The day Alice left St. King to work at Grand East Hospital should have brought relief.

I felt the opposite.

When I came to the office that day, an emptiness sat in my chest.

I never really see her when she was still working here but if I wanted to, I could.

But I didn't do it even when we were just starting out and especially after I brought her to the hospital when she got sick.

That was a wildfire.

The rumours spread and containment proved impossible.

We were caught in the damned if I do, damned if I don't situation.

When she brought up the idea of moving hospitals, it felt like the logical solution to this mess.

Now that she was gone, it solidified the fact that we were on different spaces and the things I used to anticipate, I have to learn how to get used to.

The desk, without the food container and the love notes, looked empty and sad.

There used to be a spring in my step once I came out of the elevator.

I looked forward to what meal she made for me and what words were written in the small pieces of paper with the doodles on the edges.

Those few words made me giddy.

It gave me a burst of energy.

The smile that formed at the corners of my lips would reach my eyes and the warmth in my heart proved that somebody took the time and effort to do something for me.

Alice loved me enough to craft what for me were the most poetic words even though she was just talking about food.

Her love language was to make something that would not only nourish my body but my heart.

Mine were acts of service.

But I don't even have to do that anymore.

There would be no meeting at the bus stop at the end of her work day.

She would be going home on her own.

I didn't have to worry about the long commute.

I should be happy about it but why do I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things now that she was working somewhere else?

Perhaps I could still continue with my acts of service but on different ways?

***

When I came in that morning, the first thing my assistant said to me was there would be no food delivery.

I knew that already.

But then she also told me that Alice quit.

I was also aware of that.

This was unnecessary information.

But what surprised me was what she said next.

"I like that girl. She was very nice and friendly."

I nodded and walked to the office where I stared at the desk for a few seconds before switching to work mode.

If I wanted to get through this day, the only way to do that was to focus on what needed to be done and not the heaviness in my chest that felt unbearable with every breath I take.

***

"How was your first day at Grand East?"

I called Alice that evening.

The bed I laid in was big and comforting.

But I wished she was here with me.

I could use a cuddle.

"It was good. Very busy," I heard the soft scraping of pen against paper.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm reading and writing the important stuff about Grand East. They gave us an employee manual to study."

"Am I bothering you?" I sat up.

"Of course not. I'm almost done. Sorry. I just want to finish this and then I'm all yours."

"I could call you back."

"No. Don't leave. This will be quick."

The scraping was louder and then I heard the notebook shut.

"Done. How are you, love? How was work?"
"The usual. Busy. You?"

"I'm working graveyard this week."

"Already?"

"Yes. They assigned me at the ER. It's understaffed."

"But you're newly hired. Why did they do that?"
"They put me in Pediatrics at St. King's. I was also new then."
"Fair enough."
"Are you worried?"

"I'm always worried about you. You just got better and now you have to work the late shift. Are you sure you're up for it?"

"I don't really have a choice, don't I?"
"Of course you do. You could always say no."
"That's easy for you to say, Russamee, because you call the shots. I don't."

"You have a good point. I'm sorry."

"Are you turning like me? You've been apologizing," She chuckled.

"Only to you."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, my dear. I wouldn't dare bow down to anybody."
"Huh. If you bow down to me, does it mean I'm your queen?" She teased.

"You are my queen. Don't you know that already?"

"I'm younger though."
"Ouch," I pressed a hand on my chest.

"Oops. Sorry."

"You're lucky I like you too much to let you tease me."

"I know that. But I really shouldn't. The last thing I want is for you to be offended."

"Good. I don't want to be offended either."

"I miss you, Russamee."

"I miss you, Alice. Now that I don't have to pick you up after work, I don't know what to do with myself."

"You can always come over to my place. I'll cook for you."
"Don't you do that already?"
"Well, now that I don't have to prepare your lunch, I kinda miss doing that."

"You could make dinner for me."

"Okay."
"Or we could do it together?"

"I think it's best you leave the cooking to me. The last time you tried to help, you almost sliced your finger."

"Are you saying I'm useless in the kitchen?"

"No. I'm saying I don't want you to get hurt."

"Uh huh."

Alice's laughter on the other line made me very happy.

I realized that it's the small things between us that give me so much joy.

The small conversations about mundane things, the genuine laughter and the undeniable connection we have with each other gave me so much fulfillment.

I didn't know what love truly was until Alice came to my life.

She brought so much excitement that I didn't know how I existed before her.

***

I thought long and hard about picking Alice up from her first graveyard shift.

To do that, I checked my schedule and made sure I don't have an early meeting.

Once that was confirmed, I told my assistant not to book any appointments before eleven in the morning that week.

There was that confused look on her face again but I didn't explain myself.

Alice's shift ended at six in the morning.

At least that was what she told me during our last phone call.

I left the house early and arrived at Grand East fifteen minutes before she was done with work.

Traffic was more manageable in the early morning hours.

I parked the car close to the entrance so I could see when she comes out.

I had a good view and when I saw her, my heart leapt in my chest.

The excitement died down when I saw her talking to a guy around her age.

He was smiling and so was she.

The guy was taller and whatever he was saying was enough to elicit laughter from Alice.

Now I'm not naïve.

I've been in countless situations when a guy alluded to being attracted to me without being direct about it.

I saw that in the way the guy's eyes lit up when Alice looked up to acknowledge what he was saying.

My hands gripped the steering wheel tight, jealous of this interaction I had no context to.

They walked side by side.

He held up his arm before they crossed to stop Alice from being hit by an oncoming car.

This protective stance riled me up.

I was about to get out of the car but Alice saw the black Mercedes.

The smile on her face vanished only to be replaced with confusion.

She said something to the guy and he waved goodbye.

I sank back on the driver's seat then took slow, steadying breaths.

The jealousy didn't disappear despite the calming technique.

Alice knocked on the window and I unlocked the door.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as soon as she was seated.

"I wanted to surprise you," My tone was even as I struggled to keep my jealousy at bay.

It was a difficult thing to do.

"Are you okay?"

"Who's that guy?"

"Oh. His name is Guy."
"Are you kidding?"

"No. That is his name. But why do you seem mad?"

"Does he like you?"

"No. I don't think so. Hang on a sec. Where are all these questions coming from?"

"He looks like he likes you."

"Russamee," She placed a warm hand on my arm.

"Are you jealous?"

I pressed my lips together, unwilling to admit that for the first time since we got together, I felt something foreign to me.

I looked away.

"Hey," She touched my cheek and turned it around so I was looking at her.

"You're the one I love. These people don't mean anything to me. You have nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I opened my mouth to speak but Alice leaned closer to kiss me.

It had been days since I last saw her.

The longing gets stronger with every day that passes.

It was as if I couldn't get enough of her.

My hand went up behind her neck and the kiss got deeper.

It was getting warmer inside the car but I couldn't stop myself.

But then Alice pushed me gently.

"We should go to my place," She was breathing heavy.

"Say no more," I switched on the engine and peeled out of the parking lot.

***

Alice's mother was surprised to see me but I could also tell she was relieved to see me with her daughter.

We excused ourselves because Alice needed to shower first.

I was going to wait downstairs but Alice grabbed my hand and jerked her head towards the bedroom.

"But your mom," I pointed outside.

"This will be quick," She tugged at my hands.

I have to hold on to the bannister to keep my footing.

She closed the door quick and we continued with what we were doing at the hospital parking lot.

I have this need of her that was never satiated.

The more we kissed, the more I crave her lips.

My hands were everywhere and so was hers.

She pinned me against the wall but hesitated as she was pulling the silk blouse I wore.

"Are you wearing this to work?"

"Don't worry about it."
"But it will get dirty."
"I said don't worry about it," I removed the top and toss it on the floor.

I unbuttoned her uniform and gasped at the sight of her beautiful body.

"Touch me," She whispered.

I felt the heat travelled between my legs.

I obliged without being told twice.

***

The trip to work was lost in the heat of that morning tryst.

My smile and the way my body felt good stayed with me long after I said goodbye to Alice.

There was a tint of pink of her cheeks when we finally made it downstairs to get breakfast.

Her mother came in to bring porridge.

She had a knowing smile and it was hard to keep a straight face.

"When is your day off?" I asked.

"This weekend. Why?"

"Do you think your mom would be okay if I take you somewhere?"

"Where are you taking me?"

"The beach."

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I should ask you first."

"I'll go wherever you go, love." She kissed me on the cheek.

I placed a wet kiss on her neck.

"You drive me crazy, Alice." I whispered.

***

Her mom was fine with us going away on the weekend.

I asked before I left that morning.

It was still a few days away but I'm already counting down the days.