M A X E N E

I read mom's message about the status of my condo. Unfortunately hindi pa maayos ang dapat maayos doon, kaya rin pala niya ako pinagkatiwala kay Travis. Ugh! Let's count some sheeps to help me fall asleep. Yet, the flaw of sleeping in a room that isn't yours is... the challenge of finding the sleep itself. Kahit anong ikot ang gawin ko sa kama, hindi ako makatulog. Sinubukan kong lumabas ng kwarto, sisilipin ko sana yung may ari ng penthouse pero naalala ko na it's rude to check someone's bedroom without consent. Kasi private space niya iyon. Siguro mahimbing na rin ang tulog niya, anong oras na rin kasi. Dumiretso ako sa kusina niya at nakita ko na halos lahat ng gamit dito ay meron siya. I'm really impressed.

Bigla ko na namang naalala si Kenzo. I'm sure kung magiging ganito ang kitchen niya matutuwa iyon, lalo na at magaling siyang mag luto. I checked Travis's refrigerator pero nagulat ako nang makitang walang lamang pagkain ang ref niya, ilang cans ng beer lang ang nagpapalamig sa loob ng ref niya. Wala man lang kahit itlog, juice o kaya gatas. Paano nabubuhay ang lalaking ito?

I tried to open his freezer but I found nothing but ice. What the hell! Just ice? Yung totoo, wala man lang frozen bacon or sausages? Hindi ako mabubuhay ng ganito.

I don't have any choice but to check if he's still awake. I knocked three times but I didn't hear any response so I gradually opened the door to take a peek, buti na lang at hindi ito naka lock. Sinilip ko siya at kung mahuli ko siyang gising ay magpapabili ako sa kanya ng gatas para makatulog ako. But I pushed all of my luck and saw that he's in a deep sleep. Buti pa siya. Yung damit niya kanina ay kung saan-saan niya lang hinagis. Ganoon ba siya napagod sa araw na ito para hindi man lang niya mailagay sa hamper ang mga damit niya? I sighed, mukhang hindi ko siya magigising ng ganito. Naalala ko pa na may pasok din siya bukas. I'm not that inconsiderate anyway.

That's it Maxene, you have to get by. Sinuot ko ulit ang damit ko kanina na hindi kasama ang alahas ko dahil anong oras na rin, nagdala na lang ako ng konting cash para mamili sa malapit na convenience store. Tumigil ang elevator sa 8th floor at nakita kong sumakay si Travis. Wait, what? Doppelganger niya ba ito? Kinilabutan ako, isang Travis pa nga lang sakit na ng ulo, dalawa pa kaya? Oddly, this Travis didn't know me. O baka naman nag-astral form si Travis at miski sa panaginip niya ay bantay-sarado niya ako.

"Do you need something?" iritadong tanong ng lalaki sa akin, nahalata niya sigurong pinagmamasdan ko siya. Well looking at him the second time around, I'm glad that he's not Travis. He looks just like him; well not exactly, yet I can sense that they give me the same snobbish vibe. Though this guy is a little buffer than Travis, maybe this guy plays sports.

"I'm sorry." I humbly said and hear him took a deep sigh. Nagbukas na ang elevator sa ground floor at kaagad naman bumaba yung lalaki. Pero dahil sa hindi ako pamilyar sa lugar na ito, kailangan kong magtanong, "Hey, wait." nilingon niya ako, his eyes warily meets mine as I approach him, "I'm wondering kung saan may malapit na convenience store dito?" I asked with a friendly smile. Tiningnan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Suplado!

"Papunta rin ako doon kaya sumunod ka na lang sa akin." he says with a monotonous voice and I nodded. Pero ni ang hintayin ako hindi niya ginawa dahil nauna na siyang maglakad sa akin. Ugh! What's with men? Mahirap bang maghintay? Sinundan ko na lang yung lalaki sa convenience store at ni ang pagbuksan ako ay hindi niya rin ginawa, muntik na sumalubong sa mukha ko yung glass door pagpasok niya. Bwisit na lalaki 'to. Halatang wala siyang pakialam sa akin at diretsong kumuha na rin ng basket para bumili ng ilang supplies.

Breathe in, breathe out Maxene. Sadyang may mga tao talaga na walang manners. Kumuha ako ng sarili kong basket. I bought a dozen eggs, cooking oil, a cornbeef in a can, some instant ramen, a loaf of bread, two boxes of juice and some pack of coffee na rin para bukas. Oh I almost forgot my milk, dinagdagan ko na rin ng dalawang bar ng chocolates. Binayaran ko agad ang mga pinamili ko sa counter at nakita yung lalaking kasabay ko na puro ramen naman ang binili. Sobra sa sodium yan boy!

"Grocery in the middle of the night?" napapailing niyang puna.

"Yung roommate ko kasi, inubos lahat ng pagkain sa ref." I lied, for my roommate is one hell of a pain in the ass for not doing groceries. Ugh!

"That's why I hate roommates." pabulong niyang ani at binayaran na rin ang pinamili niya. Nang makabalik na kami sa elevator, I clicked PH before he could click the 8th floor button. He carefully stares at me and I just have to act nice towards this guy so I put up a smile for him, "You're staying at the penthouse?" he faces me indifferently, almost looking at me with disappointment.

"It's just for a night, unfortunately I got stranded." now this is an honest reply, thus my 'roommate story' is gone. Poof.

"Mag-iingat ka sa taong nakatira doon," sambit niya na parang binabalaan ako, "Mukha ka pa namang madaling paikutin."

Wait, what does he mean by that? Does he know Travis? The elevator stopped on the 8th floor and he left before I could ask him. Based on his expression, I think hindi sila in-good terms ni Travis. Maybe I'll ask Travis about that guy.

Right after the elevator opens I see Travis opening the door of his unit looking at me in distress. He's wearing his white shirt and dark blue pj pants. "Hello." I greeted him normally and went inside his unit, narinig kong sinarado na rin niya ang pintuan niya.

"Where the fuck have you been?" maingat pero naiinis niyang tanong na nakasunod sa akin.

"I checked your fridge at nakita ko na walang laman iyon, so," I lifted the bags I have with me, "Tada, mini groceries."

"In the middle of the night? It's late!" now his voice is a little angry or maybe frustrated. He brushes his face with his hand, "You're unbelievable, woman!" bakit ba kung tingnan niya ako parang hindi ko kayang dalhin ang sarili ko? Tsk! Nakabalik naman ako ah!

"Chill dude." I scoffed and went straight to his kitchen. Masyadong siyang seryoso, magpasalamat na lang siya at may binili akong pagkain para sa kanya, "At least be thankful that I bought you some groceries, malungkot ang fridge kapag walang pagkain, hindi mo ba alam iyon?" I'm trying to make our conversation as light as possible.

"What I know is: if something happens to you, lagot ako sa Mommy mo." mariin niyang paalala sa akin. Hindi na naman ako bata! Kainis!

"Hey, I'm still alive, so chill." ipinasok ko yung juice sa ref at ang iba pang supplies. Nang isarado ko ang ref kaagad siyang bumulaga sa harap ko. Muntik na akong mapatalon sa lapit niya sa akin. His eyes were serious. He looks at me intently as if he's reading my thoughts.

"Don't do anything stupid." his voice isn't requesting me, he's commanding me.

"Psh," again I took a breath dismissing what he just said. Maybe I'm just imagining things again, "Why so serious Travis, come on." I ignored him but to my surprise, he pulled me enough for my face to land on his chest.

"Just promise me, please. Don't." his voice is filled with fear, anxiety and uncertainty. Parang kakagising niya lang sa isang masamang panaginip. I feel his hand on my head as if he's caressing the back of my head. I tried to push him back and saw his face. This impassive face he's showing me hides what his eyes could interpret. Pumikit siya dahil ayaw niya na makita ko ang mga mata niya. He's really good at hiding his emotions very well. He grunted, "Kung nagugutom ka, you should have wake me." mabilis na nag shift ang nag-aalalang Travis sa domineering Travis.

"Aba, mahimbing kang natutulog kanina. Malay ko ba kung katulad mo rin ako na badtrip kapag ginigising sa gitna ng mahimbing na tulog?" ganoon kasi ako; kapag mahimbing ang tulog: don't disturb absolute rule ko iyon dahil magkakagyera talaga ako kapag may taong nang-istorbo ng tulog ko.

Napailing na naman siya habang pinagmamasdan ako, "Matulog ka na. Hindi ba sabi mo may pasok ka pa bukas?" I reminded him as friendly as I could be, "Don't worry, I'll be fine. You don't need to worry much."

T R A V I S

Sadyang hindi ako matahimik kaya kailangan ko na siyang tanungin tungkol dito, "Can I ask you a question?" nilapat ko ang kamay ko sa counter habang pinagmamasdan siya na parang batang aliw na aliw sa gatas na binili niya. Nilagyan na rin niya iyon ng straw.

"Go ahead." she says casually.

"Si Kenzo ba ang dahilan kung bakit halos magpakamatay ka na noon?" hindi ko maalis sa isipan ko ang mukha niya noong gabing iyon, tapos napanaginipan ko na naman ang bangungot na akala ko hindi na ako dadalawin pang muli.

"Wow, that's personal, to think na wala pang one week tayong magkakilala Travis." maingat niyang pagpuna at binaba ang iniinom niyang gatas.

"Just answer my question." I demanded.

She forces out a smile, closing her eyes and looking away from me, "Sabihin na natin na: oo. Kasama siya doon, I mean, he's the only person who keeps me sane, tapos iiwan niya ako sa ere." bigla ko siyang naalala sa tinatago tagong dahilan ni Maxene. Again, the irony. I see how she laughs at herself to keep her pride, "Hinahabol ko siya, pero parang pinipigilan naman ako ni Mom. I don't know what she did, but I just know that she's the reason why Kenzo breaks-up with me."

"And you accepted our arrangement because of what?" I asked again because I know she'll explode any minute now. Just saying her ex's name made her vulnerable. Noong kausap niya pa nga yung madre naiiyak na siya. Kailangan kong malaman ang dapat kong malaman para-

"Because Mom told me that if I make her and the other people believe that what we have is going to work and I'll end up marrying you, I'll have my freedom." she snapped at me. Her voice was frustrated as if she just wanted to breathe, "All I wanted was to be free. Not because of my family's name or being Miranda's daughter, but because I'm Maxene." she says as the sound of her voice breaks, "I just want to be happy." I see how she tries so hard to keep everything to herself, "I'm losing the person I once was," she blurted with a frustrating sigh, "The me that you saw that night, was the me tired of the bullshit that is happening in my stupid life." her voice is insecure as she lowers her head, "Pagod na ako Travis. Pero heto ako lumalaban pa rin, pero hanggang kailan?"

"I'm sorry." mapagkumbaba kong ani. I shouldn't have pushed her to her limits. Halatang matagal tagal na niyang dinadala dala ang bigat na ito sa dibdib niya ng mag-isa.

She shakes her head, "To be honest, I was planning to use you so I could escape, ang sama ko hindi ba?" pag-amin niya sa akin. Kaya pala pumayag siya sa set-up namin. Now it makes sense. Maliwanag na maliwanag na hindi namin gusto ang arrangement na ito at parehas lang kaming napilitan.

"Why not use me then?" maingat kong mungkahi sa kanya. She blinks as if she didn't expect me to say such a suggestion, "If I'm your way out, use me as you please."

"You're kidding me? Yung totoo, are you setting me up? Are you up to something?" hindi pa nga talaga siya tiwala sa akin. Pero dahil sa pareho kami ng sentimyento sa kasunduan na ito, nakakita ako agad ng daan palabas sa sitwasyon na ito. Mas mabuting linawin ko na ang lahat sa kanya ang lahat dahil pareho rin kaming makikinabang dito.

"I'll help you convince your Mom that what we have is going to work, until then everything will just be a silly joke on their faces, hindi ba mas maganda iyon?" I suggested with a smirk.

"That sounds despicable." she says, shaking her head as she observes my reaction, "But I like the idea."

"So we're on the same page?" I'm amused looking at her round eyes as if she was able to find an ally in this arrangement that we're both trapped in.

"I'm listening." She faces me attentively.

"We'll play boyfriend-girlfriend around other people so that if someone is watching you, they could verify."

"How can you tell that someone is watching me?" she asks, for all she knows that information isn't shared online.

"I did my homework Maxene, ganoon mahigpit ang Mommy mo sayo, hindi ba?" she looks at me as if she's unsure if she's going to trust me or not.

"So, what will happen if we manage to pull this through at dumating sa point na makumbinsi natin si Mom?" her eyes meet mine as if she's attempting to read my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" maingat kong tanong sa kanya habang pinagmamasdan siya.

"What benefit would this give you?" she asked, "From what I understand, you're ready to play along with me. So ako lang ang parang makikinabang doon, hindi ba? Parang imposible naman na wala kang makukuha mula sa akin?"

She's really amusing, "For some reason, it's like you can read my mind," I'm not going to risk something in a game I know I can't win, yet...

"Same goes here Travis." she says as if she's guarding herself around me, yet a part of her is willing to play along with me. Irony, "So tell me, anong kapalit ng mga kaya mong gawin para sa akin?"

Kapalit? I closed my eyes and gulped. I met her eyes once again and immediately concealed the thoughts that I know will make me greedy. She wouldn't, of course she wouldn't. I chuckled, "I don't think you can handle it." I humbly say as I try my best to keep those selfish thoughts to myself.

"Try me." she dared me using the same aggravating tone that makes me want her to regret belittling me. Baka nakakalimutan niya, lalaki pa rin ako. Huwag na huwag siyang mangahas na hamunin ako dahil hinding hindi ko siya aatrasan! Mula sa counter, limang beses akong humakbang para lapitan siya. The flow of her breathing shifts as I control myself not to get swayed. What's this?

Nang makita ko ang sarili ko sa mga mata niya, gusto ko siyang hilahin papunta sa akin, ngunit kasabay din noon ay ang itulak siya palayo dahil hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko sa epekto ng taong ito sa akin. Should I allow myself? Am I allowed?

She's mine. That selfish voice inside me tells me that she's mine even if this is just a temporary arrangement. I can't reason myself. I can't even think what force made me touch her face. I cupped her cheek and felt how soft her skin was. I brushed her lips with my thumb as my eyes wandered on her face. What's this reaction? Her hazel brown round eyes, her mahogany brown hair, her heart shaped lips. I wonder how would that feel on mine. Hindi ko mapigilang tawanan ang sarili ko sa kung paano ko siya nakikita sa utak ko, tangina. How could I tell her my thoughts without her misunderstanding me?

Ayusin mo ang sarili mo Travis, don't forget that this is a temporary arrangement you agreed on, if you mess this up the risk is too much. I'm keeping that fact as a reminder to myself. Pero kahit saglit lang, kahit sa pagkakataong ito, gusto kong magpakatotoo sa sarili ko, "I wanted to try something, if you don't mind." her round eyes look at mine as if she wants to understand me, "I just want to make sure if what I'm about to say is the right words for you to hear, not unless I try this."

I patiently waited for her answer, controlling myself not to do something stupid before I could regret it, "I'm still waiting for your answer."my eyes looked at her lips.

I waited...

Waited...

I waited for an answer and expected rejection. Yet for the first time in my life, I heard her voice uttered that one word.

"Okay."

M A X E N E

Everything happened so fast that I wasn't able to catch up. In an instant right after that one word escaped from my mouth, his lips found mine immediately. I feel like I've been swallowed by a black hole as I feel myself responding to his kiss. His kisses were demanding, needy, gentle yet possessive. His kisses were different from Kenzo's. Kenzo's kisses were innocent, sweet and pure. Travis's kisses were something I couldn't explain well enough because these kisses are leaving me breathless as if my heart wants to burst out from my chest. This tension between us takes the air out of me. He pulls himself away as he catches his breath, I look into his face as if he's trying to hold back something that he doesn't want to give away.

What was that?

A faint smile appears on his face as if he found the words he needed for me to hear, "It seems like 'I like you' Maxene." he opens his eyes and looks at me intently, "I am attracted to you."

I gulped, "Thank you, if that's a compliment." I'm still catching my breath and see him shaking his head as if he's amused by whatever he is thinking right now.

"No, it's more than that," he looks at me as if he's ready for the consequences of the following words that he's about to say to me, "I want you." he uttered with a deep voice as his eyes stared into my soul with such intense yearning.

Napalunok ako at umatras mula sa kinatatayuan niya. Medyo naguguluhan pa ako sa sitwasyon. But I have to clarify before assuming, "Are you saying that you and me," I'm thinking of a more decent term for this, "Parang friends with benefits?"

He chuckled and leaned his back against the wall, he regained his breathing. "That's acceptable. If that's how you're going to call it."

Umiwas ako ng tingin, "If ever I couldn't, would you-"

"I won't force you to," he says with a serious face, "I'm not going to do anything without your consent." hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay na-offend ko siya sa tanong ko na iyon.

"So maggagamitan lang tayo, ganoon ba?" muling paglilinaw ko sa set-up na gagawin namin.

He looks down as if he wants to withdraw his statement, "I just wanted to be honest, at least to you." he says holding back some of his pride as he lets his bangs cover his face, "I've never been with a woman before, maybe."

"Maybe?" I asked him as he shakes his head, bakit hindi siya sigurado?

"Let's just say she's," he gulps carefully, meeting my eyes again, "She couldn't see me enough." He tries to smile and saves some of his pride. So may iba rin pala siyang gusto kung ganoon.

"Do you love her?" I just have to ask. Dahil kung papayag man ako sa set-up namin, dapat alam ko kung ano ang isusugal ko o hindi.

He looks at me with defeat, "I do." Looks like honest Travis is nice.

"So we're in the same boat pala?" I tried to look amused with the situation. It's clear that we don't like each other, but there's this so-called attraction between us.

"You can say that." mahina na nahihiya niyang tugon.

"Seems legit," he looked at me with confusion, I shrugged, "I mean, I could consider our set-up." I clarified. His face starts to light up, "But we have to set some rules, I don't want us to misunderstand each other. As much as possible I like this," pagtuturo ko sa aming dalawa, "This honesty between us." he agrees, nodding his head with a small smile on his face, "Hangga't maaari, iyon ang gusto kong maging foundation ng kung ano mang-set up ito."

He chuckled, "I like how you handle the situation maturely." He tilted his head beside looking at me with amusement. I couldn't really tell why a part of me trusts Travis this much after I hear how he's willing to help me out of this arrangement we're both trapped in; yet some part of me tells me that I'm stupid to accept this arrangement. Yet for what's worth at least we're not going to invest some feelings.

"I call dibs for rule number 1." I started and saw him crossing his arms, "1. Always ask for consent, of course and respect limitations." He nods. "2. We have to act like a couple in public." He nods again. Lastly, "3. No feelings involved."

"I'm good with that." he says with a familiar ghost smile on his face.

"Wala ka bang naiisip idagdag?" I asked him, kasi ako na lang ng ako ang nagsasalita. At least he could have contributed on something.

"4. Don't ever ask anything personal and lastly 5. No cuddling."

Natawa naman ako sa last rule niya, "Why no cuddling?"

He shakes his head with a smile on his face, "We're not a real couple, only couples do that. After our session, we go back to our rooms."

New term: session.

Future Attorney nga.

"Fine." I said.

"Sounds good," he seconded.

"Let's seal the deal." I said while reaching for his hand and he gladly accepted it.