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~authorfortheFather
----------------------------------------------"Ok so, once in first grade I had entered into a talent show and I was going to do a piano peice," I explain to Jerry as I reach into the aluminum cheeto bag on my lap and grab a handful of chips. We were still in the van on our way to Pennsylvania and for half an hour we have been playing twenty questions; although we've asked eachother way more than 20 questions. "I was so nervous and plus I had just eaten a hotdog."

I ate a cheeto from my palm, "Let me guess, you threw up all over the piano and you were so embarrassed," Jerry laughs when he finishes his false statement. I laugh with him and then finish explaining after crunching a cheeto, "No," I roll my eyes, "Actually everything went really well but, when they anounced that I had won first place I threw up all over myself and the trophy."

Jerry jerks violently forward in the drivers seat and laughs so loud that he scares me and his reaction makes me drop some Cheetos on the floor. He punches the car horn causing it to make the beep noise as he continues laughing histarically.

I feel like I should be embarrassed or maybe even offended that he laughs at such an embarrassing memory of me but, that's not how I feel at all. I'm taking pride in the fact that someone thinks I'm funny and it makes me giggle a bit. An unstoppable smile creeps across my face and for the first time since I found out that my life was a lie, I have actually felt joy.

Real joy.

The sliding door opens behind us and Garrett stands in the way blocking my view of what's behind him. Jerry is still laughing as he emerges the van to the lane next to us; tears now streaming down his face. My eyebrows knit together in confusion and pride in knowing how funny he thinks my story is.

"Everything okay up here?" Garrett says as he looks at me nudging his head in his cousins direction. I giggle and nod yes.

"Cheeto?" I offer him the bag and he reaches in revealing a handful of chips as his hand comes out of the bag. "Everything okay back there?" I ask him my smile still very evident on my face.

"Oh yeah, we're great. Macy brought cards so now we're playing Mophia."

My lips slowly form back into their original position, just below my nose, as the emotion of sadness replaces the joy I just had three seconds ago. "Is everyone playing?" Garrett nods as he crunches another cheeto. Jerry has now calmed down and has started humming to a Taylor Swift song playing on the radio. I bite my bottom lip as confusion and anger join the emotion of sadness on my face. Danny knows I love playing Mophia, why wouldn't he ask if I wanted to join in or something? Memories start flooding my mind of when we would play together as kids at the dock infront of the lake behind his house.

"Did you wanna play?" Garrett points behind him and as if on cue everyone starts laughing. Oh now you want to ask me? I scoff inwardly and then shake my head no. He shrugs and then turns around to get back to the others. Before he closes the door I peek into the back and I see Danny sitting next to Macy laughing and they're telling each other things silently.

Jealousy and hatred kick in and I can't control the tears anymore. Years ago, I would've thought that crying over this was stupid but now, I feel as if I'm starting to lose my best friend. I've never felt jealousy ever and now it's a feeling I can't get rid of. You came on this trip to find out who you are, not to get jealous over Macy Johnson flirting with Danny. Their just friends.

I keep telling myself what I want to believe but not necessarily what is true. Have I become boring for Danny? Does he not see me as his best friend anymore or am I just another face in the group? A tear rolls down my face, but I quickly wipe it with the back of my hand.

Another one falls and I close my eyes taking deep breaths. This is how I've gotten my tears to stop for as long as I can remember and it still works. I wipe the tear off my cheek and look for my phone in my brown leather bag below the passengers seat. I grab my headphones and start to listen to music.

I feel kind of bad for Jerry since I'm basically letting him know I don't want to play anymore but, I need some time to myself to really collect my thoughts. I need to compose myself and get prepared for what's ahead. I lean my head against the glass window and listen to every lyric of the song Hold You Up by Shane Harper.

I close my eyes and imagine his song being my therapist right now, the lyrics being the needle and thread stitching me back together again. Soon I drown myself in my thoughts and fall asleep the rest of the way.