"got everything?"

"i think so," naomi replied, a single suitcase in her hand along with her favourite gucci purse, "it's just a few days. i should be fine."

"you always pack a lot."

"i work in fashion. it's my job to bring along a suitcase of accessories," she chuckled, patting the black trolley in her hand jokingly, "okay, well, i'm off. see you in four days."

"enjoy your stay. don't work too hard."

"i used to tell you that constantly. you never listened," she said pointedly, playfully raising her eyebrows. "i'll have fun. don't worry. i have a lunch date with yui planned. word is she has a new man."

"well, say hi from me," iwaizumi said, opening the front door.

"will do," naomi replied, pulling the suitcase behind her as she walked out the door, stopping in front of iwaizumi, "i'll miss you."

"you too."

"i love you."

"i love you too."

"always great to hear," she grinned, kissing him softly. "anyway. see you in four days."

"see you," iwaizumi replied, trying his best to hide his discomfort — he couldn't help but feel awkward, pretending to feel what he didn't.

naomi went off to the parked car waiting in front of their mansion, chauffeur opening the door for her. she waved one last time. iwaizumi returned the gesture, watched the car drive off until it disappeared behind the trees, before he walked back inside.

"akira?"

"yes?"

"please start the preparations i asked for. he'll be here in about half an hour, will that be okay?"

"certainly."

"great."

things moved swiftly. iwaizumi was anxious in a way, in the best of ways. he paced in the receiving hall, marble staircases framing his figure pacing up and down, the massiveness of it all only making him smaller.

it was nerves, it was high-school like affection. it was a crush. he was thirty-seven years of age, and he had a schoolboy crush on someone a decade his junior. yet he couldn't help but feel his skin crawl and yearn for more. he hadn't felt excitement like this in ages.

hanamaki and matsukawa were right. he needed this. he desperately needed this, and desperation was growing by the minute until he felt like his whole being would explode if oikawa tooru didn't pull up into his driveway in the next five minutes. it was enough to erase all guilt in that moment. his mind was filled not with his wife, but with a brunet boy who made him feel things he hadn't ever felt before.

but then again, maybe it was the freedom of being who he really was. maybe he was so relieved to finally be freed from the constrictions that forced heterosexuality brought upon him that that relief triggered feelings stronger than they genuinely were. still, he was fairly certain that anyone other than oikawa wouldn't have been able to pull him out of that, wouldn't have been able to rescue him. and that had been exactly what he had needed.

he arrived not much later, and nerves were genuinely present. they made iwaizumi twitch and shiver, not knowing exactly how to act. a crush. he had a crush.

oikawa walked up to where iwaizumi was waiting behind doors of oak that had been opened wide. the enormous entryway beckoned oikawa inside. the brunet had a smile on his face, and he was radiating — although that might just have been setting spray. iwaizumi didn't care much, nor did he understand in the slightest.

oikawa came to a stop before him, hands in his pockets, grinning at him. "seven minutes early. you could learn a thing or two from that, you know."

"screw you," iwaizumi snorted, nudging him with his elbow playfully, "follow me."

"not even a hello?"

"hello, tooru, welcome to my humble abode, how are you, would you like a drink, isn't the weather lovely," iwaizumi replied, already walking off, oikawa chuckling as he hurriedly followed him.

"hello, iwa-chan, thanks, great, gin and tonic please, and yes, i do love the scorching california heat," he replied, catching up to him, spinning around as he came to a stop in front of iwaizumi, facing him and causing iwaizumi to halt his
motions.

"gin and tonic?"

"i'm too nervous if i'm sober," oikawa grinned jokingly. iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "hey. iwa-chan."

"what?" he asked, a slight smile on his lips. oikawa simply leaned forwards to give him the softest of kisses, and grinned.

"that's a proper hello."

iwaizumi blushed a red darker than the roses hidden away in the corner of his enormous garden. "stop it," he mumbled, which only made oikawa grin wider.

"let's go see if you prepared what you promised me." he spun on his heels and was off with a skip in his step, iwaizumi still trying to rid himself of those horrific schoolgirl feelings that just wouldn't go away.

"well, kunimi did, so..."

"you're rich. we get it," oikawa laughed, turning the corner to where the back door was. as soon as he reached it he stopped in his tracks.

in front of him was a grand flower arch, followed by a table set for two. the entire garden was decorated with fairy lights. the scene was nothing short of cliché romance, and oikawa was obviously stunned as the setting sun enhancing the beauty of his already heavenly complexion. that's what iwaizumi thought, at least.

"so you were serious."

"i can be romantic. apparently."

oikawa turned to him, smiling softly, "i'm surprised." iwaizumi playfully nudged him, before taking his hand loosely and guiding him outside, releasing him from his touch only to pull out his chair, as a true gentleman would.

"thank you." iwaizumi nodded quietly, walking over to his own seat.

"do you like french?"

"i like french wine. the food's good too." iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

"well, good, because that's what we're having."

"hey, seriously," oikawa said, leaning over the table to take his hand, "thanks for this. i'm stunned."

"your hobby is seducing rich gay men. i doubt i'm the first to do this."

"yeah, dudes like mattsun, you really think they did this?" oikawa chuckled, "i seduced them. i haven't been romantically involved." iwaizumi's thumb rubbed over the soft back of oikawa's hand.

"i guess not then," iwaizumi replied after a moment of silence, staring at their intertwined fingers, "so. we're romantically involved."

"let's at least get through one course before we start defining 'us'." the brunet was smiling. harsh words but high spirits making the wprds not so harsh after all. "i want to enjoy. i don't care what we are by definition. i care about what we feel."

—

it took two and a half hours and three and a half bottles of red wine before they were walking — stumbling — to somewhere where they could rid themselves of having to stand and consequently fight gravity in their wine-drunk states. iwaizumi firmly held onto oikawa's hand as he pulled him along, focused on getting to what he considered to be the best of the many guest rooms he had.

his own was still rather off-limits, considering what was definitely going to happen next.

they finally arrived, and he opened the door to a rather vintage-looking room, with dark wood furnishings and a fireplace cackling just for show. the room wasn't too hot, though, just a pleasant, comforting warmth that matched the feeling he had in his stomach as he closed the door behind them. kunimi was a genius; that much he would admit.

"nice room," oikawa mumbled. he was much more drunk than his counterpart. "nice bed."

"here i was, thinking you would seduce me into sleeping with you with hypnotizing words and smug expressions. but no, you say 'nice bed'."

"here i was, thinking i'd already seduced you, with my... my hypnotic... what?"

"you're drunk," he laughed, laying oikawa down on the queen-sized bed. too many pillows. naomi always put too many pillows everywhere. iwaizumi grabbed a few and tossed them aside.

"i am."

"you need some rest."

"no sex?" the brunet asked, raising an eyebrow, almost in annoyance. iwaizumi shook his head firmly.

"you're drunk. no consent is no sex. drunk consent is no consent."

"yeah, if you were some creepy dude at the bar, sure. but you know i wanna." he was whining by now, pulling iwaizumi down to him by his collar, peppering kisses all over his cheeks. iwaizumi firmly placed his hands over his, and forcefully removed them.

"i don't care. you're too drunk to even speak properly."

"but iwa-chan, i was excited~ i still am. i have proof."

"too much information."

"you're just a big ol' baby."

"and you," iwaizumi said, "need to drink some water and get some sleep. if you're good we can always see if we're in the mood tomorrow morning. but i need you to get some rest right now."

"don't you want me?" oikawa pouted, and god, he was too pretty—

"not now. because you're drunk." iwaizumi stroked oikawa's cheek gently. "i want you, tooru, i do, trust me. i want nothing else, except for you to be here with me in that moment. so we're not doing anything now. okay?"

"mmkay," oikawa mumbled, pulling the elder into a hug, "g'night, iwa-chan. love you."

"don't say that."

"hmm? what?" he was already half dozed off. iwaizumi realized he probably hadn't meant to say that.

"goodnight, tooru."

—

they woke up to a prepared breakfast-in-bed, which kunimi graciously brought to them, consisting of an array of fresh fruits, toast and toppings. they enjoyed the relaxation in each other's arms, chatting about nothing in particular.

it was calm and wonderful, and iwaizumi felt peace and fulfillment in his core in a way that he'd never felt before. his phone buzzed. the peace vanished.

it had to be naomi, and he was scared to death. he'd been trying to block her out of his mind for the past hours, and he had succeeded. he didn't want the confrontation. so naturally, when oikawa handed him his phone and announced that it was matsukawa, he let out a sigh of relief.

"issei," he said after pressing the green button, "what's up?"

"party. my place. tonight. you coming?"

"what's the plan?"

"well, a party. you don't plan them."

"i meant, what kind of party. are you saying i should show up in a suit or as little as fashionably possible?"

"the last," oikawa replied.

"somewhere in the middle, i guess," matsukawa corrected him.

"that's code for the last," oikawa whispered with a wink. iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

"oikawa has convinced me to wear as much as i can physically fit into." the brunet groaned. "who's there?"

"dunno. bunch of people. i'm just letting people invite more people."

"did you wake up ten minutes ago to decide on this?"

"definitely."

"anyone there who is able to jeopardize the safety of my fragile situation?"

"you can bring your plaything along, no worries guaranteed."

"great. we'll be there." iwaizumi hung up the phone, tossing it to the foot of the bed, sitting up properly and looking over at the brunet. "so we're sabotaging phone calls now, huh?"

"i wanna see more skin for longer periods of time. what can i say," oikawa shrugged, smiling at him. the light was shining through the slightly parted curtain, illuminating a thin stripe that ran perfectly across oikawa's right eye, the dark-brown now more like honey, his hair gleaming in an equally capturing way.

"you're pretty," he smiled.

oikawa looked away, blushing slightly. to both of their surprises. "iwa-chan..." he whined, pulling the covers up slightly, "stop it."

"no," iwaizumi chuckled, "i won't."

oikawa was kind of glad, though.

"so," iwaizumi continued, clearing his throat, "party tonight."

"yeah. i'll need to stop by home to get a change of clothes."

"we can drive by on the way?"

"no, no, that's okay. it's not that great of a place," oikawa chuckled shyly, "plus, i doubt your cars would survive for long around that part of town. i don't even know how i survive half of the time." iwaizumi nodded slowly, figuring oikawa was right. besides, it would be good to have a moment to himself to process all of the chaos going on. and maybe he'd be able to wear an acceptable amount of clothing without oikawa's interference.

"so i'll meet you there."

"sounds good to me. can you have someone pick me up from a busstation downtown or something? i doubt there's public transport close to mattsun's."

"let me know where. i'll send kunimi along."

"thanks, you're the best."

—

there were many reasons why oikawa's wasn't too enthusiastic to be hosting iwaizumi at his apartment anytime soon.

reason one was the smell. reason two was the reason why it smelled. reason three was the mess. reason four was the neighborhood. reason five was how shabby and grim everything was.

there were many more reasons, too many to list even in oikawa's mind. they all flooded back when he unlocked his apartment door. he'd almost forgotten how he had to pull it back a little or it wouldn't actually unlock. that had left him in a little of a panic the first time.

the lights were on, and as he entered the room with a loud sigh, he saw his roommate at the kitchen table, sipping coffee whilst scrolling on his phone, feet propped up on the other chair. he looked up, feline eyes trailing oikawa for a moment too long for comfort, before looking back at his phone.

"welcome back," he said in japanese, a sound that was very much pleasant to oikawa's ears.

"i'm home," oikawa breathed, kicking off his shoes and placing them on the shoe rack to the right of him, "have you been outside yet today?"

"...no."

"wanna go get coffee?" he walked over to
the kitchen table, leaning on it with one hand.

"there's coffee here."

"well then, shall we go for a walk?"

"...i hate moving."

"c'mon, kenmaaaa," oikawa whined, gently pushing his feet off of the chair and sitting down on it, "you need to get out! it's good for your health."

"i'm good," the faux-blond replied, eyes still glued to his phone — probably some shooter game. oikawa had no interest.

"at least eat some fruit. and drink some water. too much coffee's bad for you. you know you won't sleep well." kenma didn't respond this time, so oikawa sighed, walking over to the fridge and opening it. he was met with half a cucumber, ketchup, mustard, probably overdue multi-fruit juice and half an apple pie.

"apple pie is fruit," kenma's voice piped up, "i'll eat that."

"apple pie is not fruit."

"juice, then."

"it's expired."

"coffee is a bean product which is a vegetable."

"that makes no sense," oikawa said, grabbing the cucumber and placing it on the cutting board, "you need to eat this. and no whining." he grabbed a knife from the drawer, cut the cucumber into slices, dumped them in a bowl and set it down in front of the blond. he proceeded to grab a large jug from a cupboard, fill it up with water and set it down as well. "eat this. drink that. all of it. promise?"

"yes," kenma said blankly. oikawa stared at him. kenma looked up after a good thirty seconds of silence, met oikawa's gaze, and slowly reached out to grab a slice, eating it quietly. he pulled a weird face. oikawa snickered.

"take care of yourself," he said, starting to head over to his room. as he put his hand on the door knob, kenma spoke.

"you're out a lot."

"i am, aren't i?" he chuckled, "sorry about that."

"it's fine," kenma continued, eating another cucumber slice, "it's lonely, though."

"awww, did you miss me?" oikawa teased, grinning.

"no. it was quiet. that was nice."

"rude," oikawa chuckled. kenma smiled slightly.

it was an odd dynamic.

oikawa had moved in after kenma had posted about needing a roommate online. it was fine. low rent and a very quiet roommate. he didn't really need a friend.

but kenma didn't take care of himself, and oikawa couldn't bare to see him let himself deteriorate themselves. there's a difference between liking a game and being obsessed with holding a controller every second of the day. he kept himself clean, he didn't make much of a mess but he barely ate, drank only unhealthy crap and went outside about once a month.

so oikawa took an oath to help kenma get a little healthier, bringing fruit into the house, forcing him to drink water and taking him outside. first to see a new movie — "but we can just stream this, and i don't even like popcorn" kenma had complained with the most intonation oikawa had ever heard from him, to which oikawa replied that he should enjoy the movie like a good son, to which kenma replied that he wasn't his son, on and on until kenma was seated in the movie theater, oikawa happily munching his popcorn. kenma ate some. if asked, he'd say oikawa personally shoved it down his throat, but really he just didn't think it was that bad after all. after that it was mandatory coffee breaks at the starbucks a few blocks away and walks around the block until he had successfully transformed kenma into slightly less of a hobbit than he was. oikawa saw it as a grand success.

oikawa didn't really know why he did it. he just guessed he felt he should. that it wasn't much more than that — wanting to help someone.

somewhere along the line they'd become friends of some sort. but kenma remained quiet and private, and oikawa always had a level of his superficial personality up when he was around him. not because he felt he needed it to be there, but because he hadn't felt the need to drop it just yet. so he remained the bubbly, cheerful oikawa most people knew and loved.

"well," he said, "i'll be here for the next few hours. i'll go out for fruit. don't let it go bad."

"i won't."

—

oikawa felt awkward walking around his neighborhood dressed in a black and pink floral blouse and tight-fitting leather pants with a vile of coke, his phone, his keys and his wallet stashed in his pockets. but what other option did he have?

he had gone out and brought kenma apple and cinnamon — for if apple had cinnamon on it, it was basically an apple pie, and there wouldn't be as much of a fuss — and left two hours after, walking to the nearby bus station, with the bus that stopped there being one that could get into a better neighborhood closer to the gated residence iwaizumi and matsukawa resided in. closer. still not close.

he remembered that he had even forgotten to text iwaizumi where to pick him up. he tried to call
him, but no one picked up, and his texts remained unread. it turned out, however, he had no need to worry, because kunimi was there in a rather tame vintage bentley — probably the car used exactly for occasions like this.

"how'd you find me?" oikawa asked confusedly as he walked up to kunimi, who was waiting next to the vehicle.

"i have my ways," he shrugged, opening the passenger door for him, "and a rich employer."

oikawa took a seat, letting out a breath of relief, finally being completely safe. he felt safe. this was iwaizumi's car and iwaizumi's employee and iwaizumi was a safe haven, a person of security.

after about forty minutes they were almost there, which was quicker than oikawa had expected. matsukawa lived slightly closer to him than iwaizumi did, who was higher up in the hills, in a more secluded area.

he ached for him.

he was burning up with excitement as they neared matsukawa's property, becoming fidgety. he wanted to see iwaizumi so badly. he needed it. or maybe it was the coke in his pocket. it was, at least partially that. he shook his head firmly, mind filling up with images of iwaizumi in the exact same outfit he'd worn at his birthday, the way his ridiculously expensive watch sat on his wrist, the way his shirt hugged his trained torso... a sight, for sure. and he needed it.

"stop being fidgety. it's annoying," kunimi remarked. oikawa shot him an offended glare.

"rude!"

"it's distracting me. if you don't stop, i'll crash the car. then iwaizumi will dump you."

"is that a threat or a prediction?"

"both," kunimi replied, no intonation in his voice at all as he stared at the road ahead, "he's there. don't worry. just a few more minutes."

"i know," oikawa sulked, crossing his arms, "i'm just excited."

"he is too," kunimi sighed, "just sit still. please."

he did. they pulled up to matsukawa's house, and oikawa checked his pockets for his belongings. they were all there. it was fine. it was all fine.

iwaizumi was standing outside, and as soon as kunimi stopped the car oikawa quickly thanked him and ran out to the ravenet, stopping just in front of him.

"kunimi found you?" iwaizumi smiled.

"yeah. he did."

"good." he placed a hand on oikawa's hip and pulled him closer, placing a soft kiss on his lips, making oikawa squirm inside. he pulled away, looked him in the eye and smiled. "let's go inside."

"i'm quite alright here, really."

"of course you are," iwaizumi chuckled, "c'mon, i know you didn't spend all that time getting ready for nothing."

"you noticed?"

"of course i did. have you looked in the mirror? you look stunning," iwaizumi said, taking the opportunity to properly look him up and down. "you know what? maybe we should stay here, or just go home."

"you don't look to bad yourself," oikawa remarked, "i might take you up on that."

"but you won't."

"you're right. i don't get dressed up for nothing."

"you look breathtaking," iwaizumi told him, gaze fierce as they locked eyes, "just... wow. i'm lost for words."

"let's go inside. maybe we'll find them."

"you're not very funny, are you?"

"i'm very funny."

they made their way inside, bickering playfully as they went, finding the entire living room — which was the size of an average house — to be lit a neon purple, smooth rap music playing in the background as people crowded the area, spilling outside to the pool. matsukawa was lazying on the couch, drink in his hand, which he raised as soon as he saw the couple walk in.

"to the happy couple," he remarked, taking a swig before standing up and walking towards them, "how are you doing? need a drink?"

"pink lemonade," oikawa replied, to which iwaizumi shot him a weird look.

"no alcohol?"

"nah," oikawa shrugged off his question. matsukawa shot him a questioning look, knowing exactly what was going on, as if asking him if he really wanted to do this.

"okay," he replied, "hajime?"

"scotch on the rocks."

"preference?"

"whatever you recommend," iwaizumi shrugged, and matsukawa nodded slightly, his heavily lidded eyes indicating that he was probably very high. not that they weren't that way regularly. he walked off to wave down a waitress, and oikawa wondered how he'd managed to hire waitresses the day of the event. privilege of the rich, he supposed.

"i kind of expected you to be getting wasted again," iwaizumi said, turning to the brunet, "you okay?"

"just because i'm not drinking means i'm not okay?" oikawa laughed, "no, i'm waiting out. see where the night goes."

"okay then," iwaizumi frowned, finding it rather out-of-character but going along with it. he'd have to, he supposed, as there were mysteries he was yet to unravel concerning oikawa tooru.

—

he could feel his heartbeat and sugawara leaning against his shoulder, his own arm loosely hanging over suga's, chest broadened and a smug grin on his face. it was hot. he felt hot. he felt his heart beating fast and he felt good good good — so good.

he saw iwaizumi and all attention for sugawara was gone as he stood up, and made his way over to the older. his walk was more of a strut, and as soon as iwaizumi noticed him moving towards him, oikawa could see that his movements hesitated.

he felt good. he felt great.

"iwa-chan, babe, where have you been all night?" he asked, a big grin on his face as he slung an arm over his shoulder, pressing the two against each other.

"i don't know, but i'll have some of what you're having," he laughed, letting oikawa do as he was doing. it was dark. the music was loud. he was buzzed.

matsukawa watched from a few meters away.

"you will? i mean, i'm willing to share."

"share what?" iwaizumi laughed, looking at the brunet. "wait, you're really high?"

"i'm more than ju—"

"tooru, can we talk?" matsukawa interjected, and before either of them could realize, he dragged oikawa along with him to a bedroom on the first floor and shoved him in unceremoniously. oikawa looked around confused before turning to matsukawa, "are we gonna fuck?"

"no, you fucking idiot, we are not. i told you to stay off of the drugs whilst with him." the brunet gave him an empty stare, before cocking his head to the right and in the most innocent voice said, "i have no idea what you're talking about."

"tooru. you're spaced out as fuck."

"i'm absolutely fine," he said, "thanks for the extra care, but im an adult."

"you act like a five year old."

"and luckily i'm not, because i have a very fine man waiting for me to do sinful things with him. i bid you adieu." he tried to do a fancy bow, stumbled towards a bit, dusted himself off and walked towards the door. matsukawa grabbed his arm again, turning them face to face this time.

"you're being stupid."

"and your worried act is getting old. what do you really want?"

matsukawa paused, raising an eyebrow. "what i really want..?"

"yeah."

"i dont know if it's that usually crappy ego of yours or if you're so high off your face you suddenly think you've found the answers to all of the universe's questions, but you don't. you're an idiot. i'm looking out for your, because you know god damn well nobody else would. if you didn't have me, you wouldn't even have had a chance with him. i've been facilitating this entire stunt of yours, i've been his best friend and partner for years. i can destroy you in a second." he took a deep breath, shutting his eyes for a second, calming himself down. "i care for you and for him. you need to trust me. this is going to go to shit if you don't get off of that crap."

"you don't know that."

"i'm the closest guess you're gonna get."

"he knows i'm still on coke."

"i doubt he thinks you are now."

oikawa crossed his arms angrily. "i can't un-drug myself."

"stay here tonight. nothing bad will happen."

oikawa raised an eyebrow. "or are you just lonely?" he asked, crossing his arms, his cocky stance only enhancing his attitude.

matsukawa fell silent. he looked at the brunet with piercing, dead eyes. no emotion to be found. blood was racing through oikawa's veins as he desperately tried to tie an emotion to the expression he was displaying, but he simply couldn't. he felt his heart beat. he felt it too much. too strong. and much, much too quickly. the sudden change made him feel faint. his heartbeat. he could feel his heartbeat. it was torturous. it was delicious and delectable and it hurt and it made him feel dizzu and nauseous. he needed to move to go to run but he couldn't go and matsukawa was...

matsukawa continued to stare at him as oikawa's breathing increased, his throat starting to feel constricted. matsukawa kept staring with the same chilling expression. oikawa's breathing got heavier. he started to feel warm.

the ravenet walked over to the door, opening it, and oikawa snapped out of the bad trip he was about to enter. light filled the room as vitality seeped through him, together with a strange sense of calm yet at the same time absolute dread.

"go," matsukawa said, his expression equally unmoving to those of the statues in his gardens.

"mattsun, c'mo—"

"go."

oikawa didn't dare to make him ask again.

he hurried out of the room, and matsukawa closed the door behind him without another word. he stared at it, knowing that though it remained unlocked there was no way he could enter.

"is he okay?"

iwaizumi's voice made the brunet jump, his heart still pounding a mile a minute. he spun around and there he was, looking fine as he always did, causing his heart to stop, and honest to god, his heart was driving him insane—

"i don't feel so good." iwaizumi immediately grew concerned, setting his glass on the floor as he — slightly drunkenly — made his way to oikawa, placing the back of his hand to his forehead.

"what's up? are you feeling sick?"

"i feel lik—" he took a sudden deep breath, "we should go home. now."

"yeah. okay. i'll call kunimi. do you wanna lie down?" iwaizumi asked, hand now rubbing over his arm. his arm tingled.

"just stay with me. i'll be okay."

it wasn't exactly a new feeling. it was just a bad trip. not even a trip. he just felt bad. bad. it'd go away. it always did. it just never felt like it would.

"what's got you feeling like this all of a sudden?" iwaizumi frowned, "you seemed to be doing much better earlier. did issei do anything?"

"no, i just— it's that..." he stopped talking, sighing deeply before running a hand through damp hair, which was slicked back nicely.

"what is it? if issei did something, you should tell me. i can talk to him."

"no, he didn't."

"you can tell me. he can be a bit... issei, sometimes."

"no. no. it's just..." oikawa looked at the door, remembering what he said, remembering the gaze he received as a result. he snapped. "fuck it. i did coke earlier. i feel like i'm having an insanely bad trip. like, insanely bad. i can feel my heart everywhere. i'm going fucking, crazy, or something. i acted like a dick because i become kind of a dick. on coke. mattsun wasn't wrong."

iwaizumi just stared at him, seemingly lost for words.

"please say something," oikawa pleaded, "anything, the silence is killing me, i just— i'm sorry. i brought coke with me and did some with suga. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to ruin anything or fuck it up and i'm sorry, but i had to and i couldn't help it and i still have to have it and i'm sorry."

iwaizumi stared at him a little harder, and oikawa felt like the world was going to end in that stare, that he was going to shrivel up into a tiny little ball, crushed under his gaze. until iwaizumi said, "nevermind that, how do you handle it?"

"what?" oikawa asked.

"how do you deal with this. normally. can i help you?"

oikawa blankly stared at him for a good minute, blinking confusedly. he felt like he was swaying ninety degrees each way. iwaizumi's stability made him realize he wasn't. "huh?"

"c'mon, tooru, don't make me ask you again. do you have any usual procedure? something that pulls you out?"

"i don't know. i don't usually have this. not on coke."

"you're such an idiot," iwaizumi sighed, "honestly, tooru, you're an idiot." he put his hand around oikawa's waist, pulling his phone out of his pocket, probably to text kunimi. oikawa felt positively miserable, but iwaizumi hajime was holding him and everywhere he touched him was burning. he was burning up. he felt on top of the world, but he wanted to sink into the ground, into iwaizumi's arms, like he'd wanted to for so long...

iwaizumi finished texting. his eyes met his, and oikawa saw worry, anxiousness and fear — but there was no trace of disgust or judgment, and it made him float because he felt safe. iwaizumi hajime made him feel safe. whatever the repercussions would be, they'd come tomorrow, not today, and with that he closed his eyes.