I’m going to sum up the next few months in some insanely boring sentences.

Hermione pissed off all of the house-elves so we weren’t allowed in the kitchen. Apparently Crouch has a secret, but Winky won’t tell anyone. Hermione received some hate mail and had hands full of pus, I went and sat with her in the hospital wing, because I thought I was going to punch a Slytherin if I had to go near them.

The pair of us missed ‘the best’ care of magical creatures’ lesson ever. Ron complained about being poor, and we felt awkward because we have money. Hermione and Harry had to keep telling people they weren’t dating. Hermione has made a life goal to kill Rita Skeeter.

Moody had a spastic lesson where he threw heaps of curses that we had to deflect at us, and I was awesome and deflected them all. Apparently Ritard Skeeter isn’t using an invisibility cloak. Hermione went all spastic after Harry mentioned she could be bugged, because apparently you can’t use electronics in Hogwarts. We will never read Hogwarts a history.

The Easter holidays were shit because there was so much work I thought I was going to die. It was all fairly easy though, and I’d write some half-assed shit, and Harry and Ron would try to decipher my words into the English language for their own essays. We kept sending food up to Sirius. And Hedwig returned at the end of Easter with Percy’s letter in a package of Easter eggs from Mrs. Weasley. Hermione’s was tiny (because Mrs. Weasley read the article in Witch Weekly), so I made a point to give her mine, lying that I didn’t like toffee eggs.    

Percy’s letter read:

 As I am constantly telling the Daily Prophet, Mr. Crouch is taking a well-deserved break. He is sending in regular owls with instructions. No, I haven't actually seen him, but I think I can be trusted to know my own superior's handwriting. I have quite enough to do at the moment without trying to quash these ridiculous rumours. Please don't bother me again unless it's something important.

Happy Easter. 

Anyway, just saying, that was one of the most boring periods of my life. I decided it was so boring, that I should do something drastic, so I got a mail order delivered to Snape.

At breakfast post time, Snape looked confused as to why he got a parcel, but his face turned to fury as he opened the box, I made a point not to make eye contact, and to pretend I was still in deep conversation with Hermione. From the corner of my eye, I could see him gathering it up and storming out of the hall.

“Why is his wand in a knot?” Hermione asked sounding intrigued.

“Maybe because he didn’t expect a shampoo hamper as an Easter present.” I said in a blasé tone.

I thought Harry was going to spontaneously combust as he kept on laughing out loud, he even chucked a Willow and fell off his seat. Harry continued to clutch his stomach in hysterics before rolling underneath the Gryffindor table.

“And I thought you were the weird on in the family.” Hermione exclaimed to me.

Later that day, I had decided to give my homework a rest for one night, and I was reading my diary from my second year.

“Ha!”  I said abruptly.

“What?” Hermione asked, looking pissed as she had accidentally smudged her ink on her six foot essay.

“I just found an entry where George said he’d take me to the school dance in our second year.” I gave a half-smile. “Funny how things work out, ay?”

Hermione looked awkward and then continued to finish her potions essay.

I read the entry of that day and I laughed. George and I had danced then, randomly in the middle of Diagon Alley. We got to meet Lockhart. I got Soxy. Snape was nice to me, after we had a fight. He wanted me to call Soxy ‘soxonius’.

I smiled and put the book down, mentally making a decision with myself.

I’m going to be nicer to Snape, (And cancel the shampoo conscription) even if it kills me.

My weird mood was crushed when Harry came bolting into the common room. He said something about Crouch coming to him and Viktor Krum in the forest and being crazy, talking about a mistake he made and that he had to speak to Dumbledore. Harry told us that when he brought Dumbledore to crouch, Krum had been stunned and crouch was nowhere in sight.

  It comes down to this," said Hermione, rubbing her forehead. "Either Mr. Crouch attacked Viktor, or somebody else attacked both of them when Viktor wasn't looking." 

    "It must've been Crouch," said Ron at once. "That's why he was gone when Harry and Dumbledore got there. He'd done a runner." 

    "I don't think so," said Harry, shaking his head. "He seemed really weak - I don't reckon he was up to Disaparating or anything." 

    "You can’t Disapparate on the Hogwarts grounds, haven't I told you enough times?" said Hermione. 

    "Okay . . . how’s this for a theory," said Ron excitedly. "Krum attacked Crouch - no, wait for it - and then stunned himself!" 

    "And Mr. Crouch evaporated, did he?" said Hermione coldly. 

    "Oh yeah . . ." 

*******

At daybreak the next day, we had crept out of our dorms very early and hurried up to the Owlery to send a note to Sirius. Now we were standing looking out at the misty grounds. The four of us were puffy-eyed and pale because we’d had been talking late into the night about Mr. Crouch. 

"Just go through it again, Harry," said Hermione. "What did Mr. Crouch actually say?" 

"I've told you, he wasn't making much sense," said Harry. "He said he wanted to warn Dumbledore about something. He definitely mentioned Bertha Jorkins, and he seemed to think she was dead. He kept saying stuff was his fault. . . . He mentioned his son." 

"Well, that was his fault," said Hermione testily. 

"He was out of his mind," said Harry. "Half the time he seemed to think his wife and son were still alive, and he kept talking to Percy about work and giving him instructions." 

"And . . . remind me what he said about You-Know-Who?" said Ron tentatively. 

"I've told you," Harry repeated dully. "He said he's getting stronger." 

There was a pause. Then Ron said in a falsely confident voice, "But he was out of his mind, like you said, so half of it was probably just raving. ..." 

"He was sanest when he was trying to talk about Voldemort," said Harry, and Ron winced at the sound of the name. "He was having real trouble stringing two words together, but that was when he seemed to know where he was, and know what he wanted to do. He just kept saying he had to see Dumbledore." 

“Well, shit.” I said shrugging. The three looked at me like I was stupid. “What? Sorry! Voldemort might be getting stronger! But we’re meant to act happy about it!” I added sarcastically.

“You’re not meant to be so-“Harry started crabbily, but Hermione came to my defence.

“She’s right Harry. That’s why you’re annoyed. It is just...shit.”

“But we’re not acting happy about it!” Harry half-yelled.

“Well, let’s make up a theory. Crouch came to warn Dumbledore about something. He mentioned his son. He made a mistake. He made a mistake with his son and-“ I was cut off.

“That was his fault though. In a way Crouch killed his son.” Ron shrugged.

“What if he didn’t.” I said spookily. “what if-“

“Wil, he was a driven politician. He wasn’t starting conspiracy.” Harry said.

“It mightn’t have started as a conspiracy. It might have started innocent. He realised he made a mistake, and – I dunno – he faked his son’s death in Azkaban. And his son really was a voldy supporter.”

“This is really random.” Harry told me.

“You mean, I’m speaking logically and making a well judged estimate and it’s out of character for me so it’s scaring you?”

“That too.”

“Sheep.” I added to verify my point. Hermione smiled as I was back to normal.

"If Snape hadn't held me up," Harry said bitterly, "we might've got there in time. 'The headmaster is busy. Potter . . . what's this rubbish, Potter?' Why couldn't he have just got out of the way?" 

"Maybe he didn't want you to get there!" said Ron quickly. "Maybe - hang on - how fast d'you reckon he could've gotten down to the forest? D'you reckon he could've beaten you and Dumbledore there?" 

"Not unless he can turn himself into a bat or something," said Harry. 

"Wouldn't put it past him," Ron muttered. 

“Be nice to Snape!” I said loudly, taking even myself by surprise. “He’s a nice lady.”

Ron smirked and I pulled a sexy face.

It was so sexy, that my front teeth were sitting on my bottom lip.

I’m sure it was attractive.

I’m a sex bomb.

I’m a lemon.

"We need to see Professor Moody," said Hermione abruptly. "We need to find out whether he found Mr. Crouch," 

 "If he had the Marauder's Map on him, it would've been easy," said Harry. 

 "Unless Crouch was already outside the grounds," said Ron, "because it only shows up to the boundaries, doesn't -" 

 "Shhh!" said Hermione suddenly. 

 Somebody was climbing the steps up to the Owlery. Harry could hear two voices arguing, coming closer and closer. 

 "- That’s blackmail, that is, we could get into a lot of trouble for that-" 

 "- we've tried being polite; it's time to play dirty, like him. He wouldn't like the Ministry of Magic knowing what he did -" 

 "I'm telling you, if you put that in writing, it's blackmail!" 

 "Yeah, and you won't be complaining if we get a nice fat payoff, will you?" 

 The Owlery door banged open. Fred and George came over the threshold, then froze at the sight of us.

"What're you doing here?" Ron and Fred said at the same time. 

"Sending a letter," said Harry and George in unison. 

"What, at this time?" said Hermione and Fred. 

"Fine - we won't ask you what you're doing, if you don't ask us," George and I said.

I smiled because it was stupid.

"Well, don't let us hold you up," Fred said, making a mock bow and pointing at the door. 

Ron didn't move. "Who're you blackmailing?" he said. 

"Don't be stupid, I was only joking," Fred said easily. 

"Didn't sound like that," said Ron. 

Fred and George looked at each other. Then George said hastily, "I've told you before, Ron, keep your nose out if you like it the shape it is. Can't see why you would, but -" 

"It's my business if you're blackmailing someone," said Ron. "You’re right, you could end up in serious trouble for that." 

"Told you, I was joking," said George. He walked over to Fred, pulled the letter out of his hands, and began attaching it to the leg of the nearest barn owl. "You're starting to sound a bit like our dear older brother, you are, Ron. Carry on like this and you'll be made a prefect." 

"No, I won't!" said Ron hotly. 

George carried the barn owl over to the window and it took off. George turned around and grinned at Ron. 

"Well, stop telling people what to do then. See you later." 

He and Fred left the Owlery, and we stared at one another. 

"You don't think they know something about all this, do you?" Hermione whispered. "About Crouch and everything?" 

"No," said Harry. "If it was something that serious, they'd tell someone. They'd tell Dumbledore." 

 Ron, however, was looking uncomfortable. 

 "What's the matter?" I asked him. 

"Well. . ." said Ron slowly, "I dunno if they would. They're . . . they're obsessed with making money lately, I noticed it when I was hanging around with them - when - you know -" 

"We weren't talking." Harry finished the sentence for him. "Yeah, but blackmail..." 

"It's this joke shop idea they've got," said Ron. "I thought they were only saying it to annoy Mum, but they really mean it, they want to start one. They've only got a year left at Hogwarts, they keep going on about how it's time to think about their future, and Dad can't help them, and they need gold to get started." 

Hermione was looking uncomfortable now. 

"Yes, but. . . they wouldn't do anything against the law to get gold." 

"Wouldn't they?" said Ron, looking skeptical. "I dunno . . . they don't exactly mind breaking rules, do they?" 

"Yes, but this is the law" said Hermione, looking scared. "This isn't some silly school rule...They'll get a lot more than detention for blackmail! Ron...maybe you'd better tell Percy..." 

I snorted, not because it was funny but because she’s stupid.

WHY DO I VERIFY MYSELF TO MYSELF?

"Are you mad?" said Ron. "Tell Percy? He'd probably do a Crouch and turn them in." He stared at the window through which Fred and George's owl had departed, then said, "Come on, let's get some breakfast." 

"D'you think it's too early to go and see Professor Moody?" Hermione said we they went down the spiral staircase. 

    "Yes," said Harry. "He'd probably blast us through the door if we wake him at the crack of dawn; he'll think we're trying to attack him while he's asleep. Let's give it till break." 

I started writing a story in History of Magic. It was because I don’t give a crap about goblin rebellions...Okay, we did that topic in like, our second year, but I haven’t payed attention.

I hate history.

Anyways! I wrote a story.

It was called: A stalker called Jessica.

It was about someone, Jessica, who looked like she was 7-8, but was actually 33. She’s pissed at the world for being mean to her about her height, so she stalks these girls in the year above her. The older girls are actually quite frightened, and when Jessica keeps sending them messages on the website ‘bookface’ they block her as friends.

I haven’t written anything else yet, but I’m either going to incorporate more stalkers into the story that go ‘one on one’ with Jessica, or make her a murderer who slaughters the girls. Either seem pretty plausible.

When the bell finally rang, we hurried out into the corridors toward the Dark Arts classroom and found Professor Moody leaving it.  He looked as tired as me. The eyelid of his normal eye was drooping, giving his face an even more lopsided appearance than usual. 

“MOODIKINS!” I yelled.

"Professor Moody?" Harry called as they made their way toward him through the crowd. 

"Hello, Potter," growled Moody. His magical eye followed a couple of passing first years, who sped up, looking nervous; it rolled into the back of Moody's head and watched them around the corner before he spoke again. 

"Come in here." 

He stood back to let us into his empty classroom, limped in after us, and closed the door. 

“Did you find him?" Harry asked without preamble. "Mr. Crouch?" 

"No," said Moody. He moved over to his desk, sat down, stretched out his wooden leg with a slight groan, and pulled out his hip flask. 

"Did you use the map?" Harry said. 

"Of course," said Moody, taking a swig from his flask. "Took a leaf out of your book, Potter. Summoned it from my office into the forest. He wasn't anywhere on there." 

"So he did Disapparate?" said Ron. 

"You can't Disapparate on the grounds, Ron!" said Hermione. "There are other ways he could have disappeared, aren't there, Professor?" 

Moody's magical eye quivered as it rested on Hermione. "You're another one who might think about a career as an Auror," he told her. "Mind works the right way. Granger." 

Hermione flushed pink with pleasure. 

"Well, he wasn't invisible," said Harry. "The map shows invisible people. He must've left the grounds, then." 

“OF his own accord? Or did someone make him?” I added.

"Yeah, someone could've - could've pulled him onto a broom and flown off with him, couldn't they?" said Ron quickly, looking hopefully at Moody as if he too wanted to be told he had the makings of an Auror. 

"We can't rule out kidnap," growled Moody. 

"So," said Ron, "d'you reckon he's somewhere in Hogsmeade?" 

"Could be anywhere," said Moody, shaking his head. "Only thing we know for sure is that he's not here." 

“Or is he?” I added spookily. “We need to think of the unthinkable.”

“Do we?” Moody asked interestedly...or angry... Can’t tell.

“I had this theory,” I added, Hermione cast me a dark look. “Crouch’s son isn’t dead, he faked his death, and Crouch Junior did support Voldemort and is doing something to bring him back.” I smiled proudly.

Moody’s mouth fell open as he looked at me. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head...one of them might...

“That’s a very serious theory there Miss Potter. Do you realise how many conspiracies would erupt from that? Besides, I saw him getting buried-“

“But what if they used Polyjuice potion?”

“It was him. He was dead. I know it.” Moody said finally.

“Aww, I liked my theory. Bye Bye Theory.” I waved at the air, and realised I should see if I’m clinically sane.

Moody yawned widely, so that his scars stretched, and his lopsided mouth revealed a number of missing teeth. Then he said, "Now, Dumbledore's told me you four fancy yourselves as investigators, but there's nothing you can do for Crouch. The Ministry'll be looking for him now, Dumbledore's notified them. Potter, you just keep your mind on the third task." 

"What?" said Harry. "Oh yeah . . ." 

"Should be right up your street, this one," said Moody, looking up at Harry and scratching his scarred and stubbly chin. "From what Dumbledore's said, you've managed to get through stuff like this plenty of times. Broke your way through a series of obstacles guarding the Philosophers Stone in your first year, didn't you?" 

"We helped," Ron said quickly. "Me and Hermione helped." 

“Ahem.” I said pointedly.

“Oh, and Wil.” Ron hastily added

Moody grinned. 

"Well, help him practice for this one, and I'll be very surprised if he doesn't win,"said Moody. "In the meantime...constant vigilance, Potter. Constant vigilance." He took another long draw from his hip flask, and his magical eye swivelled onto the window. 

The topmost sail of the Durmstrang ship was visible through it. 

"You two," counselled Moody, his normal eye on Ron and Hermione, "you stick close to Potter, all right? I'm keeping an eye on things, but all the same . . . you can never have too many eyes out. And you, Willow.” He added. “Learn how to control that apparation, shit happens in the maze.”

Did he actually say that, or did I imagine that?

I DONT KNOW!

But we left and it was too awkward to bring it up again.

 ****

Sirius’ letter came back the next morning.

Harry - what do you think you are playing at, walking off into the forest with Viktor Krum? I want you to swear, by return owl, that you are not going to go walking with anyone else at night. There is somebody highly dangerous at Hogwarts. It is clear to me that they wanted to stop Crouch from seeing Dumbledore and you were probably feet away from them in the dark. You could have been killed. 

    Your name didn't get into the Goblet of Fire by accident. If someone's trying to attack you, they're on their last chance. Stay close to the trio, do not leave Gryffindor Tower after hours, and arm yourself for the third task. Practice Stunning and Disarming. A few hexes wouldn't go amiss either. There's nothing you can do about Crouch. Keep your head down and look after yourself. I'm waiting for your letter giving me your word you won't stray out-of-bounds again. 

“Who's he, to lecture me about being out-of-bounds?" said Harry in mild indignation as he folded up Sirius's letter and put it inside his robes. "After all the stuff he did at school!" 

"He's worried about you!" said Hermione sharply. "Just like Moody and Hagrid! So listen to them!" 

"No one's tried to attack me all year," said Harry. "No one's done anything to me at all-" 

"Except put your name in the Goblet of Fire," said Hermione. "And they must've done that for a reason. Harry. Snuffles is right. Maybe they've been biding their time. Maybe this is the task they're going to get you." 

"Look," said Harry impatiently, "let's say Sirius is right, and someone Stunned Krum to kidnap Crouch. Well, they would've been in the trees near us, wouldn't they? But they waited till I was out of the way until they acted, didn't they? So it doesn't look like I'm their target, does it?" 

"They couldn't have made it look like an accident if they'd murdered you in the forest!” said Hermione. "But if you die during a task-" 

"They didn't care about attacking Krum, did they?" said Harry. "Why didn't they just polish me off at the same time? They could've made it look like Krum and I had a duel or something." 

"Harry, I don't understand it either," said Hermione desperately. "I just know there are a lot of odd things going on, and I don't like it. ... Moody's right - Sirius is right -you've got to get in training for the third task, straight away. And you make sure you write back to Sirius and promise him you're not going to go sneaking off alone again." 

“Did snuffles call us ‘the trio’?” I asked Ron and Hermione.

“I think so.” Ron shrugged.

“Hey Hermione, your name would be Herman if you were a guy.”

“Thanks for the update Wil.”

I  truly was awesome.

That night I wrote some random shit.

Poem of the Willow tree.

The branches sway in the warm summer breeze,

The leaves are green and plenty,

I really like cheese

And I’ll go spend a penny.

I’m really good at rhyming.

Poem of the Hermione

Her eyes brown like buttons,

Tears  leaking out as she cuts onions,

Her hair soft as silk,

Hermione likes milk,

When she says ‘accio’ to her things summon

Amazingly beautiful. It makes me cry.

Ron’s song

Ron is a ranga

But not quite a ganga

He likes looking at chicks

But he lacks a dick

He acts like a bit of a wanker.

If this ain’t talent, I dunno what it is.