The next day, we lay on the sofa together, lazily watching tv. Gemma insisted that we introduce you to Gavin and Stacey, and we sat there cracking up at James Corden's genius. You kept joking how much you related to him. There was this scene where he came over to Gavin's and loaded two steaks onto his plate even though he just said he'd had dinner, and you laughed until you fell off the sofa, with tears streaming down your face. It was so beautiful. You're so beautiful. I love to watch you laughing. When you heaved a deep sigh to stop, you looked at me, and deadpan said, "same, though."

I tickled you, my hands darting from your sides to your neck to your armpits, hitting every spot I'd learned was ticklish. You begged me, breathless, to stop. "Okay, baby." I leaned down and attacked you instead with kisses, all over your face.

You giggled and pushed at my chest, "stopppppp," you whined.

With a final kiss to your nose, I sat up again, pulling you up next to me. Gemma and mum stared at us silently, beaming. "What?" I asked, blushing.

"It's nice to see you all loved up," Gem said, but like with kind of a hint of sarcasm. I mean, Maddie, she always has kind of a tinge of sarcasm to her voice. I blinked at her, unsure what to say. She smiled, though, and I knew she was sincere. You leaned against me, burying your face in my neck. "All right, little brother, I've got to go. I'm late for Chlo." She stood and ruffled my hair. "See ya later, Maddie."

She left to hang out with her friend Chloe, so we shut the telly off and just cuddled, laying back on the couch.

After awhile, I kissed your hair and whispered, "Thank you for coming home with me, my love."

"Of course," you murmured, tipping your head back to meet my eyes. Your eyelids were drooping heavily, as if you were on the verge of sleep. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you."

I kissed you, brushing your hair away from your cheek as I did. You broke the kiss and tucked your face down against my chest, almost as if shy to be kissing on my mother's sitting room sofa. Hmm. Was that why you wanted me to stop kissing your face earlier? At home, we were in a constant state of contact, and it never even dawned on me that you might not be comfortable with the same level of affection here in front of my family. "I love you," I chuckled. You responded in kind, muffled by your lips pressed into my shirt. I ran my fingers across your scalp, down your neck, and along your spine. You relaxed into my touch, and it wasn't long before we'd both fallen asleep.

I woke sometime later to the heavy thud of Molly landing on my side. She chirped and cooed at me, kneading her sharp claws into the tender skin covering my ribs, until I released my hold on you and scratched her head. With a contented purr, she settled herself down like a bread loaf in the dip of my waist and went to sleep. I folded my arm around your back and closed my eyes, drifting back to sleep as well.

"Don't wake them, Gemma darling," I heard mum say, her voice floating through my dreams.

"I won't, but like, mum, I'm also not going to miss my show," that deep voice dripping sarcasm that always brought a smile to my face. I grinned with my eyes still closed. "Look, he's awake anyway," she swatted my leg, which was linked around yours. "Faker!"

"Not faking," I rasped, opening one eye. "You woke me up."

"See!" Mum chided. I laughed silently. She reached down from behind the sofa and ran her hand over my hair. "You woke my baby up."

Gemma rolled her eyes as I beamed up at my mum. "Ugh god mum you baby him so much."

I shot her a look of outrage, but I knew she was just poking at me.

"I don't either!" She was still combing her fingers through my hair. "I just like to see my boy so happy."

"I am so happy, mum. I've got all my girls. My Maddie," I kissed your hair. Somehow you'd managed to sleep through all of this conversation but stirred slightly when I pressed my lips to your head. "My Molly." I scratched her chin, eliciting another chirp. "My Jimmers." I pushed Gemma's shoulder with my foot, at which she grumbled something like get your nasty foot away from me. "My mummy." I reached up and took her hand, squeezing it gently. "I'm the happiest boy alive. The luckiest boy alive."

"I'm the lucky one," she smiled, radiating. It's hard to explain, but my mum has always been the light of my life, so bright and beautiful and loving. She glows with warmth and love and just no one in the world has ever made me feel so loved. Until you.

I squeezed her hand again. "Thank you for having her here, mum. It means the world to me."

"Oh my sweet boy, of course. I'm so happy to get to know Maddie, I really do love seeing you two toget--"

"Okay, seriously though, my show is starting so can you guys not with the mushy shit right now?" Gemma rolled her eyes.

"Language!" I feigned shock.

She hit my leg with a pillow, but we were so tangled up that she really hit you. You rolled halfway over and blinked sleepily at her, "whuh?"

She covered her face, which was flooding with colour. "Shit, I'm sorry Maddie. I was aiming for Haz."

You took the pillow from her hand and in one swift move, smacked me square in the face with it. "There ya go," you handed her the pillow back, while she and mum just laughed.

"Hey!" I pouted.

"Sisters before misters," you shrugged.

"Speaking of misters," mum said as the front door opened. "Robin's here!"

I climbed out of your embrace, sticking my tongue out. "Daddies before Maddies." You gave me this look like I'd said something weird, and slowly I realised that it sounded kind of oddly sexual. "Shut up," I grumbled. I ran to the entryway and threw my arms around Robin. "Hiya, dad!"

He chuckled, a rumbling sound like a bear. "Hiya, son." He squeezed me tight. Robin gives great hugs. He kissed mum while still hugging me close. "Dinner smells great, love."

"It's ready," she ran her hand down my back. "Why don't we eat in front of the telly tonight," she grinned, "Gemma's in a right state about some show she's got to watch."

"I've already missed the whole start thanks to you lot!" She shouted. "Oh, and hi Robin!"

I heard you laughing as Robin and I made our way through to the lounge. Gemma had stolen my spot on the sofa next to you, and the two of you were sitting close. "Robin, this is Maddie. Maddie this is my dad, Robin." Robin grinned at me, as if he didn't expect to be introduced as "dad." But like, he is my dad. He's the best dad I've ever had. Don't get me wrong, you know I love my father. But Robin is the man I rely on for like, fatherly stuff.

You stood and reached for his hand, but he pulled you into a hug. "Hi there, lovely. It's so nice to meet you, Maddie."

"Thanks," you blushed and fidgeted, "you too."

He held me against him again, "this one talks about you constantly."

You sat down next to Gemma again, looking up at me, fighting a smile. "Does he?"

Gemma scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Non bloody stop," but she too was hiding a smile.

"Why is it pick on Harry day?" I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. Gem pulled a silly face at me. Mum tugged on my arm, gesturing for me to help her carry out the plates. Somehow in the shuffle of serving dinner and drinks, I ended up on the small sofa with Robin, while you and Gem and mum were on the larger. Mum stood to swap, but I patted Robin's knee, "no it's okay, mum. Robin and I are due a snuggle."

Once dinner was through, I pulled a blanket over our knees and leaned into Robin's side, and we talked quietly while you ladies watched Gavin and Stacey. "So how are things, m'boy?"

"Everything's great," I smiled. "I made good grades. And the band has gotten some success with a regular spot in this showcase for student musicians."

He raised his eyebrows appreciatively. "Nice. And with your lovely girl?" He gestured your way. You looked over right at that moment, as if you knew we were talking about you.

"Amazing."

He chuckled, his whole body rumbling again. "Boy, you are besotted, aren't you?" I shrugged, nodding and blushing. "I recognise that look you're giving her." I glanced at him. He squeezed my shoulder. "That's how I feel about your mum."

My face melted into a soft smile, looking from him to her. Sure enough, he was gazing at her with as much love as I felt for you. I wrapped my free arm around his belly, leaning my head against his chest. "I'm so happy for you and mum, Robin." He kissed the top of my head. "You've been my dad for a long time now, but I think it's great you are making it all official, like."

He lowered his voice further, "me too, lad, me too. She's the most incredible woman, and I am a lucky man. I promise you, I'll always take good care of her."

"I know you will." I hugged him tighter. "I'm sorry you're staying up with Mike this week. You didn't have to, ya know. I mean, you all could have come down."

He patted my back. "It's okay, son. This place is a bit small to hold the lot of us."

When the episode was over, he and mum retreated upstairs for awhile, and we helped Gem wash the dinner dishes. When we finished the washing up, we resumed watching Gavin and Stacey. Robin called his farewells as he headed out a couple hours later.

The next day, I arranged to borrow mum's car later in the week for our outing to Liverpool. Then you showed her and Gem how to make your famous apple pie, which was such a lovely moment. It warmed my heart to see you getting on so well with them. The pies turned out perfect. I think I ate a whole pie myself.

The morning we were set to drive over to Liverpool, you were in the loo putting on makeup while I got dressed. I tugged my blue flannel shirt on, but the buttons strained against my belly, so I peeled it back off, muttering to myself, shit. I craned my neck to examine my paunch. In the few months we'd been together, I went from bone thin, too thin for my comfort, to perhaps a bit chubby. I smacked my gut with my open palm and sighed. I had already signed up for the weight training class at the university, and now I really felt like I needed it. Not that I was that far off my usual size, but I hadn't really done any regular sort of workout since moving to LA, and I just wanted to get back to my prime fitness: strong and fit and well, I wanted to be your fucking Greek statue. I pulled on my Kiss tshirt, which was always a bit big, with the sheer floral shirt I nearly wore for our first date unbuttoned over it instead. But that sheer shirt would not provide any comfort from the cold. I knocked at Gemma's door.

"Hey Gem?"

"Yeah?" She pulled the door open and flopped back onto her bed.

"Do you have one of those oversized sweaters I can borrow? I, uh, I don't have anything really cosy to wear out."

She frowned, a deep crease between her brows. "Why ever not?"

I shrugged, "Put on some weight." I blushed and crossed my arms over my stomach.

"Have you? You look good to me, Haz."

I shrugged again. "Been eating well. But it's, like, never cold in LA, so I haven't really had much need to get anything warm that'll fit me now."

She got up and dug through her closet, holding out a wide-necked, wide-stitch black sweater. "It's warmer than it looks."

I pulled it on, the gaping neck draped at the edges of my shoulders. "This neck is huge," I toyed with the stitching.

"Yeah, it's off the shoulder on me," she batted my hand away and adjusted it, so that the collar of my floral shirt was even.

"Thanks, Jimmers."

"Stop calling me that!" She rolled her eyes, but her smile was not well hidden at all.

I grabbed her from the side into an exaggerated hug, my arms clutching her shoulder. "Thanks, Jimmers. I love you, Jimmers. You're the best sister ever, Jimmers." I kissed her cheek repeatedly.

"Get off," she shoved me away, wiping at her face. But again, she was grinning.

You met me downstairs a few minutes later, where mum was reviewing the many quirks of her car. I hugged her the same way I'd just hugged Gem. "I love you, mummy. Don't worry, we'll be fine."

You smiled so sweetly at us. "Hang on, let me take a picture of you two," you said, pulling your phone from your back pocket. You beamed as you held your phone in front of your face, tapping at the screen. "Cute," you said almost to yourself.

Mum kissed my cheek and handed me over the keys, "drive safe, my sweet boy. Maddie, you'll have to send me that," she leaned over to look at your phone. You shined under her gaze, your fingers dancing over the screen again as she gave you her number. She kissed your cheek, then. "Have fun, darlings."

"Thanks," you waved and shrugged and fidgeted all in one awkward motion that was so unbearably loveable, so undeniably you.

We took off a bit later than intended, but still made good time. We held hands the whole way over there, and you asked questions the entire time.

"So do you still have a lot of friends in the area?"

"No, most of them moved away. I suppose some are home for the holidays." I thought of Josh. Fern's Josh. I wondered idly whether he would be in France with her family, and how it would go. If her father would approve of him anymore than he had me.

"Is it weird driving on the wrong side of the road?"

"It's not the wrong side, Maddie. England came first. Amero-centric," I tutted, shaking my head.

"Yeah, but we invented cars."

I laughed so loud. "Yeah, but you didn't invent roads!" I shook my head, still laughing. "I love you."

You smiled smugly, as if you'd won, "I love you, too." We'd reached Liverpool. "Do you think Pete Best ever just sits here, like, I was almost famous?"

"Good movie, that," I said.

"Yeah it is," you looked surprised and impressed, which pleased me. "What's your favourite movie?"

Rather than pretending some artsy movie that would further impress you was my favourite, I answered honestly, "Mrs. Grumpus. Duh," I grinned. You smacked my shoulder. "Hey, hey, no hitting the driver."

"I hate you."

"Ouch. From love to hate so quickly," I clutched my chest with one hand, wearing a look of pain.

"Give me a real answer," you rolled your eyes.

"That is my real answer. I love that movie."

You covered your face. "Ugh. Stop. It's awful. I hate it."

I reached over and pulled your hands away, just as we reached the carpark in the centre of Liverpool. "Maddie, you have no idea how incredible you are, do you?" I pulled the car to a stop and parked. We started to roll backwards. "Shit," I fumbled with the handbrake. One of the many quirks mum had mentioned...the transmission was faltering, and the "park" gear was somewhat stripped away, so the car would roll without the emergency brake on. "Okay," I hovered my hands over the gearshifter for a moment. "Back to my lil Grumpus."

You groaned, "Please don't, Harry. Those movies are terrib--"

I tucked my hand under your chin and turned your face to me, "They aren't though. They're funny and sweet and sad and filled with so much heart and you were so good in them, Madelyn. I'm not just saying that to--to blow smoke up your arse," you laughed a little, "I promise you. I know you well enough to know how much you would hate that. I'd never tell you I liked something if I didn't, okay?" You nodded a little. "Can you tell me why you don't like them?"

You shrugged a little. "I don't know." You sighed and looked me straight in the eye. "I've never actually watched--" I laughed. I laughed so hard, you hit me again. "Hey, stop it. I'm trying to be serious here."

"You've never even seen them, but you say they're terrible. Baby, how can you," I laughed again, my thought trailing off in my giggles.

"It's like, what they represent, I guess. Like, well, like they're the start of all this. The start of my career," you made air quotes around the last word. "I guess I kind of resent those movies because they landed me here."

I frowned a little. "But here is with me," I said quietly.

You smiled. "Okay, Mrs. Grumpus is my favourite, too."

I don't think my smile could have been wider. I shook my head as I leaned closer to kiss you, "can't believe you never watched it." We kissed, delicate at first, but with increasing passion as our tongues twirled.

You coughed and pulled away, looking out the windows around us, with your cheeks tinted a luminous shade of love. "We should, we should, um, get going?" I nodded, and perhaps a flicker of frustration passed across my face because you bit your lip with a look of worry.

We left the carpark and went down to the road, perusing the map Gemma had lent us. But before we started walking, you wrapped your arms around my neck and kissed me again, as if to prove you could. As if to say, I don't care who sees. I rested my forehead against yours.

"I'm so fucking lucky," I murmured. Why, you breathed, almost not even loud enough to count as an utterance, your eyes cast down. "Maddie," I whispered, just as quiet, and you looked up to meet my eyes, "because you're here, because you're mine." You kissed me again. "Because you love me."

"So much," you whispered between kisses. I broke the kiss and moved to kiss your cheek and ear and neck. You squirmed out of my grasp, giggling. "Let's go, love."

You laced your fingers into mine and we walked along the tourist path, taking in the significant sights. One of the memorialised locations had been turned into a restaurant. We sat and ate burgers and fries, our ankles linked under the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw a guy with a camera. I turned my head for a better view, but there was no one. I shook my head slightly.

"You ready?" I asked. I was knackered and in need of a nap. You nodded, and we headed back to the carpark. As I pulled the car out, I noticed a grey suv pulling out down the aisle. I waited to let them pass, but they waved me on. Halfway to home, I caught sight of the same vehicle behind us. I frowned and glanced at you, dozing lightly in the passenger seat. The more I thought of it, the more it seemed to me that car had been in Holmes Chapel that morning. "Shit," I cursed when I took the back road, and that suv swerved crazily to make the exit.

"What's wrong?" You asked sleepily.

"We're being followed," I chewed on my lower lip.

You looked over your shoulder. They were blatant now, with a camera hanging out of the window. Had they been this obvious earlier, but we'd just been too wrapped up in one another to notice? No, surely not. "It's paparazzi," you said, almost indifferently. "Just drive home. It's fine." When I pulled into mum's, you told me to wait there, and you walked to the end of the drive. The car started to roll, and I had to hurry to pull the handbrake. Stupid car. I couldn't hear what you were saying, or what they were saying, but I could see your posture turn from relaxed to tense in a beat. I walked over, despite your instruction to stay back; I wasn't just going to let them abuse you. As I reached the end of the drive, you said, "Please, leave his family in peace. I am in the limelight, not them."

"Harry," Jesus they knew my name. It was weird. I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me so much, since it was well known by then that we were an item, but still..."what do you think of Maddie's nomination?"

I smiled, looking down at you, "It's well-deserved." The photographers were snapping pictures so fast, it sounded almost like a dragonfly's wings fluttering by on a summer day. But it was winter, and they weren't dragonflies. Insects, perhaps, but nothing so lovely. Pests. Ants or roaches. Still, I tried to be kind as we shivered there in the crisp dusk air, "Now, can you kindly move along?"

They did, which I doubt had anything to do with my asking, but rather just that they'd gotten what they came for. When we got inside, you apologised to me, which I assured you was unnecessary. You explained, "I don't get followed as much in LA anymore, but I guess I'm big news around here because of you."

As if. "No, it's not because of me. I mean, you're Maddie Turner. You're always going to be big news."

You pursed your lips, "I hope not."

There was this distance between us for the next couple of days after that. You'd gone quiet and cold, and I didn't know why, other than that these assholes had made you uncomfortable, had seemingly come between us. Late that night, when you were asleep, wearing a full pyjama set, I noted, I skimmed through Twitter, to find pictures of us all day long. My mum kissing you, us in the car laughing down the M6, kissing you in the carpark and outside the carpark, outside mum's at sunset. Just every single moment. It was so invasive, and I felt sick. My stomach was tight and turning with anxiety. This was why you pulled away from the kiss in the car, and why you pulled away from me.

Three days before Christmas, though, you lay curled up on the couch, and I finally realised what was wrong. You were cramped up and hurting.

"Love, do you want me to rub your back?"

You nodded, almost whimpered out a yes. I kicked myself for not realising sooner what you needed.

I sent you on ahead upstairs and made you a quick cup of chamomile tea. "Give her this," Gemma held out a bag of maltesers. "Chocolate. Always chocolate."

I chuckled, grabbed a banana too, and headed upstairs. I gave you the tea and banana first, then gave you a soothing rubdown like I'd done a month earlier. "Thank you," you mumbled into your folded arms.

"My pleasure, my love." I swept your hair to one side and leaned down to kiss your cheek. "Was worried you were mad," I said quietly.

"Why would I be mad?" You frowned, turning onto your side and reaching for the chocolates.

"Paps."

"Well, sure, I was pissed at them, but not at you, Harry."

"Okay, that's good, I just...I dunno. We'd had such a lovely day and then they came along and spoiled it, and I just thought maybe you blamed me for it."

You laughed, but it was a bitter, sarcastic laugh. "If anything, you should be blaming me," you argued. "They're here because of me."

We dropped the subject as we cuddled up. It was just past midnight, and therefore Christmas Eve. I wrote out a quick tweet to Louis, wishing him a happy birthday. Your phone buzzed. You swiped it open and quoted my tweet to him with a message of your own. I watched this with a deepening sense of awe.

"Have you got my notifications turned on?"

"Shut up," you grabbed my phone out of my hand and reached past me to click the light off.

I laughed, holding you close to me. "My birthday as your passcode, my notifications turned on. Why, Madelyn, I'm starting to think you have a crush on me."

"I mean, I guess."

I don't really remember much about Christmas Eve, other than helping mum cook. And chatting briefly with Louis, who called to say thank you to both of us. He was buzzing, as he put it, from your public acknowledgment of his birthday. And I guess falling asleep with you in my arms that night is still pretty vivid in my mind. I remember reflecting that this was the best, most exciting Christmas I'd ever had.

We woke quite early and met Gemma in the hall. She hugged us both and said a sleepy happy Christmas as we made our way downstairs. Mum was already in the kitchen with coffee on, and Robin stood sleepily by her side, having driven up after my nephew Archie went to bed the night before. He sliced us each some pie, and mum poured us coffee. We carried it all into the sitting room and ate with the Christmas lights illuminating the cool, quiet morning. Eventually Gemma nudged me with her sock-covered toes.

"Go on then, Santa's little helper."

I crawled over to the tree and started handing out the presents. It had always been my favourite thing to do, handing everyone their packages. I love seeing the joy on everyone's faces when they take hold of a box, their minds whirring with all the possibilities of what's inside. A wrapped package is almost better than whatever's inside, in some ways, because there's the promise that it could be the thing you'd most desired in the world.

I didn't need any packages; I already had what I most desired in the world: your love.

You became flustered when I handed you the present from your mum, and I saw the promise of hopes and wishes pass across your face. "She asked me to give it to you before we left," I murmured. You cried when you opened it, and I wondered if what you received was the thing you'd most desired from her. You covered your face, expressing embarrassment that you were crying, but all of us were moved by the moment, Maddie. It was beautiful, seeing you react to your mother reaching out to you. Knowing how hard it was, how bad things had been between you...I don't know, it was just so powerful to witness that little flicker of your relationship rekindling.

"Oh, yes, Maddie! Really?" Gemma exclaimed. I glanced at her in confusion. She explained, "Maddie's invited me to come visit and bought me a first class ticket."

I couldn't believe it.

"Oh, us too," mum said. "How lovely. Thank you, Maddie."

I couldn't fucking believe it.

You do realise that having them come to visit was as much as gift for me as it was for them, right? I couldn't believe it. I kissed you, holding your face to mine urgently.

I finally opened my gifts. From Gemma, I got a pair of oversized jumpers, one grey and one lavender. From mum and Robin, a new bass guitar, quite unusual and lovely in its colouring, and far more expensive than I thought they could really afford. From my aunts and cousins, various gift certificates and cash. From you...a flat box wrapped in shiny silver and gold paper with a metallic green bow. I wasn't ready for the promise to fade into reality.

I glanced over at you just as you held up the picture frame from mum, your mouth opening and closing in disbelief. "How?"

"Harry borrowed some pictures from your mum. I told him what I wanted and he found, just, the perfect pictures."

"This is the best thing anyone has ever given me. Thank you so much." Mum hugged you tight, rubbing her hands up and down your back. When you reclined again, I noticed you had my gift left. I held up my last remaining package.

"You first," I whispered.

You grinned, "Same time." I nodded, but I wanted to watch you open it. You didn't until I started to open mine. I bit my lip and tore away the pretty paper and lifted the lid. And oh. My. God. I blinked several times before standing up, as if my body couldn't contain my excitement in a seated position. "Are you serious?" I looked again, just to make sure I was really seeing what I thought was there. This was a promise, a wish, a hope I had never even considered, and now that it was in my grasp, I was dumbstruck. I held the tickets for mum to see.

"Rolling Stones. Oh that will be fun. They're great live."

I looked from her to the tickets to you. "How--" I started to ask, but you were crying. I saw the bracelet I'd made in your shaking hands. I knelt in front of you, brushing away your tears. "Madelyn." I heard my mother gasp. I think she thought I was proposing. I took the bracelet from your hand, attached it around your wrist, touched the engraved plates. My hands shook now, my nerves electrified. I was nervous, praying you'd like it. Anxious, hoping you'd understand the meaning behind this gift, the promise of my love for you. I forced myself to look away from the glittering beads to your dark eyes, shining with emotion. I touched your tear stained cheek, kissed your slightly swollen lips. "I wrote these songs as I was falling in love with you, Maddie. You make me so happy and so much stronger, and I will always try to do the same for you," I paused to take a breath, to steady myself, to kiss you again, "I love you, Madelyn Turner."

~~~~~

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