Before I could say HOLY SHIT THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER AND I’M A STUPID BITCH, term had started back again, and because this is Hogwarts, Hagrid wasn’t at care of magical creatures.

But because it’s Hogwarts, apparently there was an article about him being half-giant, written by Rita Skeeter.

But because this is Hogwarts, something else has to go wrong today.

Hermione was handing me the news article to read, but a fly was following me, and I had to keep ducking to avoid it.

“Something’s wrong about today.” I remarked as I ran around Ron to avoid the man-eating fly.

“Yeah, Hagrid-“Harry started.

“No, like something worse will happen.”

“How do you know?” Ron said annoyingly. “Trelawney’s really gotten to you hasn’t she?”

I ignored him, and Harry’s smirk. “It’s Hogwarts, something bad always happens! Haven’t you seen the pattern?” I said as we sat down in the great hall. “First year, Voldemort tries to use the philosopher’s stone to come back to life. Second year, he tries to use Ginny to come back to life. Third year, his follower escapes.” I looked at my friend’s intent faces. “What if he succeeds this time?”

“He won’t.” Hermione said determined.

“But what if he does? Harry’s in this tournament for a reason.”

“Well, there’s only two tasks left to kill me in. February and June-“ Harry added.

“June, that’s six months away.” I said excitedly.

“Yeah...and?”

“I had this dream. There was something about six months until the fun ends...”

“Willow it’s a dream, it’s not real.” Ron and Hermione said at the same time.

But I looked at Harry and saw that at least he believed me.

“It was really vague, but it said something about six months, something about three and a half years, and something about seizing the day.” I said not making sense.

“Well, I think-“ What Hermione thought I never knew because George had just walked in. I didn’t know if I had dreamt what I had said to him or not.

He threw me a filthy look.

Okay, I must have said it.

He then proceeded to sit down and start talking to people, all of who turned around and looked at me.

Is he bitching about me?

“-And so, that basically sums up all my thoughts on everything in life.” Hermione concluded.

“What?” I yawned.

“You’re pathetic, but I still love you.” she told me.

“I still love you, regardless of how mean you are.” I smiled. “AHHCHOO!”

“Bless you.” Ron said without hesitation. He then continued some random conversation with Harry.

“I think I’m coming down with some-ACHOO!” I sneezed.

“Go to the hospital wing.” Hermione suggested.

“But I don’t want CHOO!”

“Well, don’t contaminate me.” Hermione said.

“Alright, I’ll skip class and sleep the rest of the day.” I smiled, getting up.

“That’s not what I meant!” Her voice followed me as I walked back up to Gryffindor tower and took a nap.

                                                                                                *** *** ***

I woke up, not knowing what day it was, and feeling like a lemon that had been dropped in a pile of shit.

“Wil, you okay?” Hermione’s voice called to me. My ears were all fuzzed up.

I’M DYING or I’m melodramatic, one of the two.

“Hermione.” I said. Or I tried to say. My voice was all bleh, and it was sore. “I’m diseased.”

It sounded more like I had said. “Like trees.”

“I’m getting Madam Pomfrey.” I heard Hermione’s voice tell me.

“But sheep.” I pleaded.

“I don’t know if you’re retarded or can’t speak properly.” Hermione sighed as she left the room.

Next thing I knew, I was moved into the hospital wing, and Madam Pomfrey couldn’t come up with a diagnosis.

“We’re going to have to shoot her because it’s an unknown disease.” Madam Pomfrey explained to Hermione.

“Quarantine?” Hermione suggested.

“Or that, but my option is better.”

It’s really bad to realise your best friend and the nurse have become really close because of my frequent visits.

Really Really bad.

“Yeah, she is a pain. Shooting her is really our only option.” McGonagall added in.

When did she get here? What’s going on?

Hey, my eyes are closed.

The hell?

I always end up with the weirdest stories. For example: I punched Voldemort in the face while he burst out of the back of some guy’s skull. I fought a basilisk in the chamber of secrets and saved my friend’s little sister from having her soul sucked out and bringing Voldemort to life. I found out I’m Harry’s sister. My friend’s rat was actually a mass murderer and a Voldemort supporter. I apparate to wherever Harry is at random points in time.

What can I say, I’m different.

“Drink this.” Madam Pomfrey said as she poured something down my throat.

And BAM! I was asleep.

                                                                *** *** *** *** ***

I’ll tell you what sucks? When you’re locked in a quarantined room because you have some mystery illness, you can’t see your friends, you can’t help your brother work out how to get through the second task, and you don’t even know what the task is because you’re locked away from the rest of the school.

That’s what sucks.

Do you know what’s even worse? When the room is magic-proof and no one even thought of giving you books to read.

That’s what’s worse.

And do you know how to trump all of that with the worst thing in existence?

I have an unlimited supply of peanut butter sandwiches, but I don’t like peanut butter.

FML

They didn’t even give me nutella.

Or a trace of chocolate.

Not even anything but water to drink.

I HAVE A TOILET IN THE SAME ROOM AS EVERYTHING ELSE!

I EAT, SLEEP AND SHIT IN THE SAME ROOM!

WHAT THE FREAKING HELL!

WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS?

I’M CONTAMINATED AND PMS IN A ROOM WHERE I AM STUCK WITH NOTHING BUT MY THOUGHTS!

ALL OF MY THOUGHTS ARE GEORGE AND EVERYTHING HURTS!

I JUST WANT QUIET, BUT ALL I SEE IS HIM!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I’ll tell you what ices this shit cake perfectly?

I’ve lost my voice so I can’t speak.

WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK?

                                                                                *** *** *** *** ***

“Extra, Extra, read all about it, I’m still sick and there’s no doubt about it.” I chanted. Yes, I am celebrating the return of my voice after three days.

While I’m at it, I shall tell you about the events of the past three days.

Nothing.

Tada! End of report.

In other news, I have been delivered my homework which pisses me off, because they can’t give me a decent meal, but they can give me homework. Pissed on lemons.

Also, the second task is tomorrow, and a note from Hermione tells me that the second task is something about the lake and mermaids, so I’ve been trying to turn myself into a mermaid without magic.

That hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

Other things I have tried to do involve; trying to hold in my pee for as long as possible, trying to run up the walls of this cell, screaming loudly to see if anyone can hear, and using a spoon to try to cut a hole in the window.

“ALL BY MYSELF! DON’T WANNA BE! ALL BY MYSELF! ANYMORE!” I sang loudly and badly.

All in all, there is still nothing to do here, and I can’t sleep.

I DONT EVEN FEEL SICK! I THINK THAT I WAS LOCKED IN HERE SO I COULDN’T ANNOY PEOPLE!

I’m so bored.

I’M SORRY GEORGE!

ARGH! I WANT TO DIE!

No I don’t!

But I do!

I’M SO FREAKING BORED!

Well, considering I have killed any chance with George Weasley, I will probably die alone with 27 cats.

I can write a song about that...

I started to make weird noises and miaow as I thought of lyrics.

I have twenty seven cats.

Bought ‘em cause nothing else

Would love me

Now I’m here all alone

In a lonely mood

With not enough cat food.

Now they’re all meowing

They’re fighting and crazy

And I’m just here on my own

With my twenty seven cats...

I AM FOREVER ALONE

I JUST SIT HERE ON MY OWN

I HONESTLY HAVE NO LIFE

I’LL JUST DIE ALONE

WITH MY TWENTY SEVEN CATS!

And thus, my friends, I conclude the story of my life.

I’m still bored.

“AHBHBHGBNDOKGERIWO!” I screamed at nothing.

I was still bored, so I started talking.

“Hi, my name’s Willow Catherine Tree-Potter, with a tiny hint of Malfoy and bitch. I’m a girl, fifteen years young, and I’m going to tell you about my life.

It is completely and utterly boring, so if you don’t want to be tearing your hair out, as you are frustrated with my complete insanity, stupidity, and my illogicality, stop listening to this now.

In fact, if you don’t want to hear about a sulky whiny girl, who gets about as much male attention as a white crayon, who –if given the chance- somehow manages to screw everything up, who is socially awkward, who hates pretty much everything in existence, stop listening.

Also, I will be telling you random crap about my life that no one will ever care about, so honestly, there is no point in hearing this. Just go back to your lives...

Oh wait, if you’re listening to this, you don’t have one!

Oh yeah, I’ll probably make fun of you, society and everything I can make fun of. I am completely politically incorrect, and I don’t even care.

Suck it.

P.S. I’m not racist I hate everybody equally.”

I think I’m losing it.

What’s it? My mind?

Yes? No? Maybe?

I don’t know. Can you repeat the question?

I’m really annoying myself.

Ugh.

                                                                *** *** *** ***

I had a nightmare last night. It was about a vampire who sparkled.

Freaking scary shizzle in the hizzle of my nizzle.

Anyway, today’s the day of the second task and it starts in about 10 minutes.

The most exciting news is:

I’m still stuck in this shithole.

Though, Hermione sent me some clean clothes, and now I have a very attractive fashion of jeggings, purple and pink striped socks, and a grey tshirt that not only reaches below my arse, but has a picture of a cat on it.

I managed to do my homework, but then I used the same piece of parchment to try to make paper cranes. It just so happens that I don’t know how to do that, so I got frustrated and tore the paper up.

McGonagall ain’t going to believe this is she?

I was just considering writing my work on the walls so I could claim I did it, when I felt it.

The tug; you know the tug. The one where Harry is a dick and I get-

Here we go.

And I apparated about twenty five meters above the black lake.

I could see stands, people pointing at me, and then I realised I was falling through the sky.

“NO! NO! NO! IT’S GONNA BE COLD!” I shrieked as I fell.

SPLASH!

And down I went into the giant pool of ice that was the lake.

I went surprisingly deep in the water, and it was really freaking cold.

I also couldn’t breathe.

“MAKE ME A MERMAID!” I underwater shouted.

Nothing.

Well, that was pathetic.

What’s the incantation of the bubble-head charm?

How do I even know what that is?

“BUBBLE HEAD IFY ME!” I shouted, losing the rest of my breath.

Nothing.

I’m really hopeless.

I tried to kick up and escape the ice-like water, but I couldn’t actually swim.

I BLAME THIS ON HARRY POTTER! HE IS AN AWFUL BROTHER THAT DOES THIS TO ME!

I managed to swim up to the surface and grab some air.

“YES BITCHES! THAT’S RIGHT! I’M ALIVE!” I shouted at nothing in particular.

Then I felt it again.

“No Harry piss off!” I took a deep breath before apparating somewhere really really really really deep down in the water.

And I saw Harry, and he had gills, and I’m here like ‘bitch, please, I don’t need to breathe.’

I kind of swam over to him, and punched him on the back.

He turned, thinking I was a champion trying to sabotage him, but then saw me.

Do you know what he did then?

HE LOOKED SURPRISED!

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? THE STUPID SON OFA BITCH LOOKED SURPRISED!

WHAT ELSE DID HE EXPECT TO HAPPEN? IT’S NOT LIKE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE APPARATED TO WHERE EVER HE WAS.

It was the first time I had apparated twice, but that’s beside the point.

He came to the realisation that I couldn’t breathe, and though he was probably trying to tell me to swim away, I was already feeling light headed.

Aha, this task will kill me.

GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!

And I passed out underwater because this is what happens when you go to Hogwarts.