•Dedicated to≈ LaSaundraMcwilliams ❤

It would mean the world to me if you guys read the Authors Note at the end ❤
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"Scars are our most achieved prize."

-Kamoyrocks

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Jace's POV

It was one thing to come upstairs and see my baby crying but it was a completely different story when I saw what she was doing in the bathroom.

I came to comfort her. Because I knew she would be upset.

It happened to every Pellington in our family you know. We messed up the traditions at some point. Even me. I'm not perfect and it was only normal when she didn't lift the weights. We were all going to congratulate her for trying and then laugh a little because we all looked like idiots.

Just imagine how I felt when I saw her cutting herself. She cuts herself. How could I not see that?

I've failed her once again. This is the second time this is happening. The second time I'm not there for her. And that brings the tears that I've tried so hard to hold up to come.

I had a feeling that she wasn't feeling one hundred percent happy but, I tried. I tried so hard to make sure that she was always smiling. Knowing now that it was all a facade breaks my heart into a million pieces.

When I came to the door, she already started cutting her self. To make sure that she didn't do anymore, I held her hand. Because if she continued, her wrist wouldn't have been the only thing getting sliced into bits.

I stare at the girl I've fallen in love with. I stare at her, feeling so broken and heartbroken that I almost cry. But, tired of how I was trying to hold up what I was truly feeling, I cry. Heck my mom always told me that I was a strong angel.

But angels cry too.

I bring her in for a bone crushing hug. And right there, I broke down. I broke. Because its just something about seeing the person you'd die for is trying to end their life.

Heart wrenching sobs escape my mouth and I find it hard to breathe. I need some type of reassurance. Something to tell me that she's okay and that she's still here.

And just then, something beautiful happens.

I feel the wetness on my shoulder

She crying

She brakes down with me. And that's all the reassurance I need to inform that my life is still worth living.

We both slide to the ground and I hold unto her as if I'm going to die. I need to hold her because if I don't, I'll loose it. I'll give up on just about everything. Without her, I'm dead.

And she's the only thing that can bring me back to life

Because she is my life

And when she gasps for air, her sobs becoming even more uncontrolled, its like music to my ears. She's here. She's still here. She hasn't left me. She still needs me.

I look at her wrist and I don't care. I kiss it. I don't care if blood is still gushing out of her slim wrist. I kiss it. Gentle and passionate kisses and her crying calms down. Mumbling all the apologies I possibly can.

I look at her and she does the same. Communicating with our eyes. She's telling me its okay.

But its not.

Its not okay.

"Why?" My voice comes hoarsely. I didn't even realise my own voice. "Why would you want to leave me?"

She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face in a never ending cycle.

"I can't live without you." My voice sounds so broken and thick with emotion and I swallow hard to prevent myself from crying out loud.

Minutes pass as I see her try to collect herself. This is hard for her too. To remain collected when all we want to do is just cry together.

"I-I'm s-sorry, I just. I ca-can't do it. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of trying to hold on. I want to let go. I-I want to di-" I stop her before she could even finish that sentence.

"Let me get this straight. The day when you die, I die." I say, somehow I can find myself being serious. And then its all hits me. It makes sense.

"Are you depressed Julia?" The answer I'm dreading to hear doesn't come. I see her fight, I see her struggle to tell me how she feels. How she hid it from me for so long.

"Y-Yes." She whispers and for the second time tonight, my heart breaks. The way she said it so brokenly. Since I now know that she's broken, I wish someone would just stab me in my chest instead of her being emotionally damaged.

"Oh baby." I whisper softly and hug her. She grips me so tight. And I know why. I rub her back as she cries to me. Telling me everything.

"I'm going to help you. We are going to fight this. Together. We'll get through this together, okay?" I whisper as softly as I can to her and she nods, sniffing. "I'm gonna help you. Your gonna be happy. I'll make sure of it. Even though I've failed you already." I bow my head.

Her head snaps to me, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Don't yuh dare say that. You didn't fail me. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. If anything, you've saved me, you still do." Her slender fingers cup my face. "And I'm forever grateful."

"Do one thing for me." I look at her with so much fear, so much determination its overwhelming. "Don't leave me. I don't want you to. Please stop cutting yourself." I plead to her.

"I'll try." She whispers so softly I almost didn't hear her. Its now my turn to use my fingers and cup her face.

"Why do you cut?" I ask cautiously. I want to understand her. To understand what she's thinking when she has the weapon in her hands, ready to punish herself for doing nothing wrong.

"To feel pain. I deserve it. I deserve nothing but pain. I sometimes smile when I do it. I feel relief in a way. Maybe to show me that I can still feel. I guess, to find peace. Because I'll end up somewhere better." My heart warms at the fact that she's opening up to me. I feel like I've just won a trophy.

"You won't go somewhere better if you kill yourself." I breathe. I've had this feeling before.

"But it would be somewhere better than this cruel world." She makes her point and sighs.

"This world is cruel Julia. But you know what? We can't change it. That's how it is. But you know what you can do? You try and live it while you still have time. Because every time wasted cannot be regained. And those times that you waste saying you want to die, your gonna regret." I hope she understands what I'm trying to say to her. She just looks at me, as if she's ready to cry again.

No one should want to live a life where their body wants to live but their minds wish to die.

Its one heck of war. Having to deal with that every single day. And its not like you can escape  your mind.

This world, is absolutely crazy. Judging, hurting and all other stuff that hurt us. And to be frank, we can't change that, no matter how hard we try. But, we can make a just a little better. Just by spreading love and positivity.

"Do you want to talk to a therapist about it? I can let you meet my old therapist. She's really good." I wipe away the remainder of her tears.

"No." She gets up and walks towards the bedroom. Confused, I follow after her.

"No?" I spin her around to look at her. "What do you mean no?" I'm suddenly angry.

"I don't want that therapists help." She says. I grit my teeth when she heads to the bed and lays down.

"Why? Why don't you want her to help?" I'm pacing the room now.

"I just don't want her to." She says, and just by her tone, I can tell she's sensed my temper rising by the minute.

"I'm trying to help you!" I raise my voice. "Why can't you just let me!?" I try my best not to shout at her.

"I don't want her help!" She jumps off the bed, and walks up to me, looking me straight in the eye. "I don't need her help. I need your help."

My anger suddenly fades. "What?"

She grabs my shirt, her eyes filled with so much emotion. Its making me want to cry again. "I don't need her help be-because I already have a therapist."

"You do?"

"Yes. he's standing right here in front of me."

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A/N: I actually thought I deleted all of this chapter, I almost cried lol. I put so much emotion into it and I just couldn't write it over. Thank God there's a re-do button.

I'm going to share something with you guys that I don't usually express with other people (its kinda long, if you don't wish to read it, then that's fine).

I got in a car accident on September 2016, yeah, not too long ago. It was scary because I thought I was going to die.

There was blood everywhere on me. I was scared as hell. My mom and siblings were okay. My brother had fractured his arm but its okay now. My little sister, who was in the passenger seat of the car on the side where the next car hit...I don't know how this happened, but when the impact of the two cars hit and our car flipped over, she was in my mom's arms (the driver's seat) when the car flipped over. If that wasn't a miracle by God then I don't know what is.

But, I was the worst out of all, I have bruises on my face. A glass from the car window was stuck in my throat and it almost killed me when we arrived at the hospital. I could've died. We all could've died in that car accident, but we all made it out alive. The scars are still on my face up till this day from the accident. There's one on my nose and two on my forehead. (I'm not sure if it was the car window that caused the scars because as soon as the car flipped over, everything was just a blur). I thank God for saving me and sparing me that night because it could've ended in a disaster.

I wear my scars with pride. I wear them like an eagle who soars through the sky and shows off their beautiful wings.

What I'm trying to say is, Embrace your flaws everyone. Embrace your scars. It shouldn't be something to hide. It shows that you have survived. It  shows how brave you were and still are and that you lived to prove it. You lived your life on the wilder side and it has rewarded you with scars to prove to the whole world. Its like a tattoo that shows beautifully as you roam this world saying that you've actually lived.

If it weren't for the accident, I wouldn't have found God and became the Christian I am today.

Thank you for reading my testimony ❤

~Kamoyrocks