After that we sit there in an awkward silence I look over at him to notice he's staring at my wrists. I see that there are fresh new cut, I did that yesterday. I quickly cover them up and

say, "oh no Pony don't look at that."

Now he's in kind of a cry, "why?"

"Pony things were rough back there I got back into stuff and I was depressed. I had three

drug relapse," I tell him.

Now it turns into a loud sob, "is that why you're back, do you even care about us because last time I checked you were okay!"

At this point Steve turned around and yelled, "what going on?"

I hear Pony cry, "she's not tuff! She's-she's-she's a cutter!"

I see the look of disappointment on Steve's as he says, "what?"

I didn't know what to say so I don't I ran and I ran I heard Pony and Steve yelling for me and

running after to me but I don't stop until I lose them. Then I run into a liquor store and buy a ten pack, a six pack, and a single beer. Seventeen in all.

I end in a cold dark dark alley drunk, that's when I do something stupid, I mix alcohol with pills. I know I know I shouldn't of but, I just did I don't know when I get sad I get stupid. Last time I came here I was on a manic episode but, now I'm on a depressed one. I hate stupid bipolar disorder! I look at the last beer I have a drink most of it then I take my blade and roll down my sleeve I stare at it for a minute with my blurred vision because of the tears. I try think of something happy but, I just can't. I cry out in pain as the knife sternly slits my wrist and blood pours out that's when I hear Pony yell, "you promises!"

I look to see the whole including Dal I guess he got out for good behavior or something. The pain on everybody face is too much, I mumble and stutter over my word because as I said I'm drunk, "I-I-I'm s-s-sorry, la-la-last t-t-t-time I w-w-was ma-ma-manic b-b-but n-n-now I'm d-d-d-d-depressed."

I think they knew I was drunk because I heard Dal say, "look at what she was drinking."

I mumble and stutter,"S-s-soda."

He comes rushing over to me and I take a sip out of my beer but then Soda says, "Please stop, your gonna get sick."

"No I'm not, I'm fine," I slur and take a big gulp the rest of the gang just watch nervously.

"Please for me stop," Soda pleads and begs.

"Listen I know it was my fault and all but, ya'll were gone I had nothing," I start to cry while slurring all my words. Then my secret comes out because I say something stupid, "I'm bipolar and my past is rough and when ya'll were gone everything got worse. I'm depressed last time I saw ya'll I was manic. Ya'll will see me like this more times than not and if ya'll don't like I'll just leave. Ya'll got it!" I guess I kind of put of my tuff walls again but, what am I supposed to do.

Soda kind of cries now but my vision is so bad I can't really tell, "I love you, not like a sister but, like a girlfriend. So does two-bitts and even Dal. You're the first true greaser that's a girl please don't leave we all love and you're bipolar? Why didn't you tell us we would of understood?"

I respond, " because ya'll are guys, I hate guys they all hurt me and none of them truly care about me. I don't believe ya'll won't hurt me. I mean I'm 75 pounds and an easy target ya'll don't understand my past and never will. I don't care." I know I'm crying now because I feel the tears rolling down my hot cheeks.

Sodapop then picks me home and says, "grab your purse we're going home and you're getting sober we'll talk more later."

I pick up my purse and take the last gulp of my beer. Wow, an all time record seventeen yay! I look at Soda and go to say something but he cuts me off with a, "shh go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow I promise!"

I can't imagine what the boys must think of now, most likely that I'm insane I mean last time I saw them I was manic and happy but, now I'm not. I hope they'll get used to it or maybe I'll just go back home. I guess I find out in the morning I just don't want to think about what the boys must think of me. I guess I started to cry because I heard Soda say,"oh Ari please don't cry you'll be okay." Then I feel as he slightly wipes away my tears.

Then I hear Dal, "is she okay?"

"I think so, she's just a little shaken up, I don't think she meant to tell us all of that. She was crying a few seconds ago," Soda informs Dal.

Dal's voice was a little broken at first but then went back to normal, "may I have a moment with her alone?"

"Sure man, I think she's awake but, not truly awake," Soda tells him.

"Ok thanks," Dal said a little impatient now.

As the door closes I let Dal know that I'm here by kind of mumbling, "hey, Dal. I may not respond. I think I'm still drunk. I'm sorry about what happened."

"It's fine Ari, here I do love you and want you to be more than my friend. What do ya think. Most likely that I'm crazy. God how do I expect a girl like you to like a guy like me? It's just that you get me and I don't know I missed ya when you were gone, everything changed but, they're changing again because you're not manic anymore you're depressed. What are we going to do with this change. Wow, girl you sure are a special type a girl but, I'm sure you like Soda or maybe even Two-bitts who knows? You know I told myself I'd never fall in love. God dammit then some little girl made me fall in little! God fucking Dammit!" I start to get a little scared because I know the way Dally is but I let him continue. "You know I'm crazy for you but, I know Soda deserves you a whole hell of a lot more than I do! God dammit! Fucking-a! Bitch! I fucking hate love! God dammit!"

I guess Soda heard because he came rushing in and yelled, "what the fuck do you think you're doing she's sick and you're cussing her out for making you fall in love with her? Can't you see she's hurting? Do you even know that bipolar is serious?"

"You just don't get it Soda, I'm crazy for her and I don't have a chance cuz' you like her along with Two-bitts," Dal responded.

"Get out of here Dal, go leave ya'll will see her when she's feeling better," Soda commands.

"Thanks Soda," I tell him.

"Don't talk kiddo, I'll sit with you until you feel better and you wake up. I love you little girl," He says.

"No Soda can we just talk," I tell him.

"If that's what you want. What about?" He responds I think he might be shocked because I mean I would be. Who wouldn't?

"What I said before, I uh didn't mean it," I lied.

"Kid, then why are you drunk and Dal found some pills in your purse? Also I saw you cut yourself. You're also 75 pounds and obviously depressed. Can you tell me what ever happened when you got home?" He asked in sort of a pleading way.

I wouldn't of responded minus the fact that I think I might love him, "Soda I fell into relapse and my life fell apart. I don't know, I knew I had two choices come back here or"

There was a long silence until Soda asked, "or what?"

"I would of used that knife for worse," I simply said.

"Like instead of your wrist your neck,"he inferred.

"Yea, I know you probably think I'm insane and no longer dig me," I say very sadly.

"No, I'm actually happy you came back because before you came back I was a total mess, man girl do I dig you!" He exclaimed very happily.

"How's Pony, he knows I love him right?" I ask.

"Pony's alright I guess, he's just a little shaken up. He knows he's been asking for you?"

"Really? You should bring him into here I want to talk to him too!"

I hear as the door opens shut then repeats I immediately say, "hey, thanks Soda um can I talk to him alone?"

"Sure thing," Soda replies.

"Thanks,"I say then the door closes.

I feel as Pony sits on the bed I'm sitting in, "are you okay Ari?"

I reply, "yea, let me explain when I left everything spiraled out of control, everything went down hill. You know I'm bipolar and it was a bad 7 years I think leaving ya'll triggered it. You know Pony I should of never left. I knew ya'll were the best family I've ever had but, I was also manic back then. Now I came here in hope that ya'll would get me back to my old manic self because I was actually happy and that was the best feeling in the world when I was with ya'll!"

He was now in tears, "I missed you ao much! You know it really scared me when I saw you back there!"

I was now also in tears, "I missed you to Pony! You should about what happened, I was drunk I'm just hungover now."

"What about that cut?" He asked with a sad pleading hurt voice.

"It was a stupid thing for me to do but, know I could of done worse but, the thought of ya'll stopped me. I only came back because I knew how bad it was and I knew ya'll were my only hope because I love ya'll, especially you!" I explained to Pony I wonder what he looks like right now.

"I love you too! What did you do and why are you so skinny?" He asked me curiously.

"It's stupid!" I yelled.

"Tell me then," he said hoping for a real answer.

"I wouldn't eat and when I did I would get ride of it," I said with shame.

"How?" He asked very simply.

This time I kind of mumbled, "I would throw it up?"

"Ewe!" He yelled I could tell he was grossed out by his voice.

"Hey, at least I told you the truth,"I told him.

"Okay, but why? I mean you ain't fat," he asks.

"An eating disorder messes with your head," I let him know.

"Well do you still have it?" He asks kind of concerned now.

"Nah, don't worry Pony, I'm fine," I let him know.

"Promie?" he asks.

I open one and look at him to see he's crying I quickly shut it back so he doesn't see, "I promise."

"Would you like to see Soda? By now he's probably going crazy think is she okay," he chuckles a little at the fact.

"Ok," I say that then pause a little and continue."I love you Pony."

"I love you too,"He replies in less than a second

Then I hear the door shut behind him, wow he must really love me, well I love him too. I smile a little bit at the fact that I have such great friend. Only I haven't seen Darry at all since I got back, which isn't like him at all. Did something happen to Darry? Was he even there when everything happened? I don't know I was to drunk to have a really clear memory plus I'm hung over now so that doesn't do much help.

I hear the door open then close. Now it's Soda turn,"Hey Ari, so Pony told us about what you used to do with your food."

Oh god I think to myself but I just say,"I know it was stupid but, I did it and I have to live with it. I have to gain the weight back and I will. Don't worry, I'm fine."

"Ok, good I just wanted to make sure like really make sure. Pony told me you'd be ok but, I was still a little scared," he says his voice low and soothing.

I suddenly think back Darry and quickly ask, "where's Darry?"

Soda replies,"He's cooking dinner for everyone and soup for you."

"Oh ok," I say extremely relieved.

"Why were you wondering?" He asked obviously curious himself.

"Well, I don't know last time something happened to anybody he was constantly in and out of the room checking up on them so I just was wondering," I respond there's a long pause before I continue to speak. "Well I don't I'm happy you've been here the most."

"I could never leave your side when you weren't feeling good," he says.

"Awe ain't you a cutie," I reply blushing a little.

Then Darry comes in, "Hey Soda I brought you his plate w your dinner I figured you want to eat in here. I also got Ari's dinner right here. Speaking of Ari how she's doing?"

"I'm fine thanks for the soup," I respond.

Then I open my eyes and sit up, Soda plops down next to me and hands me my food. Neither of us speak until we're both done eating because we just dug in and man was I starving! I'm so relieved to be able to sit with Soda and just eat dinner. I glance over at him to see as he's hovering over his plate, mouth full of food, his light brown hair is greased back like always, his eyes are bright and sparkly. Man do I love him he looks over at me and I quickly return to my food hoping he didn't notice, I eye over to him to see he's staring back at me, he got puppy dog eyes on and a slight smile that make any girls heart melt man do I love him!

As we finish eating Soda takes our plates out of here and I just wait for him to come back. It feels like hours before he comes back even though it's just minutes. He walks in looking as hot as ever and says, "the whole gang is worried but, I let them know that you're ok."

"Thanks Soda I'm still a little hung over so I won't be getting out of bed until tomorrow," I tell him.

"Well do you want me to stay with you?" He asks with a hint of happiness on his face.

I bit my lip but reply, "I'd love that."

After that he lays down and pulls the over us and wraps his arms tightly around. We talk for a little bit about nonsense like, what's happened over here when I was gone and the Socs. I was infuriated when I heard Soda got jumped. Why would the Socs do something like that to the best guy I've ever met, oh boy do I hate the Socs!

Then he tells me something I though he'd never get around to saying he said, "Ari, you know I really love you."

I was blushing by now buy replied, "I love you too!"

He didn't even car that I smelled like Alcohol he kissed me! I was in heaven for a moment then Pony walked in and yelled, "awe Soda and Ari!"

Soda and I broke away as soon as we heard Pony but at the end we all started to laugh because I mean it is pretty funny!

After that moment of laughter Pony said, "Happy you're feeling better!"

Then he left and Soda and I went back to kissing, soon enough we stopped and he said, "Goodnight sweetie, I love you."

"I loved you too, goodnight love," I reply tiredly.