What a lovely couple of days we had over in Mullingar and Dublin with Niall this weekend. And now Gemma is about to graduate uni. Our lives seem so perfect and beautiful and magical. I wanted to capture that feeling, this moment with my new tattoo. I'm sorry I didn't let you see... I just wanted it to be a surprise. You'll see it soon enough, my love.

Tattoos have always served as a sort of living memoir for me, an odd sort of therapy to help me cope with difficult times or celebrate the good ones. You may wonder how it could help with emotional turmoil--or maybe not as you got yours during our darkest time--but they really do soothe my aching soul. First, there is the rush of endorphins, the high that comes from the actual tattooing. The nervousness about the permanence. But then comes the soothing buzz, vibrating to your bones. Oh, and the smell of that clear liquid they use to clean your skin before and after...it is a smell like no other, unique and distinct to this one endeavour.

See, for me the beautiful thing about a tattoo is how it is this physical reminder of whatever you're marking. For awhile, it is a constant reminder, while the skin is still tender, the itchy aftermath, the raised skin like Braille. The physical pain keeps that emotional pain in the forefront of your thoughts. But then the sting starts to fade. And you feel better. Not just physically, but emotionally. You've gotten through it. You've healed.

Some of my tattoos have clearly been to mark those dark times. The little A for Abby. 17Black for Fern (not the leaves on my hips as you once suggested) because my life with her was wild and out of control, a gamble that I lost. The empty hanger on my shoulder for Caroline, to remind me how it felt to be used, so that I would never do that to anyone, nor let anyone ever do it to me again. The shaking hands for Cassie, as our relationship was merely a contract between friends. (A contract she broke, by the way, but that's a different story for a different day).

Many of my tattoos signify my faith and the importance of my family, as you know. I want the ink on my skin not just to be a patchwork of pain but also of love and hope and dreams. The dates on my collarbones are my parents' birth years. Almost like a stamp on a product to show when it was created. I was created when they were created, even if only as a future dream, as a flicker of genetics yet to be transferred and combined. My mum and Gem's initials on my shoulders. Gem's name in Hebrew, and the spiced gem cookie to represent her. The rose for my mum, the English rose who raised me in a mystical garden filled with love. And of course, you already noted my tattoos marking my faith. The cross, the bible, the three nails. I was raised with these beliefs, but I also chose them once I was older, and that is what the tattoos signify to me.

Some of my tattoos mark moments with the band. Song lyrics and bands that have inspired me. The ship, the anchor, the laurel leaves. These are about dreams of far away lands, chasing the dream of being a musician, being victorious in those pursuits, but always staying grounded and true to myself.

And finally, you, my dear sweet Madelyn, are in love with a dork. I've tried to tell you this before, but I don't know if you've ever quite grasped it. Some of my tattoos...well, they're jokes. Like...puns. The butterfly on my stomach. The cage on my ribs. The swallows by my throat. The heart on my sleeve. The BIG on my toe. The thigh of the tiger. I want to hide my face in my hands. I'm such a complete and utter dork. I just, I wanted to remind myself, always, not to take life too seriously. "To laugh much and often," as your transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson said.

"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

My love, you have succeeded in leaps and bounds, beyond the measure of any earthly scale. And because of you, so too have I.

~~~~~

Hiiiiiii!

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I am working hard to get myself to a place where I can update this once a week. I have selected Friday evening (California time) for that, so expect another update around this same time next week. 😁