Sodapop- "If your gonna be two-faced, least make one of them pretty."

Dally- "My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you."

Darry- "What's the difference between you and an egg? Eggs get laid, and you don't."

Johnny- "You shouldn't play hide and seek. No one would look for you."

Pony- "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out something smarter than you said."

Two-Bit- "I hear their stampin' your face in the gorilla cookies."

Steve- "I'm gay? I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on."

Tim- "You'll never be the man your mother was."

Curly- "If you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it."