"Wherever life takes me, if my heart was made for you, this step will lead to you"

•••

Seokjin POV

This is my second marriage after my husband died 2 years ago, to be honest, I haven't been able to open my heart to any man other than my ex-husband, but he convinced me and made me fall in love.

I don't have children, because I can't, the doctor has told me the worst possibility if I still want to have children. So my ex-husband and I chose to remove my uterus and live a life together without the laughter of children in the house.

I'm Seokjin, I was 45 years old when I married Jungkook, he was younger than me and this was his first marriage.

Our marriage has only been 1 year, and during this time there are still a lot of adjustments between me and him. Even though Jungkook has never shown bad behavior to me, there is still a lot we need to improve in this relationship.

Or maybe this is because of my first marriage to my ex-husband, many things remain in my mind that make me force Jungkook to be like him.

He was never angry with the request, but I'm sure he was fed up with my selfishness.

That night, when he came home from work, he came and saw me in the kitchen, I was preparing dinner, but when he saw the food I made, his face changed.

"I'm home," Jungkook said, he kissed my cheek while cooking.

"Baby, have you forgotten that I'm allergic to garlic?" Jungkook said.

"But this dish is better with garlic, you can get rid of it if you don't like it," I said without looking at him.

"It's not that I don't like it, but I can't eat it," Jungkook said, I could hear from his voice that he seemed disappointed with my words, but he immediately hugged me from behind and kissed my shoulder.

"But you're right, this dish will taste better with garlic, I'll try it, I'll take a shower first," Jungkook said and kissed my cheek again before going to the room.

To be honest, lately, I miss my ex-husband, I continue to do the things we often did together, and make his favorite dishes, without thinking about whether Jungkook will like it or not.

"Dinner is ready," I shouted from the dining table before Jungkook came out in his pajamas.

"You must be tired, thanks for dinner baby," He stood in front of me and kissed my lips before sitting in his chair and I sat in front of him.

"How was work today?" I said.

"I have to go out of town to take care of my work, do you want to come with me? We can go on vacation after my work is finished," Jungkook said.

"Ahh but I think I'm better off at home," I said.

"Aren't you bored? You never want to come with me when I ask you," Jungkook said while looking at me.

"I'm sorry Jungkook, but--"

"That's okay, but don't tire yourself out, hm?" Jungkook took my hand and stroked it gently while smiling at me.

I admit that he is a good man, but I also can't lie to myself if the shadow of my past still haunts me. The separation between me and my ex-husband was not something we had previously imagined. He died in my lap due to brain cancer which he suffered from for a long time without my knowledge, it made me feel guilty because I couldn't look after him.

Jungkook helps me clean the kitchen before we go into the room to rest, he even wakes up early to make breakfast for me, he also cleans the house during holidays, and he never lets me get tired.

I love him, that's why we are together, but this love is not as big as the previous one, I don't know why until this moment I still can't forget my past and continue my life without flashes of my ex-husband.

"Baby, are you okay? I can ask Hoseok to come and stay with you here while I'm gone," Jungkook said as he climbed into bed and leaned his body against the headboard next to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine, you don't need to ask him to come, he's also busy looking after my father, so let him be there," I said.

"I'm going away for 3 days, are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Jungkook said.

"Jungkook, we've discussed this dozens of times, you go to work and I don't want to disturb your work there, I'm not going anywhere, I just like being at home, and maybe tomorrow I'll go to Taehyung's grave," I said while taking my nightstand book and also my glasses.

"Let me take you there before I leave," Jungkook said.

"I can do it myself," I said.

"I know, but I will still take you there, don't sleep too late, you have to rest," Jungkook approached me and made me look at him.

"I love you, always," Jungkook said before kissing my forehead and lying with his back to me with his blanket.

Maybe I'm too mean like this, but from the start when he approached me, I told him everything, how about my feelings and my past, and I asked him to be patient because I also want and have to move on with my life.

•••

The sound of thunder woke me up, I looked at Jungkook behind me but didn't find him there, I looked at the clock on the wall, and saw that it was still early, it was still 3 am.

I sat on my bed and tried calling him, but there was no answer from him and I also didn't hear the sound of water in the bathroom.

Getting out of bed, I closed the curtains in my room, it was raining very heavily outside, so I came out of my room to look for Jungkook.

But my steps stopped when I heard crying from the living room, I saw him sitting and bowing his head in the dark, alone. I'm sure it was the sound of her crying, but why was she crying?

I intended to go back to the room, but my heart asked me to go over to him and calm him down.

Finally, I decided to approach him and my appearance surprised him, he immediately wiped his tears.

"Hey baby, what's wrong? Why are you awake?" Jungkook said.

"Thunder woke me up and I was looking for you, what are you doing here?" I said and sat beside him, he tried to hide his puffy eyes.

"Nothing, let's go back to the room and sleep," Jungkook said and grabbed my hand but I held it there.

"Why are you crying? Is it because of my attitude?" I said.

"No baby, there's nothing wrong with that, I was just thinking about something but it's not important," Jungkook said.

"I'm sorry because I can't give everything to you Jungkook, I've tried, but I can't be there yet," I said and he held my hand tighter.

"I know it's not easy for you, and I will never force you to forget something beautiful from your past, you have the right to remember it, and I won't be able to replace it in your heart, in your life, being able to be with you here and give you all my love is enough "For me, like the oath I said when we got married, in good times and bad, in health and sickness, whatever the condition, I will always be here for you," Jungkook said and for some reason my tears just fell.

That's what Taehyung always says to me before we sleep.

"I'm sorry," I said with my voice cracking and he immediately took me into his arms.

•••

Jungkook woke me up that morning, after the rain the weather became very cold, he kissed my face and made me open my eyes.

"Morning baby, wake up, I've made breakfast," Jungkook said and he pecked my lips making me sit up with my hair messy.

Jungkook who was sitting in front of me immediately smoothed my hair and I just looked at him.

"Don't look at me like that, you could fall in love with me," Jungkook said.

"Aish," I just laughed a little.

"I love you Jin, get up and clean your face before we have breakfast, I'll be waiting for you at the dinner table," Jungkook said and kissed my forehead again.

After cleaning my face and coming out of the bathroom, I saw Jungkook's suitcase which was still open, it looked messy and that must be because he prepared it alone and in a hurry last night.

I intended to tidy it up and when I lifted the clothes, something fell on the floor and it was a ring. I immediately took it.

The ring looked like a wedding ring, I looked at the ring on my finger and it had a similar shape. I saw the initials inside the ring, 'JS'.

"Baby!! Come on, eat," Jungkook called me from outside and I immediately put it back in his clothes pocket and put it back in the suitcase before going out to meet him.

I'm sure this is her first marriage, but why does she have another wedding ring that she hid from me?

Sitting in front of him made me feel something was strange, was he hiding something from me?

"Eat it before it gets cold," Jungkook said.

"Jungkook," I said.

"Yes baby," Jungkook said and looked at me.

"You don't need to take me to the grave, I'm leaving tomorrow, and I just want to rest today," I said.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" Jungkook said and immediately put his hand on my forehead.

"No, I'm okay, I just want to rest," I said.

"Then I won't go, I can't leave you alone," Jungkook said.

"I'm okay, go, don't make me feel guilty about keeping you here," I said, my tone a little high at that, and I could see his face change.

"Okay, eat your breakfast, I'll take a shower first," Jungkook said and just left the dining table, he didn't even touch his breakfast.

Is he cheating behind my back? Maybe this is because I can't have children and that's why he's been out of town so often lately.

It's 9 am, and Jungkook has to go now before he's late.

I saw him off, and he stood in front of me, he stroked my cheek with a smile on his face.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Jungkook said.

"You're only gone 3 days, we'll meet again," I said.

"You're right, take care of yourself, call me if you need anything or just miss me, I won't be long, I'll be back soon," Jungkook said.

"Go, you'll be late," I said.

"I love you," Jungkook said.

"I love you too," I said and he kissed me.

The kiss felt different, I could feel his tears at that time, and he also hugged me very tightly.

When he broke the kiss he looked at me and cupped my cheek.

"Please stay with me," Jungkook said and went to his car. I could see the car drive away and disappear.

Why does my heart feel tight hearing those words? But I immediately went in and prepared to go to Taehyung's grave.

Yes, I just made an excuse so he wouldn't accompany me there, there were a lot of things I had to tell Taehyung and I didn't want him to hear it.

When I arrived in front of Taehyung's grave, my tears immediately rolled down my cheeks. I miss him.

"Tae, why don't you ever come into my dreams? I miss you so much, I always look forward to your presence every time I sleep but you never come. Tae, why does this feel harder and harder? I've tried to forget you but I can't, I tried to love you but I can't, and this morning I found something in his pocket, a wedding ring that I didn't know who owned. Was he hiding something behind me but why did he do that from the start? makes me believe that if he can accompany me for the rest of my life, what should I do Tae? Tell me what should I do?

I kept crying at his grave, my heart ached because I couldn't decide what to do. I can't make Jungkook the only one in my heart and mind, I can't just give him everything, even when he touches me I feel very evil and think I'm cheating on my ex-husband.

As I was heading towards the parking lot, someone called me, I didn't see who it was until he approached me.

"Hi Jin, it's been a long time since we met, where is Jungkook?" Namjoon said he was Jungkook's best friend, I met him at my wedding.

"Oh hi Namjoon, he went out of town for work, didn't he tell you?" I said.

"Out of town? I don't think there's been anything out of town lately," Namjoon said.

"Oh I don't know about that, he just told me that," I said.

"Why didn't you come with him? Didn't he invite you?" Namjoon said.

"He asked me to come with him but I'd rather stay home," I said.

"Are you visiting your ex-husband?" Namjoon said.

"Yeah, what about you?" I said.

"I'm visiting my father, are you free? We can have coffee and talk," Namjoon said.

And I agreed, I went with him to a cafe not far from there. We sat opposite each other and I just ordered an iced americano.

"I heard your father is sick, how is he?" Namjoon said.

"It's better, my sister is looking after him there," I said.

"Thank goodness, and don't you want to adopt a child? I think having a child will make your relationship much better," Namjoon said.

"I've never discussed that with him, but I think I'm comfortable like this," I said and I heard the sound of the phone from Namjoon's pocket.

"Oh a minute," Namjoon took the phone and held it up in front of me.

"Hi Soobin, what's wrong? I'm already outside," Namjoon said.

I don't know who Soobin is and don't know what they are talking about.

"Jungkook? He's there with you?" Namjoon said and I immediately looked at him in front of me.

"Oh yeah, I can't come there, I'm sorry," Namjoon said and he immediately hung up the phone.

"Jungkook is there? Is he his co-worker?" I said and Namjoon looked nervous about answering me, I could see it from his face.

"What's wrong? Just say it," I said.

"Soobin doesn't work with us," Namjoon said.

"Then why is he there?" I said I didn't feel good when I saw Namjoon's increasingly nervous face.

"I don't know, he shouldn't be there, I have to go Jin," Namjoon said.

"Wait, I know you know something, it's okay, tell me," I said.

"Soobin is Jungkook's ex-girlfriend, he should be in America now, I don't know why he is with Jungkook," Namjoon said.

"What? He's her ex? May I know what her surname is?" I said.

"Jun, Jun Soobin, what's wrong? Don't worry Jin, he's just the past, you're the future," Namjoon said.

My hunch was right, there was something he was hiding from me, and the initials on the ring, it had to be Jun Soobin.

"Jin, are you okay?" Namjoon said.

"Yeah, I have to go," I said and just left him.

I heard my phone ringing, I was sure it was Jungkook, but I didn't want to answer it and just focused on driving home.

I never expected this to happen, I see Jungkook as a good, responsible man, but for some reason hearing Namjoon's words made me hesitate.

What's more, I found something this morning that made me curious.

When I got home, I immediately went into my room and looked at my phone, there were lots of phone calls from Jungkook that I ignored. He also sends a lot of messages but I don't want to read them.

I sat on the bed and looked at the wall in front of me, where there was a large frame of our wedding photos displayed.

What am I doing here? Maybe my feelings for Jungkook should never have brought me here. This relationship is too serious for me who can't forget my past. This is unfair to her because she has to marry a man who is older than her, a man who cannot give her children and still cannot escape the story of his past.

This is my fault.

•••

3 days passed

Jungkook called me to say that he would be home a little late and asked me to sleep first.

But that night I couldn't sleep, for some reason I was very restless. I was lying on my bed when I heard the sound of the door opening.

Waited for a long time but Jungkook didn't come into the room, it made me confused, and I sat on the bed staring at the door. But the door didn't open either.

I decided to leave the room and make sure it was Jungkook.

But how shocked I was to see the scene in front of me.

"Jungkook..." I said and he immediately turned to me, letting go of the boy in front of him.

I could see clearly how the guy kissed her. My heart feels...painful.

My tears just flowed and my legs felt weak at that time.

"Baby, it's not what you see, I--"

"No! Don't come near me," I said when he tried to approach me.

"Baby...please I can explain everything, he's drunk and--"

"I don't want to hear all that, get out of my house!" I said to the guy.

"Oh are you still here?" The guy said.

"Get out of my house!" I immediately approached him and took him out of my house before closing the door behind me.

"Jin, I can explain everything to you, it's not like what you see, he was drunk, and I--"

"I want us to divorce," I said.

I don't know why I said that to him but his face changed after hearing those words. He cried in front of me.

"Jin...what do you mean?" Jungkook said.

"I want us to divorce," I repeated the words with my cheeks wet and my hands shaking.

"Why?" Jungkook said.

"Why? You're cheating behind my back Jungkook! Do you think I don't know where you're going? He's your ex, right? Jun Soobin, whose name is on the ring you hid from me, you've been with him for the past 3 days, right? And how dare you bring him here and... let him kiss you in our house!" I said in an angry tone and Jungkook just stared at me silently.

"That's enough for me Jungkook, I can't love you as much as you hope, I thought I could but I was wrong, I can't forget Taehyung and--"

"Stop saying his name!" Jungkook said.

"Who is Taehyung?" Jungkook said in his cracking voice.

"What do you mean? He's my ex-husband!" I said.

"I'm your husband Jin, from the start I'm only your husband! I don't even know who Taehyung is! And yes he's Soobin, he's my ex, he's my first love, but he's just my past, I don't know why he was there when I came, I also don't know where he came from know my house and wait outside the house!" Jungkook said.

"I don't understand what you mean, are you crazy? I always come to Taehyung's grave and--"

"Fuck Taehyung!" Jungkook shouted at me, it was the first time I saw him that angry.

He opened his suitcase and took something out of his clothes pocket, it was the ring I found before.

"Here, this is our wedding ring! JS, not Jun Soobin! But that's Jeon Seokjin, that accident messed up your memory Jin, you even thought your father was still alive, but he died when you were little, and Hoseok was already living with his husband, Don't you remember all that? This isn't your second marriage Jin, you were my husband from the start. I don't even know who Taehyung you mean, but I did that because it was the only thing I could do to pay for my mistakes, I should have died at that time, I shouldn't have made you the one who had to suffer like this," Jungkook said and kept crying in front of me, making me unable to say anything.

"That man never died in your lap Jin, your husband is still alive and in front of you, I was even the one who signed the letter to remove your uterus when the doctor asked for it, why don't you ever remember that? Isn't that a beautiful memory for you?

Have I never made you happy?" Jungkook looked at me and cupped my cheek to wipe my tears.

"No way, I remember very well Taehyung died in my lap, he was my ex-husband, he was my first love, and--"

"Show me your wedding photo with him," Jungkook said and I froze.

That's right, I've never even seen a photo of my wedding with Taehyung, I don't even have a photo, there's only his name in my mind.

"Show me your wedding ring with him," Jungkook said.

"I swear that--"

"I know, since you came out of a coma, you've always said it. You don't even remember me and I have to try to convince you so we can get back together, I tried to make you forget that man, but you don't seem to want to forget him and choose not to remember me," Jungkook said, I could see the tears streaming down his cheeks.

"If none of that is true, why do I always think about him, why do I always miss him?" I said.

"Does nothing I do make you remember me?" Jungkook said.

That question made me remember something, everything Jungkook did, everything Jungkook said, everything was the same as Taehyung did to me.

It's just that Jungkook has a garlic allergy and Taehyung doesn't...wait...

"Is it that every time I make food with garlic, and you tell me not to, it's not because of you, but because of me?" I said.

"Yes, the vitamins you always take after dinner are your allergy medication. You always put garlic in every dish you cook even though you know your body will react after eating it, so I made you believe that what you were drinking were vitamins," Jungkook said.

"Then who was the guy who died in my lap if it wasn't Taehyung?" I said.

"You like the drama, Love Story, at the end of the story, the man dies in his lover's lap, he dies of brain cancer, you always cry every time you watch it, and you hope that the story doesn't come true, and yes, the man in the drama is Taehyung, he was an actor who died of an overdose," Jungkook said.

"Then what about Namjoon? He knew I already had a husband before I was with you," I said.

"He's my best friend Jin, of course, he knows what happened to you," Jungkook said.

"No way, this doesn't sound right," I said as if to convince myself that Jungkook's words were making it up.

"I'm sorry if I can't be perfect for you Jin, I'm sorry if my presence here can't make you remember our beautiful memories, this is my fault, I admit that all of this is my fault, I made you like this and I regret it," Jungkook said.

"What should I do Jin? I'm so scared of losing you," Jungkook said.

"If that's true, why can't my heart choose you like before?" I said.

"Do you want us to divorce?" Jungkook said and your mouth stiffened at that.

"What with that, you can live happily? Because I'm sure you won't believe this statement, you believe what you believe," Jungkook said.

"I I--"

"Let's get a divorce, let me pay for everything," Jungkook said, he looked at me before leaving me and going to the bedroom.

Why is my heart this broken? didn't I ask for it?

I went into the room and saw him taking his clothes out of the cupboard.

"What are you doing?" I said, but he didn't answer me, he never ignored me.

"Jungkook! What are you doing!" I grabbed his hand and made him stop.

"It's late! What are you doing?" I said but he just looked at me.

"Why don't you answer my question?" I said.

"What do you want to hear from me? Will you believe those words?" Jungkook said.

"How can I trust you? I don't want to be like this either, I don't know why I can't remember you, I don't know why I can't love you as much as you love me, I don't know why," I said.

And Jungkook put his clothes back into the suitcase, making me annoyed and pulling him to face me.

"Enough!" I said.

"Make me remember you again if what you say is true," I said.

"I tried, I did everything to make you remember me," Jungkook said.

But Jungkook didn't say anything, he looked tired, and his face showed deep sadness.

I can feel that what he said was true and honest, but why can't I remember anything about us?

My mind wasn't working at that time, and my heart became more dominant when Jungkook looked at me.

I immediately kissed him, surprising him with my actions.

"Make me remember," I whispered and kept kissing his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck.

My eyes closed and I tried to get lost in the atmosphere, at first, Jungkook didn't do anything, but slowly he returned my kiss and put his hands on my waist before hugging my body tightly.

The kiss started to get heated because we were getting carried away, he brought my body to the bed and hovered over my body.

Our lips didn't separate at that moment, his tongue and mine clashed but I knew he was the winner. My hands started to feel his body and took off his clothes.

He broke the kiss and looked at me to confirm something.

"We don't need to, if it's not convenient for you, we can--"

"Just do it, I want to remember you, I want to know how beautiful the memories are for you to stay with me," I said and he brushed my lips again.

•••

The next day I woke up from my deep sleep, and I felt my whole body sore and stiff. I don't know how many times we did it last night.

The room was very messy, but I didn't care, I opened my eyes and found my husband there, in front of me, sleeping without clothes on, and so did I.

I just looked at him without saying anything so as not to wake him. But that gaze was the reason he woke up from his sleep.

"Morning baby," Jungkook said and I just smiled hearing him call me 'Baby'.

"Morning Kookie," I said and I could see how happy he was that morning.

"You are very beautiful in the morning," Jungkook touched my cheek and stroked it gently.

"My whole body hurts, what did you do to me?" I said.

"Makes you remember me," Jungkook said.

"I don't think that works," I said.

"It's okay, but would you like to start from the beginning with me?" Jungkook said.

"No," I said.

"No?" Jungkook said.

"I want to end it with you, stay with me no matter what," I said.

"Only you," Jungkook said and smiled at me.

"I love you Kookie," I said.

"I love you more, always," Jungkook said and kissed my lips again.

The End