Months.

We were at three, and Thomas was still unresponsive.

It was so terrifying. How often do I use that word now? Terrifying. Not scary, not fear invoking, terrifying. Does that somehow make it more real? Does that somehow make it worse?

Months have never been as long for me before, but now each day dragged on and on like a snail crossing the highway at the fastest pace it could and still not making it in time to escape its inevitable death underneath the tires of a car.

Sorry, that was morbid.

Every minute felt like a year ticking by as I sat in the same room day after day, watching the same scene.

A couple of weeks ago, feeling brave yet—once more—terrified, I awoke from the same nightmare and crawled into bed with him. It was stupid and dumb and I hated myself for it the moment I woke up the next morning, but that night was one of the best I'd had in a long time. It was inexplicable, the peace I felt laying next to him and pressing my head against his chest, wrapping my arms around him, and closing my eyes.

Three months, on Earth, is a whole season. I wonder what Earth was like now. Was it snowing, or had spring already graced the trees? And how long had it been since I left in the first place?

It feels like just days, but at the same time, a lifetime.

You know that feeling you get when you're just so upset, whether frustrated, angry, or sad, and you just want that one person who makes you feel better? You know that burning of your throat, constricting of your chest, inability to think? The desire of that person to be there and hug you?

That person for me is currently laying in a bed, unaware of the world around him.

I wonder if he's dreaming? Or maybe he's in a state of nothingness, and when he wakes up, he'll think it was nothing more than just going to bed, when I had to suffer through three long months of loneliness.

And now I'm angry at him. Unfairly. God, I hate this. Sorry, Divinity I hate this.

There was a knock at the door, shaking me out of my state.

I expected Angelica. She came every day to check up on him, so I assumed she had been designated as the healer or whatever she was. It could've been Peggy I suppose, or perhaps Lafayette or James or Aaron or even Washington, but instead, I was surprised.

When I responded to the knock with a gentle, "come in" that didn't show how upset I was, Elizabeth entered quietly.

When was the last time I actually talked to her? Like, a full one-on-one conversation? Probably not since that one time I almost died.

"Hey," she said softly. "Mind if I sit?" She indicated towards the other chair sitting against the wall.

"Go for it," I returned.

She pulled the chair up next to me and sat down without a word. I was just getting ready to get lost in thought again when she finally spoke.

"How're you doing?"

"I don't know. Fine I guess."

"Liar," she accused softly, but she didn't follow up on it. "I don't think I ever apologized, you know. For almost killing you that one time."

I shrugged. "It's not like you meant to. Thomas almost killed me a couple of times in practice. It happens."

"Well, I'm sorry anyway."

And then there was the silence. The silence that veiled how we felt. What we wanted to say and how we wanted to say it. I hated the emptiness of it, the failure to follow through. It felt like I was doing something wrong.

"Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked again, but this time she sounded so concerned that I couldn't keep everything away from her.

I closed my eyes, shook my head, and wiped at my eyes with my sleeve.

"I'm so sorry," I forced myself to say. "I shouldn't have come here." I don't know why, but the words came out so easily. Even though I didn't know her that well, I felt like it was my responsibility to tell her. "I feel like I've done nothing but let people down and now the one person who actually likes me is hurt and it's probably all my fault and—"

"That's not true you know," she murmured. Her voice was so quiet that it was impossible not to believe her. "I'm happy you're here, and I know I'm not the only one. And it isn't your fault that Thomas is in his coma. King George literally stabbed him. He's to blame, not you."

I wiped at my eyes again, trying to erase the hints of the feeling swirling around inside me.

"I know this is a stupid question, but would...would you like a hug?"

I nodded without hesitation, and she embraced me slowly. Elizabeth lingered for a little bit, but she drew away soon enough. Sometimes I find the concept of hugs, as well as the hugs themself, a little awkward. But hers was soothing and it made me feel happy, even for just a moment.

"Thank you, Elizabeth."

"Please stop calling me that. Elizabeth I mean. Everyone calls me Eliza."

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

"You don't have to apologize you know." Silence drifted in again. "Random question, but are you bored at all?"

The question was random enough to where it made me hesitate before responding. I immediately felt bad about it, but I soon answered with an honest "yes."

"Okay!" she exclaimed, shooting up out of her chair. "I'll be right back, I promise. Don't move!"

She disappeared.

I still haven't gotten used to that.

I turned back to watch Thomas, when a thought sprung at me out of nowhere. It was a stupid, rash hope that was as dangerous as it would be comforting, but no matter how hard I tried to fight against it, it stayed on like it had latched itself to my brain. I sighed at the idea, but before I could successfully convince myself to push it away, I shakily stood up and moved closer to where he was lying. Urging myself onwards, I pressed my hand against his cheek. Warmth exploded into my skin, and I couldn't help but smile. A second and all the hesitation passed as well as my fear and my concern.

I leaned forwards and kissed him.

I don't know what I was expecting when I pulled away from him seconds later. For his eyes to flutter open, a smile on his face like in Sleeping Beauty? For him to sit up and slide his fingers to his lips before looking at me, with who knows what in his eyes? Even for him to just let out a sigh, just something to signal that he was still alive?

Nothing. Not even a shift or a noise. He stayed still, silent.

I wanted to cry.

Eliza popped back into the room as I returned to the chair, grin wide. She was holding something that looked slightly like a small checkered briefcase with a handle attached.

I watched in curiosity as a table slid in front of us on its own accord and the chair she had been sitting in turn to face me. She sat down in the chair and set the case on the table eagerly.

"Sorry, I would have made it appear instead of racing off, but I didn't know where it was!"

"Where what was?" I asked, nodding to the case.

She dumped it out onto the table with no pretense of grace. A cascade of intricately carved pieces came flooding out in a sea of black and white.

"It's a game we play here a lot! You used to be really good at it! Angelica's been teaching me how to play recently, and as complicated as it may seem at first, it's actually pretty easy to understand! It requires skill and strategy and thinking three steps ahead. Or at least, that's what Angie says."

I picked up a piece to study it, but I already knew what it was without having to ask. "What's it called? The game, I mean?"

"Chess!"

I tried my best to hide my smile and sat back in my chair, humoring her. "How do you play?"

"We should set it up first. Here, like this." She instructed me how to set up the board, and feigning ignorance, I followed along. Eliza was about midway through her explanation of the knights when she stopped mid word. "Why are you laughing at me?"

"I'm not laughing!" I promised while suppressing the urge to.

"You know something I don't." Rather than an accusation, she smiled sheepishly at me. "You know how to play chess, don't you?"

"We have chess on Earth."

She covered her face with her hand, hiding her smile. "Why didn't you tell me?! You're making me look like an idiot, Alex! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"It's fine! Really, it's fine. Ready to play?"

She scooted her chair closer to the table and moved a pawn two spaces ahead.

Eliza wasn't a bad player. Not that I was expecting her to be, but she didn't strike me as a chess person. She was actually extremely good in a way that suggested she had spent hours trying to unlock every secret about the game. I didn't think too much about it, mostly because I felt like doing so would depress me more than I already was.

It was relaxing having something to distract myself from Thomas.

We talked about nothing important at first, really. Just casual conversation that made me hopeful for the first time in a while.

"I have to thank you for talking to Philip," Eliza said after a brief lapse in conversation. "I... it was really sweet to say that to him. I'm glad he's happy again. I think that he thought there was so much stress on him to be perfect and just like John. But he's seemed so much happier recently and I guess we owe that much to you."

"I'm glad I could've help," I returned, moving my bishop to an open space.

Eliza nodded, her pause in making the next move a little longer than usual. "I know. But really, thank you." She slid her pawn onto the square one of mine had been on and collected it for herself.

I took her pawn with my knight. "Do you know anything about his real parents?"

She stopped completely, her fingers resting on her rook. A beat passed as she slowly let go of the chess piece and brought her hands to her face, studying the flame that danced along the tips of her fingers.

A knot in my stomach grew at her hesitation in answering. "He said that they abandoned him."

"It's a bit more complicated than that," she murmured, her hands shaking. I didn't like the way the flame on her fingertip grew, nor the closeness of her other wrist to it.

I reached across the table to take her hand. "Eliza?"

Her gaze unfocused. "We're his parents Alexander."

A whole life I didn't know I had, suddenly thrown at my face. A wife, a child, a war? I never asked for this. And now I had feelings for my friend, even though I was technically married and he was the son of a lord.

Things were a lot easier on Earth.

"Okay," I breathed out slowly. What else do you say to that? "That's okay."

We returned to the game in a newfound silence that neither of us enjoyed.

"I'm hungry," she commented after a while. "Let's go get something to eat."

"Go ahead," I returned, sitting back in my chair and staring at the chessboard occupied only by three or four pieces of each side. "I'll stay here."

"Oh come on Alexander! Thomas'll be fine by himself for a minute! Everyone else is really worried about you. They just want to make sure you're okay. At least give them that much?"

I risked a glance over at Thomas. Guilt rose through my body at how little it took to convince me. Was I betraying him by leaving his side?

I sighed and stood up, taking Eliza's outstretched hand. She smiled at me and the room molted away around us. We were standing in the middle of the sitting room when the world stopped moving.

The scent of cooking meat and basil hit my nose, and the general sound of chaos filled my ears.

They were all seated at the table in the next room over, words illegible as they talked over each other. Eliza cast me a quick look before letting go of my hand and heading over to the table, where she took a seat between Angelica and Peggy.

I sat down in one of two open chairs and stared at the other one for perhaps longer than necessary. When my eyes welled up with tears, I forced my gaze away to the floor just to calm myself. I looked back up seconds later when the feeling passed.

Lafayette, who was enthralled with a small round stone in his hands, momentarily glanced up and smiled warmly at me. "Hey Alexander, how are you?"

"I want to die but you know."

His smile faded slowly as he gave Eliza a long glance. "I actually don't know... is everything alright?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

"But you just said you wanted to die."

"I did."

"I am confused."

"What's that?" I asked, nodding to the stone and effectively changing the subject.

Lafayette's smile returned, but it took on one of quiet interest. "I'm not sure yet. It can be whatever it needs to be. Whatever I want it to be."

I nodded, though not understanding and returned to observe the rest of the room.

A plate was sitting in front of my chair with a nicely folded napkin and a silver fork and knife. Right behind that was a basket of bread and a larger plate of seasoned meat that smelled enticing and made my mouth water. It looked like it had been strategically placed there to coax me into eating, but I truly wasn't that hungry.

Hercules was sitting across the table, staring at his empty plate of food. He looked upwards and must of caught me watching him, for he offered a smile. "So what's Earth like? I haven't been in a couple hundred years. Is Rome still the largest empire in the world?!"

He asked it so eagerly it kind of hurt to answer him. "Uh... no. Sorry, not anymore."

Hercules frowned. "Oh. Well, do they still have the temples devoted to their gods?"

"I mean, kinda? There are churches and stuff but we don't really have any temples anymore."

"Is it true that you all worship more than one god?" Angelica asked, leaning in.

"I mean, some cultures do. Some only have one, and some people don't believe in God at all."

"See!" Hercules asked, pointing the question at Angelica. "I never lied to you!"

Lafayette muttered something under his breath but judging by the tone and context, I decided it would be better not to know what he had said.

"Are you talking about Earth?" James asked from across the table.

"I was just about to tell Alexander about my Twelve Labors!" Hercules returned.

I slammed my hands against the table and stood up, silencing the other conversation going on about war or stuff.

"Wait. Twelve labors as in the Twelve Labors of Hercules?"

"Yeah, isn't that what I said?"

"You're Hercules?! Like the Hercules?"

Hercules started to look worried for me.

"The Greek myth?!"

"Roman?"

"Who cares! Dude, there's a movie after you! It has a really good soundtrack too!"

"What's a soundtrack?" Hercules asked.

"What's a movie?" added Aaron.

"We even have an adjective to describe your strength. Herculean strength! And there's a beetle and—"

"Okay Alexander, I think it's time to calm down," Lafayette said as he grabbed my shirt sleeve and pulled me back down so I was sitting.

"I have a beetle named after me!" Hercules crowed. "And a movie with a really good soundtrack. Whatever those things are!"

"I can show you! I'll be right back."

I rushed off to my room and dug through the things from Earth that had been piled into a corner and promptly forgotten about. I pulled my old hoodie from the mess and searched through the pockets. When I found what I was looking for, I threw my hoodie against the wall once more and readied myself to race off.

But before I could, I stopped in the doorway and turned back to the pile sitting on the floor. I stared at it for a moment too long.

I returned to the others as quickly as I could and slammed my phone (carefully) against the table. "There."

"Is that a soundtrack?" Hercules asked.

"Umm, no."

"Ooh! An Earth thing!" James grinned. "Can I see it? Thomas used to bring me Earth things all the time."

I didn't deflate at the mention of Thomas, but my stomach did turn and feel uneasy. The battery was dead, but when I announced it out loud, Peggy rubbed her hands together, yelled "Clear!" at the top of her lungs, and touched my phone.

I'm not sure how that worked but it did.

I unlocked the phone and handed it over to James, his grin widening. "How do I do this?" he asked. He handled and inspected the phone with all the glee of a child opening a Christmas gift.

"Just touch it."

"I touched something!" James exclaimed, tilting his head back triumphantly before returning to the phone and playing with it some.

I let him mess around with it some more while talking to Washington about Earth and whatnot. It was strange to talk about it like it was something other than my home and rather a place I was only visiting, but the questions he asked me were like questions you asked someone when they got back from a vacation.

But it felt nice to be talking, to not be stuck staring at someone I really cared about and keep holding onto the thought that they were not dead and not being able to do anything about it.

We had been talking for quite a while when the sudden booming voice of Kristin Chenoweth cut into our conversation.

James threw my phone into the air and jumped away in surprise as the beginning to Defying Gravity began to play.

Quicker than a bat of an eye, a green tendril burst up from the ground and plucked the fragile object out of the air as easily as catching a softly thrown baseball. It stayed there like it had always belonged, not wavering in strength or size for even a second.

"Careful with that!" I exclaimed as I walked over to the tendril and grabbed my phone. I hid my pride as I made the tendril go back into the ground until it had completely disappeared. The only trace of it was the hole in the floor where it had sprouted from. "Do you know how expensive these things are?"

"It's not my fault your rectangle started yelling at me!"

"No, it wasn't yelling at you. It was playing a song!"

"Shh!" Angelica exclaimed quickly, preventing James's response. "I want to hear this!"

"Hear what?"

"The thing that your rectangle is saying!"

I blinked as the slow realization washed over me. The song was still playing, drifting through the room gently. Everyone else had gone quiet as they listened.

"What are they doing?" Lafayette asked.

"Well, Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West just ruined her only chance to be with the—"

"No!" Aaron interrupted, brushing off my explanation. "Like with their voices?"

"You mean singing?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Philip piped up. He had been so quiet all throughout dinner, I had forgotten he was there. "Humans don't sing. Peritum don't sing. The only things that sing are birds and bugs."

"Humans sing all the time! We have these things called musicals where you basically pay close to two hundred dollars just to sit for two hours and listen to people sing. Same with concerts. Okay, it sounds stupid but they're actually really great. And that's what a soundtrack is, a bunch of singing and music. Don't tell me you guys don't have music here?"

There was a pause before answering. "Well, we have like instruments and stuff. But no singing," Washington said. "Is this common in humans?"

"Yeah. We—they listen to people singing all the time, even when doing nothing. They bond over it too, and people get paid a lot for writing their own music and playing it."

What a strange world that can guarantee anything the people of it need or desire with a fleeting thought, but it doesn't have music.

I wonder what Thomas thinks of it.