The day I took Alice to the beach was a perfect day.

I left early that morning to pick her up.

She was helping her mother when I pulled up and I almost felt bad that she was leaving her alone.

But when Alice's mother saw me, she told her to get her stuff so as not to keep me waiting.

I told her I will take care of her daughter.

She blessed us before we left.

The drive to the beach was peaceful.

I put the top down and the wind in our hair was refreshing.

Alice was thrilled to go away.

I learned that she never really went on vacation because of how busy she was.

"I am so glad I get to do this with you," She squeezed my hand.

"Me too," I smiled and was rewarded with a light kiss on the cheek.

The trip with Alice was different in so many ways.

I was going away to have fun and not because I have a business meeting to attend to.

Work was not on the agenda.

It would just be the two of us.

We could be ourselves.

I didn't have to worry that other people might see us.

We could be free.

Even if it was just for the weekend.

***

When we reached the massive beachfront villa, we were welcomed by the friendly staff.

A big smile was on Alice's face as she marveled at the gigantic aquarium at reception.

Different species and brightly colored fishes captured her attention.

While waiting to finish the transaction, I couldn't help but be amused by the wonder in her eyes.

This was one of the things that endeared her to me – the appreciation for the small things.

The same things I've taken for granted because I've been to so many places and had so many experiences – a few unforgettable ones while most were fleeting.

"Are you ready?" I pulled the suitcase I brought with me.

Alice was still staring at the aquarium and that was when I saw that there was a poster with the names, genus of the fishes and tidbits about the creatures.

She stood up straight and with the biggest smile on her face said something that just made her even more adorable in my eyes.

"Did you know that the ability of goldfish to hear comes from small bones near their skull that link their swim bladder and their inner ear?" She grinned.

"Really?"

"Yes. Isn't that amazing?" The glow in her eyes was so radiant that it felt so pure from its innocence.

"It is and you are so adorable," I pinched the tip of her nose.

"Can we go snorkeling?" She linked her arms in mine, completely oblivious to the other guests that were lining up.

"We can do whatever you want."

"Yay," Alice kissed me on the cheek.

"Why don't we go to our room so we can change?"

"Okay."

***

Alice dropped her overnight bag on the chair then went straight for the door that faced the beach a few feet away from us.

The curtains billowed with the breeze, the crisp salt air instantly filling my lungs with energy.

I stared at my girl who stood on the balcony, admiring the vast and open sea.

She was the picture of serenity.

Instead of disturbing her, I turned away and dragged the suitcase towards the closet.

I was checking for hangers when I felt strong arms wrapped me in a back hug.

"Thank you," Alice said.

I turned around and she looked up.

"You're welcome. Are you hungry?"

"Not for food," The teasing look in her eyes gave rise to a need that have been harder to control since she left the hospital.

"What do you want?" I asked to be sure.

"I want you," She pushed me against the wall and claimed my lips with such hunger that took my breath away.

Alice quickly went to work, unbuttoning the long-sleeved shirt.

Her thumb scraped the soft skin of my belly and the gasp that escaped from my throat was heavy and involuntary.

I reached behind her to unzip the white sundress.

It slid off easily.

My pants were next to be removed and when we were down to our underwear, I pushed Alice down on the bed.

The kisses I gave her were unhurried.

I admired the lithe body and savored every inch of skin, relishing the soft moans as Alice dug short fingernails on my back and on my waist.

When I bit on one nipple, the moans that came out of her mouth echoed to my very core.

I have never loved someone like her before and I have never been loved by someone like her.

With every touch, every piece of me crumbles and surrenders.

As she got closer to release, I felt, without a doubt that I am hopelessly hers.

***

"What turns you on?"

I was lying on my back, Alice on her side, gently caressing my cheek.

Her body was very warm and she was still coming down from a high.

"You do," I answered.

"Okay. What is it about me that turns you on?"

"This," I raised my head to kiss her eyes, "this," the corner of her lips, "and this." The crook of her neck.

Alice hummed and I felt the gentle vibration on my lips.

"Not this?" She pushed me down to nibble on my collarbone.

I closed my eyes, titillated by the softness of her tongue.

She shifted on the bed and when I opened my eyes again, she was on top of me, long dark hair framing her beautiful face.

"Or this?" She swiped at a pert nipple and the groan I let out was almost begging.

I couldn't even answer her question.

My brain wasn't fast enough to articulate the things I wanted to say.

"Or how about this?" She trailed kisses on my belly down to the navel, nibbling, teasing and successfully driving me out of my mind and making me jump out of my skin from the enormous amount of pleasure.

She stopped the moment she reached my pelvic area.

"Which one?"

My eyes were suddenly wide open.

Alice was kneeling in front of me, a naughty grin plastered on that beautiful face I often think about since we met again.

Soft hairs tickled my lower abdomen and it took all of my courage not to beg.

"Your mouth, between my legs." I answered with certainty.
"I love a confident woman," She dove without being told twice and I completely lost all coherent thoughts.

Alice was giving and patient.

It had been a long time since I was intimate with someone.

To be met with all the pleasurable sensations was overwhelming but she took her time until she hit the spot that broke me into a thousand pieces.

She made me sat up in sheer delight of what she was doing.

Her tongue worked wonders and I dug my heels on the bed, unsure of how to handle all this wonderful heat I feel.

My body was a tangled mess, quivering with the electric surge that came alive with every kiss and bite.

I was a boneless heap, weightless and light as a feather as soon as I was done.

It felt strange to feel so much and then nothing afterwards as if all the energy that build up dissipated in the air, leaving nothing in its wake.

Alice slowly crawled back up, lips moist and very red from everything she did.

She laid her head on top of my chest, her breathing steady.

"I'm in love with you," I whispered.

She looked up and with a satisfied grin, kissed me on the lips.

I tasted myself and with that gesture, the few seconds of calm was replaced with a rush of desire.

I flipped Alice on her back.

Raising her arms over her head, I asked what turns her on without giving her a chance to answer.

***

It was past lunch when we came out.

Shower took longer and getting dressed took even more time because I kept pulling her back on the bed to kiss and devour.

Not that she was complaining.

We both have this insatiable need to fill each other's hunger.

Since it was too hot to walk, I took her for a drive.

We parked the car atop a cliff and stared at the cloudless blue sky.

"I wished we could stay like this forever."
I glanced at Alice.

She had a wistful look on her face.

"Me too," I took her hand that was resting on the seat.

"Are you happy, Russamee?" She turned and looked directly at me.

"I am."

"I mean, with us being like this."
"What do you mean?"

"We love each other in secret."

I didn't know what to say to that.

Even if I did, for someone as self-assured as I am, this was part of our lives that often puts me in a quandary.

I love Alice with all my heart.

But everytime I think of reality, the pain overshadowed the joy I felt.

"I'm sorry," She squeezed my hand.

"You don't have to apologize, Alice. You were right."

"Russamee, I'm happy with what you can give me."

There was a knot in my chest when she said that.
"But you shouldn't settle. Love shouldn't be like this. It should be celebrated."
"I agree with you but not everyone share the same belief. To them, we are an anomaly," The sadness was back on her face.

It pained me to see that.

I'm here with Alice and I have no doubt that I love her with all my heart but there was something I should give her but couldn't.

No.

That was a lie.

I could give it to her.

But at what cost?

"I'm sorry I ever mentioned it."
"I told you not to apologize."

"Okay then. I'm not sorry for dreaming of a life with you. For thinking that maybe we have a shot at being together for the rest of our lives. For loving each other despite the odds and the hate because I know my love is strong enough to fight for you, for us."

"Do you really mean that?" The tugged in my heart was so strong that tears formed at the corner of my eyes.

"I do. I'd follow you to the ends of the earth if that's what it takes to be with you. But I'm not naïve."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because in my dream, everything is perfect. Things will always go my way because I am the hero of the story. I get the girl and we rode off in the sunset, holding hands, smiling. But there is a real world. A world that isn't so kind to those of us who love the same sex. A world that could take you away from me the moment I step out of my dream."

"I won't let anything happen to us. I promise you that."
"Russamee, don't make that promise. When the time comes and you fail to keep it, I'm not sure if my heart can take it."

She cried and all I could do was to hold her in my arms until the tears stopped.

***

Despite that emotional moment, Alice and I made the most of our time together.

We watched the sun set and she was happy again.

I felt the same way too but the nagging thoughts in my head about what she said when we were at the cliff, never left my mind.

I wanted the same thing.

I wanted the same dream.

But Alice was right.

There was a world outside of that dream.

The one where we coexist with everyone else.

A different realm with its own set of rules and guidelines of how to live and behave, who to love and the values we should observe.

A world that wasn't too kind to lovers of the same sex.

A world that gives me grief when I think of how I couldn't fully love Alice.

A world I was about to betray because of her.

***

On my way home, I made up my mind.

My plans have changed from breaking Alice's heart and mine to breaking my parents' hearts.

But I was still hopeful that maybe they would understand.

I'm not a child.

I'm a woman who was capable of making her own decisions and standing up for herself.

I could to this not only for Alice but for my own freedom.

I meant it when I said that this love should be celebrated.

I don't want to hide anymore.

But the fire in my heart was quenched when I saw my mother waiting for me at the living room.

The thin lines of her lips and the darkness in her eyes stopped me in my tracks.

"Good. You're here," Her tone was even as she motioned for me to sit down.

There was a folder on the coffee table.

My heart tightened at the sight of it, a sudden foreshadowing causing fear in my heart.

I sat across from my mother.

She slid the folder on the table, fingers scraping down hard.

"What's in it?"

I didn't touch the folder.

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

I took a steadying breath as I opened it and saw the contents.

There were pictures of Alice and I – at the restaurant sharing a meal, walking hand in hand along the shore, there was one of us standing behind a rock with her head on my chest and my hands on her back.

The last picture was of us at the balcony, in our robes.

My head was thrown back, laughing.

Alice had her hands on my waist.

She was laughing too.

"What are you doing with your life, Russamee? Did this girl coerced you into this...?" She paused.

"This what, Mother?"
"This disgusting act?"

"I'm in love with this girl. There's nothing disgusting about her."

"Do you hear yourself?"

"Yes. Loud and clear."

"Russamee, I don't know what prompted you to do this but this is unacceptable. Your father got wind of what's going on at the hospital. The poor man almost had a heart attack when his friend mentioned the rumours going around. He was ready to dismiss everything because he knew you wouldn't do something like this. Your father trusted you."

"But you didn't."
"I needed proof. You knew that about me."
"That's why you had me followed?" I gripped the folder tight, my nails almost ripping a hole in it.

"I wanted to protect you. I wanted to believe the rumours were baseless. How you disappoint me," Her voice broke.

"Do you have any idea what would happen if our partners get a hold of this information? Lives are at stake here, Russamee. The hospital, our livelihood, everyone's future is in peril because of what you did."

"I did nothing wrong."

"You must be under her spell. I mean, look at her. She's pretty and young. You were bewitched. That's what this was."

"Nothing like that happened. I fell in love."

"Love? How could you say that when she's just like you. It's not possible. Nothing would come out of this. This kind of love doesn't stood a chance. You'd better wake up. Get your head together and forget about this girl."

"Or what?"

"Or she will get hurt. Is that what you want?"

I saw the fury in my mother's eyes.

In this family, she was the one who called the shots.

I reported everything to my father but my mother made the final call.

"You don't mean that."

"Don't test me, Russamee. If you really care for this girl, you knew better than to keep this...whatever this is."

***

Just like that, the dream I built in my head was blown to pieces.

Alone in my bedroom, I thought of the trip I spent with Alice.

I could still hear her laughter and feel the warmth of her hands on my body.

But that joy was zapped.

In its place was agony and rage.

I knew what I wanted and I was ready to fight for it.

But I knew my mother too.

She would never hesitate to hurt anyone who would get in her way.

I'm her daughter and she broke my heart.

Alice meant nothing to her.

She would crush her to pieces if that was what it took to keep her out of my life.