18 : Another
"Matagal nang bakante ang unit na 'yan dahil walang may gustong kumuha."
I was standing in front of the door of the room to mine, the one that was supposed to be occupied by Cedric. Staring at the padlocked door while holding my phone and checking for our text messages... which is non-existent—I tried to get a clear hold of what's real and what isn't.
I'd known this for a while now but everything still felt like a hard pill to swallow. Accepting all of this wasn't as easy as I expected it to be.
A month after my medications and therapies, my hallucinations, delusion, together with the voices completely vanished. Cedric now ceased to exist—not that he was really here in the first place. Hinayaan na rin akong makabalik sa apartment at sa campus nina Mommy matapos magbigay ng go signal ng doktor ko. They said I was fine then. And I really hope that was really the case.
After being away for a few weeks, the stillness of my room apartment that welcomed me was almost foreign. Mula sa paper bag na naro'n sa cabinet ko'y kinuha ko ang laman niyong uniform. The white fabric wasn't stained with dark blood but with coffee. Some of the buttons were missing but there was definitely not a single tinge of blood on it. Wala rin doon ang metal clip na nakita ko nang nakaraan.
The first semester of my sophomore year was about to end and I didn't do anything but to busy myself by catching up from my studies. Hangga't maaari ay iniiwasan ko ang ilang trigger na posibleng maging cause ng relapse tulad ng kape, alak at iba pa. I made sure to eat a proper diet recommended by my doctor too.
"Eunice, how are you? Kumain ka na ba? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, mom. Kumain na po ako kanina. Nagre-review na lang ako ngayon para sa finals."
I wasn't used to being checked upon frequently when I wasn't at home. Pero kahit bago iyon sa akin at medyo hindi ako kumportable ay hinayaan ko na lang. I could take care of myself. Gayunpama'y ayaw ko naman silang pag-alalahanin pa.
"Alright, anak. Don't forget to take a rest—don't stress yourself, okay?"
"Yes, mom. I'll do that."
"I love you."
"Love you too."
Bumuntonghininga ako matapos ibaba ang tawag. Nagbalik ako agad sa ginagawang pagre-review. Ngunit wala pa yatang isang minuto ang lumipas nang tumunog ang phone ko para sa isang message. It was from Shant.
She'd been trying to reach out since the news from Steph's death came out. Pero nitong nakaraan ko lang sinabi sa kaniya ang lahat ng nangyari, dahil wala ako sa sarili ng mga unang araw matapos ng aksidente sa resto bar.
Ngayo'y isa na rin siya sa mga taong nagchi-check sa akin—kung ano ang lagay ko. And more than anything, I appreciate their concerns. Hindi lang talaga ako sanay.
"Hey, Eunice."
Isang beses nang mapahinto ako sa paglalakad palabas ng building nang makuha ng palapit ang atensyon ko. Dina gave me her usual bitchy smile when my eyes landed on her. We were standing at the front of my college building then, students were passing by as we regard each other.
The confusion why she was suddenly talking to me washed over me. "Yes?"
She crossed her arms and titled her head to the side. "I heard you went to some psychotic treatment when you're gone." Then with a point of a finger on her head in a quick motion, she continued, "How's that cuckoo head of yours doing?"
Napatiimbagang ako sa narinig, ang iritasyon ay mabilis nakahanap ng lugar sa sistema ko. I wasn't annoyed with the fact that she was trying to rub it on my face, ang ikinaiirita ko ay ang paraan niya ng pagsabi niyon. Sounding callous because of her lack of knowledge about how sensitive that condition was—yet she still had the audacity to mock it.
"Haven't harm anyone so far but I would probably consider doing that now." Umirap ako at mabilis siyang tinalikuran bitbit ang shoulder bag at mga libro.
If she didn't like me then why bother even striking up a conversation? I didn't have the time to argue with anyone—lalo na sa kaniya.
I heard her scoffed in disbelief.
"I'm not done talking, you bitch." Maagap niyang hinarangan ang daraanan ko. With one brow slightly arching up, ang kasarkastikuhan ay malinaw na ngayon sa ekspresyon niya.
"What do you want?" My face was devoid of any emotion as I looked straight into her eyes.
The corner of her lips rose for a smirk. Her smokey eye make-up then gave an emphasis on her expression as it goes dim. "Have you heard about the other victim?"
Kumunot ang noo ko at sandali pang napaisip kung ano ang tinutukoy niya.
"Evidently, you're clueless about the chats. Cali has been sending information on the damn GC about another dead girl found."
Pinigilan ko ang muling mapairap sa narinig. "At ano naman ang kinalaman ko ro'n? Why do I need to—"
"Her body was found beside the campus, skinned off face like Stephs' and yes, bitch, she goes here too. Obviously, it was done by the same culprit. At katulad ng sinabi ni Cali, the bastard could be one of the students here. I'm starting to believe that now too."
Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Mulling that over, an unsettling feeling started creeping in me for an unclear reason. Another victim. Same culprit.
I moistened my lips as I blinked. And with a wary expression, I asked, "Why are you saying this to me?"
Nagliwanag ang ekspresyon niya na tila ba sa wakas ay narinig na niya ang kanina pang gustong marinig.
"I might have an idea who did it." Humakbang siyang palapit sa akin hanggang sa halos wala nang matirang distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa. She was inches taller than me that's why I had to slightly look up as she stared down at me.
Hindi ko nagustuhan ang kakaibang pahiwatig ng mga titig at ngisi niya. Something about it was telling me that she was thinking of sick things that I wouldn't be so happy to hear.
"Who? And how can you be sure?" matapang kong tanong para lang itago ang nadaramang pangamba. Hindi ako nagbibitiw ng tingin.
She chuckled under her breath, making her expression loosen up a bit. Bahagya ring umatras ang ulo niya mula sa kaunting pagkakayukod. "Come to Varitas later tonight and we'll tell you the details. But—don't bring anyone."
We? Sina Cali lang ba ang naro'n o may iba pa? "Who else are gonna be there?"
Imbes na sumagot ay umatras siya ng isa at tanging madramang kibit-balikat lamang ang isinukli. She then turned her back on me and walked away like nothing happened.
Buong araw na iyon ang naging laman ng isip ko. I struggled to concentrate on my lectures because of my thoughts constantly drifting away. Gustuhin ko man o hindi, paulit-ulit kong naiisip ang pag-uusap namin ni Dina kanina. About her knowing my condition, telling me about another dead person found, asking me to come at the resto bar alone... even the fact that she approached me to say all that sounds fishy. Because... what was the need to? But needless to say, si Dina ang pinag-uusapan dito kaya't hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong magtiwala sa kaniya o hindi.
What if they were suspecting me to be the culprit? Dahil sa nalaman nilang kundisyon ko? And maybe they were planning on proving that I am guilty of it? What if this whole thing was a trap to catch me red-handed?
Hindi mapalagay, sumulyap ako sa prof na nagle-lecture sa harap ng room bago sinilip ang phone mula sa ilalim ng desk. I opened my messages to check the GC for their conversation.
The haunted
Cali:
Another body of a girl was found beside our campus
Same skinned-off face
Stark naked
This is getting fcking weird and creepy
Michael:
The fck
Cali:
They're still trying to identify the body
Dina:
Isn't it about time for the police to take over the security of our campus?
Cali:
Yes, D
Starting tom
This increased the suspicion that the culprit is attending our campus or at least living if not having a business to do nearby in the area
Terrence:
Classes should be cancelled then
Michael:
They won't. Patapos na sem
Cali:
Fcking shit
Kakatapos lang ma-identify ng bangkay
Holy sht
Terrence:
Bakit?
Who is it?
Kumunot ang noo ko nang wala nang naging reply si Cali. Their convo was last night. Hindi na iyon nasundan pa.
Mas lalo akong hindi mapakali. Dina was probably talking about Cali and the rest when she said we. At mukhang nag-usap sila nito ng pribado para pag-usapan kung sino ang natagpuang bangkay. But what was the need to talk about it in private? Unless they were suspecting that one of us is the culprit, then it would make sense.
Ginapangan ng lamig ang sikmura ko nang matapos ang huli kong klase ng araw na iyon. Madilim na sa labas ng building nang nilakad ko ang hallway. Hanggang ngayon ay nagdadalawang-isip pa rin ako kung sisiputin ko sina Dina sa Varitas o hindi.
But they would be more suspicious of me if I won't...
Terrence told me ahead of time that he had a family matter to attend to, later today. He offered me a ride home but I refused. Nakapagtataka man ay pumayag siya at ni hindi nagtanong kung bakit.
Was I just being paranoid or everything seem planned?
Kabado ako nang makalabas sa gate ng campus at nang sa wakas ay makapagdesisyong magtungo sa Varitas. Bahala na. I didn't do anything wrong so why would I be guilty? Not because I went through a psychotic episode also mean that I would harm people. Masyadong naging stereotyped ang mga taong dumaan o mayroong ganoong kondisyon bilang mga baliw at delikadong tao—at isa na ako sa mga taong gano'n ang paniniwala noon.
When in fact, the only person in danger with their condition were themselves. They wouldn't hurt others because they were too busy thinking how to stop inflicting involuntary pain to themselves.
I found myself standing on the familiar street in front of Varitas. It was the same glass wall building as what I remembered it. Only that they'd put on the lights on the steep staircase to make it look less ominous like that night.
Inatake ako agad ng mga pangyayari sa parehong lugar lagpas isang buwan na ang nakalilipas. Mula sa magkakahalong emosyong naramdaman ko nang gabing iyon hanggang sa aksidenteng kinasangkutan.
I almost winced with the emotional and physical painful memories of that night. Tulad ng panggabing hangin ay balot din ng lamig ang blangko kong sikmura.
Kinailangan ko pang humugot ng malalim na hininga bago ako tuluyang pumasok mula sa ground floor. There was a band performing on the stage, like the usual scene. The lights were also dim and there seemed to be less people than I had imagined. Siguro dahil hindi Friday o dahil sinigurado nina Dina na kaunti lang talaga ang tao...
I swallowed. This is bad. I was starting to get uneasy. Not just because of my last memory of this place but also with what's about to transpire. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid?
Bahagyang kumaway si Dina sa akin nang mamataan ako mula sa inuupuan nilang table, naroon sila sa may bandang dulo, sa may kadiliman at secluded na parte. My stomach immediately churned with the welcome of her sly expression. I gripped the books I was holding.
"Hey." Cali regarded me with a slight nod and a grin after leisurely drinking a shot on their table.
Bahagya ko silang sinuklian ng ngiti bago naupo sa bakanteng couch na nasa harap ng inuupuan nila. Pagkapatong ng mga librong dala sa kandungan ay inalis ko ang pagkakasukbit ng shoulder bag sa balikat. Yumukod ako palapit at nilakasan ko ang boses dahil talo iyon nang malakas na tugtog mula sa bandang nagpe-perform. "Kayo lang?"
Mike wasn't here?
Mula sa prenteng pagsandal sa upuan ay nagtapunan nang makahulugang tingin ang dalawa bago muling nagbalik ng tuon sa akin. Dina crossed her arms after inhaling on her vape. Mabagal niyang ibinuga ang usok niyon habang nananatiling nakatitig sa akin kaakibat ng dilim sa pwesto namin. Ang ilang naliligaw na iba't ibang kulay ng ilaw mula sa stage ay maya't mayang nagdaraan sa mga ekspresyon nila.
Sumulyap ako sa bandang nasa stage at napalunok. Paano kami makakapag-usap kung maingay ang mga ito?
"Have some drink first."
Napalingon at bumagsak ang tingin ko sa inaabot na shot sa akin ni Cali. Agad akong umiling dito.
"I can't..."
"Bakit?"
"I'm... I'm refraining my intake from possible triggers."
"Oh." He smirked with the sudden understanding. "Okay." Then downed the shot.
Sa kabila ng kaba ko'y hindi na ako nagpaligoy-ligoy pa. "Who's the body?"
Muli, hindi sumagot ang dalawa, imbes ay nanatili lamang nakatitig sa akin.
I couldn't tell what the hell they were possibly thinking to pinned this all on me. Ang pagdagundong ng dibdib ko'y sumasabay sa bawat malalakas na hampas ng drums ng bandang tumutugtog. Gayunpama'y pinanatili kong kalmante ang ekspresyon sa abot nang makakaya.
Dina kept smoking her vape while silently looking at me. Cali then propped his forearm on his parted lap, giving me a closer look from across the table. Tila nagbagong bigla ang ihip ng hangin ng sunod na sandali.
"Don't you think it's too loud to talk here?" aniya mula sa seryosong baritono.
This was Cali we were talking about but he seemed like a different person. Why he suddenly turned brooding was beyond me. There's really something wrong going on here.
"You guys picked this place," matabang kong tugon.
Cali nodded coolly. After downing the remaining three shots on the table, he said, "Let's go some other place, then."
"Saan?"
Nagsasalubong ang mga kilay, abot-abut ang pagwawala ng puso ko nang tumayo ang dalawa at mag-umpisang lumakad paalis. Where are they planning to take me for a talk?
"Come on, Eunice." Nilingon ako ni Dina bago sumunod sa nauna nang si Cali.
"Where the hell are we going?"
She shrugged like I asked something stupid. "To a quiet place?"
"At saan 'yon?"
Nanginig ang mga balikat niya nang hindi na napigilan ang kumawalang tawa. "Aren't you coming? Natatakot ka ba? We're not murderers, Eunice."
Tila may kung anong pahiwatig ang huli niyang sinabi nang makahulugan akong tinapunan ng tingin matapos.
I hate where this is going. But I couldn't run. I wouldn't run. I didn't do anything wrong. Sigurado ako ro'n. At ano man ang plano ng dalawang ito'y sisiguraduhin kong wala silang mapatutunayang anuman laban sa akin.
Sa likod ng resto bar kami nagtungo. Mula sa mga katabing building ng Varitas ay may kadiliman ang kalsada roon at walang gaanong tao lalo nang sasakyang dumaraan. The sound of the playing band inside turned muffled and almost inaudible, making the place quiet enough to talk. I could even hear the friction from our shoes as we walked towards Cali who was leaning on the front door of a car and waiting for us.
Ilang hakbang na lang ang layo namin dito nang biglang tumigil sa paglakad si Dina. Maging ako'y natigilan din para lang lingunin siya.
"Oops, need to pee."
What?
"Hand this over to Cal. Rest room lang ako." Matapos iabot sa akin ang vape ay walang sabi-sabi na siyang nagtungo pabalik ng resto bar, malalaki ang hakbang at tila nagmamadali.
Bahagyang kumukunot ang noo, nasundan ko na lamang siya ng tingin. Holding my books and her vape on my hand, I headed over to Cali and his car. Hands shove on both pockets, his expression remained serious as he watched me walk towards his direction. I breathed in the cold night air as I tried to calm the rapid, uneasy beating of my heart.
"Can we talk about it now?"
Tinanggap niya ang inabot kong vape at initsa sa loob ng sasakyan mula sa bukas na bintana ng passenger seat. Inayos ko ang strap ng shoulder bag sa balikat at tinapunan siya ng nanunukat na tingin.
Cali had been harmless over the time I'd known him. But given the circumstance, I kept a safe two metres distance from him.
"Of course." Sa wakas ay bahagyang namantsahan ng ngiti ang ekspresyon niya. He cleared his throat then as he made a slight nod and started, "Based on the conducted autopsy on Steph's body, she was killed two days after the party at Mike's."
Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko nang inisip iyon. "Does that mean her body has been dumped there for more than a month before it was found?"
He nodded yes then continued, "But the recent body found alongside our campus has been killed more than a week earlier than Stephs'."
Namilog ang mga mata ko sa narinig. Hindi ko na kinailangang magtanong pa nang muling magpatuloy si Cali sa pagpapaliwanag.
"Mas nauna siyang pinatay kaysa kay Steph. But her body wasn't found ahead because it's only been dumped on the crime scene for the last couple of days."
"Who is it?" halos manuyo ang lalamunan ko matapos iyong bigkasin.
Matagal pa munang natuon sa akin ang tingin niya bago umahon mula sa pagkakasandal. Pagkaharap sa sasakyan ay may kinuha siya mula sa bukas na bintana ng passenger seat. Hawak ang isang binder na naglalaman ng mga printout at newspaper clippings, inumpisahan niyang ilipat ang makapal na pahina niyon.
Pinanood ko siyang gawin iyon hanggang sa huminto siya. Walang pag-aalinlangan akong humakbang palapit nang sumulyap siya sa akin at umakma ng pag-abot sa hawak na binder.
I immediately had to look away from the uncensored printed picture of a dead body. Ang pagkakabalisa ay agad akong dinalaw nang muntik nang bumaligtad ang sikmura dahil do'n.
Cali tossed the pages with more photos of the dead body I couldn't even bat an eye on.
"Sandy Velasco. Twenty, a sophomore in your college." Sandali siya muling tumigil kasabay nang tuluyang pagkakahinto sa paglipat ng mga pahina. "Hindi ba siya pamilyar sa 'yo?"
Dahan-dahan ang ginawa kong pagsulyap sa kasalukuyang pahina ng hawak niyang binder. There was a picture of the girl taken when she was still alive. Nagtagal ang tingin ko roon at habang tumatagal ay nagiging pamilyar ito sa akin. Kinuha ko ang binder mula kay Cali at ipinatong sa mga librong hawak ko para lang mas maigi itong tignan. I'd seen her face somewhere... bukod sa pareho kami ng college...
"Stephanie was actually last seen talking to someone by a witness at the back of the campus before her disappearance. The same goes with Sandy."
Someone?
"The profile of the other reported missing girls matches the two in terms of appearance and current attending university—which led to an assumption that the cases of those missing girls are also connected with this murder case.
"If you look closely at the two found victims: Stephanie and Sandy. They are both girls, batch mate sophomores from your college. Also both affiliated and last seen..."
Namilog ang mga mata ko nang tila nagkaroon ng malinaw na signal ang naglolokong TV mula sa mga alaala ko. This was the girl I saw with Terrence the morning after our row when he said he would do 'things' too. Sigurado ako.
"... with Terrence."
Lips parted, I held my breath. Animong nasimento ang mga paa ko sa panandaliang paninigas mula sa kinatatayuan. I was then struggling to collect my thoughts with what I just heard.
"What are you... trying to—"
Bumagsak at sumambulat sa malamig na kalsada ang mga papel mula sa binder kasama na ng mga librong hawak ko, matapos akong hablutin ni Cali sa magkabila kong braso. He was pinning me on the side of his car then, hands were firm with force as it dug on my arms.
There was a sudden leapt of my fast beating heart I couldn't control.
Namimilog ang mga mata at nanatiling awang ang mga labi, halos manliit ako nang bahagya kong tiningala at masalubong ang madilim niyang pagtitig sa akin. For a second, I almost couldn't recognize him. The strange brooding expression on his face felt like a Deja vu as we exchange glances at each other.
"Cali?"
Repulse immediately reigned over me when he hunched down until our noses were almost touching. I tried to shove him with my bag right away on impulse but his tall frame didn't even budge until I dropped it. His hold then tightened, fingers almost digging in my flesh.
"What the—"
I could feel his warm breath against my lips when he whispered this, "Can you tell now who has the motives to do the killings?"
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