It's handy that I know Kate's morning routine by heart so while she's eating, I develop my plan of action, which is called 'Avoid Kate'. As soon as she finishes her breakfast, she always go to the bathroom, where she brushes her teeth and showers, so while she's doing that I will go downstairs, eat and drink something and go back upstairs to my bedroom to wait to use the bathroom. When Kate finishes, I will be able to brush my teeth and shower. Once I'm finished, I can go back to my room, where I'll change into some clothes and hide until lunch. After lunch, I will rush back to my bedroom and stay there until it's time to join her to pick up Jake, Josh, Evie and Ellie. As soon as we come back home, I'll be in my room until it's time for me to go to bed and I'll leave only if I need to use the toilet or have dinner. Let's see how this experiment goes...

So far, so good! We've just let ourselves into the house after picking up the boys and the twins; my plan has been successful as the less time I'm around Kate, the less chances we would have to talk about what she wanted to discuss over breakfast this morning. One detail I had forgotten when I had formulated this plan is that after school, there would be four extra children to be looked after so Kate will be even busier, which means I can probably spend more time out of my room than what I had originally arranged but of course I'm not fully letting down my guard. You can never be too alert! I'm the first to head for the stairs - it's like they say: out of sight, out of mind - but Kate's voice stops me:

"Stella! Can you help Jake with his homework, please? I'll take over once I finish the phone call I've been needing to make."

"Sure," I sigh, turning around," Go get your homework, Jake!"

I drag my feet away from the stairs and over to the living room to take a seat on one of the sofas while everyone else climb upstairs. Jake is the first of them to come back downstairs with a comprehension sheet, pencil and rubber. He sits down next to me and gets started on the questions he finds easier to answer. When he's answered all the questions he understands, Jake asks me to help him with a more difficult question but the text the questions are based on contains tiny writing that I can't read without my glasses.

"I'll be back. I left my glasses in my room," I say.

I jog upstairs, find my case for my glasses and while I'm walking past Kate and Harry's room, I hear my name. Their bedroom door is ajar so I peek through the gap but I only manage to view Kate's back as she's facing the window. She's still on the phone:

"We need to apologise. I made her really upset last night when I tried to to hug her."

I think the person on the other end of the line is Harry and there's a pause while she listens to what he replies with.

"No, I don't think that," Kate disagrees, sighing before continuing, "I'm sure she thinks I'm trying to replace her Mum."

At the mention of Mum, I feel the same wave of nausea that I experienced earlier this morning.

"I've just managed to get her to trust me and now, we're back to square one. She's stayed in her room for most of the day."

Since I've stayed at this house, I've never heard Kate so miserable and I'm the person who made her feel like that! She has given me so much; she has treated me like her own daughter yet I don't even have the heart to be grateful for what she has done. There's a new plan, now! It's called redemption!

"Someone's at the door!" Jake announces.

I stop spying on Kate and run downstairs to answer the door; I can start making amends by helping her out. Because she's still on the phone, I don't think she has heard the information Jake has notified the house with.

"Someone's at the door!" Jake repeats like an irritating parrot.

It's probably a delivery person with a parcel; I know they have time slots but they're so impatient!

"I heard you the first time, Jake!" I respond as I get to the bottom of the stairs.

I rush to the front door and unlock it.

But it's not a delivery person.

It's Noah.