LADY RUSSAMEE

Everything was going according to plan.

My plan.

Fahlada was doing an excellent job with her studies abroad.

In a year or two, unless she decided to accelerate the process, she would be coming back to Thailand to take over the medical director position at St. King's.

This gave me immense satisfaction because I believe in her capability and unparalleled dedication to the job.

She had always been obedient to my wishes and it made me very happy.

***

I closed the laptop after responding to her latest email.

Aside from regular video calls, she was diligent with emails and updates about the goings-on in her life abroad.

Being away from us wasn't easy and I knew of her tendency to get very lonely but my husband and I were quick to reassure her to hold on a little longer.

Her efforts would soon be rewarded and she would be reunited with us.

I felt a knot at the base of my neck and slowly knead it with my thumb.

My back was also stiff from sitting too long.

I got up and walked over to the glass windows to look outside.

It was already late afternoon and the sun was hidden behind gray clouds, its silver lining quickly fading from sight.

But my heart was not dampened by the darkness that was sure to come.

Everything was coming up rosy.

The peace in my heart was proof that I can really have it all – a successful hospital with the crème de la crème in the medical field, a husband who always supported my endeavors and a daughter whom I love most in the world.

What more could I ask for?

Oh.

There was one.

I wished for time to move faster so Fahlada could return to the country.

Wait.

There was one more thing and that was for her to marry Dr. Wisanu.

Those were the two things on my wish list.

If that would be fulfilled, then I would be truly content.

***

A steady knock broke my train of thought.

I lifted the gold wristwatch to check the time.

It was already past five in the afternoon.

I cleared up my schedule for the day.

What did my assistant want now?

Before I could give my response, the door opened and she entered.

Behind her stood a stocky man with the slick back hair.

I looked at my assistant who was about to explain but I raised a hand to stop her.

"It's fine."
She bowed and closed the door behind her.

***

The unexpected visit was not a good sign.

I didn't bother to ask the private investigator to sit down.

He took out a Manila envelope from inside the black leather jacket and handed it to me.

I lifted the top flap and took out the contents.

My body turned cold as if I've been punched in the guts.

There were pictures of Fahlada and a younger girl.

They were at the café or at a park having a picnic.

There was also a photograph of them walking arm in arm, all smiles and oblivious to what was going on around them.

She looked very happy.

Her smile reached her eyes and since I knew her well, it meant one thing.

But I refused to name that feeling.

I pulled out the last picture and it made my head spin.

They were seated on a bench, kissing.

The fear that took hold of my heart was sharp and quick.

This wasn't happening.

Not to my beloved daughter.

I held my breath and met the cold stare of the private investigator.

"Is this everything?" I folded the flap and placed it on the desk.

He nodded.

"I'll wire you the payment."

Another quick nod and then he was gone.

The wishful thinking and gratitude I felt a few seconds ago vacated my heart.

***

Once I was alone in my office, I sat down then took out the pictures again to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me.

Nothing changed since the private investigator left.

The images were the same.

My stomach roiled at the sight of Fahlada kissing the girl.

I felt the bile rose in my throat and I grabbed the metal trash bin underneath the desk.

I vomited and tasted the bitterness of the tea I had for lunch.

Once I felt that there was nothing left in my stomach, I pulled a tissue then dabbed my lips and my chin.

I sank back on the chair and tried to think.

But what else was there to think about?

The proof was right in front of me.

It was clear as day that Fahlada was in love and she was happy.

I had the sudden instinct to rip off the pictures and threw away.

Perhaps if I did that, I could tell myself that it never happened.

But my mind remembered every single photograph.

The private investigator saw it too.

There was no denying that fact that my daughter had a female lover across the country.

What angered me even more was how she never mentioned anything about it.

Not in the video calls or the emails.

On second thought, why would she?

Fahlada knew that if I learned of this indiscretion, I would put a stop to it.

I was right to hire someone to check on her.

I had a niggling feeling that something was going on because she didn't visit during winter break.

She said she was busy but it was unusual of her to do that because she was complaining about the cold and how lonely she was.

It made complete sense now why she would be okay to postpone coming home for the holidays.

She wanted to spend time with that girl.

I thought of all the conversations we had especially when it had something to do with Dr. Wisanu.

She was always avoiding it.

Even when she was here, she always found an excuse not to go on a date with him.

It was either she had lots of homework or she was exhausted.

Back then, I couldn't understand why she was pussyfooting around it.

Now I knew why.

Why was this happening now?

A few minutes ago, I was on top of the world and now this?

I closed my eyes to stop the fresh wave of nausea.

The tension on my neck was getting worse, warning of an impending migraine that was sure to knock me down.

The throbbing on my temples was rapid now and I pinched hard on it with my thumb and index finger but it didn't do anything.

I opened my eyes and in a desperate move, opened the bottom drawer where I kept my medication.

The force with which I yanked the drawer pushed all the contents to the front.

A small silver box slid downwards and the sight of it melted the last ounce of strength I had.

No, no, no.

I balled my hands into fists.

There was no stopping the floodgates of memories I suppressed for years.

The hidden years resurfaced and I was swept away, flailing, drowning.

There was no escaping the truth of my own existence.

The discovery of Fahlada's secret blew the doors wide open and once again, I was reminded of the girl whose bright eyes and warm smile once made me very happy.

The girl who almost made me ruin everything because of love.