Sitting across from Charlotte Higginbotham, awkward and unsure of what to say, I decided that an apology was probably a good start..."Er, I'm sorry about my sister, your Ladyship." 

I've always called Mrs Higginbotham that. I don't care if it's a sham. To me, she's the epitome of what I imagine a lady to be. The way she dresses, her speech, her mannerisms — all perfectly elegant. I'll marry a woman like her, one day.

Mrs Higginbotham lifted a gold rimmed teacup to her perfectly primed peach pink lips, and took a measured sip of Earl Grey. Placing the cup on its saucer, she returned it to the silver tray on the end table beside her. Smiling nonchalantly, she deigned to reply, "While a tad dramatic, Elizabeth achieved what I asked of her. There is no way your father will ever be considered for the foreign affairs portfolio now." Leaning back in her seat, she allowed herself to laugh. "The fool!"

I was confused. "I don't understand. I always thought you were financing Dad's career."

"I was, yes. However, your father is a greedy pig. He was not content with what I offered him, and thought that if he were to blackmail me, I'd triple my contribution. Big mistake! I don't respond well to blackmail.

"Once my remaining children learnt that I'd hidden the truth about Katherine, I knew it was only a matter of time before I was exposed, so he had nothing, really.

"I enjoyed turning the tables on him. He now looks ridiculously incompetent. He's an elected government official, yet he obviously doesn't conduct background checks on his guests. He invites interpreters from a prestigious firm and yet he fails to engage their services. What an idiot!" She laughed again. "His reputation is shot."

"What about your reputation?" I asked, impressed by her devil-may-care attitude.

"What about it? I've never hidden my past. In fact, as one of the journalists who interviewed me yesterday noted, a pair of my nipple tassles were recently auctioned and raised a substantial amount of money, for a notable charity. No one was complaining then!"

"No, no they weren't." I sniggered.

I wonder what she'd say if she knew that I bid on and won, the poster from the show, in which she wore them. Now I can look at those fabulous tits every time I open my wardrobe.

I cleared my throat, determined to get back to business. "What about what you've said about your daughter, Katherine?" I asked.

"Oh, I've already been forgiven for that." She waved a hand dismissively. "People handle grief differently. I simply found it easier to tell people that Katherine was dead. It was a white lie, that didn't really hurt anyone."

"Didn't hurt anyone? Edith Peacock believes otherwise."

"Mmm, well..." She shrugged. "Neither she, nor my children will talk to the press. Of that, I'm sure. Odette hates the spotlight, and Albert won't do anything that might jeopardise his precious business."

"Not even if they're offered a great deal of money to tell their version of the story?"

"No, Jason. They're not Sturrocks."

That burnt. "Well, you certainly have no issues using Elizabeth and I to further your machinations, your Ladyship!" I retorted. My tone was scathing, but she chose to ignore it.

"Hmm, well..." She reached for a slice of apple Danish, took a bite, and wiped her lips delicately with a napkin before continuing. "I must admit, your complete lack of loyalty to your father, and your lack of morals in general, have been rather useful."

"Morals are subjective, and there's no such thing as loyalty. Not really. If you want to survive in this world, you can't be sentimental."

"Sentimental? Is that what you call it? What about my granddaughter, Edith? Doesn't she deserve some of your...sentiment?"

That made me laugh out loud. "How can you ask me that, when you've been paying us to be her friends since her first year of high school?"

"You were meant to get her to trust you, so that she talks about her family. You were paid to be my eyes and ears in the Peacock house, not feed my granddaughter drugs!"

"Madeline is your granddaughter too, your Ladyship." I deflected.

"No! That child shouldn't exist. India should never have married the man that Katherine chose. It was selfish. It destroyed my Katherine. If she hadn't done that, Katherine would still be with us. That child is a constant reminder of what I have lost."

"Wow! You really believe that?"

"It's the truth!"

"Ooookay... Where do we go from here?"

"To begin with, you lose the drugs."

"Huh? But it's just a bit of fun, everyone does it. Didi knew I did acid. It would've been odd if I said no, when she asked for it."

"Lose the drugs, or the deal is off!"

"It's a very lucrative side hustle, and I... Your Ladyship I got into a spot of trouble... I owe some money -"

"I will pay you enough to cancel your debts, but only if you stop dealing the drugs."

"You... What? I... That's... That's very generous. I... All right... All right, but things are becoming much harder. Elizabeth's antics have done a lot of damage. Our families will probably never be called friends again. The letter I wrote to Madeline, to try and apologise for some of the dumb shit that Elizabeth's said, has so far been ignored."

"Try harder, Jason."

"But, your Ladyship -"

"But, nothing! I'm offering to pay your debts. You'll be free. Do you want that, or not?"

"Of course, I want it!"

"Then do whatever it takes to get back in their good books. Throw your sister under the bus if you have to!"

"At this rate, that's probably the only thing that'll work!"

"That's fine. Don't worry about Elizabeth. I've organised an interview for her with The Weekly. Provided she doesn't stuff it up, it should give her some of the exposure she craves."

"Yeah, she really wants to be an actress. I reckon she'll do just about anything to make it happen."

"Mmm, I'm counting on it."

There was an almost machiavellian glint in her eyes when she said that. I find it wildly attractive. It was what made me want to shag Edith...at least, initially. She can be a lot like her grandmother sometimes, but she lacks her Ladyship's fierceness.

If I was alive in the 1920s, I'd -

"What about you Jason, what do you want?" Her Ladyship's voice cuts clean through my thoughts.

Just as well... They were getting a little dirty.

Her question sends me spiralling back to Earth. It irks me, that she asks it almost every time she summons me. "My answer hasn't changed, your Ladyship," I say, irritably.

"Yes, yes, you want to be fabulously wealthy. I know, but you don't seem to have a plan."

"A plan, your Ladyship?"

In all things, Charlotte Higginbotham  acted with perfect decorum. Were it not for that fact, I think she'd have yawned. Instead, she gifted me one of her smiles. If I didn't know better, I'd swear it was genuine.

"Yes, Jason, a plan! How do you intend to make your fortune? If you continue to squander your father's money the way you do, you won't be rich for long."

I smirked, realising where she was going with this. "You might call me an opportunist, your Ladyship, but I prefer the term entrepreneur. I'm prepared to do whatever is asked of me...for the right fee of course."

I paused to sample a vanilla slice. Mrs Higginbotham, knowing they were one of my favourites, always served them when I called. She watched me devour the pastry, without saying a single word. She often did that. It made me really uncomfortable. The toughest thug could probably learn a thing or to from Mrs Higginbotham. Silence is often more intimidating than fists.

I broke first. I knew I would. She knew it too. "You, your Ladyship. You're my plan!" I gushed sycophantically.

"Indeed? You expect me to fund your cavalier lifestyle?" She laughed in a way that was different from her usual laugh. This laugh was laced with danger, and perhaps, a touch of malice.

Utterly enslaved, I found myself answering, "I am completely at your service, your Ladyship. I will do anything you want, and..." I grinned cheekily, "you will pay me handsomely for it."

"Very well." Charlotte Higginbotham smiled. This time, there was no mistaking the machiavellian glint in her eye. "You'll be paid, handsomely, as you put it. If, and when you succeed."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Continue to ingratiate yourself with the Peacocks, but I want you to pay particular attention to Madeline."

"That won't be hard. She's kind of cute."

"Ugh! She has her father's eyes, but I suppose she has enough of her mother's features to make her somewhat redeemable." She exhaled, clearly nettled. "That's neither here nor there. I want you to befriend her, and find a way to destroy her utterly."

I was astounded. "But she's just a kid...an orphan." I had no qualms using adults for money, or people my own age for pleasure, but Madeline... That girl practically has a halo!

"Oh, pish! She's living a very comfortable life with my daughter, and as for her being a child, well, personally I think it's more merciful to destroy a child than an adult...but I'm prepared to wait."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, this is a long term assignment, Jason. It may take years for you to do enough to destroy her life, but I'm prepared to pay you for it. Do you understand what I'm saying, Jason? Given your predilection for spending money, I don't think you can afford to say no."

She rang a small brass bell beside her.
Her butler, who I swear is the human embodiment of Parker from the Thunderbirds, was instantly by her side.

"Yes m'lady?"

She beckoned him to her, and whispered something in his ear. Parker, (whose name was really Leister), left the room briefly. He returned almost immediately, carrying a silver tray, upon which rested a chequebook.

Charlotte Higginbotham retrieved the chequebook from the tray, tore off a cheque, filled it in, signed it, then handed it to me. "Your monthly retainer," she said, placing the chequebook back on the silver tray. "That'll be all for now, Leister."

Leister bowed and discreetly exited.

I examined the cheque her Ladyship had given me, in a state of bewilderment. It was for far more than I expected. This amount alone would pay off my debts. "I'll be getting this, monthly?" I could scarcely believe it.

"Provided you supply me with ongoing useful information, yes. Of course, if you happen to achieve the additional service I require of you, there'll be a bonus. Are up to the task, or are you too...squeamish?"

Squeamish me? Not for that amount of money. Per month!

"Oh, I'm definitely up for the task, your Ladyship!" I answered quickly, before she could change her mind. "You have yourself a deal."

Author's Notes

Aloysius "Nosey" Parker is a fictional character introduced in the British 1960s Supermarionation television series Thunderbirds. The photo above is from Google images.

This is a vanilla slice 👇

"If you want a truly Australian vanilla slice, you will need to find yourself an Australian country town (not too hard to find) where you will find two things on the main street, a pub and a bakery. The vanilla slice is made with crispy, flakey puff pastry, homemade silky smooth custard using natural vanilla bean extract to flavor and a generous lathering of white vanilla icing."

Photo and information from https://www.chefspencil.com/most-popular-australian-desserts/