M A X E N E

I signed the prenup and for Senator Valentine it is a closed deal.

He congratulated us, me and Pierre.

I will officially be Mrs. Valentine after Pierre graduates.

Mom and Dad talked to me over and over again before I signed anything in a legal paper, but this time it is my choice.

It's done.

Isa pa, ginawa ko rin na ito para hindi na ako pagdudahan ni Senator, alam ko naman na gusto niya lang manigurado sa arrangement namin ni Pierre. We also came to terms, na hindi na niya guguluhin pa ang nakaraan nila Mom and Dad pagkapirma ko sa kontrata, sapat na naman na 'akong' kabayaran para sa atraso ng mga magulang ko sa kanya. Hindi man iyon ang sabihin nila Dad and Mom, pero iyon naman ang nakikita kong tanging solusyon simula ng malaman ko ang pinagmulan ng lahat. Tanggap ko na naman na ang lahat. Isa pa, mahirap kalabanin ang taong mas nakakaangat sayo.

Looking at the bright side, kahit pa paano ay masaya ako at ipinagmamalaki na ni Senator ang anak niya sa mga taong nakakasalamuha namin tuwing may gatherings, sa katunayan mas naging confident na rin si Pierre sa harapan ng Daddy niya.

Nakakasabay na rin ako sa takbo ng mundo nila na dahilan kung bakit lagi akong pinupuri ng fiance ko. Maybe I am doing something right this time.

Nakuha ko na rin ang acknowledgement ni Addy, kahit papaano. Mahirap man dahil napakasuplada niya talaga, pero at least, may progress kami, kasi kung tutuusin naman, magiging sister in law ko na rin siya balang araw.

"What do you think is one unnoticeable problem in this small community like this?" It was a random question from a fine looking gentleman wearing a fedora hat and a suit eating a macaron. I think he is in his early forties, but his demeanor looks like he is younger than his features. He has a child-like attitude towards selecting sweets.

To be honest I was taken aback at first since he looked like Johnny Depp, but he is almost the same height as me. Maybe he is taller than me if I'm not wearing heels. He has a fine jawline and a pair of brown eyes.

Inabutan niya ako ng muffin, ng cookie at ng extra banoffee pie. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ikinatuwa ko ang binigay niya sa akin. I'm not even sure if I blushed after he smiles like a child, nakakadala ang mga ngiti niya. "I'm not sure how to answer that question sir."

"Trick question, huh?" He nods non committedly. "Wala namang mali o tamang sagot hija, it's an open argument."

Buti naman at nagtatagalog siya. "To be honest naman po, wala po akong alam tungkol sa politics." Humble kong sagot sa ginoo.

Inayos niya ang mga sweets na nakalagay sa kanyang plato. "May macaron, cookie at muffin ako sa plato." He says, "Ano sila?"

"A group of desserts?" I answered bluntly.

He raised his index finger at me. "But they are divided accordingly because one sweet lacks one ingredient to make a different one." He added like he's telling me a lesson, "Iba-iba ang lasa ng mga ito, at iba-iba rin kung paano sila ginawa syempre, pero alam mo ba kung saan sila lahat nagkaparepareho?"

"Uhmm, lahat po sila ay kabilang sa desserts?"

"Eggs." He says with a friendly smile, "They all have eggs in their ingredients."

"I'm not following po," I say humbly, "Ano po ang kaugnayan na iyon sa tanong ninyo sa akin kanina?"

He smiles widely, "So you are paying attention." He says playfully. "You know, everyone in this place, even in the world, starts as a piece of egg. How the egg is used depends on those who took care of them. People might say that they're different from one another, like these sweets on my plate and on yours, let's say Macaron is born as a powerful individual, a king perhaps of a certain country and what he says is absolute. Muffin is rich, because he is working under Macaron who gives him enough influence, but his riches weren't a lot compared to macaron. While, Cookie isn't as privileged as a muffin and macaron but only a servant who serves the ones who are born with money to get by. Ano sa tingin mo ang mararamdaman ni cookie kapag nakahanay siya sa mga taong may ganoong entitlement sa buhay?"

"Insecure?"

"Of what?" He is filling the blanks for me.

"Of a certain discrimination."

He smiles softly. "That's true. Hindi din naman maiiwasan iyon. Hindi porket isinilang kang mayaman, panghabang buhay kang mayaman, at hindi porket isinilang ka na mahirap, hindi ka na pwede umangat sa buhay. Miski ang antas mo sa buhay, ang kulay mo, ang kasarian mo, ang relihiyon mo miski ang prinsipyo mo ay napupuna at kinokontra ng ilan, dahil hindi mawala wala sa nature ng tao ang gustong makapanlamang, thus the hierarchy system." He explains by waving his hand like he unveils a magic trick in front of me. "The one who is on top, will be the one who gets it all." He sighs with an amused smile, "Well it's just a personal observation, parang sa movies lang, hindi ba?" He says casually that makes me confused about how I should give a proper reply from his perspective.

"But I believe that there are also good people who are willing to help the unfortunate ones without asking anything in return." I uttered and see him smiling at me, "Not all of us are bad by nature, but with good sense of judgement, we could win against discrimination and any issues that could separate us from one another, no one is born as a rotten egg." I look at him and see great wonder in his eyes.

"Young people like you must be heard by the world." He complimented me, "I like how you think young miss." He says eating his cookie.

I look at my plates and back at the fine gentleman, "I just realized that you're right, they indeed all had eggs in their ingredients." I giggled and heard him laughing with me.

I'm not sure why I feel at ease around him, he is different from the people I met around his age, he's humble and friendly at the same time. I noticed his silver bull ring that has a black onyx stone in it, sa pagkakaalam ko, ang mga tao sa military ang may ganoong singsing, might be a graduation ring or something.

I was about to introduce myself to him since that's a norm in my world now, but before I could speak another word, Addy called my attention and I saw that the gentleman was already walking away from me.

Dapat umpisa pa lang nagpakilala na ako sa kanya. Bakit kasi nauna ang kwento? Manners Maxene, manners.

"So, my birthday is almost up and I am personally inviting you to come." She says casually. "Sabi kasi ni Kuya, mas maganda daw na ako ang magsabi sa iyo."

"I would love to be there." I tell her with a smile, "So anong theme ng birthday mo?" I ask just to keep the conversation going.

"Oh it's just a rooftop pool party." She says with pride, "Nobody is spoiling anything specific so I can't give you any answer beyond that." She shrugs indifferently, "That's just it."

"Okay, sounds fun." I say almost sounding enthusiastic. "Count me there."

She put up an awkward smile, but at least she is trying. "I'll see you then Maxene."

Bago ako umuwi, niyaya ako ni Pierre na tumambay muna kami saglit sa may park.

"So, nasabi na ba sayo ni Addy?" Nakangiting tanong niya sa akin.

"Oo, nahihiya pa nga ata siya sa akin kanina."

"Pagpasensyahan mo na yun, overprotective lang daw siya kuno sa akin." He chuckled, "It's not even her job to. Alam ko naman ang ginagawa ko."

"That's just normal for siblings." I tell him, "Ganyan din sa akin yung lalaki kong kapatid." I tell him and see a street food vendor. Simula ng magdate kami ni Pierre, hindi pa ulit ako nakakakain ng street food, ewan ko, bigla ko lang namiss.

Nagulat ako ng tumayo siya at lumapit sa tindero kaya sinundan ko na rin siya, "Matamis o maanghang?" Tanong niya sa akin.

"Akala ko ba hindi ka na kakain ng street food?" my voice sounds almost teasing him while arching an eyebrow at him.

He scoffs shaking his head, "Namiss ko lang, hindi rin naman ako lagi kumakain nito." Nakangisi niyang sagot sa akin at nagsimula na siyang kumuha ng fishball at kikiam.

"Aba, basta libre mo." Sambit ko at kumuha na rin ng ilan para ilagay sa container.

Pinagpatuloy namin ang pagkain ng street food sa may bench at tinanong ko siya, "Pupunta ba ang Mommy mo sa birthday ni Addy?" I paused, "Come to think of it, hindi ko pa nakikita ng personal ang Mommy ninyo."

"I'm not sure, sana." Matipid niyang sagot sa akin.

"Pero sana pumunta siya, kasi para naman iyon kay Addy." I commented but didn't see him giving any reactions from what I said. "Anyway, does your mom know about me?" He keeps silent as if my question makes him feel uncomfortable, maybe because of that issue between our mothers, "Sorry, ignore that." I put up a friendly smile.

"Alam naman niya." He uttered, "Alam niya rin na walang emotional connection sa ating dalawa, kaya sa totoo lang, tutol siya," He chuckled inwardly, "Pero kasi ito ang gusto ni Dad." He looks at me and I just knew what he's about to say: Gusto niya lang maging proud sa kanya ang Daddy niya. "Well at least we pull it off." He added.

"Hindi naman natin kailangan ng emotional connection." I tell him with a smile, "Sapat na yung magkaibigan tayo at nirerespeto natin ang isa't-isa."

"But what if," he paused as he looked into my eyes, "What if I want you to establish an emotional connection with me, are you willing to give it a try?"

I gulped, what reaction should I put out now?

I saw him approaching my face and I immediately closed my eyes, yet to my surprise, his lips didn't reach mine. I opened my eyes after I heard him laughing inwardly. I almost see the uncertainty in his eyes. "May problema ba?"

He shakes his head, "Wala," he meets my gaze, "Para ka kasing tuod kanina, hindi ka iiwas, papayag ka lang na halikan kita ng ganun-ganun lang?"

"Eh, fiance mo naman ako, wala namang masama doon." I reasoned, besides, we already kissed anyway.

"Even if there's no emotional connection between us?" He asks as if he is skeptical.

"Well, I am willing to try." I replied as friendly as I could be. Iyon naman ang tamang sagot, hindi ba?

He shakes his head as if he's not satisfied by my answer, "Forgetting the person, isn't the same as forgetting the emotion, Maxene." he says almost in defeat, as if he is talking to himself.

"What are you talking about?" I paused, "Sabi ko naman, na susubukan ko. Subukan natin, wala namang masama doon." I insisted but he still shook his head, "If you're thinking about the thing I had with your friend, well he's just my past now, you don't have to worry about him. I'm over him, Pierre." I declared, assuring him.

"I'm not really worrying about anything." he says almost sounds like convincing himself.

"May nangyari ba?" I asked him, because I can feel that something is bothering him.

"This is nothing, ihahatid na lang kita pauwi." Sambit niya at nauna na sa akin papunta sa kotse niya.

Hanggang sa tapat ng bahay ko, hinatid niya ako, pero hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

"Gusto ko lang malaman," I paused looking at him with concern, "Si Travis ba ang inaalala mo?" I asked him, but he didn't answer, mali ba ako ng inaakala? I sighed, "I know that you're just concerned about me, so you avoided bringing up anything about him since we went out, but if something is bothering you, I want to at least help."

"Hindi mo ako matutulungan dito, Maxene." Matipid niyang sagot sa akin na para bang ayaw niya akong mangialam sa kung anong gulo meron sila ng kaibigan niya.

"Pero pwede ba akong magtanong tungkol doon?" I asked but he's keeping a stoic face, "Ano ba ang nangyari sa inyo? Totoo ba yung sinabi niya noong huli natin siyang makita?" I asked again, but he didn't respond, "Malapit mo siyang kaibigan, bakit-"

"You believed him?" He looks at me playfully attempting to read my mind.

"No." I face him with certainty, "Gusto ko lang naman mala-"

"Then you don't need to be concerned about it." He answered right before I could finish my question, "It's late, you should rest. I'll just see you around."

Sabihin na natin na hindi ako naniniwala sa bintang ni Travis kay Pierre, pero bakit ayaw sabihin sa akin ni Pierre ang tungkol doon?

The more he keeps this from me, the more I am getting curious about it, hindi matahimik ang utak ko, lalo na at ang sinabi ni Addy sa akin ay may kinalaman ako sa gulo nilang dalawa, eh ano ba kasi ang meron?

Pero paano ko naman malalaman mula kay Pierre ang lahat kung matapos ng gabing hinatid niya ako sa bahay ay hindi pa kami ulit nagkikita?

I'm sure that he's fully aware that communication is a two way process, here I am giving him updates from me from time to time, since I need to cooperate with our arrangement, without getting any response from his end, except with the reply, 'Ok.' every-- I'm not sure, five hours?

I'm not sure if he's avoiding me because of the questions that asked him before that made him feel uncomfortable around me, pwede naman ako mag-adjust, kung tutuusin, madali naman akong kausap, pero mas pinili niyang magsolo.

What's with men? Mga soloista kapag problemado.

I attempted to ask Joshua about it, but he keeps telling me that there is nothing for me to be worried about Pierre. That it is Travis who is lying in front of us.

But his answer didn't convince me enough.

Niyaya niya akong makipag-hangout sa kanya kaya pumayag na ako, para rin makapag tanong sa kanya, kaya hindi ako pwede malasing, dahil siya ang papainumin ko ng papainumin. Heh!

Naka ilang bote pa nga alak itong si Joshua bago ako kwentuhan, "Travis betrayed Pierre's trust. Masakit ang maloko ng isang tao na kulang na lang kapatid na ang turing sayo. Matagal niya kaming niloko Maxene, matagal na niyang niloloko si Pierre."

I'm not sure what to feel after hearing this from Joshua, especially since I know why Travis does that, but still, I want to hear their perspective. Yet it seems like I overused my luck because he received a call from someone on the phone, I'm not even sure if that's Addy, because the look of his face immediately changed.

Nagmistulang priority para kay Joshua ang kung sino man ang tumawag sa kanya sa cellphone niya kaya iniwan niya na ako mag-isa sa bar.

Kainis.

Siguro mas mabuti pa na umuwi na lang ako bago pa dumagsa ang mga tao dito sa bar ni Gerard pero bago ako makaalis may tatlong mga lalaking umupo sa booth kung nasaan ako.

Kainis naman kasi, umalis kaagad yung ungas na si Joshua?

"Hey." Bati sa akin ng lalaki na akala mo hunk, kinindatan pa ako, akala mo gwapo. Okay ang mean ko na, may itsura naman siya, pero kasi nakaka-turn off yung mga lalaking 'wanna be'.

"I should get going. The table is yours." I said politely but they stopped me by having me cornered at my seat.

"Siya si Spencer," sinimulan na niya ipakilala sa akin ang mga tao na kasama ko sa booth, "Siya naman si Aaron," turo niya sa katapat niya, "Ako nag pala si Lee."

"Nice meeting you, but I have some places to be." I excused myself again but the guy named Lee stopped me for the second time around. Wait, he looks familiar.

"Don't you remember me?" He asked and I shook my head, "I can tell you're lying." He says with a playful smile, his smile looks like Kenzo's, but his eyes weren't Kenzo's. "You remember me." he uttered mischievously.

"Hindi kita maalala, I'm sorry." I tell him but still he won't let me go.

He shrugs, "Well, we can always start over."

"I have a boyfriend." I told him. He's starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

"Well, where is he then?" He looked around the area and smiled, "I don't see anyone around."

I look down. Paano ko ito malulusutan?

"Bihira ka pumunta dito ng mag-isa, ayaw mo ba makipagkaibigan sa amin?" Aaron asks, smirking at me.

"Mababait din naman kami." The guy named Spencer speaks with pride. "Just drink with us and let's be friends."

Hindi ako makasagot, gustuhin ko man sumigaw pero sa ingay dito sa paligid, I'm sure walang makakakita sa akin dito.

Nagtawag na sila ng waiter para mag-order, hindi naman ako tanga para hindi makita ang totoong pakay nila sa akin, lalo na at itong si Lee ay muntikan na akong- ni hindi ko nga maalala, basta, noong unang beses ako na nag-inom dito sa bar ni Gerard, siya yung nangungulit sa akin.

I bit my lip helplessly.

"I'll just go to the washroom." I said as I handed my purse.

"Leave your bag with us then, para naman may babalikan ka pa dito sa booth." Lee demanded. "Mamaya kasi takasan mo kami."

Masyado ba akong obvious? "But my stuff is here." I reasoned, "I need my bag."

"No you don't." He smiles and I hate it because it's unkind. "Either iiwan mo ang gamit mo sa amin or sasamahan kita sa restroom." That suggestion of his made his friends smile widely at me.

Ang malas ko naman talaga, nakakainis!

"Fine, I'll leave my purse." I told them as they let me pass the booth but to my surprise they all stood up and tailed me. Oo may backdoor exit sa bar ni Gerard at iyon sana ang plano ko para tumakas pero, mukhang wala na akong takas dahil nakabuntot sila sa akin.

In front of the ladies room I smiled at them, keeping my cool.

"We'll wait for you here." They still had my handbag with them, kaya wala akong pera para tumakas, miski yung cellphone wala sa akin dahil nasa handbag ko ang gamit ko.

Think Maxene, think of a better way to outrun this situation.

"Bu-bumalik na lang kaya tayo sa booth." I stuttered, I am losing my cool. Not yet. "Hindi ko na pala kailangan mag restroom." Pagdadahilan ko.

Nagkatinginan sila, at napangiti sa akin, "Back door then." Lee uttered.

"Pero nag-order kayo, sayang naman yung drinks." I'm just delaying them, pero walang taong pwede ko hingan malapit dito. Naiiyak na ako.

"We just ordered, but we didn't claim it anyway." ngiting tagumpay na sambit ni Lee at nagtungo kami sa backdoor, madilim sa likuran ng bar ni Gerard, nakaramdam ako ng matinding takot, ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko na parang nablablanko ang utak ko.

Ano pa ba ang dapat kong gawin? Ano ang laban ko sa tatlo?

Naiiyak na ako.

"You guys will stoop that low?" That intimidating voice! I can't see his face, but I see him standing on our way, he is wearing a brown jacket with a black hoodie. "Akala niyo ba, walang CCTV dito sa likuran ng bar para samantalahin ninyo ang isang inosenteng babae?"

"You can't take the three of us." Lee warns him and holds my wrist with force.

"Quantity is nothing without quality." He says with precaution as if he is warning them.

"Mag-isa lang naman siya, kaya na namin ni Spencer 'to." Pagmamayabang ni Aaron.

Masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari lalo na at madilim ang paligid pero maliwanag na isa-isa niyang binalibag ang mga umatake sa kanya gamit ang sarili nilang lakas.

This is the first time I see him put up a decent fight like this, this time he lets his enemies come to him to make their move and immediately he just knows where to hit next as if he is reading their moves and taking their strength to his advantage.

Nakita kong nabitawan ni Lee yung bag ko at para siyang nawala sa sarili nang mapunta na sa kanya ang atensyon ni Travis.

"I warned, right?" Nakangising tanong niya kay Lee, "Now, walk away or else." muli niyang babala kay Lee na dahilan kung bakit mas pinili na lang niyang tumakbo patungo sa mga kaibigan niya para tulungan sila hanggang sa hindi ko na sila naaninag pa.

Kinuha ko sa lapag ang handbag ko at naramdaman na halos isang metro na lang ang pagitan naming dalawa.

I stood up slowly and felt him staring at me. I know I can't look at him, I wouldn't want to.

Ang bigat lang sa pakiramdam dahil pakiramdam ko ang laki ng utang na loob ko sa kanya ngayon, pero ayaw ng pride ko na magpasalamat sa tulong na binigay niya sa akin.

"Use the front door when you go out." He advised casually, but I'm still not looking at him. "Are you okay?" His voice is cautious, almost asking me with concern. I'm not buying it, he's just pretending and he's good at it, very much good at it.

"Why don't you mind your own business Travis?" I put up a prideful face. "I got everything under control."

He looks at me in disbelief shaking his head, "Really?" he scoffs tilting his head beside, "Eh mukhang mangiyak ngiyak ka na nga kanina, sinong niloloko mo?"

"Eh ikaw, sinong niloloko mo sa pagpapakitang tao mo sa harapan ko?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, "Don't waste your time putting up a nice front towards me. You won't benefit from it." He says nothing but smiled inwardly. "We're not friends and we will never be."

He blinked and approached me, almost closing the gap between us and just to avoid him I took a step backward. He stands tall in front of me and I'm not going to be intimidated by his gaze.

"You don't really need to state the obvious Maxene." he uttered almost a whisper with a warning, "A simple gratitude won't cost you much," he tilted his head beside as if he was amused by my reaction, I stepped back again. "Pero kung saan saan na napunta ang usapan." he chuckled as if he was belittling me, "You're so hilarious." His voice is filled with sarcasm.

"Bakit naman ako magpapasalamat sa iyo?" I scoffed, "I don't need your help in the first place." I stepped back again but unfortunately my back hit the wall, I'm in a dead end.

His forearm leans on the wall as he close the gap between us. "Ano nga naman ang mapapakinabangan ko sa pagligtas sa iyo kanina, eh pwede naman kita pabayaan, hindi ba?" I look away, but with a slight force he holds my chin to make me face him, "Huwag kang bastos! Kapag kinakausap ka ng maayos, harapin mo ng maayos ang kausap mo." He commands me as he looks at me seriously.

I gulped as I feel a sudden rush in my system. I slap his hand away from my face. We are now looking at each other eye to eye. "Kung manunumbat ka lang dahil sa pagtulong mo sa akin, para pa saan ang pag-uusap na ito?"

He laughs at me as if he is looking at me like a joke, "Are you aware that your argument is stupid?" He shakes his head in disbelief reading me like an open book, "Or maybe you hated the fact that you're still affected by my presence?" he is belittling me. "I thought you're over me." he smirks, "You one ugly liar."

"Fuck you Travis!" gigil kong sumbat sa kanya, "I have no time for this bullshit, I owe you nothing. You're nothing!" I pushed him away attempting to slide away from him, but to my surprise he pulled me back and with force he put his knee between my legs to lock me in place and hold my wrists. His breath is next to my face. "I will scream." I warned him.

"Try." he dared, his eyes darkened. I suddenly felt helpless in front of him, "I thought you got everything under control?" minamaliit niya ako sa tono ng boses niya. "You're a liar, helpless, weak, and a hypocrite Maxene." I can't fight his strength. He puts both of my hands on top of me as his other hand starts tracing downwards, from my hand, to my forearm, to my shoulder, to my waist, I gulped, I have to stand strong in front of him. He smirked as if the situation amused him, "Since when did you become this entitled, huh?" he uttered next to my ear as he slowly bit it and let out a breath. I am melting like butter.

"Akala mo ba hindi ako makikinabang?" he clicked his tongue, "Sa ating dalawa, ikaw ang talo, kasi mahina ka." his hand now traces upward. All of my strength left me, I wanted to fight him, but he just crushed my spirit through those words, "I. Never. Lose." he threatened with a low, hoarse and stern voice.

I bit my lip in defeat, "Don't..." I look away, closing my eyes.

I'm scared. This Travis is scary.

I'm not even sure if I knew him at all or I just got to know one of his personas in the past, I don't know who he is anymore. His grip on my wrists tightened, "Please..." I felt a tear escaping from my eye, he stopped touching me and let go of my wrists.

I hear him punching the wall next to me and I flinched. "Fuck!" I hear him cursed in a whisper, grunting as if he was in pain. "Liar." he uttered bitterly as if he is putting the blame on me or on him. I'm not sure anymore.

My eyes are still closed but I couldn't contain my tears. I wish he'd just leave me but to my surprise, the next thing I felt was his lips on my temple as he cups my face. His thumb is wiping my tears away like a soft feather, repeatedly.

I couldn't speak a word. I wouldn't want to look at him or to open my eyes. I don't want to see the look of his face, he scares me.

"Stop crying." his voice is soft, calming me down, "Please..." his voice cracks as his forehead touches mine. He cage my face with both of his hands and controls his breathing as if he suffocating from within. It took him a while to slide his hands away from my face and I hear him leaving.

By the time I open my eyes, I only see his back walking away from me until he disappears from my sight.

I went home after that. I washed myself first because I wanted to get rid of his stench over me. I wouldn't let him touch me again like that. I cried while I was brushing myself because I let him save me...again. He shouldn't have bothered anyway. I don't need his help. I don't need him.

His voice resonates in my head as his words tortures me.

"Maybe you hated the fact that you're still affected by my presence?"

"I thought you're over me. You one ugly liar."

"Akala mo ba hindi ako makikinabang? Sa ating dalawa, ikaw ang talo, kasi mahina ka."

"I. Never. Lose."

I hate that a part of me agrees with him. I'm over him... I am, right?

Bakit apektado pa rin ako?

Bakit ba kasi nagpakita siya ulit? Nasanay na ako na wala siya, pinaalis ko na siya sa buhay ko at ayoko na siyang makita ulit matapos mawala ni Hope. Pero bakit pati ba naman iyon, pinagdadamot niya sa akin? Bakit ba ginugulo na naman niya ako? Hindi pa ba siya kuntento sa ginawa niya sa akin?

Kung sila ni Pierre ang may gulo, huwag niya na sana ako idamay.

I'm over him.

It's just a phase.

He's just a phase.

It's all over.

I close my eyes as I bury myself in the bathtub. I just want to forget him, I wouldn't want to be in pain again. I wouldn't want to cry again.

"Stop crying. Please..." The sound of his voice. The way he holds my face, the mark he left on my temple...

It's painful but why am I yearning for that feeling?

Stop Maxene! Don't go there.

I gasp for air as I wash my face with water. Natagalan ata ako sa pag lublob ko sa tubig.

Pinaglalaruan na naman ako ng sarili kong emosyon.

Don't forget the fact that he only existed in your life in the first place because you picked him Maxene. Kung sana hindi sana siya ang pinili mo, malamang tahimik ang mundo mo. Malamang hindi ka nasasaktan ng paulit-ulit ngayon, Malamang, hindi sana nadamay si Hope.

I couldn't forgive him, I will never forgive him.

I went out of my bathroom as I got myself some clothes and dried my hair.

I have to be strong, no matter how I should be. I wouldn't want to be the person I was, I wouldn't want to be weak anymore.

This is me now.

I'm not going to concede in front of him. Hindi ako papayag na maliitin niya ako ng paulit-ulit. Kaya itatak mo sa utak mo Maxene, kung ano man ang nangyari kanina, wala lang iyon, huwag kang magpadala sa sinasabi niya, he's one ugly liar and he's attempting to get inside your head again.

He's one cunning, manipulative liar.

Don't you let yourself sink in a rabbit hole again, Maxene.

You owe this to Hope and surely, Hope wouldn't want you to suffer again.

Do not forget what he did to you... and to Hope.

My phone lights up and I received a text from Pierre.

PA: How's your day?

Me: I hang-out with Josh earlier, but he ditched me. LOL

PA: I'm sorry to hear that, I'll talk to him about it. Nakauwi ka ba ng maayos?

Should I tell him what happened earlier?

Me: Yep. Don't worry. I'm at home now.

I hit send. I guess I shouldn't let him worry.

PA: Sabi ng mga tao sa bar may nangyari daw kanina sa iyo ah? May nanggulo ba sa iyo?

May alam na kaya siya? Magsabi na lang kaya ako?

Me: May ilan na naki-table sa akin, natakasan ko naman sila kaagad.

I know I'm not spilling the beans, I just don't want him to freak out, I guess.

PA: Don't worry, nakita ko naman na sa CCTV ang sumunod na nangyari. Buti at ayos ka lang.

Shit! Ano ang dapat kong sabihin kung nakita niya na si Travis ang nagligtas sa akin mula sa tatlong ugok na naki-table sa akin kanina?

Me: Pierre, I just don't want you to worry.

I admitted.

PA: Don't worry Maxene, it's been taken care of. Take a rest now, good night.

What does he mean by that?

I shake my head as I divert my attention towards something else. I opened my blog and remembered that I'll visit Nihility's blog to copy some of her playlist, yet to my surprise, she posted a poem with an embedded song in it.

Is that an original composition?

I hit play as the guitar starts to play in the background. It's relaxing as I hear the lyrics being sung next.

[INTRO:]

My heart will forever be yours as always
I will see you in my dreams everytime
You're the home I wanted to come home to
But you only existed in my dreams

You're my angel, my light and my hope
You redeemed me as I soar with you in the skies (so high)
You see me when no one else see me
You believed in me, when everyone heard was lies
You are the hope of me, always
My rose, my angel

[PRE-CHORUS 1:]

But what have I done?
The light in your eyes was gone
Your presence fade away because of me
Why did I make you cry for loving me?

[CHORUS 1:]

I don't deserve you because you loved me in vain
But you'll always be worthy of my pain
I will keep my promise to you even if I love you from afar
Smile, my rose
I'll do everything, just please smile again

[VERSE:]

You're everything I ever wanted
But angel, don't lose your breathing
I won't allow my selfiness to suffocate you from your wishes
I will give the one thing you always wanted

[PRE-CHORUS 2:]

This is the outcome of what I have done
The light in your eyes was gone
Your presence fade away because of me
You are crying for loving me

[CHORUS 2:]

I'll see you in my dreams
For in that place there's you and me
I'll see you in my dreams because
In that place I can live with my own fantasy
In my dreams I sing this song to you
And I love you, I hurt you
Like how I grip the stem and thorns of the rose
If holding you will make me bleed
I'll embrace you until my heart stops at it's death bed

[BRIDGE:]

You don't have to look at me anymore
But please hear me, hear me until my voice runs out
After this song I promise I'll let you go (I'll let you go)
I'm sorry I wronged you
I'm sorry I made you cry (you don't deserve it)
I'm sorry that because of me your heart died

I know saying sorry wasn't enough
But I'll trade everything I've got, everything I have
All the things you gave me, I will forever be in debt
Now, let me repay you with all the love I left
Please, let me

[OUTRO:]

I know one day, I will just become as another memory
Let me return the favor
Because you're the only hope of me

Spread your wings and fly (high)
Fly away from here
Fly away with a smile
Fly away from me

The song ended that made me cry in tears again.

This is his voice cracking in pain.

I checked his page and saw that all of his playlist was dedicated to his "Rose".

Lahat ng mga kantang iyon, ay narinig ko na minsan niyang kinanta sa akin.

Should I assume that this is him?

I let myself open my inbox as I see a message from the one who posted this but to my surprise I saw an unread message from Nihility.

Nihility: Hello Wanderlust, I made this account because we share something in common. But first, let me verify that this is not Travis Hayes. I just copied these songs from his computer. I'm glad that you noticed me by following back. I'm a close friend of his and this is the only thing I could do to make it up with him. If you're willing to listen, please let's meet, I hope I could see you in person.

I'm not sure if I'll entertain this person, yet after hearing that song and from the encounter I had with him earlier, do I still need another proof to convince myself?

I'm over him.

But my heart betrayed me and still keeps on betraying me.

I sent Nihility a response and to my surprise she typed in a cell phone number.

I called her number and heard an unexpected voice.

"Hello Maxene."