"I love you."

Could you really have just said those words to me? Those words I had swallowed down so many times...words I whispered while you slept. Could I really be enough? You loved me. You. Loved. Me. My brain almost couldn't fathom it. You loved me. You said you loved me.

I sucked in a breath and gazed up at you in awe. I couldn't believe what you had just said. I opened my mouth to speak just as you turned away, "All. And I am so thankful for you."

I breathed out, my eyes still trained on you, but you were looking everywhere except at me.

"Say it back, mate," Liam muttered into my ear.

In a daze, I turned toward him, the slightest shake of my head as your hand tugged free of mine and you sat down.

"Harry, would you help me carve?" I blinked at your mom, expectantly waiting for me.

"Sure. Yeah, sure." I stood, but I couldn't quite feel my feet beneath me, as if my heart was pumping so hard it forgot about my legs. I grazed my hand over your shoulder as I reached the tray with the turkey. "I, erm, I don't really know how to do this."

"It's pretty easy. Just stab the bird here with the serving fork." I stabbed. "And cut along here with the knife." I cut.

"Like that?"

"Yep." Meredith turned to the group as I continued slicing the meat away from the carcass, "You should pass the sides around." I heard laughter and glanced behind me. You and Niall were leaned over your place settings, shaking with giggles. Louis caught my eye and gave me a subtle thumbs up. I smiled to myself as I turned back to the turkey.

You're okay. This is good. This is everything you want. Relax.

I tuned in, just in time to hear a tense exchange between you and your mother about the pie. Meredith rolled her eyes, "We'll see how it turned out."

I reached my hand out and touched your neck with my fingertips, hoping to ease some of your tension. This day was so important to you, having your mother there was so important, and I wanted to do whatever I could to make sure you were okay. To make sure that the day was everything you hoped it would be. I said to the room in your defence, "We had pie for breakfast this morning. It was delicious." I felt your body relax, as if you breathed the stress out in a sigh. I wanted to fold my arms around you and tell you how much I loved you. Instead, I sliced more turkey. I glanced up at Meredith. "Is this? Am I? Is this right?"

She nodded and gestured for me to hand the platter off to the table. I gave it to you, my hands shaking ever so slightly. When I was back to carving, placing the meat on an empty serving dish, you asked, "Harry, do you want light or dark meat?"

"I'll try both."

Louis' voice rang out loudly in the quiet room, "Maddie only wants white meat."

I turned to glare at him, but the whole table was laughing. He shrugged slightly, his head tipped. He was doing exactly what I'd asked of them, actually. Help you get through this. Maddie's nervous, I'd said, help her get through this. He was distracting you and the guests from the tension that was bubbling up between you and your mother. I nodded my thanks to him, just as Meredith rested her hand on mine.

"We've got plenty now."

"Okay," I smiled at her.

She held my hand for a moment longer, and I squeezed it reassuringly. We both joined the table, and I was pleasantly surprised to find a plate heaped full of all the sides. It looked and smelled so delicious. I was beyond excited to eat this food I'd watched you labour over for days.

"Dig in," you said, watching the table-full with adoring eyes.

Liam leaned in close to me again, nudging me with his elbow, "tell her, Haz. Say it."

I shoved him away with my own elbow, again with the slightest shake of my head. But fuck, if Liam was saying the time was right, it really must be. He'd been the strongest voice against it, knowing how hurt I would be if I misjudged everything and was alone in my feelings. Knowing how hurt I had been time and again by Abby and Fern, girls who didn't really love me in the end. Now, he was urging me to say it. My heart started to race.

I leaned toward you and whispered, "Why aren't you eating?"

You shrugged, finally looking at me. Your cheeks flushed immediately as our eyes met, and god my heart leapt and sped ever faster. You looked so beautiful, your eyes slightly wet from all that laughing, your cheeks rosy and blushed, your lip chewed between your teeth nervously. "I will. I'm just watching everyone enjoy it for a minute," you explained, looking away from me to your plate.

As the happy sounds of this little family eating drowned out the beating of my heart, I slid my hand under the table and clasped yours in mine, both resting on your knee. You were trembling, just the faintest shiver, but now that I could feel it with my hand, I could see it with my eyes as well. Your whole body was quaking. I replayed your speech in my mind. I have asked you to share this day with me here because you matter to me. I matter. I haven't always been very good at showing people that. You don't always know how to show it. But I want you to know. You want me to know. I love you. You love me.

I breathed out shakily and leaned in. Okay. It's time. It's finally time. Tell her. Tell her now. You have to tell her. I'm pretty sure I was shaking just as much as you were. She loves you. Just tell her. I passed my tongue over my teeth, trying to get my mouth to work. God, she's so beautiful, how can she possibly love me? Shut up. Just tell her already! I leaned even closer, right to your ear. Fuck, here goes everything. "Madelyn Turner," I said, barely above a whisper, "I love you." Fuck. Oh god, oh fuck, what the fuck am I doing?

You pulled back, as if in surprise, and I struggled to meet your eyes. I was so fucking nervous, and our joined hands were drenched in my sweat. You had this look of utter shock on your face. So, maybe she wasn't talking to me? Fuck. I didn't know what to think, honestly. I sat back, retreating in defeat. But you hooked your free hand around my neck and pulled me back, kissing me urgently. Oh my god, please. Please let this be real. Please let this be...mutual. I brought my free hand up and touched your cheek lightly, just wanting to know your face pressed to mine was really there and it wasn't just my teenage fantasy.

I love you so much, Madelyn. My biggest fear in life then and now and always is that I will lose you.

This kiss was just about the best reassurance I could have asked for in that moment. And it was on full display for your family and my band to see. When the catcalls started, you pulled away, wiping our blended saliva from your lips. "Oh, shut up and eat your food." I squeezed your hand. You looked back at me, and I smiled, love and joy shining from my face in a beaming spectrum of all the shades of happiness.

When you finally started to eat, I did too, using my left hand awkwardly rather than releasing our twined fingers to use my right. It was...incredible. I don't think words can ever truly capture how delicious your Thanksgiving feast was. Was the food better, sweeter, more savoury because my heart was so full? Perhaps. Perhaps, love. But that was easily the best meal I've ever had.

"So what do you do, Harry?" Meredith's boyfriend asked me.

"Um," I covered my mouth to swallow down a bite of mashed potatoes. "I work at a deli."

"Which one?" Jenna raised her eyebrows with interest.

"Sal's, just at the bottom of the hill here," I pointed.

"I love that place!" Amelia, Sam's date chirped. "I order from there all the time."

I nodded. "Yeah. I've, uh, I've delivered to you a few times." I recognised her right away when I let them in earlier, but I didn't say anything, you know, because discretion or what have you.

She frowned and tilted her head, as if trying to remember me. "Really? How funny," she slapped her hand on Sam's arm. "Did I tip you well?"

Humiliation flooded through me, heating my face and neck. Such a stark reminder that I was from a different world than you all. That I didn't belong at the same table, but rather should be bringing the food to your doors.

Just as I started to answer, Mitch cut in, "but the music thing is really what you're about, isn't it? That's your career path?" I simply nodded.

I guess because working at a deli isn't good enough for Maddie Turner in everyone else's eyes. I glanced at you, but you were talking to Niall across the table, and I had the sense that you'd missed this whole line of questioning. I couldn't decide if I was grateful you had missed it so you wouldn't have to witness my embarrassment, or if I was sorry that I couldn't gauge your reaction to what they were saying or, rather, implying.

"How's that going? Your music? Is it, are you, have you had success?" Meredith joined in too, now, and I desperately wanted to change the subject. My level footing was dissolving beneath me, and I needed to disengage before it was gone, and I was left hanging, holding onto my place in your life by the thinnest thread.

"Yeah," Liam wiped at his mouth with his napkin, "we've been really fortunate here to be able to grow our audience, and we're just writing constantly, building up a catalog of songs so when we get a record deal, we'll have plenty of songs to choose from."

"It's a tough industry to break into," Mike said.

"It is," I agreed, finally releasing your hand and balling mine into fists. "My father is a musician, too, so I'm well familiar with the challenges."

That seemed to stop the conversation in its tracks, though I don't really know why, and the whole table gradually fell silent, with just a few murmurs about being stuffed and how good the food was.

"I'll take care of the dishes, Madelyn," your mother offered, patting your arm.

"You don't have to do that, mom. I've got it." You smiled at her. It was lovely to see you two trying so hard with one another, and it helped me forget my humiliation and irritation for a moment.

Then Louis killed the moment with his snark, "You mean you don't have a maid?" You shook your head, laughing as you always did when he rolled out the sarcasm. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "How do you keep your place so clean?"

"Well, I live alone." Oh. Wow. Um. Just...Wow. That hurt more than it probably should have, and I was filled with humiliation again. I'd only just told the lads we were living together last week, but apparently not? "And I'm not a slob like you guys."

Do you know how sometimes when you're stressed or sad or anxious or upset, how like, time sort of seems to slow down and speed up at the same time and you don't really hear or see anything even though your eyes are open and there are noises all around you but all you hear is your own heart and all you see is a blur? That was me.

Liam's chair scraping back snapped it all into focus, and I stood too. You had already left the room. I felt like I should say something, like I should say something as the host, but I wasn't the host, as it turned out, this wasn't my house, as you'd just made clear, so what could I even say that wouldn't sound completely presumptuous and out of turn? I muttered, "excuse me," and maybe also, "make yourselves at home," which was a stupid thing to say if it wasn't my home, then I hurried down the hall to the sanctuary of your bedroom.

You lived alone. I had gotten that so wrong. Fuck, that hurt. Was I also wrong in thinking you'd said you loved me? It seemed the only thing that I was right about all afternoon was how far outside of your world I was. Fuck. I wanted to cry. I stared out the window and replayed everything. Did I tip you? I live alone. I love you. All. Fuck. I was so off the mark and I told you I loved you when you weren't even saying it to me, you were saying it to everyone. To all. And then even after I said it to you, you didn't actually say it back. You just looked surprised. She definitely wasn't saying it in her speech, if she was that surprised after I said it... My mind bounced from one point of humiliation to another until I felt so small and out of place there in your room, in your house, in your life.

I was so lost in my own tangled thoughts, I didn't know you'd approached until I heard your shoe hit the wooden divide in the doorway. I glanced up and tried to pull myself together when I saw the look of concern on your face. This was your day. This was such an important day for you, a day you had worked so hard to achieve. Not just in the hours you spent on the food, but in the years of healing it took you to have your mum come around. I didn't want to be a sour point in an otherwise sweet day.

"What's wrong?" you asked, your worry heavy in your tone.

I shook my head as you sat beside me. "It's stupid. Don't worry about it."

"I'm sure it's not." You touched my hand, prised open my balled fist, slid your fingers between mine. "Please talk to me."

I swallowed. I knew I shouldn't. I knew it wasn't the right time, but I also knew I wouldn't really be able to enjoy the rest of the day with all of this weighing on me. Still, I couldn't look at you as I spoke, my eyes trained on this leaf outside that was trapped against a potted plant--an impatiens--fluttering in the breeze, as if trying to escape. "You said you live here alone. And I know you never officially asked me to live here, but I sort of do. And I thought you..." Fuck. I couldn't say it. I couldn't admit I thought you loved me when you didn't. "I'm an idiot. Forget it." I got up and tried to walk toward the door, but you stopped me, pressing your hand to my chest.

"Harry, I love you." Oh my... what? Oh my god. I looked down into your eyes, filling with tears. There was no doubt now whether you were saying these words to me or everyone. These were all for me. "Please don't go." I felt my feet steadying beneath me.

Unable to speak, I kissed you, both of my hands cupping your face. And for a moment, I understood your reaction at the table. The surprise followed by the kiss. Perhaps you were just as overwhelmed as I was in this moment. This kiss was gentler, though, less fervent. I pressed my lips to yours again and again in tiny manifestations of love. Tears spilled down your cheeks, and I brushed at them with my thumbs, still holding you to me tenderly, kissing you over and over and over.

There was so much I wanted to say. I finally pulled my lips away from yours and inhaled a deep sigh, rested my forehead against yours and gazed into your eyes, steadied myself and spoke. "I love you, Maddie. I'm so entirely in love with you. God, I've been wanting to say it for so long, but I've been so fucking afraid and then tonight, I thought you were saying it to me. And--"

You interrupted, a look of worry flashing across your face, "I was. I did. I mean, I panicked right after, and tried to cover it. Because I've been wanting to say it for way too long." I laughed in relief. "Like, I don't know how long it takes a normal person to fall in love, so I just thought I was...alone."

"Oh, my beautiful girl. You have me. You're not alone. You'll never be alone again."

"I love you," you beamed at me.

I kissed you. "I love you."

You bit your lip, "Live with me."

I swallowed nervously, worried you were feeling pressured. "You don't have to--"

But you wiped that worry away quickly, "I've been wanting to say that for awhile, too. I love you, and I want you to live here, like officially. Please."

"Like, okay," we laughed into another kiss. "I love you so much, Maddie." I kissed your head as I slid my arms tight around your shoulders. Your body relaxed against mine, and we stood like that for several moments, love radiating through me. I focused on every little detail. The way your caramel hair had the vague smell of Thanksgiving dinner infused in it. The way your hands were clutching my sweater, pulling it tight against my abdomen. The way the light outside had faded from a hazy glow to darkness. The way my heart had settled into a regular rhythm. The way I wanted to stay here like this forever.

The way you offered me pie and I had to be an idiot and make it sexual. But you laughed and said later, and I of course took you up on that. Later.

We walked out to the lounge, where Louis and Liam were playing around with your piano. You cuddled up against me, your arms around my neck and your fingers playing with my hair. "You told everyone I know that you love me before me," you accused in whisper. Shit. I laughed nervously and shrugged it off, asking if you'd told anyone. "My therapist."

Whoa. "Really? What did she say?"

"Nothing, really. It was the day you found me outside...Matt's birthday. I just had bigger issues to deal with."

The thought of you confessing your love for me weeks ago made me smile. Made the crumbled earth under us solid again.

Liam asked you to play a song, and I wanted to smack him. Couldn't he see you were busy being held in my arms?? I glared at him, but then your mum got in the mix, and you agreed to do it, all the tension returning to your shoulders. I pressed my thumbs into the knots there, trying to get you to relax again. "You don't have to put on a show for them," I said.

But you did put on the show. Your nerves were evident, but as always, you displayed such strength, pushing through your fear to entertain others. I have to admit, in retrospect, I'm quite happy you did go on with the song, largely because you sang it directly to me, and the whole time I felt my confidence returning. Perhaps you knew I needed to hear it. Perhaps the show wasn't for them at all.

I'll never let you go, never cut you out, never leave you alone. No, I'll never let you go. You burn, desire like coal. Stealing my every breath with your loving caress. My heart riots in my chest. Take it all, take whatever's left. I'll never let you go, never cut you out, never leave you alone. No, I'll never let you go.

I kissed you so deeply when the song was over. Like, I have never been one for pda, but with you I didn't care what anyone else thought. I wanted to show you how much it meant to me. How much you meant to me. I moved my kisses from your lips across your cheek to your ear, murmuring I love yous along the way.

Meredith sniffled behind you, and you turned slightly to face her. "You play so well. Were you...were you playing the day he smashed it?"

"Yes, but I always played quietly enough that he wouldn't hear. Matty came home and played with me, but he always pounded the keys."

What. The. Fuck. I felt adrenaline spike in my veins. Your father destroyed your piano...I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was so much more of a monster than I ever really understood before then. I hated him. I hated him so much in that moment.

"But what about the fifteen years without a piano?" Jesus. You were...three years old? I reached for you, sliding my hand onto your hip and rubbing slow circles with my thumb. You and Meredith embraced, and she grasped my hand as she clutched your back. Thank you, she mouthed before burying her head in your shoulder. Seeing you like this, happy and comforted by your mother's embrace...I loved her. I loved her for a moment.

We served up the pie for everyone, and good god, your mum's pumpkin pie really was delectable. Not as good as your apple, but close. Liam nudged my knee at one point and leaned close to ask if you and I were okay. I nodded, grinning and giving him a thumbs up below the table. Sam and Mike chatted about the football games that had been running all afternoon, and I chimed in to ask how the Packers had done. You know I've been a Packers fan for years, but I guess I'll save that story for another day...

We hugged everyone goodbye at the door. Meredith again thanked me, holding my upper arms in a bracing gesture. I simply smiled in return. Liam hugged me tight and asked if I was okay. I nodded and said we were good, again. I shook hands with Mike and Mitch and Sam, each of them acting as if they had some paternal protectiveness over you. It was funny, actually. You'd thought of yourself as so alone but here were so many so fierce fatherly figures looking out for you.

We spent the next hour packing away all the leftovers into plastic tubs. My phone binged in my pocket. I washed my hands and pulled it out.

Liam: Please tell Maddie thank you so much for having all of us. We loved the food and the company.

"Liam says thank you." I grinned as you stretched up to kiss me. "They loved the food."

"Oh good, I'm glad," you smiled back, kissing me again. We walked together toward the bedroom. "By the way, I've thought a lot about this whole video thing. I'd really like to do it, if you're willing."

"Yeah?" I beamed at you in surprise. You nodded decisively. "Okay, baby. Let me just tell Liam." I typed out a quick response.

Me: she says she's glad you liked it. And she'd be happy to film a video for us. :)

"I guess we'll go get all your shit from the duplex tomorrow."

"Ha," I laughed low, pressing my body against yours in the doorway. "There's not much left there, honestly." We kissed, hands roving over one another's bodies, and all I was thinking about was collecting my promised Maddie Pie. I peeled your clothes off and then my own. You laughed. I mean. That isn't the reaction a guy hopes for, Madelyn. "What are you giggling about, Miss Turner?" You pointed at my feet and covered your mouth with your hand as your laughter bubbled further. I looked down and wiggled my toes. I lifted my scowl to meet your laughing gaze, and oh lord, you took my breath away. Your pinked cheeks and bared teeth and squinted eyes, the subtle shimmying of your flesh under the power of your laughter. I pressed myself to you again, our faces so close, just a breath away from kissing, "You're so beautiful, Maddie."

You tipped your head back, our eyes locked, our lips lined up and ready. "So are you. Mostly." I chuckled and kissed you finally, our naked forms pressed tight against the doorjamb. My hands slid down your back and over your rump. I was aching for release, pressing so hard against your hip. Almost involuntarily, my hips rutted into yours, seeking relief as our kisses intensified. "I love you," you said, pushing me away lightly.

"I love you, too." I went back in for more, kissing your neck and grabbing handfuls of your ass.

You pushed lightly again. "I'm, um, still not..." Fuck. I shifted my hips away.

Breathless, I replied, "I know."

"No, I mean, I'm not ready to..."

"I know." I stepped away completely, holding my hands away from my body in surrender. "I know, baby. We won't. It's okay. We won't until you're ready."

Your face crumpled, like...I don't know, like you were uncertain what that even meant. "I've never done any of this relationship shit, and I just don't know how it usually works. Like I didn't know if 'I love you,' was like a green light in your mind."

"Maddie, baby, you pulling me into you, will be the only green light here." You nodded wordlessly. I closed the small space between us and folded one arm low around your waist. With the other, I tipped your chin up and kissed you. "I love you. I'm not trying to push you past your limits here. I want to show you how much I love you, want to make you feel it," I dropped my voice so low at the end as my hand traversed from your hip across your lower back and around to the front. You inhaled sharply as my hand covered the apex of your thighs, probing into the deep wet hiding beneath. You pressed your hand over mine and moved my finger yet deeper. I sighed and slid to my knees, watching your face the whole time. "Maddie pie," I exhaled. As I plunged my finger as deep as it would go, I buried my nose in your hair, mumbling against your tender skin, "So wet. So sweet. So tart. So tight." I added a second finger, and the sound from somewhere so deep inside of you made my cock twitch. With my other hand, I toyed with the head lightly, teasing myself as I pleased you. My tongue and fingers worked together faster, unraveling all your bundled nerves in a quivering release. I pulled my coated fingers out and slid them into my mouth, savouring the taste of you.

I wobbled to my feet and leaned in to kiss you. You halted me by asking, "Can I...um reciprocate?" And I nearly fell over. I steadied myself on the doorframe behind you.

"You want to suck my cock?" Holy fuck please say yes.

"Do you say things like that to embarrass me on purpose?"

Of course I didn't! "No, I just say what I'm thinking without editing it." I really needed to learn to edit. Slow the fuck down, Harry, and think before you speak, for gods sake. I lifted your hands away from your face, so blushed and beautiful, and placed them on me instead. I kissed you gently, "You can do whatever you want. Touch me, suck me. Whatever you want, baby. No pressure."

You mumbled at me, "trade places," and moved me so I was where you had been standing. Then you got down on your knees in front of me, gazing up through those long lashes, and I swear to god, I probably could have come just from that sweet, innocent look on your face. My tip was already leaking, twitching in anticipation of what was to come.

You licked along the underside, eliciting a throaty moan. Your tongue swirled around the head and to my surprise, you took me almost all the way in. My hips bucked involuntarily in response, and you gagged and pulled away. Fuck. "Baby, are you okay?" You nodded and peeked up at me again, taking just the tip into your mouth. Fuuuck. Your lips looked so pink and pretty wrapped around me. Your tongue slid under, and you started to suck. Like really suck, like so much suction. In the best fucking way. This strangled noise came from my throat, and I threw my head back, my body completely at your mercy. Oh god, it was intense, and I'm so fucking hard right now remembering. I was already so close, and I could feel it building. I reached down and touched your cheek, "fuck, Maddie. Oh fuck, I'm gonna come," I tried to pull my hips back, away, so that I wouldn't come in your mouth, but you held me in place, so much pressure and suction and fuck, it felt so good when I came and you still didn't stop. I think I must have been whimpering for you, whining with pleasure. My legs were shaking and weak, and as soon as you released me, I sort of stumbled to my knees, wide around yours. I kissed you and held you and tried to catch my breath. "I love you," I said once my lungs were working again.

"Thank you," you said, looking at me like no one ever has. Your expression was pure love. "Thank you for loving me."

"Oh my sweet, beautiful girl, as if I had a choice. I think loving you was my destiny."

I have no doubt that our lives were meant to intertwine. That God and fate and destiny and luck and all the supernatural forces in the universe conspired to bring you to me. Loving you was never a choice I made. It was something that grew from deep within my soul, out of my control. I've loved you nearly as long as I've known you, and I wouldn't have it any other way, my sweet beautiful girl.

~~~~~
🙈 writing the smut from H's PoV is soooo hard, entendre intended. And there's just more. Always more from here out...😳

I'm so happy to have so many new readers! And of course I love you OG readers who've been here since the beginning. We've come a long way, babies.

ILYASM!! Please leave me a comment (or a few) to let me know what you're thinking as you read. I love comments. Comments are my fav. 💖