•Dedicated to≈ ManaJuliana2
I so deeply loved what she said in the comment section! It was just beautiful. *hugs*

Thank you all so so much for the 9k reads and 900+ votes ❤
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"Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person."

-Kamoyrocks 😊
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*Warning: Self harm included, if this triggers you, I advise you not to read. I don't want you to do anything bad with yourself*

Julia's POV

"There's Jace. I have to go. Bye guys." I say to the gang. Jace steps out of the car in all of his glory. His leather jacket covers his dark blue shirt and washed color jeans. His dark sunglasses hides his beautiful emerald eyes. As he walks towards us, he casually chews his bubble gum.

I stare at him in awe.

I really thought that he couldn't be all the more hot... but I was wrong. Wow, where did that thought come from?

I shake it out of my head. Besides, Jace would never think of me in that way so why should I?

"Hey guys." He greets and its like he just stepped out of a action movie. The way his chest goes up and down as he breaths, the way his slightly licks his lip and the sunlight just shines on him making him look like a God.

"Hey!" Ethan squeals. This boy just can't stop.

"Hey Jace."
"Wassup man."
"Sup."
"Jace. My brother!"

I laugh at Brook.

"What? Jace is like a brother to me!" She hugs him. "Thanks Brook." Jace chuckles.

"Hey! Stop flirting with my girlfriend!" Alex says and pulls Brook away.

"Don't worry. The only girl that he would be flirting with is Julia." Brook winks and I find myself blushing. Not that anyone could see it...

"Um, could we go?" Drake says silently. I frown at him. I really didn't want stuff to change between us. I might not return his affection because my heart belongs to somebody else but he will find someone who is perfect for him, and that person is not me.

Sometimes, not everyone who you claim to love is suppose to be the one destined to be with you. When the right one, the one who captures your heart, soul and mind, the one who has completely has you in a trance or another world with only you and them, or just that one person that makes you so entirely happy, that's the type of person who you will forever live your life with.

And Jace is mine...

"Sure. Let's go guys." Brook says and they all leave as I watch them go.

I turn around and my heart skips a beat, literally. Jace is just a few inches away from me. His delicious scent sending my nose into paradise and just telling through those sunglasses, I can tell that he is staring intently at me. He grabs my wrist brings me closer to him, my hands on his chest.

"Hey." He whispers. I nod while looking at his chest, like the damn idiot I am. He chuckles. I look up at him as he takes off the glasses. We both stare at each other with an emotion so deep, so beautiful, so mesmerizing, so amazing that leaves my insides crying.

Love...

He smiles at me before pushing a hair strand that was in front of my face. "You look more than beautiful." He whispers. "I'm so lucky to have you." He kisses my cheek and my whole body awakens from the gesture.

"Ready to go?" I nod and we head to the car.

I couldn't help but smile.

I'm so lucky to have him...

*******

"Hello?" I answer my phone as I watch Jace train with his father. I find myself staring at his well defined eights abs, his broad shoulders, his strong muscles and...

Get ahold of yourself girl...

"Julia! What a gwan?" I hear a voice on the other side say.

I instantly freeze.

"Tezza?" I feel tears form my eyes.

"Dats right baby girl, it me, well, us. Say hi guys."

"Hi Julia!" Mizah shouts.
"Jay!" Joseph laughs.
"She must well fat up there ya now."

I laugh at Tahmar. I haven't heard from the since I left Jamaica and migrated here. I'm such a bad friend, I should have atleast called them.

"How's everyting up there?" Tezza asks.

"Everything's okay, I made some friends. But y'all know that you guys will always be ma first." I say and slowly walk out of the training room. I slowly head to the backyard, where the pool is and I sit down on one of the benches.

"J...tell me what really a gwan." Joseph says. I sigh. They really do know me well.

"Guys, I don't know. I miss mama. Mi don't like my stepmother. She's giving me a hard time. She's...she's cheating on papa." I gulp.

"She's what?" Tezza exclaim and I flinch.

"She is." I whisper.

"Oh my god! A wah this? I knew I never liked her. There's just something off about her." Tezza sighs.

"Julia, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You'll get through this. I just know it. You be strong now, okay? We have to go but promise us you call again..okay?" Tahmar says softly.

"Okay. I miss you guys." I sniff slightly.

"We miss you too. When will you visit?" Joseph asks and I hear a muffled sound in the back from Mizah saying 'yeah'

"Soon. I'm thinking, maybe on my birthday." I say and a warmth goes through me at the of my birthday.

"Yes! We'll see you then Julia. Please take care of yuh self." Tezza says. "We love you."

"I love you guys too." I say and hang up the phone. I should of told them what Linda did to me, that she abuses me. I should of told them. But I will, hopefully one day.

I miss how things used to be. I miss my mother. I miss her comforting voice. I miss my friends. I miss living in Jamaica.

They say that changes are for the better but right now its simply tearing me apart. How much more of this heartache is life going to throw at me?

I tip toe across Jace's room and head to the bathroom. I find myself looking through the cupboards. I sigh when I find a razor. I gently slide my back against the wall until I'm sitting.

"I'll always be with you Julia. Always"

"Everything will be okay"

"I'll be with you every step of the way"

"I won't leave you"

My mom voices rings in my head. She seems to be right here. Right beside me. Looking at me, trying to tell me to stop the everlasting grief that I feel for her death. 

And just like that, it all hits me. Lisa threatening me. Bianca's bullying. Me being practically homeless. My dad, being so far away that he doesn't know anything about his wife. The fact that he married right after my mom's death, like she didn't matter.

The fact that I have to battle this war in my head alone. The fact that I'm surrounded by so many people, yet I feel so alone. The way my life has moved so fast between my eyes and I still haven't grasped the fact the mom is dead.

I still can't even grasp why I'm here.

I know I sound selfish. Self doubt getting the best of me. Depression getting the best of me. I don't know why, what's wrong with me. I have people who care about me but why do I feel so alone, like to die, feeling as if I live for no purpose?

I don't know what to do anymore.

My mom said that she'll always be there for me. She'll always be my light and guide me through this world.

"You lied mom." I whisper, and just like that, I run the blade through my scar decorated wrist over and over. The blood oozes from my skin. I welcome the familiar sharp pain. Tears fall down my face as the darkness consumes me.

I lay there, hoping to be swept into a different place.

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A/N: Yikesss. This wasn't really an eventually chapter huh? Lol. Sorry my little bunnies, I just felt the need to write this. I hope I got you guys to feel a little with this, I kinda did.

What I've developed from writing this is that...when a mother dies, a daughters mourning will never end. No matter how hard she tries. Time will go by but she will still remember her role model, that strong woman who brought her up to become the lady she is today.

Please understand the state that Julia is in. Yes, it may seem like she has everything but sometimes having everything can be a little bit overbearing.

What I'm trying to say is, just because a person looks like they have it all doesn't mean that their lives are all its cracked up to be. They could look completely okay on the outside but looks can be deceiving. Not every person in this world has their life as path of bed and roses.

Life isn't just a bed of roses

And you are going to bump into many, many, many obstacles. Sometimes it gets so overbearing to the point where you feel like to give up. But you listen to me.

You ARE stronger than that. And in those moments of despair and giving up. Let it be your inspiration to get up, brush off the dust and keep moving.

Because you know why? Because your you. You are a fighter. And you WILL fight because that's why your here. To fight. You have a purpose. You belong here (under no circumstances doubt that) Never ever forget that.

I'm always ready to speak to anyone of you. I'm not perfect but I'm willing to help anyone who is depressed and suicidal.

Whether you feel alone or your in a bad mood. Just pm me.

Have a great week everyone.

I pray that God will protect you and watch over you.

Okay, that's it for now. I love you all ❤