My father visited the office on a Monday afternoon.

I was not expecting him.

When I came back from the washroom, I was surprised to see him at my office standing with his back turned and watching the city skyline.

It was a clear day, the sky so blue it looked like an upside-down ocean.

"Dad, you didn't tell me you were coming." I closed the door behind me, wary of the sudden visit.

Why was it that everytime I needed my assistant, she wasn't at her desk?

"Ah," The closed-mouth smile was kind of his signature but it felt forced this time.

It was as if he was holding something back and waiting for the right opportunity to pounce.

"I'm glad you're here. Have a seat," He motioned with his arms towards the small couch across from my desk.

I sat down, relinquishing my territory to him.

"Is everything okay? I asked as soon as he sat down.

"Yes. I came here to talk about your proposal to upgrade the MRI machine to the latest model."
"You couldn't wait till Wednesday evening to talk about it?"

He laughed and patted my knee.

"Russamee, you and I are the same. When we are on to something, we won't let it go."

"Are you this excited that you have to come over to tell me about it?"

"I am. Also, I wanted to see how things are going here. Since I gave you full control of the hospital, I'm out of touch with the people. It was good to pay a visit. I've heard great things about what you were doing here. You always make me proud."

"Thank you," I gave him a polite smile but I was on guard.

My gut was telling me there was more to what he said.

"But Payroll told me something and I had to clear it with you to make sure there was no misunderstanding."

Here we go.

The payroll manager had been working at St. King's for as long as I could remember.

He was a close friend of my father and one of his trusted employees.

In a year, he was going to retire.

I wondered what he said to my dad.

"He told me you waived your salary for the month. I found it odd that you would do that."

"There was nothing odd about it. We've been getting a few cases where patients couldn't pay their bills."
"But you could write it off. You don't have to pay for it out of your own pocket."
"I know that but I don't want to put that burden on the hospital."

"Russamee, you are my daughter and it is only proper that you get compensated for your hard work."
"Dad, it's not like I'm hurting for money." I forced a smile.

"I know but I also know that you are aware of our policy. If a patient is not capable in any way, just write it off. We have the budget for that."

"Okay. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?"

"That's all. I expect that you have the plans for the MRI machine upgrade?"

"Yes. The budget proposal is almost ready. I'll give it to you once it's done so you can review it."
"That's good. I can't wait to see where you'd take St. King. I may not be around to see it but what you're doing today will be a part of my legacy."
"Dad, don't talk like that. You'll be here for a long time."
"We never know, Russamee. We don't hold the thread of life. If one of the gods decide to cut it, then we are powerless over it." He said, wistful.

"By the way, are you coming home late tonight?"
"Probably. I still have to finish the proposal."

"Your mother misses you. She said she doesn't see you anymore."
There was a tight knot in my chest.

Lately, I had been spending time with Alice over at her place.

She came back to work but I don't want her to take the bus.

Alice refused in the beginning but I insisted.

I wanted to take care of her.

"Why don't you tell mother we'll have dinner tomorrow?"
"She'd like that."

He stood up and said goodbye leaving me with a bitter aftertaste of the conversation that took place.

***

My relationship with Alice levelled up but so did the concerns about our privacy.

No one said anything but I was not oblivious to the looks and the whispers starting with my assistant who had a knowing look in her eyes when she told me about the food waiting at my desk.

I thought of asking Alice to stop doing that.

What was once a nice gesture was starting to feel like a fuel to the rumour mill.

I questioned myself if I was getting paranoid.

But the surreptitious glances whenever I go to the cafeteria or when I passed by the pharmacy was grating on my nerves.

Was this the price of having a secret?

Things that didn't use to bother me was snowballing into something else?

The newfound joy I found was starting to become a scary thing.

It worried me a lot not only because of my position in this hospital but also for the future that Alice was starting to build.

I thought of her boss.

Was she still giving her a hard time?

I asked Alice about this but she said things were okay especially since coming back from her sickness.

It would have been easier to take her word for it but my overthinking mind was conjuring a more daunting scenario in my head.

I thought perhaps Alice's boss was taking a step back because she knew of what happened.

That would make Alice untouchable because whatever they do to her could reach me and could get them in trouble.

My paranoia reached such a startling level that even Alice began to notice.

We were at her house having dinner one time.

I didn't hear what she said.

"I'm sorry?" I looked up and met her puzzled gaze.

"What's wrong, Russamee?"

"Nothing."
"Oh, please. That spoonful of grilled pork belly had been suspended in the air for ten seconds. Are you going to eat that or not?"

I shove the food in my mouth.

"When was the last time you've been with someone?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Or whatever you call it? When was the last time?"

I put the spoon back on the plate and clasped my hands.

When was the last time?

"First year university. It wasn't serious."

"That long ago?" She looked perplexed.

"Yes."
"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"I mean, look at you. You're gorgeous. What's wrong with those people?" She grinned.

"You don't have to sweet talk me. I'm your girlfriend already."
"Oh really? You're my girlfriend now?"

"Am I not?"

"I'm just teasing you," Her arm was immediately on my shoulder.

We were sitting side by side, leaving no space between us.

"You are my girlfriend and I am yours," She took a quick peck on the side of my cheek.

"But let's not change the subject. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."
She pursed her lips.

"I know it's been a while since you've been in a relationship but part of it is talking about things. The good, the bad. The hard stuff. Communication is important."

"I know that."
"Then why do you keep saying nothing when it's obvious that there's something."

"It's nothing I couldn't handle."

"Russamee," She took my hand that was on the table and gently pinch the fingertips.

"The idea is not to handle things on your own."
"I don't want to bother you with it."
"I'm your girlfriend. You can bother me all you want."

"Won't you get tired of all my problems?"

"Maybe. It depends. But we are in this together. Whatever worries you, all the troubles and aggravations big or small, you can tell me." She rested her chin on top of my shoulder.

I touched the top of her forehead to remove a stray hair.

"Why are you so good to me?" I whispered.

"Because you are worth all the love and pain, Russamee."

"I was thinking and only if you're up for it, that maybe it's time a get a new car."
"What? Why?"

I reminded her of the time I picked her up at the bus stop one afternoon.

She saw a colleague of hers.

Alice couldn't get in because they chatted for a while.

I had to move the car to a different spot because the bus was coming and I was on the way.

"What is this really about?"

"People are talking about us."
"You knew about that too?" Her expression turned serious.

"I don't have proof yet but I felt a shift in the atmosphere. No one would dare confront me because I'm their boss but I have no doubt that they're talking about us behind our backs."

"What do you think we should do aside from your idea of getting a new car?"

"I don't know, Alice. You're the first girl I fell in love with. This is completely new to me. I'm at a loss and I'm angry."
"Why are you angry?"
"Because I don't know why they have to make a big deal about this."

"You just said it. I'm a girl and so are you. Well, you're a grown woman who's completely capable of making your own decisions but that's the issue right there. We weren't supposed to love each other."

"Ugh," I clenched my fists.

Alice took them in her hands and unclenched it.

She massaged my fingers, the soft touch was calming that I felt the anger subsiding.

"I wish everyone was like my mother," She blurted.

"She told me about your conversation when I was at the hospital. She said she saw how much you cared for me and it wasn't just because we were friends."
"She wasn't mad or anything?"

"No. She was very happy. Mom said I should take care of you because you work a lot and you seem stressed. She even said I should be good and not make you upset."

"You are good to me, Alice." I caressed her cheek.

"I could quit and work at a different hospital. Would that make it easy?"

"You'd do that?"

"Sure. Why not? St. King is far and the commute is long. There's another private hospital close to here. They actually offered me a job too but my heart was set on St. King's so I declined. I still have an open invitation from them. The HR manager told me to call if I change my mind."

"But St. King is the best hospital in the country. I don't want you to sacrifice your future just because of all these rumours."

"Russamee, listen to me. I understand what you're saying about St. King and my career. But you matter the most to me. Besides, I'm still young and there are better opportunities."

My ears perked up.

What could be better than working for the premiere hospital in the country?

"By that you mean?"

"My aunt called. She said if I'm ready, she could start the sponsorship."
"You're moving to Canada?"

"I haven't decided on it yet."
"Does your mom know?"

"That was always the plan. To finish school and then go abroad."

My heart sank.

"This sounds so definitive."
"Hey," She squeezed my hand.
"I haven't made a decision yet. Besides, it could take years for everything to be finalized. Immigration is going to be a hurdle. Don't think about it yet."

"How could I not when I know that you're leaving?"

"Come here," She took me in her arms.

It felt so good to be in there but my heart was beating loudly in my chest.

Alice would leave me.

Somehow, I felt that it's a possibility.

"Let's just take it one day at a time, okay?" She whispered.

I moved away from her embrace and straightened in my seat.

"What happens to us when you leave?"

"I don't know. I'm not thinking that far ahead. This is all in the future. I'm not even sure if my aunt has the money that immigration requires."

"If there's a will, there's a way."
"Then that applies to us too."
"What do you mean?"
"If our love is meant to last, we should find a way to make it happen."
"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Sure. Why not?" She grinned.

"Alice, I'm serious."
"I'm serious too."
"Here," I placed my hand behind my neck and unclasp the necklace.

"What are you doing?"

"I want you to have it."

"But, Russamee. I don't think I can take this," She stared at the expensive gold chain with the anchor pendant.

"If it were up to me, I'd give you a ring. But this necklace meant a lot to me. I want you to have a little something from me."
"This is not just a little something. This looks very expensive."

"That's not the point, my love. Whenever I feel lost, I hold on to it and it reminds me that I'm tied to something. You have been my anchor for the past months, Alice. I never thought I could feel this much about another human being. You make me very happy."

The glimmer of joy in her eyes warmed my heart.

"Now, turn around so I can put this on you."
She gathered her hair and I put the necklace on her.

I kissed the back of her neck after I clasped the lock.

Alice turned around and without a warning, pulled me in for a long, gentle kiss.