Ponyboy got the beating of a life time. He was dizzy, bleeding profusely out of his cuts, got a minor concussion from being kicked in the head, exhausted, in shock, asleep and agonizingly delirious from Sunday to Tuesday. It was painful to watch, so I did not. He was in the hospital for most of the weekend. Darry was with Ponyboy for most of the time he was in the hospital, when he came home to sleep or to eat he would always tell us that he was asking for us. Me, Soda, even their late parents. But mainly Soda. I only visited him once, when the whole gang came. I later asked Ponyboy about it and he said that he didn't even remember being in the hospital, let alone us visiting him. The entire time he was sick, he kept on blubbering about how he was the one who killed the Soc, not Johnny.

My black eye went away after a few weeks. Some of the blood vessels broke so parts of the white in my eye were red for a while. I was right, Two-Bit got multiple stitches on his hand and face, and Steve indeed had three broken ribs. Darry had a simple black eye and a busted lip, Johnny had a couple minor scratches on his face and bruises on his arms, and Dally had some cuts on his face. Dally left too early for me put help stop the bleeding but he was relatively fine.

While Pony, Johnny, and I were in Windrixville, we missed Picture Day at school. We had to show up for retakes a few weeks later. I had my hair cut properly so it wasn't so uneven and jagged. I have been keeping up with styles and the timeless trends so I don't stand out so much. After Windrixville, I started keeping up with the curtain bangs that swept over my eyebrows. They remind me of Brigitte Bardot, and they're easy to style without any modern styling tools. I sported that with face framing layers and just layers throughout my whole head for more movement. I spent so long getting ready that day, I was so nervous. I styled my hair with nice curls, did my makeup, and took forever trying to figure out what to wear. I ended up wearing a dusty pink sweater that you can't see anyway, because the photo is in black and white but at least I'll be in the yearbook.

Months passed, and I was getting more and more frustrated. I couldn't figure out how to fix the Time Machine for the life of me. My foot healed quicker than me fixing the Time Machine. But one thing was for sure, Pony got the wish he never knew he had. Everything went back to the way it was. But this time it was for the better.

In those months, everyone found out about Sandy cheating on Soda. I wasn't surprised, but I had to pretend to be. It was sad, I have to admit. Soda is one of the sweetest human beings on the planet, it was hard to see him in so much pain, knowing he was betrayed by someone he loved and trusted so deeply. He started smoking more. He only smokes when he is trying to act tough or when he is stressing out about something. He even cooked us normal food. Whenever he cooked, he always tries something extraordinary and fun. Ponyboy said that one time he made green pancakes. Once, Soda gave me blue scrambled eggs. Still tasted delicious, but it was blue. Soda deserves so much better than Sandy.

All of us went to court as soon as Ponyboy felt better. We had to wear nice clothes and the guys had to do up their hair so they didn't look like hooligans. Some Socs were there and Cherry was there too, all telling their story. They stuck to the truth. Johnny got interviewed too, and in his statement he talked about previous attacks by Bob and his friends, and how he knew that self-defense was necessary after Ponyboy nearly drowned and when they were trying to take my clothes off.

After hearing both sides, I don't think Bob should have died so brutally but Johnny did deserve to get revenge. I'd rather Bob have rotten away in jail for the rest of his life, but he probably would have gotten out at some point and kept being a bad person. Or maybe he would have learned his lesson, I don't know. I honestly still hated Cherry, no matter how nice she was being. Cherry telling Pony to his face that she was going to ignore and not acknowledge him in public tells you everything you need to know about her. Not to mention how rude she was to me when we first met. I hold grudges, I can't help it.

The judge asked Soda and Darry some questions, and they asked me about the night Bob was killed. I told him the truth, and told him that I believed Ponyboy was dying and how I feared for my own safety after the things Bob did and said to me. I tried not to look at the guys as I relived those moments, because I don't think they ever knew the full story. About the things Bob threatened, and the ways he touched me. Only Johnny knew. I also went into detail how I had to pump the water out of Pony's lungs, how his lips were turning blue, and how long he was under the water for. I thought that maybe I'd have to be sent "home", but me living with the Curtis's never came up. I guess the judge didn't know or didn't care.

The judge questioned Ponyboy last, simply asking about school and how he liked living with Darry. None of us were charged with anything, not even Ponyboy was sent to a boys home for running away. I didn't bother to see what the Socs got. I think Randy got into some trouble that he deserved. Johnny wasn't sent to jail or anything, since it was considered to be self-defense. Thank god. Dally mentioned that he talked to lots of officials to make it happen, but he didn't really want to explain it that much.

Dally didn't want Johnny to turn out hard like him.

In a way, I felt like I came here for a reason. Not just because I was zapped here by my crazy friend, but it was to save two boys from their premature fates. I wish I could tell them so they'd be more mindful about the things they do. I know that Dally would look at me like I have four heads, but Johnny might listen to me. I think it would just freak him out more than he already is. He was already too sensitive for the world, but also priceless.

The only thing I regret is kicking Johnny out of being a hero. He deserved to be a hero, because he was the real hero. Not me. Honestly, the only reason why I ran into that burning church was to save Johnny. If it was just me, alone, I would never have stepped foot in that burning church. Survival of the fittest, I'd say, and just hope that the firefighters got there in time to save the children. I have no courage.

I only saved Johnny from dying. The kids would have lived no matter who was in there, either me or him. I could not be standing oddly by, watching Johnny slowly take steps to his impending doom. I wouldn't have been able to take it, and everything else would have fallen apart. Even Ponyboy said that nothing was ever the same since. Food tasted different, the mood was darker, and things were sadder. I cannot handle sad things, it's too depressing. I knew that the boys all thought the same thing. They knew Johnny and Dally way longer than me, so I knew their lives would literally crumble at the roots without them. They'd be okay if I left.

At the same time, I may have made a huge mistake. Everything happens for a reason. If you have ever seen Back to the Future, and Marty McFly saves his dad from being hit by the car? And it spiraled into a huge mess that may have resulted in his dad being murdered? Maybe I did that, but in a different circumstance. Maybe, me saving Johnny is going to cause a lot of trouble in the long run. Trouble that would probably be caused by Dally.

School was the same. Boring and uneventful. I slipped back into my classes, and tried to forget everything that happened. However, almost everyone come up to me, whether it be in the halls, during class, or even after school. They were asking me over and over what truly happened that night with Bob and they had me reliving the events that led up to the church fire. I answered everyone's curious questions honestly and kindly. In school, everyone stops and stares at us. I hear them whisper. Everyone knows who we are.

When we got back to school, I quickly got lazy with my appearance. I dreaded it. I didn't want to get up early to do my hair every single day. I started wearing my natural wavy hair down. Depending on the teacher, they'd get annoyed about my "party hair" but I noticed over the summer that some girls were trying to grow their hair out and keep their hair styled similar to mine. A lot of girls were getting curtain bangs, just like mine. I didn't think I had any influence over that, but Ponyboy thinks I did.

I used to think the gang's entire personalities revolved around one thing, but they were all so much more than that. Sure, Two-Bit likes to watch Mickey but it's because it reminds him of his childhood and when he was his happiest. He cracks jokes because he wants to see other people smile. He doesn't like seeing people sad. He also loves wrestling, gooey grilled cheese sandwiches, and he likes to collect bottle caps from beer and soda bottles. And Steve does like cars but he is also a great handyman. He fixed the television when it broke during the summer, and the toaster when it caught on fire a few months ago. He taught me how to skip rocks when we went to the lake last summer. He loves egg salad sandwiches. He loves long drives through the country, along the outskirts of the city. He is so intelligent, his best grade was in math, and he loves to play pool. He always wins.

Soda may be a little ditzy, but he is so incredibly kind and he is rich in emotional intelligence. He loves listening to birds sing, he likes to go on long walks or drives just to talk, and he would literally give you the shirt off his back if you asked. He can whistle really well, perfectly even. He also likes to bake bread, and he gets the hiccups easily which annoys him but I think it's cute. Something I love about him is that he has such a free-willed nature and he never takes anything too seriously. Dally really is tough and mean, but he also doesn't like seeing people he cares about get hurt and in turn he is very protective. Sometimes he can be gentle, but not often. He genuinely enjoys going to the drive-in, and Dally secretly needs glasses when he has to read something up close but no one else knows. He drinks an ungodly amount of black coffee. He also loves eating bowls of cottage cheese and peaches.

Darry likes country music and doing puzzles. I got him a 1000 piece puzzle for his birthday a few months ago. Sure, he can be uptight but he's still fun. He's still young. He used to be a big party animal in high school and when he went to college. I think he was basically a frat guy. He has the prettiest handwriting. He once tried to make it a habit of drinking a raw egg every morning but he threw up on the first try and never did it again. He snorts when he laughs, and when he is on the phone, he paces around in circles. He cannot sit still. He is a great dancer, sometimes I'll see him dancing with the broom or the vacuum cleaner when the radio is playing a song he likes and he's cleaning. His favorite color is green. He also loves grilling, and he still hangs out with his friends from college on the weekends when he's not working.

Pony is not only a great writer, but he likes to draw too. Like trees, lakes, sunsets, foods he loves, and lately he's been working on portraits. He loves dogs, he pets every one we pass on the street. He wants to adopt one, when he's a little older. He hates bugs and insects, he would always ask me to grab it if one snuck into our house. A stink bug landed on his shoulder one day when we were watching TV in the living room and I had never heard him scream so loud before. Johnny has an amazing inner clock. Ask him the time, and he will always know exactly what time it is. Down to the minute. He bites his nails sometimes, like Ponyboy, but I noticed that he also grinds his teeth. When he was a kid he used to collect fireflies in jars. His favorite candy are Hershey's chocolate bars. He loves the sweet smell of vanilla, and he enjoys sleeping outside during the summer.

I loved learning these little things about everyone. How they hide behind cigarettes and wear grease as a disguise to avoid the world... and why. I peeled back their layers and really got to know them so personally. It's these little things that I am going to remember about them for forever. I'm curious what I'm going to be remembered for.

Am I going to be remembered? Or will I just drift away with the wind, never to cross their minds again?

During Christmas, the parents of the kids we saved from the church came by and gave us casseroles, homemade mints, and pies. This came a surprise that we all greatly appreciated. Especially Two-Bit, I think he enjoyed the gesture the most considering he ate most of them. Everyone spent Christmas at the Curtis house. The atmosphere was dark and dreary, but I tried my best to make it a good holiday for everyone. I helped encourage them to embrace the traditions their parents started to honor them. I think this helped the guys manage the stressful holiday without them.

Darry played Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra on the radio all day and night, Soda was in charge of drinking all the eggnog and decorating the sugar cookies we made, and Ponyboy decorated the living room with tinsel, bubble lights, and making popcorn garland for the tree. The boys hung their stockings up, and Darry surprised me by hanging one up for me too. We watched Rudolph, Miracle on 34th Street, and It's a Wonderful Life together. I asked if the guys wanted to watch the Grinch, but they had no idea what I was talking about. I guess it is still a little early for that, but I know they're going to love it.

I celebrated my eighteenth birthday at the beginning of March, at least it was legally my birthday. It was sweet, Soda and Ponyboy had secretly stayed up late the night before to surprise me with a cake in the morning with my name written in chocolate frosting. I could hear them whispering and dropping utensils in the kitchen all night, loudly shushing each other while trying not to accidentally wake me up.

When my birthday rolled around, I did not remind anyone. I just wanted it to be like any other day. Apparently, Soda has the memory of an elephant because I don't even remember when I told him but he took it upon himself to tell everyone. After Soda and Ponyboy asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I had to explain to the gang that I did not want a single gift, and I meant it. I made them promise. However, that did not stop them.

Darry thoughtfully got me a set of stationary, personalized just for me. The thick, textured paper has a monogram of my initials at the top, with deep blue envelopes, paired with gold sealing wax. The stamp has my initials on it, surrounded by a circle of vines. He told me that wherever I go, I can always write to him. I thought this was super thoughtful.

Ponyboy makes a few bucks tutoring kids after school, so he took me out for ice cream on my birthday. We were out, just the two of us, and he nervously handed me a paper. In the moment I looked at it, I immediately knew it was a poem. Ponyboy had written a poem for me. It made me cry, and I gave him the biggest hug. He hugged me back just as tight. I immediately bought a frame of it and hung it in my bedroom.

Soda sweetly gave me a black leather jacket. He said that if I'm gonna be a part of the gang, I'd need my own. I adore it. It's a bit oversized on me, but it's so warm and the quality of it is so nice. He was so excited to give it to me. Every time I wear it, I think of him.

Two-Bit snagged a matchbook for me from a diner in town. It's green, and says The Lucky Match across the matchbook with a four leaf clover underneath. He says he got the same one, so it's double lucky. I put it in my wallet for safe keeping. This gift from him really reflects his fun-loving nature that I adore.

Dally got me a polished gold zippo lighter. I'm not sure where he stole it from, but it's genuinely a nice lighter. I don't smoke, and he obviously knows that so he said that it's for my candles, or if he needs a light for his smoke. Ignoring that this was probably a self-gift so he did not have to carry around his own lighter, I've seen him literally put one of his tattered shirts in a bag to give to someone, so the fact that he got me anything at all was a surprise.

Johnny whittled a heart pendant for me out of wood, and attached a thin strip of leather to make it a necklace. He carved it out himself using his pocketknife, Ponyboy told me that he worked on it for weeks so it was perfect for me. He even soaked it in some sort of oil to protect the smooth wood. He is literally the sweetest guy. Now, I wear it everywhere I go.

Steve was literally the only one who listened to me and did not get me anything for my birthday. When he found out that everyone else disobeyed my request, he went out and got me a car jack and told me to keep it in the trunk of my car. For emergencies. He is such a practical guy, I really appreciated it.

One thing I was excited for was to get my own credit card. I don't know if I will be stuck here for the rest of my life, I need to build credit in my name just as a precaution. I'm responsible with my money, and I have been waiting to turn eighteen back home so I could get one. I got all the way down to the bank and they told me that I needed my husband or my father to co-sign for it. I was beyond confused and I did not get a straight answer as to why. What a fucking joke. I was forced to ask Darry to co-sign for me and pretend to be my brother. Sometimes I forget how much the world hates women, and how men created a system designed to fail women.

Back on turning eighteen... Did I age? Or would I just look seventeen forever, like Edward Cullen? Or at least stay the same age until I got caught up with my own time. I guess I will never know.

The night before the one year anniversary since coming to the 60's was here. It was a Thursday night, nearing the midnight hour. It was one of those common but sacred nights where almost everyone was hanging out at the house.

Everyone was getting older. Soda had turned seventeen back in October, Dally turned eighteen last November, Darry turned twenty-one at the beginning of the year, Johnny turned seventeen on the first of the month, Steve turns eighteen in a couple of weeks, Two-Bit will be nineteen in June and Ponyboy will be fifteen soon. Everyone was growing up, but they were sticking together.

After being here for a year, I've learned some valuable lessons from each guy that I will take with me wherever I go. Darry taught me to wash away any regret I may be carrying. Steve showed me the value of friendship. Two-Bit exhibited how to live life to the fullest. Dally taught me how to stand up for myself. Pony taught me how to find beauty in the simple things. Soda taught me how to stay positive and how to be happy even when it feels like the whole world is against me, and Johnny taught me how to stay true to myself.

They're the outsiders of society. These guys were never looking for a fight, they just wanted to feel like they belonged. I get that now. I know I found my place of belonging with them. These outsiders gave me a family that I will forever cherish.

Almost every light was on in the house, filling each room with a dull yellow glow. Soda and Steve were arm wrestling at the table with Two-Bit waiting to wrestle the winner with a beer in his hand. Darry was reading the paper in his arm chair, Johnny was eating some leftover dinner Darry made for us a few hours ago, and Pony was reading one of his many books on the couch. I was sitting in Darry's recliner, trying to flip the television to a program I wanted to watch.

"Ah, shoot," Pony said, mostly to himself.

Curiosity got the better of me. "Huh?"

"I left my sweatshirt over at Dally's place," Pony pouted.

"Bucks?" Darry's voice rose. He shoved the newspaper down, making it crinkle against his legs.

"I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to go to Bucks? A place I have specifically told you not to go to?" Darry asked.

"No, Dar. I left it with Dally. He took it to Bucks."

"What did you leave?" Darry asked, his voice softened.

"It was my sweatshirt for track," he said.

The room wasn't silent, but it was going on as if they hadn't heard Pony's cry for attention about his sweatshirt. If it's the one I'm thinking of, it's gray with blue lettering that says Will Rogers Ropers Track and Field across the front. He wears it all the time.

Pony waited another moment before asking, "can someone go down and get it for me?"

"I'm a little busy here, Pony," Soda groaned as he tried to beat Steve at arm wrestling. Steve's response was a few messily grunts. Their arms were both shaking violently as they fought against each other.

"I don't got a car," Johnny replied weakly between bites. "Sorry, Pony."

"I would but I don't want to," Two said, followed by an infectious giggle. He stood up to dish himself a fat slice of chocolate cake and sat back down at the table.

Darry just simply turned the page of his newspaper very loudly and ignored him. It was almost comedic. Darry is so much funnier than anyone gives him credit for. In fact, he doesn't get half of the credit that he deserves. I love his dry sense of humor.

"Can't you wait and see if Dally can bring it over tomorrow?" I asked.

"I need it for the track meet in the morning. Oh, please, Bri?"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation, mostly out of irritation that no one else was willing to help him out. I had nothing else better to do anyway. "Yeah, I'll get it."

"Are you sure?" Pony asked hopefully.

"Yeah, sure." I stood up and headed over to the kitchen counter to grab my car keys.

"Buck's place ain't safe and you ain't been there before. And it's the middle of the night," Darry warned without looking up from his newspaper.

"I'll be fine," I promised. Little does he know that I have been there before. Many times, but I don't like it. Whenever Soda wants to go, we have to sneak out so Darry and Ponyboy don't know.

"Hey, Bri," Two said.

"What?" I asked.

"Wanna see me eat this in two bites?" He asked excitedly, fork in hand ready to show off his talent.

I blinked a few times, I was silent just to make sure I heard him right. Finally I nodded and said, "yes."

Two got a heaping spoonful of cake and frosting that was balancing perfectly on his silver fork. He shoved it all in his mouth, crumbs fell out from between his chocolatey lips as he chewed. I watched in amazement as he shoveled the rest of the cake into his mouth. He ate that massive piece in two bites.

"Wow, that was actually impressive," I stated.

"Thank you," he mumbled with his mouth completely full of cake.

"Ew," Ponyboy grimaced.

"Let me go with ya," Soda stated breathlessly, still arm wrestling with Steve.

"You go with her and you forfeit," Steve grunted.

"I don't care."

"I can't believe you'd rather just drive around with her then stay here with me," Steve pouted.

"Shut up, Steve!" Soda growled.

"I'll be fine," I promised. I walked behind Soda to get to the door and I rubbed my hand on his shoulder. "Win for me, m'kay?"

"I will. Take this." He reached into his pocket with his free hand and gave me a switchblade. "Just in case. You never know when it comes to Buck."

"Thanks." I pocketed the blade and headed to the door.

Two must have swallowed the rest of his cake because he grinned smugly at me as he said, "I woulda given you my blade but Soda offered first." He dug into his pocket to show off his prized blade, but his face soured. He physically looked into his pocket and said, "I can't find it."

"Yeah, Bri has it," Soda pointed out.

Two's head shot towards me while my eyebrows scrunched together. I grabbed the switch blade and pulled it out, noticing it was Two's. I recognized it by the black handle and the sharp blade. Two and I briefly looked at each other, then he turned his attention to Soda and he asked, "how did you get it?"

"Swiped it from your pocket, I had to open a can of tomato sauce," Soda explained.

"And you needed my blade to do it?" Two asked sassily. He still had chocolate all around his lips, it was hard to take him seriously.

"I couldn't find mine."

Two squished his thin lips together in a line, clearly annoyed that he didn't notice that someone stole his beloved switchblade from him. He turned to me and said gallantly, "I'll let you use it, Brianna."

"Thank you." I slipped it back in my pocket.

"But I'll want it back."

"I'll give it back to you when I get home," I promised.

"I mean it."

"I know. Just give me your jacket and we'll be square," I said. I would have grabbed mine, but I had no idea where it was.

"That doesn't make any sense," Two argued.

"Can I have your jacket? Please?" I asked impatiently.

Two ripped off his blue denim jacket with a fur collar and tossed it to me in a ball. I had to lunge forward to catch it, but I thanked him and put it on over my blue and white striped tank top as I headed out the door. Paired with my baggy straight legged jeans, I realized I was sporting a Canadian tuxedo. I cringed at myself, but the guys wear this all the time so it's not that big of a deal.

I got in my car and started the engine. I drove over to Buck's place. Darry didn't like either of his brothers to be over there, so I never went unless I absolutely had to and usually Soda or Steve was with me. Dally had tried to get me to go to a few of the rowdy parties but I usually always figured out something else that would be a better use of my time.

As I drove down the old familiar roads in my car, the friendly radio always reminds me of my home that is just so far away. I just have this feeling that I should be home, but I'm starting to get confused as to what home is.

I parked in front of the run-down house and walked up to the front door. It was probably unlocked, and judging by the cigarette smell that soaked into the walls and the beer bottles that littered what was left of the front lawn, there was a party here recently. The night was young and usually if it's dark, the parties here are still roaring so I couldn't figure out why there wasn't one.

Last time I stood on these steps, I was on the run for murder. This was just about six months ago, but it still felt like it happened only yesterday. I sniffed softly and knocked on the door loudly, in case anyone was asleep.

This house is more like a brothel. Girls come and go, with its main occupants being Buck, Dally, and a few other guys that rent rooms. I've walked up to this heartbreak hotel one too many times. It always reeks of bad decisions and booze.

I heard heavy footsteps approach the door. The door swung open and Dally stood in the doorway. He didn't have his shirt on, so I could see a deep cut just under his chest that was running blood down his abs. His face was pale, and he was sweating like he was sick.

"Who the fuck... Bri?" His gravelly morning voice was concerning.

"Oh, shit, Dally. Are you all right?" I asked.

"Yeah—no—I'm fine," he clearly lied. He fell back against the door frame, nearly stumbling over his feet. I could smell the booze on him from the wild night I seemed to have just missed.

"You look beat to shit." I glanced down at his knuckles, bruised and cracked. He was wearing a dark bruise on his eye. I could hear Cab Calloway's deep crooner voice playing on a record somewhere in the house.

"I got clocked pretty good, but you should see the other guy. What can I say? Chicks love a busted up face." He tried to laugh but it was cut short with a wince. He scratched his glistening chest and asked, "what are you doing here?"

"Let's fix you up first. You're gonna get sick with your blood oozing out like that."

"I'm okay, it's nothing," he tried to argue.

"It doesn't look like nothing. Get inside and sit down," I ordered.

Dally didn't put up a fight. He put his arm around me when I got close and pushed the door open. His skin was hot and sticky. He leaned on me and squeezed his eyes shut as he moaned out in pain.

Let her go, let her go, God bless her,
Wherever she may be,
She will search this wide world over,
But she'll never find another sweet man like me.

Now, when I die, bury me in my straight-leg britches,
Put on a box-back coat and a stetson hat,
Put a twenty-dollar gold piece on my watch chain,
So you can let all the boys know I died standing pat.

I walked him to the couch and let him crash on the limp cushions before I took the liberty of pawing through every one of Buck's nasty, sticky cabinets until I found a sad little First-Aid kit. I even looked in their ice box, I was just trying to get in the mind of a teenage guy. All that was in there were a few jars of pickles, more beer, a carton of presumably expired milk, an old box of pizza, a Tupperware bowl of cherries that I can only assume they forged for themselves, a carton of orange juice that had an unidentifiable brown stain on it, and a block of meat that was on the verge of spoiling. I closed the door and held my breath so I wouldn't breathe in any toxic fumes that may leak from it. I finally found the kit under the sink. Calling it a kit may have given it too much credit. It was just an old grocery bag with some gauze, a flashlight, cloth bandages, some aspirin, and a thermometer that looked bent and broken.

I grabbed some gauze and a bandage roll. I balanced them in my hands and tried to find anything I could use to clean his cut. I couldn't find anything so instead I grabbed what I hoped was a clean towel from the counter and drenched it in hot water.

I headed over to the couch and sat beside Dally. I slipped the jean jacket off and tossed it on the back of the couch. My bare arms warmed up quickly to the cool air of the house. I got the towel ready, which was already cold. He grunted softly as he lifted his muscular arm up for me, and I gently dabbed the towel on his cut and the fabric soaked up the blood.

"Why are you here again?" He asked softly. He looked tired, like he was struggling to keep his eyes open. His New York accent was a little stronger too, but it's always a little thicker when he's mad or sleepy. "You ain't never come here. Not even when I ask nicely."

"Pony left his sweatshirt here. He needs it for track tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right," he breathed out.

"Should I take you to the hospital? You look like you got stabbed."

"No, no doctors."

"What happened to you?" I asked him.

"Just a typical Buck party."

"Is it over? No one is here," I pointed out. At least everyone who I saw was unconscious and on the floor. Bottles of alcohol, full and empty, were all over the living room as well as cigarettes that people stomped out on the carpet.

"Someone brought a knife and used it on me during a fair fight. I flashed my heater and everyone scattered."

"You gotta stop doing that. Someone is gonna think it's loaded," I muttered, recalling what would have happened to him six months ago. He would have been shot, then shot again while he tried to stand back up for the last time.

"That's the point," he said.

"I can't believe you got stabbed. You sure I shouldn't take you to the hospital?" I inspected his wound, which wasn't as deep as I thought but he still needs stitches.

"I got cut some, but it ain't so bad."

"You still carry that gun around? What if someone else has a gun too and they shoot at you?" I asked with my eyebrows raised.

"Then I guess I'm dead," he snickered.

"That feels counterproductive, wouldn't you say?"

"People... people don't give a rat about guys like me. Not even my old man. He don't care none if I'm drunk in a gutter or a ditch, or if I'm in jail, or if I die," he spoke thickly.

"Yeah, but I do," I replied tenderly.

I could feel Dally's eyes desperately trying to look into mine but my focus was on his cut. I had never met his father, I think he's still up in New York. I noticed the scars from the cigarette burns his dad gave him, little circular pale scars on his shoulders, arms, and I think I noticed one on the side of his forehead and his hands. Dally rarely talks about him, and I think he likes to pretend that it doesn't bother him, but in reality it does. If his father doesn't care about him, then why would he care about himself?

Folks, now that you have heard my story,
Say, boy, hand me over another shot of that booze;
If anyone should ask you,
Tell 'em I've got those St. James Infirmary blues.

"You care about me?" He asked in a rare, soft voice. I tried not to look at his hair that curled behind his ears and around the nape of his neck.

"Of course I do, dummy. I've spent just about everyday with you for a year."

His chin was dipped low. "I thought nobody gave a hang about me. Ain't all I do is screw up? I thought that if I don't give a damn about no one, they won't give one about me. Maybe I'd be better off dead."

"Hate to tell you that people care about what happens to you," I said sarcastically, but firm enough that he knew it was the truth. "I really don't like finding out when you get arrested, and if you were drunk in a gutter or a ditch, I'd go all over town until I found you. I mean, I've done it before. I certainly don't want to hear that you died. Even if you don't care about me, that doesn't mean I don't care about you."

He was silent for a moment. His voice was low and somber. "I never said that."

"Said what?" I mumbled softly.

I finally glanced up at his kind blue eyes. I could feel my natural wavy hair slip around my shoulders and down my back and arms, framing my face and the scooped neckline of my tank top.

Dally said with an earnest tone, "that I don't care for you."

I chuckled softly and asked, "why would you care about me? You don't seem to give a damn about anyone else. Except for Johnny, but everyone loves Johnny."

He thought for a second, but then he asked, "have I made you feel that way?"

I shrugged. I have always felt like if I disappeared one day, Dally would be the one in the gang who wouldn't really notice or care. Or he would move on the fastest. "I don't know. A little, I guess."

"Oh."

Dally seemed to start reflecting on the way he comes across to others. I know that he's tough so he doesn't get hurt, but I think me telling him that he is cold to everyone was eye opening. He will probably never change his ways. He might actually care, but doesn't show it.

When his cut was clean I began to unravel the beige cloth bandage and Dally laughed like it was a joke. "I ain't gonna wear that."

"Why not?"

"It ain't tuff enough."

I grabbed a shirt from the floor and dropped it on his lap. "Then you can put this shirt on and no one will be the wiser."

"Who are you, my mother?"

"Will you just do it for me, please?" I asked firmly. "Lift up your arms."

Dally rolled his eyes and lifted his arms up. He acted like he was doing me a favor. He sat up straight while I put the gauze over his cut that seemed to never want to stop bleeding and I pressed my thumb into his chest to keep the bandage from moving around. He hissed gently which flexed his abs, and I began to wrap it around slowly to make sure it was still tight.

"Can I ask you somethin'?" He asked in a low, gruff voice.

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"How was it you just started living with Darry and Soda?" He asked. I hoped this wasn't going to become an interrogation.

"I had no where else to go and Soda took me in."

"I can still remember that first night I met you." He smiled weakly.

"Really?" I chuckled. Why would he remember that?

"Yeah. I thought Soda brought a damn Soc home. I thought you were arrogant. You scrunched your nose in that way you always do, and I never thought someone like you would get along with someone like me."

"You thought I was arrogant?" I chuckled in disbelief.

"I mean, can you blame me?" He chortled and winced at my touch. I secured the bandage and sat on the couch beside him.

"It's okay, I thought you were an asshole," I told him.

He grinned and was near a laugh but I think the pain from his deep cut stopped him. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What made you change your mind?" He relaxed back into the couch and rolled his head in my direction. His eyes twinkled with a glint of desire. A small twinkle of the old, wild Dally began to rise. A slow and lazy grin spread across his face.

"You were always pretty nice to me, but it was the stories the boys would tell me about you that almost made me scared of you."

"You were scared of me?" He snickered. The twinkle in his eyes held me in.

"Yeah, a little. And there was this small thing you did... you walked me home from the drive-in, the night everything happened. And you gave me your jacket when I got cold, even though you were shivering too. It wasn't really until then that I actually realized how much you could care about someone other than yourself."

"Shoot, it was nothing really."

"It wasn't nothing to me."

"You know, it was the same kinda thing for me too when I knew that you were all right. I've thought about it too, but it was when you just about beat the shit out of Johnny to keep him from going into that fire. I wanted to kill you and Pony for goin' in the first place, but I just have this feelin' that Johnny woulda died from it or somethin'. Sixteen years just ain't long enough. I'm tired of feelin' like I'm fuckin' outta my mind. I don't know, man, it's dumb."

For as long as I have known him, Dally has had a quick tongue and a sharp wit. He was starting to open himself up to me. I don't think he has done this with anyone, not even Johnny. He really is just like the rest of them, but with a complicated history of violence that toughened him to his core. He did have a soft spot for the gang, but he had an unconventional way of showing it. I've seen that Dally is not so tough around me.

"It could have happened, in another universe, if I wasn't there," I said to not make him feel so crazy. I almost wanted to tell him the truth... but I stopped myself. The weight of my secret was pressing heavily on my heart. He can't know, and he will never know.

"Yeah," his voice trailed off. He looked at me tenderly and said, "I'm glad you were."

I smiled at him gently. "Me too."

"I don't know what I would do without Johnny. He's my little brother, ya know? I don't think I'd be able to live with myself," he spluttered faintly. "Without him, I'd have nothing."

I wasn't going to be able to argue with him. That was exactly how he felt and there was nothing I could do to change it. Maybe Dally is my soulmate in another life. We got along really well, but I wasn't going to make him happy. He wouldn't feel satisfied with someone like me, and he would ultimately hurt me. I don't think Dally is capable of feeling love, it was beat out of him at an early age. I don't think I am able to teach him that the world isn't such a terrible place. All I can do is support him and let him know that at least one more person in this twisted messed up world loves and cares about him.

"You probably don't want to hear this, but I do have love for you, Dally. You might drive me crazy sometimes but I can't imagine not having you in my life."

"Shoot, doll," he chuckled while he blushed. He put his hand high up on my thigh, his thumb gently brushing up against my jeans. I feel a light tingle at his touch and he squeezed my leg gently. His forearms are forever scarred from the burns he got while saving me from the burning church last September. A reminder of what he sacrificed to save my life. Then he moved his hand up to my face and brushed some of my hair behind my ear. "Maybe you and I are more alike than we thought."

In this moment of vulnerability on both sides, I leaned close to him to put my hand on his shoulder and my lips on his cheek. His cheek was hot when my lips connected with it, and I felt his muscles twitch.

When I pulled away, he turned his head to look deep into my eyes. I felt my heart beating rapidly, there was nothing I could do to stop the way he made me feel. He's so pretty, like a devil. He's new, and thrilling. The twinkle in his eye turned into a flash of fire and a flare of desire. As he leaned closer, I fell into the trap. His eyes closed before mine and he kissed me softly. I was stunned momentarily, but I soon melted into him.

My hand came up to his hair, fingering the thick strands that were fluffy from a lack of hair grease. His big calloused hands hugged my waist and he pulled me closer to him, trying to close the gap between us. My smile broke our lips apart but like a magnet they came back together again. I crawled over him and straddled his lap, where his large hands dipped down to the widest part of my hips. My hands continued to play with his thick hair, going down his strong shoulders and cupping his face.

He was a bad boy that gave me an intoxicating thrill. His fingers brushed against my stomach, then he brought my tank top up. He slowly pulled it up, as if he was afraid to be rough with me. He was holding back. I helped him take my top off, and he took the liberty of tossing it on the ground without breaking from me. My nimble hands squeezed his shoulders, and I felt his strong muscles flex. His hands stroked my back, fingers just barely skimming the skin, making goosebumps chase his touch.

"Oh, Brianna. Have mercy," he moaned out softly against my lips. It was enough to make me blush. With a little flick of his skillful fingers, he popped the button of my jeans open. He hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of my baggy jeans and began to slip them down over my bubble butt. His hands cupped my butt, I could feel his individual fingers pressed into my flesh through my gray Calvin Klein underwear.

"Dallas," I breathed out. If he's so bad, why does he feel so good?

"I ain't so subtle when I know what I want, and right now I want to take you in the back seat of the T-Bird. Just you wait," he muttered as his lips traveled down my neck and to my collarbone. "I can't wait to rip these pants off of you, and show you what I can really do. And if you like what you see, honey, we can get down. Get some dirt on your knees."

Anyone could be bad for him, that was the type he normally chased. But I think tonight he learned that what he really needs is a good girl to blow his mind. I relaxed my head back, exposing my neck for him. I know he wants it, and I was going to let him have it.

I felt his grip tighten on my waist again. He dropped me down to the couch and it was his turn to be on top of me. I suppressed any excited giggles and continued to kiss him, which grew more passionate. His hand gripped my wrist above my head, practically pinning me to the couch. I felt so weak when he held me down. His hips were between my bent knees, dangerously close to laying on top of me. His necklace dangled from his neck, dragging over my bare chest. His lips were soft, but his touch was rough in a way that I craved. His grip was tight, making marks to show how much he wanted me. I could feel myself shaking under him at the anticipation of what's to come. I enticed him by scratching at his back, which made him bite my bottom lip gently.

He said with a slur, "there's been somethin' I've been wantin' to tell ya for a while now."

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling his lips travel down my jaw to my neck. His hand massaged my boob, then came behind my head where his long fingers pulled gently on my hair.

He chuckled nervously against my skin. "Nah, I can't."

"What? Tell me," I asked giddily. I think I was mostly nervous because I caught myself holding my breath. His big hand cupped my rib and his thumb traced the crease of my breast.

"I can't." He shook his head with a dumb smile.

"You can't just say you have to tell me something then refuse to tell me," I whimpered. I ran my fingers through his hair, unsure if I wanted him to stop.

Dally laughed then said, "I can't."

"Why not?" I giggled.

"I couldn't do that to Soda." His voice quieted down.

My face slowly fell. I relaxed into the couch cushions and let out the breath I was anxiously holding. I thought that maybe this could have been one of his cruel jokes. I wouldn't put it past him, I've seen him do it to other girls before. But I don't think he was lying to me.

Dally leaned back into the couch, giving me the opportunity to sit up quickly and face him. I had no idea what had gotten into me. A moment of weakness for a guy I loved. It was when he told me that he liked me too that I realized how wrong this was. I was being stupid and careless.

"Are you joking?" I asked with a tight voice. I brought my jean clad knee up and hugged it to my bare chest to try to conceal myself.

His looked down at his hands and shook his head. "No, I'm not."

We were both silent for a minute. Over the past year, we have gotten really close. Especially after Windrixville. I liked how much fun I had when I was around him, but I just didn't like him in that way. He makes me happy, but my connection with Soda is one I cannot ignore. Besides, he was drunk. I don't think he ever would have said anything to me about this if he wasn't. He will only break my heart somehow. The kind of life that Dally would give me isn't meant for me. He's literally from the wrong side of the tracks... I know it shouldn't matter but with Dally it does. I should never have kissed him.

"Oh," was all I knew to say.

"Yeah, stupid, right?" Dally chuckled emptily. "I'm not your kind of guy anyway. I shouldn't have told you."

"No, really, it's okay," I reassured. I stood up and pulled my jeans back up which hid the Calvin Klein logo on my underwear, a company that didn't even exist yet, and I swiped my shirt from the ground. I quickly pulled it back on and pulled my hair out of the fabric. "We can't do this."

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean nothing by it," he said with a slight slur.

Fuck. Fuck. What did I just do? I really fucked up.

"I'm gonna get Pony's sweatshirt."

"It's in the bedroom," Dally said and he pointed up to his room.

I immediately headed up the stairs and pushed the first door open. When I walked inside and closed the door. I just wanted to scream... I couldn't believe I did that. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I need to calm down and stop freaking out. I put my face in my hands and I sighed, trying to release all of my nervous energy. Then I fixed my shirt so it wasn't twisted around my torso. The room smelled of tobacco and cologne. His bed was a mess, but the dark comforter looked cozy. I took my time because I really didn't want to go back downstairs yet.

Dally is not who I expected him to be. All I knew was from the point of view of Ponyboy, how Dally was cold, angry, and tough. He has a heart of stone, and he is married to trouble. While all those are true, he can also be tender, charming, loyal, and gentle. At least he was to me. Sure, sometimes he could be an asshole who thinks with his dick rather than his brain, but I felt that he respected me more than I thought he was going to. But, he was never going to change. I had to remember that he honestly is a bad person. He knows it too. He harasses girls, drinks heavily, slashes tires, robs children and old people, rolls drunks, he has been to jail many times, he lashes out, he's a liar, he robs stores and has committed grand theft auto, he vandalizes, he's violent and aggressive, he has trust issues, and he's reckless. He cannot face any challenges or problems that come his way. He runs away from it. He's an incorrigible youth, and he always will be. If he couldn't change for himself, why would he change for me?

I was up there for nearly fifteen minutes just to stall. I rummaged around the clothes he had scattered on the floor until I found Pony's sweatshirt. He was going to have to wash it tonight unless he wanted to reek of smoke.

I quietly closed his bedroom door behind me and I finally swallowed my pride and went back down to the living room. Dally had put his dark gray button up shirt on with his elbows resting on his jean clad knees. In his hand was a half-full glass bottle of whiskey. He must have started drinking again when I went upstairs. He looked back at me and with a small smile he looked away.

"I think I'm gonna head home," I said in a low voice. I swiped my jacket from the couch and held it by the fur collar.

"You're leavin'?"

"Yeah, it's getting late." That was my excuse.

"I'll walk you home," Dally offered drunkenly. He stood up and stumbled a bit to get into the kitchen. He put the bottle of whiskey on the nearby counter. "In good faith."

"I drove," I told him.

Dally walked me up to the door anyways as I put on my jacket. He smiled at me with closed-lips and fixed the collar of my jacket for me. He swayed softly where he stood. He had whiskey in his heartbeat, and I could hear it pounding.

I really hate when he gets like this. It's physical proof that he has such a distain for himself that he would rather be as far away from reality as possible, that he is drowning his sorrows, and he's sad. He's really fucking sad, and it breaks my heart. And it hurts me because I don't know what I can do to help him. Destruction and violence is his only outlet. He's broken, and there is nothing that I can do to fix him.

"I'm sorry, Dal," I said in a low voice.

"Don't be, doll. It's cool. No hard feelings."

I put my arms around him and gave him a tight hug. My elbow hooked around his neck so I felt his chin on my shoulder. Dally doesn't like emotion, but for some reason he tolerates this. He acts tough so he doesn't get beaten down again. I saw the kindness in him that not many people had the chance to see. Not very many people really know Dally, or understand the way he feels, but I think I do.

Dally's hugs very much reflect his past. He seemed hesitant at first, but then his heavy arms came around me and I felt him hug me back. It was as if he was afraid to open himself up to me, both literally and metaphorically. Something told me that I shouldn't let go.

"I'll try to swing by the house tonight, m'kay?" He whispered in my ear with his raspy voice. He kissed my cheek tenderly, then came back into our hug, hopefully not reluctantly. The two of us rocked back and forth softly in our embrace.

The little moments like this are what I'm going to carry with me forever. Time has seemed to fall away, but it's these moments that have made it all worth it, and make my life what it is. They will always be with me in my memory. Who knew that this twist of fate would be the best accident of my life.

I felt a lump form in my throat, but I managed to say, "okay."

"And just remember that I'm as near as your telephone. If you need me all you got to do is to call."

"I will," I promised.

Little did I know that this would be the last time I saw him.

On my drive home, I couldn't stop thinking about Dally and what he said. I don't think I ever fully grasped just how hard it was for him to admit that to me. To go behind one of his best friend's back and confess his feelings. Dally doesn't have feelings, or at least he likes to pretend he doesn't. How long has he felt like this?

Then I started to think about Soda. The bubbly boy whose heart is bigger than his brain. He is the sweetest guy I have ever known. From the moment we met, he has shown me nothing but love and compassion. He has always made me feel welcomed, loved, and wanted. He's got something so special. He is the home for my heart. I get butterflies when he says my name. I just don't want to get too close to him, but it might be too late for that.

I opened the door to the house and Soda was shirtless, leaning against the edge of the couch just as he was putting his DX hat on. My eyes met with him as I closed the door and his face brightened. "Bri! You made it just in time."

"For what?" I chuckled as I slipped my shoes and jacket off. I tossed Pony's sweatshirt over the back of a chair.

"There's this picture that's on that I think you'll like." He reached over to quickly put his clean white t-shirt on, trying to keep his hat on in the process. It flipped over his face and onto his lap. Once his shirt was on he put his hat back on too.

"What is it?" I smiled and walked to the couch. I sat close to him, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders while simultaneously using the remote to turn up the volume.

He put the remote down but kept his arm around me. He pulled me in close to his warm chest and said enthusiastically, "it's a scary picture, I know you like those. I ain't seen it before, but it's about this guy that runs this motel and kills folks that stay there. It's supposed to be real good."

Was he talking about Psycho? It's quite the classic, I honestly have always enjoyed it. The look Norman Bates gives the camera at the end of the film always makes me uneasy in the best way. But I decided to tell Soda that I had never seen it before.

"Well, then if you get scared I can protect you." He is just sweeter than pie. I will never tell him about my kiss with Dally. It was a mistake anyway, and it'll only hurt him.

I looked up at him and said, "I thought you didn't like movies."

"Yeah, well... I do tonight. I came across it and thought you'd like it."

"And you want to watch it with me?" I asked.

He grinned. "Yeah."

I nuzzled up to him and we watched the movie together. Johnny and Pony tried to watch it but Johnny ended up going home and I think the movie scared Pony a little but he would never admit it. Two actually stayed for most of it and seemed to really enjoy it. He'd make funny remarks here and there but it might be to cushion how scared he was. Steve went home, and Darry came out of his bedroom to tell us to turn the music down during the shower scene. Dally never came by.

To cure himself of his boredom, Soda began playing with my hair. We were alone in the living room with the movie still playing. He giggled softly as he spun the strangles around his finger, and made little swirly patterns around my scalp. I loved when he played with my hair. It was so relaxing, and it was like a toy for him. He even practiced braiding, then he would run his fingers through my hair to avoid knots.

"Is this okay?" He asked gently.

"It's okay," I assured.

Soda rubbed his hand on my arm and I could feel him tense when a jump scare plagued the screen. He made me laugh and I felt like I was home with him. When he holds me tight, everything I want I have. No one compares to him.

Soda began to lean back, taking me with him. He laid across the couch with his head resting on the arm of the couch, and I was laying on top of him. I rolled over gently, so our stomachs were touching. I grinned and put my hands up over his chest and I rested my chin over my fingers.

"Hi." He grinned with a little chuckle. He has such an irresistible charm, a quality I adore.

"Hi." I smiled and rolled my head to the side, gazing into his beautiful brown eyes.

He plucked some hair out of my face and he tucked it behind my ear as he said, "it's so easy to get lost in your eyes. You know I love you, right?"

I smiled at him softly. "I love you too."

His hand lingered by my head as he said, "I really like spending everyday with you. Since the first day I saw you, I was waiting for you. I love everything about you. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh. For as long as I've known you, I wanted you."

I couldn't help myself. I launched myself forward and kissed him. I could feel his lips pull into a smile before kissing me back. His kisses were sweet. His big hand cupped my cheek, with his soft fingertips grazing my jaw. I took the bill of his hat and put it on my head. I ran my fingers through his hair, slick now from the grease but I didn't care.

"Your kisses send my heart in a whirl. I've loved you for a long time," he said loudly to me between kisses. His hand was roughing up my hair, tangling it between his fingers. He bit my bottom lip playfully, I could feel the little ball of scar tissue that formed under my skin from when I busted it during that night at the fountain.

I giggled and shushed him. "Darry might hear you."

He looked at me with a cock of his eyebrow. "Who cares! I'm in love with—!"

I covered his mouth with my hand and let my head fall to his chest in a pile of giggles. I relaxed my hand and shut him up with my lips, while Soda's hands explored my waist and my hips. If Darry knew that we had feelings for each other, he might make me move out. I didn't want to take that risk.

"I can't help it, honey. You're just that much a part of me now," he told me sincerely.

Soda wrapped his muscular arms around me and must have forgotten that we were on the couch because he rolled us right off into the floor. His hat jumped off my head. My groaned turned into a laugh, and his face of concern spread into a big smile.

"Are you okay?" He asked through his laughter.

My eyes squeezed shut as I laughed. I nodded and said, "yeah."

"Are you sure?" He pet my hair softly, tracing my face with his fingers to make sure I was okay.

"Yeah," I promised.

Soda helped me to my feet, but it didn't take long before he couldn't control himself anymore. He tossed his shirt to the ground and pulled me into him, his hands around my waist and my hand against his bare chest. He kissed me passionately, sweet and slow. He then lifted me up and my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. I threw my arms around his neck and one hand held his chiseled face. 

I could feel Soda walking, his hands now cupping my butt so I wouldn't slip. He slid them up to my hips when I felt myself sit down on the clean table. I caressed his bare, muscular back and I used my legs to pull him closer to me. I could feel him fighting back his smile. I hope he never sets me free.

"Is this okay?" He asked softly.

"Mhm," I hummed.

"And this?" He kissed my cheek, then my jaw, then he gently nibbled on my earlobe.

I smiled sweetly and giggled. "Yes."

He fell to his knees, and his hand gripped around my leg like I was his muse. He looked up at me with that big, dopey grin and so much adoration in his eyes. He leaned his head against the inside of my knee, looking at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I put my hands behind me, flat against the table and I leaned back.

"Have I ever told you how much I adore you?" I asked him in a low voice. He continued to look up at me like a golden retriever, and his cheeks turned bright red. "Sometimes the world feels so heavy, and things can get so complicated. But you... you are so happy."

"I just try not to take anything too seriously. Darling, nothing matters. It's just life, and it's easier when you don't got a care in the world."

"Sounds like you have more to teach me," I replied.

"S'ppose I do." He grinned.

"Where else do you want to kiss me?" I asked cheekily with a smug little smile. I kept my voice low and quiet, because I didn't want his brothers to hear us. But the thrill of being caught was hot.

"Here." He stood up smoothly and his lips landed on my cheek. "Here." He kissed my jaw. "Here." He kissed my neck. "Here." He kissed my collarbone. "Everywhere. I've been waiting for this for a long, long time."

I felt like I was on fire, and I could feel it everywhere. It was burning through to my soul, the flames licking my body. I might just turn to smoke. He made me feel so safe, so protected. I let him put his hands on me, goosebumps chasing his touch.

"I've been dying for one of your world famous massages," I said teasingly.

"I'll give you a massage. Tonight, tomorrow, and every night for the rest of our lives."

His wandering hands tried to pull up my tank top, but I was quick to stop him. I put my hands on his and asked, "what if someone sees us?"

"Let them. I'll make you real happy, baby, just you wait and see."

I laughed, "no way."

"Show me what you got, California," he joked.

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis," I tried to criticize him but I couldn't stop giggling.

He scoffed playfully. "Ain't no one coming in."

"Pony or Darry might," I reminded him. Reality started to set in, and I realized just how detrimental this could be. I said, "you don't want this. You don't want me."

"Are you kiddin'?" His deep voice asked.

"Believe me. One day you'll meet a girl who will make it so easy for you to fall in love with."

"I've already met her. Darling, if I can't touch you, I'm gonna lose control. I want you to scratch my back and run your pretty fingers through my hair," he said breathlessly. "I wanna run away with you. Let's just go and leave this all behind. We can go to the beach and send everyone we know a postcard. Who's gonna stop us, huh?"

I didn't have the strength to fight with him. I couldn't help myself. I want him. I need him. At least I know that I tried. I ran my fingers through his hair as I said supportively, "that's amazing, I'd love to do that with you but what are we gonna do right now?"

He thought for a second then said with a mischievous grin, "your room has a lock."

My face brightened as I slipped off of the table. He stood behind me and wrapped me in his loving arms as we began our walk to my room. He kissed my neck, making me giggle. My heart was pounding in my ears. My life felt sweet, like candy. Without love, life would be as boring as the seasons without a summer. I would have no heartbeat. Everything with him felt so right.

My heart was being tugged in different directions, but I knew what I wanted. I know what I deserve. I believe that everyone can be loved by someone for exactly the way they are. No one should have to change for anyone, unless it's for the better. Dally is spiteful, obnoxious, vile, and callous. I do have love for him, but I would need Dally to change for me if I wanted to be happy with him. He will never change for me, I know he won't. But, I don't want Soda to change. He is perfect to me, just the way he is.

One thing I know for sure, is that lonely and broken dirt road I was lost on lead me straight to Soda. He has captured my heart, and I will surrender it to him happily. He has broken down my walls and I was willing to give up everything for him. He has a heart of gold, and that draws me in. Somewhere in his smile, he knows. This greaser has got a hold on me.

"You know, I will adore you until eternity. I want to make you mine. Just say you'll be my darling. I want you to tell me how you want it. Better yet, show me," he whispered in my ear.

The second we saw Ponyboy walk back into the living room, Soda froze in his tracks. I stepped out of his arms and my heart dropped to my stomach. I tensed up, afraid that he was going to piece it together.

I don't think he saw anything because he asked, "how's the movie?"

Soda cleared his throat. "Real good."

"Can I stick around and watch it with you guys?" Pony asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course, little brother," Soda said. He shared a look with me, but kept his smile for Pony. He collapsed back onto the couch and sighed.

"I was just about to make some popcorn. Anyone want any?" I asked as I headed into the kitchen with a spark of annoyance in my chest. It left me thinking about what would have happened if Ponyboy didn't come into the room.

Both of the guys wanted popcorn, so I put a pack of stove top popcorn on the stove and let it heat up. As the popcorn was popping within the foil, I grabbed a couple of soda's from the icebox. I had to shake the popcorn pan so everything would heat up evenly. Once the foil had completely expanded and all the kernels had popped, I broke open the foil and dumped the popcorn into two bowls.

I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. Maybe this was the universe's twisted way to tell me that it wasn't meant to be and not get too attached. But it's too late, I can't fight this feeling I have for him anymore. It will take me a long time to get over him, even when we are separated by time. Nothing will ever be the same again. Maybe in another lifetime, things would have been different. His world is honest and true, while mine is full of lies.

I carried it all with me into the living room, handing Pony his own bowl and bottle of Pepsi. He thanked me and put the bowl on his lap and the Pepsi on the floor as he sat back in his chair. I walked over to Soda and handed him his Pepsi, and sat beside him so we could share the second bowl of popcorn.

Soda cleared his throat, so I looked at him and asked quietly, "you okay?"

"Just need a cold shower is all," he said with a cheeky little chuckle.

Ponyboy snapped his head at us. "What?"

"Nothing," Soda and I both said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. I don't think we were as slick as we thought. Ponyboy gave us the side-eye and went back to the movie.

All I want is to be in his arms, tired, and warm, for the rest of my life. I feel like I tumbled from my other world and into his arms, secure and trusting. When I'm with Soda, something is telling me that he could be the one. One thing that I know for sure is that I can't hold on any more, I'm already falling head over heels in love with him. It made me forget that one day, I would lose him.

The next day, I was taking one last look in the field I had arrived in a year ago. I couldn't believe that it had been an entire year since I got to the 60's. Time flies.

I had spent so many hours here looking for the parts that de-attached from the Machine. I used my phone to shine a light on the ground to see if I could see any pieces that were reflecting off the light, but I found nothing. Maybe some parts were taken away by animals, or maybe I had every piece to fit it together but I was just not knowledgeable enough to know.

I tucked my phone back into the pocket of my jeans and sighed. I was giving up. This may be the last attempt I ever have to try to get back home. I'm going to be stuck here for the rest of my life.

In a way, I thought that maybe I was blaming the fact that I didn't have the materials to fix the Time Machine so I didn't have to fix it and leave. The thought of never seeing my friends or family again hurt my heart, but thinking about leaving 1966 made me depressed. I didn't really want to leave anymore.

I never once took anyone to the field. It wasn't that special, and the boys always asked where I went, but I was usually able to dodge the question. They get distracted easily. The field was just a land of long grass in the middle of nowhere. I guess you can say that it's peaceful. It's quiet, and soft singing from the birds that lived in the nearby trees filled the air. There was always a light and warm breeze that hugged my skin. I didn't mind spending so long here. Ponyboy would have liked it for a bit but I could see him getting bored pretty fast unless he had something to occupy himself.

The wind started to blow, harder than usual. It came on so fast, my hair blew back like I was standing in front of a powerful fan. I looked around with a puzzled expression on my face. The grass was all leaning toward one side and blew in the wind.

My hair wrapped around my face so I hooked my index finger down my forehead and cheek so I could remove the hair from my eyes. My hair turned a goldish-brown in the summertime because of the sun. Ponyboy told me that it reminded him of Soda's hair, but Soda's hair was lighter than mine. His is light like honey.

A bright white light blinded me and flooded as far as the eye can see. I covered my eyes to protect them from the painfully bright light. It stuck around for a couple seconds. When the light disappeared, I rubbed my eyes and blinked the colored dots away. It took me a bit to process what was happening.

I saw a blonde teenager sitting in the grass, with a metal band around her head and held a "T" shaped metal bar. She looked around, as blind as I was. It took me a bit to recognize her, after all, I haven't seen her in a year.

"Lillian?!"

"Bri!" She screamed and ditched the Time Machine to run over to me, embracing me in a hug.

"I've missed you so much." I bawled into her shoulder out of pure happiness. I couldn't help myself. I haven't cried in a long time, you just can't cry in front of Darry or anyone else without being made fun of endlessly.

"I can't believe it worked. I found you! But it's only been a few days." 

Time travel is too confusing. It's been nearly a year for me, but just a few days for her.

We talked and didn't let go. I wiped my happy tears away as I explained to her that I've been trying to get home for a long time, but I couldn't figure out how to fix the Time Machine.

"That's what I figured when you didn't come back right away. I used my original plans and created another Time Machine to bring you back home."

"Does that mean that if I never figured out the Time Machine, I never would have made it back?" I asked, finally pulling away.

Lillian shook her head solemnly. "No, I don't think so."

I guess there's a universe out there where I never went back to 2017. I felt a little envious of this other Me that was able to live out this fantasy. A version of myself where I got to experience the flower-power of the 70s, and the rock-and-roll of the 80s. I wished that Lillian looked up what had happened to me and the gang throughout the decades. It would have been cool to see what came of us.

"I have so much to tell you!" I nearly squealed. I was so excited, I could barely even catch my breath.

"You don't need to tell me, I've read it all," she giggled.

"What?" I pulled away, cocking my eyebrow the way that Two-Bit does when he gets confused.

Two-Bit was always amazed that I could do that, he thought he was the only one. I can only do it on my right hand side though. I learned how to cock my eyebrow from my grandpa from my moms side. My Grandpa K has lived in Tulsa his entire life, and that's another reason why my dad took that construction job here and made my family move to Tulsa a few years back. Not because he is super old or anything, it's because he always talked how great of a city it is and we thought it would be better to be closer to family. My grandma died around that time so he had been lonely. He is very funny and very sweet, he is my favorite grandparent, we just got along so well.

"Bri! I was using the book to keep tabs on you!" Lillian grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

"What do you mean?"

"The book. When you left, it changed. You caused such an impact that you changed the entire plot of the book."

"There is still a book?"

"It's pretty different. But also the same."

"I'm in it?"

"Hell yeah! It's incredible. I still can't believe you took Johnny's spot and saved those kids from the burning church. Maybe some things will change or be added when we get back home," she said.

"I honestly never even thought about it," I told her.

"I don't know if you remember but you said that Mr. Kenner came by and gave you a letter to give to me. I opened it after you left and it was from you! I never stopped working on another Time Machine once you didn't come back." She handed me the letter I wrote a year ago. By then, the page was a pale beige color and well worn. I can't believe that the letter was written a year ago my time, but 52 years ago her time.

Time travel screwed with my mind.

"I don't think I've seen him since I delivered the letter to him," I said, trying to think if I saw him or not. "It must have been horrible déjà vu for him to see me in his class years later."

"I didn't even think about that!" She had a big smile that I missed so much.

"How long did it take you to build that?" I pointed to the Time Machine on the ground.

"Not too long. Since I had the plans from the first time. I just needed to get the equipment." She picked up the Time Machine and balanced it in her hands. "Ready to go?"

I guess you can say I always knew this day would come, or at least I was hoping it would. I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. My future was in my hands, but I'd have to give up all the dreams and plans I made while I was here. I made a life here. I have created friendships in this time period that I couldn't just abandon. I am a very emotional person, which was quite the disadvantage. 

"I've got some clothes at the Curtis house that I wanna snag." I jabbed my thumb toward my car. "We should go."

"Yeah, let's go," Lillian agreed. I sashayed my way to my car, strangely bubbly. I was just so excited that Lillian was back in my life. I tried not to think about the hardest goodbye.

Lillian clutched her Time Machine and set it on her lap when she got in my car. The two Time Machines reminded me of those photos that when you compare them side by side, you have to find the subtle differences. So far, I've found three. Mainly just color and the sizes of the switches and gears.

"By the way, those are cute jeans," she pointed out.

"Thank you." I beamed. The jeans are pretty unique, I had never seen anything like them before so I just had to get them. They have a flared silhouette and unique patchwork around the knees where the bottom half of the jean is made with dark denim and the top half are light denim. I couldn't help but say cheekily, "you're cute jeans."

Lillian started laughing uncontrollably, and I had the brightest smile on my face. Finally, somebody understands me and my dumb pop culture references.

We drove to the Curtis house and there was no car in the driveway. No T-Bird, no Ford, nothing. Normally there is at least one car.

"That's strange," I mumbled as I parked and unbuckled.

"What is?" Lillian asked, still holding the Time Machine in her lap protectively.

"No one is here."

"You think there's someone inside?"

"Maybe," I said but I doubted it. It was a Friday afternoon, unless it was gloomy then rarely was anyone at the house on Friday's.

We got out of the car and walked toward the house. Lillian left her Time Machine in the passengers seat. Darry had given me a key to the house that I put on my keychain, but I never had to use it. I don't think the door has ever been locked. Darry said that it is so anyone could crash there if they needed to. Once, Ponyboy and I saw Tim Shepard hanging out on the couch, reading the newspaper. Then he left without eating breakfast.

Usually I see Johnny or Dally on the couch when I wake up. Two-Bit's mother always lovingly scolds us, saying that some day we will get robbed. Darry always retaliates that we don't have anything worth stealing, and finishes by flexing his baseball sized arm muscles.

Just like I figured, the door wasn't locked. I swung it open and we entered the clean and empty house.

"Hello?" I called out. "Guys?"

No answer.

"I wonder where they are," I thought out loud. I felt a lump form in my throat, my heart was already feeling heavy. "I don't remember anyone telling me where they were off to."

"That'll make leaving a little easier," Lillian pointed out. Her voice was soft because she knew how difficult this was going to be for me.

I looked at her over my shoulder. "Yeah... you're right."

I ran into my room and quickly stuffed all my clothes and things into multiple garbage bags and tied them off. I specifically remember grabbing my black and white checkered skirt, all my sweaters, a baby blue fitted shirt, my bathing suits, my pajamas, my dresses, my shorts, and my shoes. I did not forget to grab everything from my walls, including the poem Ponyboy wrote to me for my birthday. My brain was running on autopilot, just ignoring the fact that I really was leaving. To speed things along Lillian threw them into the backseat of my car.

When she tossed the last bag into the back, she was quick to ask if I was ready to go back. We have all the time in the world. What's the rush? I think she was just nervous that someone would see us, mainly her. She was jumpy and anxious the entire time.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"Almost. Just give me a minute, all right?"

I didn't bother to wait for her answer before I trotted back into the house. I went into my room and stopped to see the well-made bed and the cleanliness throughout the room. I feel like a hoarder, my clothes and things that I've accumulated throughout the past year were cluttering the room and now it felt so empty. It was as if I never existed. The only thing I left was my DX uniform. Both the button-up shirt and the jumpsuit were hanging in the closet. It looked exactly the way it did the first night I slept in this room. I guess it's not really my room anymore, it's Soda's.

All I had left in the room was my box of stationary that Darry gifted me a few months ago. I walked over to the desk to grab the box and plucked a pen from a cup that was holding all the pens and pencils I used for homework. I hauled it all to the kitchen, where I opened the box and carefully took out a sheet of monogrammed paper.

I refused to leave without saying something. It would be cruel for me to just disappear without a trace. My hand was trembling but I slowly wrote my final goodbye. I didn't know that today would be my last, and I wasn't prepared. I felt tears well in my eyes and I sniffed a few times to keep my composure. I was afraid I'd start crying at any moment. I hoped this would give them some sort of closure.

When I was done pouring my heart out, I carefully enclosed it with its blue envelope and I took the time to melt some of the gold wax to steal it. I placed it on the chocolate cake that was in the ice box. If it's on the counter it may get overlooked and ignored and eventually lost. If it's on the chocolate cake, someone will find it very quickly. I put my house key on the counter though.

When I got to the front door, I glanced back at the place I called home. I saw the ghosts of my boys running around, whether it be getting ready for a rumble or chaotically racing around each other before work. All the memories we made together I'll keep like a photograph and hold them in my heart for the rest of my life. Where time will be frozen, and our love will be forever captured.

One day, I will think about my time here and smile at the memories. I'll laugh at the joy it brought me for the last year, but right now I was choking back tears. Our plans were unraveling at the seams in front of me. I made my life here, I was happy... but I knew I had to go back. Everything is about to change. I never thought I'd walk away from here with so much joy, but so much pain. It is so hard to say goodbye.

I knew that this day would come. My future was in my hands, literally, and after a year of living with the Curtis boys I realized just how difficult it was going to be. I should never have lived with them. I should never have gotten close with them. Especially Soda, I should never have allowed myself to fall in love with him. It hurts so much. We were fighting against all odds, and we didn't win. But at the same time, I have no regrets. I am so happy I met him. Even if it was just for a little while.

Eventually, time will erase me from his memory. Maybe he will remember me someday, years and years from now. Perhaps he will listen to The Beatles or he will find an old photograph of us and he will recall our days together and he will miss me. I hope I will be a good memory for him.

I closed the front door to the Curtis house for the last time. I officially checked out of the Curtis Hotel. The door knob slipped through my fingers and I slowly walked to my car. When I smiled at Lillian through the window, I could feel the warm tears push over my pupil, blocking my vision.

I opened the door and sat in the drivers seat. I sniffed again and pressed my fingers against my eyes to try to drain the tears from them. My cheeks were hot and probably red.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sniffed again and started the ignition. In order to face tomorrow, I had to say goodbye to yesterday. "I'm just sad to be leaving."

"It'll be okay, I promise." She smiled at me. I laughed through my free falling tears and cleared my throat so I wouldn't cry. I was thankful that I had my best friend to lean on for the grueling road ahead.

"What should I do with my car?" I asked.

"What do you have in mind?" She asked, placing the Time Machine on her lap again. She was treating that Machine like an infant.

"We can either sell it, or drive it into a cave or something and get it in 2017." I got the idea from Back to the Future III when Doc hides the DeLorean in a cave for Marty. That would have been so cool. 

"Sell it," she said with no hesitation.

"Alrighty." I started to drive to the used car dealer I got the car from.

I tried to argue with her about keeping the car, but she pointed out that it may not work in fifty years, or it could get stolen and I would lose on money if I didn't sell it now. If I got paid in cash, I'd be able to take it with me back to 2017.

With the salesman, it took some convincing but I got just about as much money for it as I paid. It was only about $900, but due to annual inflation, it was the same as $6964 for a car in 2017. However, he refused to pay for it in cash. This of course was quite the disappointment but it brought the cave idea back on the table. It would have been a great idea, if there was a cave nearby.

If we sold it, we would have had to carry all my bags of belongings a few miles out to the field as well as the Time Machine. I didn't really think it through, so maybe it's best that it didn't work out. Lillian and I finally came to the conclusion that we were just going to have to leave my car there. I paid for it in cash, but for the registration I had to put it under Darry's name. Eventually they'll get alerted that this car was found in the middle of no where, but that'll be it. This will be the last clue about my disappearance.

I slowly drove through the center of town while Lillian basically had her nose pressed against the window just admiring everything just as I did my first day here. She pointed out the grocery stores, the empty lots that are now packed full of buildings, and finally she practically drooled over the Dairy Queen.

I stopped at a stop light and my stomach growled. I glanced over at the Dairy Queen too and said, "you know, Dairy Queen here is better than Dairy Queen back in our time."

"It is?" She asked wearily.

"Yeah. Wanna try it?"

"No, we should probably just get home."

"Come on, please. It'll be the last time. What damage can we do that I wouldn't have already done?"

She was either starving, or I made a good point. Or both She finally gave in and once the light turned green, I turned left into the parking lot by the front door.

It's hard to resist a trip to Dairy Queen. The iconic bright red logo that resembled a pair of lips with a white font spelling out Dairy Queen in the center became my favorite thing to see.

The parking lot was pretty full, so it was hard to find a spot. Once I did, we walked together into the fast food joint that was popping with all sorts of people, Socs and greasers alike. We stood in line for what felt like an eternity, but we eventually reached the front and gave our orders of burgers, fries, and soda's to the kid at the till.

We got our food quickly and Lillian was flabbergasted by the prices and couldn't stop thinking about how cheap they were. Just 50¢ for a cheeseburger and 25¢ for fries.

We sat at a booth and enjoyed catching up and relished our meal. I ate as slow as I could, savoring every bite as if it was my last. I was careful not to let any sauce get on my white fitted shirt. We watched the little nuclear families enjoy their lunch together, and Lillian greatly admired the clothes of the decade. She was flabbergasted over the Dairy Queen ashtray on the counter, a heavy clear triangle glass with the deep red logo lips that reads Dairy Queen in the middle.

I was reluctant to get up when I finished eating. I just wanted to stick myself to the seat and never leave. But I did, and Lillian and I headed to the door.

"It's crazy, I never thought that being here would be so—"

She was talking but I wasn't listening. Just before we got to the door I froze when I looked out the window and saw Two-Bit and Steve standing right outside the door, sharing a smoke before their lunch. I could hear Two's laughter through the door while Steve blew rings of smoke in the air.

"Hide." I tried to grab the collar of Lillian's shirt, but she didn't have a collar so I accidentally pinched the skin in her neck. I pulled her down and she slapped my hand away.

"Ouch!" Lillian hollered.

"Sorry, force of habit."

We hid behind the garbage can by the entrance. I slowly came up and peaked over the lid so I could look through the window and they were still talking to each other just a few feet away.

"What was that for?" She grunted and rubbed her pinched skin.

"I know those guys," I whispered as if they could hear us.

"So? Who are they?"

I lowered my voice even more. "That's Steve and Two-Bit."

"I'm sorry, who?" She asked.

"That's Two-Bit and Steve," I nearly snapped at her as I slowly straightened out my legs.

"Two-Bit and Steve?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Two-Bit and Steve," she repeated.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Two-Bit Mathews and Steve Randle?" Her eyes widened. "You're joking."

"I swear to god that's them," I told her without taking my eyes off of them. I even spotted Two's wreck of a car in the parking lot. It's a very recognizable clunker.

"Oh my god. How are we going to get out of here?" She asked when she realized that if we leave, we risk them noticing me.

I watched as Steve tossed his cigarette to the ground while he was talking to Two, then pointed toward the parking lot. I followed his finger and saw that he was pointing at my car.

"Shit, they know I'm here." I glanced over my shoulder and didn't see a back exit to this place. My leg bounced anxiously as ideas ran through my head on how we could try to slip away without detection. I thought maybe we could sit at a booth and hide amongst the other patrons and leave while they were distracted.

I turned back to the window and just about jumped out of my skin when I saw Two pressed up against the window right by me with his face smashed up against the dirty glass. I let out a little scream as I jumped back and his eyes widened with manic laughter.

Steve was chuckling as he opened the door. Lillian took a few steps back and Two came in right behind him.

"You didn't tell us you were comin' here. We woulda joined ya," Steve stated. He was wearing a thin blue and white flannel with the sleeves completely cut off. It was only buttoned at the bottom, which let the fabric hang open around his buff chest. He had the shirt tucked into his dark jeans, and his engineer boots were flashing out from his cuffed jeans.

"Are they makin' pretty girls pay for food now?" Two asked in his playful manner. He was wearing his beloved red floral print rockabilly Hawaiian shirt. "Ya know, if I worked here that wouldn't fly with me. Count on that."

Steve nodded toward Lillian and asked, "who's your friend?"

"This is just a friend from school. Lillian, this is Two-Bit and Steve. Guys, this is Lillian," I introduced.

"Lillian. You know, Bri here has talked about you before," Two said while walking up to Lillian. He leaned against the nearby wall and he smiled at her flirtatiously.

"She has?" She asked.

"I have?" I asked.

"Yup. She didn't mention how pretty your eyes are." He winked.

Lillian's smile grew and her cheeks turned pink. I knew she was going to warm up to him immediately, even though their personalities are quite different. Her previous boyfriends have all reminded me of Two-Bit, now that I think about it. She likes the kinds of guys who make her life fun.

"Oh, barf." Steve rolled his eyes.

"Funny we ran into you guys. I tried to talk Steve into goin' to Hanks but he wanted the Queen instead," Two said.

"Hanks?" Lillian asked.

"You ain't been there?" Two asked. When Lillian shook her head, Two continued, "you oughta try it sometime. I've been goin' there ever since I was a young kid with my mama. They've got the best chocolate milkshakes to dunk your French fries in."

"Leave her alone, Two-Bit. The poor girl just ate, she doesn't want to be thinkin' about more food," Steve spoke up.

"Say, Bri, there's a rumble tonight. Wanna come? It's just skin, no knives because I know you don't like to come to those," Two asked.

"Oh, I don't know—"

"You can bring your friend if you'd like," Two said and flashed a dashing smile at Lillian. She smiled back at him.

"Yeah, I know Soda would really appreciate it if you came. It would mean an awful lot to him," Steve added.

Even though it broke my heart to lie to them, I finally gave them a sweet smile and said, "sure, yeah. I'll come."

"Oh, hot dog!" Steve exclaimed excitedly. "I'll tell Soda. He'll be mighty pleased."

"And you're comin' too, right?" Two asked Lillian.

"I'll try," she said.

"Have you ever been to one?" Two asked her.

"Can't say that I have."

"It's real cool." Two flexed the side of his mouth and started speaking in a 1940's film accent. "We get all boozed up and we pummel the Socs into the ground, see? Then we rustle them up and tie them to trees and swing at 'em like piñatas. It's a real gas."

"Oh, I get it. You want us to come see your ass get whipped?" Lillian asked jokingly, making herself giggle.

Two stared at her admiringly. "She's got jokes now."

"Wanna join us? You guys probably ate already, huh?" Steve offered. "I'll buy."

I was about to speak but Lillian interrupted me. "Yeah, we really have to go. It was great meeting you both."

"You too." Steve nodded at her and Two flashed her a goofy grin. She gave him a small smile back, and she left the Dairy Queen. She began her walk to my car, probably expecting me to be right on her tail.

I turned to the guys and my throat croaked softly but no words came out. I wanted so bad to tell them the truth, about how I was going back to the future and I would never seen them again but I bit my tongue. From the looks on their faces they could see that something was wrong, but they couldn't put their finger on it so they didn't say anything.

I laughed to keep myself from crying. "Um, I will... uh... I'll see you guys tonight."

"Yeah, and don't forget. Soda and I are throwing that big party where everyone is gonna get souced," Steve said.

I chuckled. "You guys say that for every rumble and you always cancel it."

"Not this time. It'll happen," he promised.

"I'll be there," I promised emptily. My voice nearly broke.

"You oughta be."

Two cocked his head to the side and asked, "are you all right?"

"I'm fine, why?" I tried to play it cool but he was onto me. Two was pretty good about reading me.

"You just seem... blue."

"Whose ass do I have to kick?" Steve asked while cracking his knuckles.

I chuckled and said, "no, no, it's nothing. I'll... um... I'll see you guys tonight." I gave them each a hug, finding it extremely difficult to let them go.

Two's hugs always brings an air of joy and relief. They felt very honest and real. Steve's hugs are usually stiff but protective. I'm going to miss them so much. I didn't want to say goodbye, because this one means forever.

Maybe, in another life, I would have stayed. I would have kept my promises and stayed best friends with the seven guys who will forever be in my heart. I would have been one of the girlfriends in the sidelines of rumbles without getting weird looks, I would be there for my boys, and it would be all of us against the world.

"Geez, you'll see us tonight," Steve chuckled. "Don't squeeze the daylights outta us."

"It feels like it'll be later than that. Much later."

"Nah. After we eat we will meet you at your place. I went through my closet and found this old shirt I wanna give ya. It's clean, don't worry, my mom washed it again to make sure but I think you'll like it," Two said eagerly.

I smiled at him sweetly. I was never going to receive that gift from him. "Okay, I can't wait to see it."

"Bye, Bri. See you later," Steve said as he stepped up to the registers to order.

"I hope so," I said softly.

"Bye, see you tonight," Two said, then he started ordering.

"Bye, guys," I said softly and walked out of the burger joint.

I headed to my car where Lillian was waiting with a dumb smile on her face. I got in my seat and locked the door after I closed them. I could see Two waving at us from the window, which made me laugh. I waved back, and started my car again.

"Wow, he's even more funny in person," Lillian swooned.

"You like him?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do. It's weird, I felt like I knew him forever."

"I know exactly what you mean."

"Those were the guys you've spent the last year with?" She asked.

I nodded as I slowly drove out of the parking lot. "A couple of them."

"It must be hard to leave, huh?"

"You have no idea," I chuckled. I half-heartedly joked, "we can always visit I guess."

"I think I'm done with time traveling for a long time," she said, like she has been the one stuck in the 1960's.

As I drove to the field, I was plagued by massive guilt over leaving. I just promised Steve and Two-Bit that I'd go to the rumble with them, and they'll know I lied after they read the note. I'm a terrible person and a horrible friend. They're gonna hate me forever.

I drove down the dirt road I've driven on many times in the past year in my fruitless efforts to get home. I put the car in park and grabbed all my bags from the back seat while Lillian dealt with the Time Machine.

Once everything I owned was out of the car, I absentmindedly tied all of them together so I could bring it all back with me. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I wasn't supposed to do this.

"Tell me, Doc, where are we going this time?" I asked.

"July 25, 2017," she replied as she input the date.

"How can we both have the headband on?" I asked, sitting down by the machine and waited for Lillian. I held one of the bags in my lap, and I hoped that when we zap back to 2017 it'll all come back with me.

"As long as we are both touching it, it's fine." She sat down next to me and held out the metal headband in front of both of us.

I gulped softly before I reached out to grab the headband. My chapter here was ending just when I felt the story was only beginning. The page is turning for everyone, so all I could do was move on and let go. I had to hold onto tomorrow. I needed to accept the fact that we really were parting ways. We may be apart but those boys will be with me wherever I go for the rest of my life.

Lillian fiddled with the Time Machine by flipping silver switches and twisting metal gears while it produced a light humming sound. I grabbed a hold of the headband and exhaled slowly.

"Ready?" She asked, wrapping her fingers around the final switch.

"Ready," I said confidently. That was the hard part. I did all I could in this era, there was nothing else for me to do here. My quest was complete. Maybe I could find the boys in a nursing home or a church or jail or something. They might recognize me and it could freak them out, so it might not be that good of an idea.

I was going to be leaving so much behind. I'm going to miss all the things I'll never get to do with them, and it is so hard to let them all go. I thought of Soda and I imagined how he would feel when he realizes that I'm gone. He is the hardest thing I have ever lost.

The familiar, but not so friendly bright light blinded me once again. I squeezed my eyes shut and yelped a little. It gave me a splitting headache, just like it did a year ago.

My eyes fluttered open, and I blinked away the harsh dots floating around in my vision. Instead of the plush green grass I was just sitting on, I now felt the hard wood of Lillian's living room. I glanced around, feeling comfort with the familiar art on the walls and the relief when I saw the calendar on their wall that said it was July 2017.

"We are home," Lillian said with a sigh of relief.

"Yeah. Home," I mumbled softly.

It was in this moment I realized that I was never going to go back to the place I called home for the past year. I'll never wake up to Darry's cooking again, or walk down to the Tasty Freeze with Two-Bit while he cracks every joke he can think of just to make me laugh. I am never going to sit in the living room again, waiting for Soda to come home from work so he can tell me about his day. I'll never work with Steve at the DX again and watch him fix cars and listen to him tell me all about them. I'll never be able to go to the drive-in with Pony and analyze the movies together as we are driving home. I am never going to see Dally running through the neighborhood trying to gear up for a rumble. I'll never see Johnny smile again. As I came to terms with my new reality, something inside began to hurt. I don't want to let them go.

That was the summer of 1965, where everybody called me doll or darling, and it didn't occur to me to mind. It was all over. The curtains had closed, and the credits rolled.

Everything changed so fast. Everything we did, every memory we made all disappeared in a moment. Knowing that I was never going to see any of them again made my stomach hurt. I left my heart in 1966. It was like they all died all at once. I was going to mourn the loss of my dearest friends. I'll miss them forever.

There was nothing more I wanted to do right now than to be with Soda, whether it be a drag race or go dancing with him like he promised to do. I just wish I could see him again, even if it's just pretend.

"Why'd you bring those clothes? It's so fifty years ago." Lillian giggled, trying to make me feel better.

"Some of the stuff is kinda cute... Or maybe I am about to suffer from major culture shock."

"You are so old," she teased.

"Stop," I chuckled.

"You are as old as dirt—fifty two years. That's over half a century!"

"Yes," I replied calmly and defeatedly. Then I glanced around the house and it appeared to be empty. I asked, "where are your parents?"

"With your parents on their anniversary trip. Remember?"

My parents and Lillian's parents became great friends when Lillian and I met. Both couples just so happened to get married in July so they usually take a little trip together to celebrate. They won't be back for a few more days.

"Oh shit," I mumbled when I realized I forgot something very important at the Curtis house.

"What?" Lillian asked.

"I left the Time Machine under Soda's bed." I grunted in frustration. Just thinking about them made me feel empty inside, and my breath felt more shallow. Like a piece of my heart was just stolen and was left in the 60s. But that chapter is over, and I have to keep moving on.

If you think about it, I'm eighteen years old now, but coming back to 2017, my birthday was only seventeen years ago. Do I really have to be seventeen again? That doesn't seem fair.

I hate time travel! At the same time, I love it. Without it, I never would have met them. I kinda want to go off and find them, but I also think it's a terrible idea and could freak them out into a heart attack or something if they remembered me. But my love for them will never fade away. I will always have our memories, I am so thankful for all those moments.

"You what?!" Lillian snapped her neck toward me, her icy blue eyes stared me down. Her eyes reminded me of Darry's eyes. But hers were full of life. Darry's had his sucked outta him when his parents died. Dally was worse though, the life was burned from Dally's eyes.

"I said that I—"

"I heard what you said." She cut me off. "What do you think we should do?" She started to bite her fingernails. She always did that when she was anxious.

"There's not much we can do," I sighed. "I strongly doubt they will ever look under that bed. When I put it there, it was full of dust bunnies and a thick layer of dust. They won't see it for a long while."

"You better be right," Lillian said shakily. "I'm not sure what would have happened if they came to 2017."

"Why? It could be fun." I shrugged with a bubbly smile. "They can't do anything to change the future if they come from the past, right?"

"Sure, but if they meet their future self, some bad shit will happen so it's best if they go to a time where they never existed."

"I did more damage going to the past even though I didn't have a past self. They could certainly come if they wanted to though, right?"

"Hypothetically, if they got their hands on the Time Machine and fixed it, then yeah, they could come to 2017. It's just not a good idea."

"Yeah, you're right," I agreed glumly.

She dug around her kitchen for a few seconds before speaking up again. "Wanna help me make some macaroni and cheese?"

"Yes, please," I said gently. There was an emptiness in my voice and my heart. An ache in my stomach. I couldn't even say goodbye. I'm back home, but I'm not happy. I feel like I should be.

My mind was still buzzing with the false hope that I'd be able to see my boys again. That I could see Soda just one more time. I could still see him with that shy grin on his face. Just being held by him could make the coldest heart melt. I want to apologize to him for disappearing. It probably crushed him.

I grabbed a black pot and a wooden spoon from the cupboard and placed the pot in the sink. I filled it with water and put it on the stove to boil.

"Where is the book?" I asked her. I was so curious how Ponyboy perceived me, I've been wanting to read ever since the moment I met him.

"Oh, yeah!" She snapped her fingers when she remembered. "It is on the night stand in my room."

I left her alone with the simmering water and ran up her stairs. I reached her bedroom and fetched the book. The hardwood in her room was super shiny. Her room was always insanely clean. It's like she is always preparing for an open house. But anything would look clean after living with three boys for a year. Especially after visiting Two's house. That place was filthy. I think his mom is a hoarder.

The book cover was pretty much the same. Except there was one extra person; me. I investigated the cover and felt glee fill up my entire body. It reminded me that the boys still remembered me. Did they miss me? This book is read all over the country, so the boys are technically famous. And now I'm a part of it too. I took a shaky, but happy breath before running back down the stairs. Lillian was already putting the noodles into the boiling water.

"Are you going to read it?" She asked.

"In a minute." I flipped through the book excitedly. There I was on nearly every page, full of memories I will always save and hold in my heart.

Pony introduced me as, "I'm not sure where she came from, but Brianna Jones became my sister. She had these big, speckled hazel eyes that held secrets I never knew. In the winter, her long, thick straight hair was a cedar brown. In the summer, it magically lightened to a honey, golden brown. Her teeth were surprisingly perfectly straight, which she says was natural but I believe she got some sort of miracle surgery. When she smiled, you couldn't get the image out of your head. Bri was absolutely beautiful, and full of mystery and spunk, exactly what a gang of greasy misfits needed."

I flipped to the end of the book, which said, "I always wondered what happened to Bri. She just, poof, disappeared. Maybe in the future, there will be an easier way to contact her. Until then, I like to imagine that she had found her way back home, reuniting with her family once again. A happy ending for a beautiful girl, inside and out. Soda wants to go out and find her, but Darry talked some sense into him. We think she went back to California. I'll miss the way her eyes lit up whenever she saw Soda, I guess I was too young to notice the attraction that Soda was too chicken to act upon. And I'll miss our good times together. I always wished I could thank Bri for being a part of my life. I guess you should never put something off, otherwise it might be too late."

"Maybe it's true, nothing gold can stay. But maybe, it just moves on to a better place. I hope she's happy, wherever she is."

I may not be able to see them again but I'll never forget the good times I had with them. They will always be in my heart no matter where life takes me, and it seems like I was still in theirs. When you're young it's easy to think everything around you will last forever, but nothing ever does.

I will forever remember those hot summer days in July where we were all wild and carefree. We had the car radio blasting rock and roll with the windows down, and I'm sitting on the door, leaning backwards out the window with my arms up over my head and a big smile on my face as I yell and cheer through the breeze. I can feel the summer wind whip through my fingers and my hair as we sped around the outskirts of Tulsa. Soda has a strong grip on my extended leg, and his other hand is gripping the steering wheel. I hope he is still alive, even though we aren't in 1966 anymore. Those days used to go on and on... it was the best summer of my life. I love it so much, I just can't let it go.

"Who plays me in the movie?" I asked, setting the book down and looking into the pot.

"Demi Moore." She gave me a smirk.

"Who is that?" I asked.

"Look her up." Lillian started to stir the noodles around.

I took my phone out and it was instantly dead. Shit. I wasn't surprised though. I would be shocked if it ever turned back on again. I didn't have to prowl for a charger for long because there was always one in the kitchen. I plugged my phone it and watched it spring back to life.

Instead of waiting around for my phone to charge up enough to turn back on, Lillian pulled out her phone and tapped the screen a few times before she handed it to me. She already had it pulled up to images of the actress from the 80s that played me in the movie.

"Okay, okay, I approve," I said as I scrolled through her photos. She was super pretty, but her hair was a bit darker than mine. I don't think we look enough alike. "Why'd they pick her?"

"Probably because she was in the Brat Pack," she said.

"Oh, that makes sense."

"I haven't seen it yet, but I looked it up after I noticed that the book changed. They lighten her hair up for the movie. They made it brown instead of black."

"I can't wait to read the book and watch the movie."

"Me too! It'll be like watching a movie about your best friends life." She laughed. I laughed with her too. I missed her laugh. It was so infectious.

"I keep wanting to ask about any news that I missed while I was gone, but there shouldn't be any." 

"And I want to ask you about what happened while you were gone, but there is an entire book about it." She turned the heat off the stove and used both hands to take the heavy pot off the stove and took it to the sink, dropping the noodles and water in a strainer that she had placed in there.

"That's true, but that is in Ponyboy's point of view, right?" I grabbed the packet of cheese and shook the powder down to the bottom.

"Yeah."

"Then I can tell you my version of the story. Like what happened last night." I ripped the package open and Lillian put the strained noodles back in the pot, I went over and dumped the cheese onto the noodles.

"What happened last night?" She asked.

"I kissed Soda," I revealed.

"Shut up." She looked at me with a big smile on her face.

"And I kissed Dally," I disclosed nervously.

"Shut up!" She shouted excitedly.

"I know," I whined. I quickly placed a towel on the granite countertop so Lillian could put it on the counter. She stirred the cheese in.

"I can't wait to hear about everything," she said.

"I'm so excited to tell you everything," I said to her truthfully.

"I bet." She didn't take her eyes off the macaroni. "I would be too. Maybe tonight we can read the book together?"

"Yeah, that sounds really good," I said as I fetched some bowls and spoons for us, and Lillian spooned some of the cheesy macaroni into the bowls.

I borrowed a pair of black sweats and a loose white shirt from Lillian and sat cross legged on the couch while we ate and watched Modern Family. I missed this show. It's one of my favorites. It was really hard not to reference modern television shows without getting weird looks from the guys around me. It took a lot of self control, but I managed by the skin of my teeth.

"This macaroni is amazing," I said in awe, my mouth was pretty much coated in the warm, cheap cheese sauce.

"Did you not have this?" She slurped hers up.

"We did, but strangely this tastes better. Maybe you just make it better." I tipped the bowl to my mouth and scraped the leftover sauce and noodles into my mouth.

I stood up and walked to the kitchen and readjusted the sweats I was wearing. I haven't worn sweatpants in so long. Everything felt surreal, maybe I was dreaming and I would wake up to the lovely smell of Darry's bacon and eggs.

When it got late I snuggled into Lillian's bed and flipped the book open. I pulled the covers up to my chest and listened to Lillian's footsteps get closer to her room. We are close enough friends that we sleep in the same bed when we have sleepovers.

Lillian turned the light off and crawled into bed next to me, flipping the covers over for me to have to reposition. She was sitting up enough that she could read the book too.

"Quit shaking it so much, Bri," she said.

"I'm trying, hold on." I repositioned my hands to hold the book steadier. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous, but it kinda felt like I was about to read Ponyboy's diary. Not everyone gets to find out exactly what someone thought of them. It was exciting but nerve wracking all at the same time.

"Ready?" I asked her, trying to find the right page.

I could see Dally and Johnny's names printed throughout the book and it gave me a melancholy feeling. Life really is but a twinkling of an eye. No one can predict what will happen in our lives, but we will learn from those lessons and grow. Our future hasn't been written yet, and it's whatever we make it. Just knowing that Dally and Johnny were both one decision away from death will always haunt me. I didn't want to live with the memories of Johnny's little grin or the wind in Dally's hair as he drove fast down a deserted road, smiling as he looks over at me to see panic on my face. I needed to be alive with them.

"Ready."

I clicked my tongue and flipped the book all the way to the first page. I may not be able to make any more memories with them, but I hope I can find out how the trajectory of their lives changed after I left. I was preparing to read the book cover to cover out loud.

"Okay, 'When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind; Paul Newman and a ride home...'"