Love was like water.

It would always find a way to flow.

That was exactly what happened to Fahlada and Earn.

Their love triumphed over everything.

No amount of coercion, intervention or threat stopped them from getting their happy ever after.

I was responsible for their hardship.

It wasn't my proudest moment.

On their wedding day, I was genuinely happy for both of them.

To see the happiness in my daughter whenever she looked at Earn was proof that she found a home for her heart.

I secretly envy both of them.

They both endured and persevered until it was up to me to make the crucial decision for them to finally be together.

Once the ceremonies were over, the couple set off for their honeymoon.

My husband and I went home to a house that felt empty without our daughter.

It wasn't a big difference really.

Before she got married, she was barely here.

But the most significant change was this time, she would be building a home and a life with her wife.

Thinking of that was momentous for me.

I never thought the time would come when I would acknowledge that truth.

With Fahlada gone, I thought of my own life.

Did it turn out the way my parents wanted?

Yes.

My husband respected me.

He stood by the promises he made when we tied the knot.

I also did my best to give him what he deserves.

But there was something I never told anyone else.

The secret I kept and guarded with my life.

Every once in a while, I would think of Alice.

If she was with someone, I hoped she was happy.

I prayed the person takes care of her and puts her first.

She deserved it.

Whomever she ended up with was lucky.

When I went to Vancouver on a business trip, I thought of her.

Did the sponsorship go through?

Did she make it to Canada?

Was her mother with her?

If she did go, did she like it here?
I read about the country and concluded that it was one big freezer especially in the winter.

Subzero temperatures were normal.

I couldn't imagine myself living there.

I have always loved the warmer weather.

It was summer when I went but the weather was fair compared to Thailand where it was scorching during the hot season.

Being in the same country, if she ever got to go, was strange.

I allowed my mind to think of possibilities until my heart ached from the false images in my head.

Perhaps it was foolish of me to think that maybe there was a slight chance that she could be in the same city as I was.

It was stupid to give myself false hopes.

There was no chance that we would meet while I was there but I didn't stop myself from hoping.

It had been years since that day we said goodbye at the bus station.

I mourned the loss of her but I couldn't forget.

She was my greatest love and my biggest secret.

***

The money, the one she gave me during our first meeting, was locked in a box same with the memories.

No one could know about the love notes with the cute doodles on the edges of the page.

The papers were yellowed now and the lines have faded but I still remember why they were written.

No one could make the same porridge or cut the mango slices with care.

I was fed with love and that was the secret ingredient in those meals.

They say you never forget your first love.

Those words rang true for me.

I taught my heart to move on, to forget, to conform.

I never spoke about that part of my life to anyone despite both of my parents being gone now.

I swore to carry it to my grave not because I was still afraid for Alice's safety but because those memories were the only ones I have of her to cherish.

I revisited them more often now because I saw in Fahlada and Earn that this kind of love stood a chance – against hate, against discrimination, against my own prejudice.

My daughter proved to me that it was possible to choose your heart and still win.

It took a while for me to realize that.

If I didn't see it for myself how I was hurting my daughter, I probably would be like my own mother – hateful, selfish, closed-minded till the end.

It took a near-death experience to make me see clearly.

I was so glad I opened my heart to them and chose the right thing.

Alice and I may not have the same happy ending and I would forever carry that loss.

But if letting go of her meant she got to follow her dream and to provide the things she wanted for her mother, then it was worth carrying my pain.