//Y/N//

I was walking around the house Soda and I bought together. I couldn't help but think. What happened? What went wrong? What did I do? What did he do? When. Where. Why. Of all people...why me.

"Y/N! I'm home!" he called out...how could he be so happy...

I'm stumbling, I can't see straight
And it's my fault I got this way

It's all my fault...maybe. Just maybe if I would've tried better she would still be alive...or maybe he would still be alive...they both would've still been alive...

I got my hands on something great
And found a way to mess it up

"Leave me be Sodapop" I spoke seriously. I couldn't help but be mad...at him. At myself...

I did my best, I tried to change
But it's just in my DNA
I got my hands on something great
And found a way to fuck it up again

Months later it was all the same. I got moodier. Crazier. Madder. I was going insane. Slowly. Slowly I was in pain.

Now I'm the one thing you couldn't hate more but you're the one thing that I would die for

Soda walked in again. It was a new day you know but...instead of being happy he was angry. Irritated. He wasn't himself...it's funny because no matter how much I hate him right now I'll always will love him...I don't think he knows that...

//Soda//

I sulked into my own house not wanting to be there. I didn't want to be with her right now. She made me so mad but I could never lay a hand on her. I've been told how worthless I was by Sandy, by my own family, by everyone, and now her...

All my life, I was told, I was never nothing special
I don't need to be reminded of it every other second
'Specially when all my self-esteem's
Already shot to hell, I'm falling helplessly

"Oh, you're home" she spoke with venom dripping from every word. How I loved her. She would never know...

I'm embarrased, I don't want no one else to see
'Cause I feel like I'm a piece of shit every time she yells at me

"Why do you hate me so much?" I spoke. I always wondered. Where it all went wrong. I knew she was crazy but that's why I fell in love with her but now...I don't know who she is...

"BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS SO HAPPY! WE LOST OUR FUCKING KIDS AND YOU'RE SMILING!" she yelled and I just shook my head and walked away. She took their deaths the hardest...

Selfishly addicted, definitely doesn't help that she
Makes me feel like I've died and gone to heaven
But makes life a living hell for me

I walked back out an hour later seeing her crying. I walked over and held her close.

"Don't fucking touch me" she snapped and I frowned walking away again to the kitchen. We're falling apart...

She does that thing with her lip, now she's melting me
I'm putty in her palms, I'm wrapped around her finger
A yo-yo on a string, she lets me sit there and just dangle

I walked back over and she looked at me with a smile. She did a small lip bite and I melted right there. Now I knew why I loved her. It's funny because time to time she's nice but then evil but then I love her because she's her and there's nothing better.

Until something better comes along
And she'll just drop me like a hot potato
I look like I'm in pain, but I'm okay though
'Cause I know she loves me—my friends, what do they know?

Days have passed again and now we're happy. It's odd. We're like a record. Playing happily until something breaks it. I mean, I don't blame her being sad and all...we did lose our kids...but what I didn't know is that she would flirt with every guy we see...that broke me...

//Y/N//

It hurt that he didn't care that I flirted. I only did it because I wanted to know if he still cared...I hated how we were...how we hated each other...it's all my fault.

It's like I'm drowning at sea
Hoping that you reach for me
I know you're there, but I can't see
'Cause I'm so drunk off tragic endings

Another day went past and today was the date our children passed away...the day we fell apart. The day that hurt me more than it hurt Soda...I sat there as he shook his head. He looked a mess.

"What's with you?" I snapped.

"What?" his voice shook.

"Why are you so fucking sad? I'm the one who had to fucking give birth to our babies...dead"

"Y/N! They were my kids too!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

I'm dying to breathe
And all you do is strangle me
Such a beautiful relief
'Cause I'm so drunk off tragic endings

"WHY THE HELL SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU! IT'S YOUR FAULT THEY DIED NOT MINE!" he screamed and I got up running into our room locking the door.

//Soda//

What the hell did I do...why did I say that...god I'm an idiot.

I got up and walked to the room. Carefully I opened the door and saw her cutting.

"Y/N, please" I spoke taking away the blade and kissed her head. All she did was cry.

In my moments of weakness
I openly admit the shit I wouldn't normally

"Baby, I didn't mean it. You know it's not your fault..."

"But it is..."

I'm extremely self-conscious and enormously
Insecure and she uses it to torture when she torments me

"No, no it's not. It's mine"

"You're right. It is" she snapped.

It only turns to ammunition for her in this war, when she
Gets goin' she don't stop, when I'm up she's like a downer

"Y/N, I-"

"No, if you would've been there I wouldn't have bled out!"

When I found her it was love at first encounter
But, somehow she musta took the carton of eggs off the counter
Cracked them and placed all the shells on the ground for
Me to walk on when I'm around her

"I SAID I'M SORRY!"

"THAT WON'T BRING THEM BACK!" she yelled hitting me.

I shook my head and got up walking out. I was done...but, once I reached the stairs I turned back around.

But there's just something about her
That makes me not able to function without her

I couldn't live without her.

How can I get out of it when I don't know how to?
I'm a doubter, I'm a pessimist, make a believer out of me
And show me the way now or stay the fuck out of my cloud of rain
'Cause I'm going straight down the drain, I'm drowning

I walked back in and kissed her softly but also roughly. I needed her and she needed me.

//Y/N//

Hours later I woke up. Naked next to him. I felt...okay for once...but then it all came back...every. Single. Moment.

It's like I'm drowning at sea
Hoping that you reach for me
I know you're there, but I can't see
'Cause I'm so drunk off tragic endings

"Soda" I spoke quietly and he woke up and pulled me close.

"Yeah?"

"Why...why are you so patient with me?"

I'm dying to breathe
And all you do is strangle me
Such a beautiful relief
'Cause I'm so drunk off tragic endings

"Because I know this is how you cope"

Now I'm the one thing you couldn't hate more
But you're the one thing that I would die for

"But...I hurt you..."

"I know Y/N but, no matter how much I absolutely hate you I'll always love you"

I smiled and kissed him. Once I pulled away I blushed. "And I couldn't hate you any more than I do but I would also die for you"

//Soda//

It took a while for me to get it, but I think I've figured it out
She don't want me, she just don't wanna see me with someone else

As I was laying there I now knew her intentions. She told me she would die for me and I knew she would. I knew she would never want me with someone else...

The idea of seeing me happy destroys her in itself
To see me falling to pieces brings her joy and brings her health
But it annoys her to see me get the strength to say, "Screw her!"
I threw up on myself, I'm dumb sick, I'm addicted to her

...but she also hates the idea of me being the happiest I can be. We're sorta crazy like that I guess. There's days I just wanna tell her to go and screw off but I know I couldn't. Why? Because I love her.

She's tryna block the door, so here's how I do her
Since I'm manure, she's a sewer
And this time this piece of shit's running through her
I can see the light, now I'm running to it

After what happened weeks have passed and we couldn't be happier. We were actually getting along. That is...until something happened...

What the fuck? Shoulda knew it!
Who would think she'd actually have the balls to do it?
As soon as I hopped in it, she doused the car with lighter fluid
She's standing there with a rag, 'bout to put the lighter to it
Lit the fucking thing on fire, then she threw it

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she snapped.

"I live here?"

"Get out"

"What did I do this time?!"

"JUST GET OUT!"

//Y/N//

I yelled at him...I told him to leave. It was for the best because...I was pregnant...I didn't want him going through anymore pain...

It's like I'm drowning at sea
Hoping that you reach for me
I know you're there, but I can't see
'Cause I'm so drunk off tragic endings

Then again, I love the pain of him leaving. It makes me have a feeling...

I'm dying to breathe
And all you do is strangle me

Now how do I tell him...I can't lie. Not anymore. I'm done.

"Fine then, I'll go then" he snapped and turned for the door.

"I'm pregnant"

Such a beautiful relief

"What?"

"I'm pregnant. Again. I just don't want you going through the pain. If we lose this one too I don't want you to feel bad...like it's your fault but I mean it, no matter how much I hate you I love you. You're mine Sodapop Patrick Curtis. That's final" I spoke softly. A small grin on his face.

Slowly we inched close to each other and he pulled me close kissing me. From there we did have our baby. A beautiful girl and well...we were happy. To think...this was all because...

I'm so drunk off tragic endings