T R A V I S

It's been three weeks since I last saw her.

Sa mansion siya nauwi ngayon dahil na rin sa paghahanda sa nalalapit niyang birthday, gusto ko man siyang dalawin pero hindi ko maisingit ang oras ko, masyadong maraming ganap sa school lalo na at exam week din ngayon.

Ayoko namang bumagsak dahil madidisappoint siya sa akin. Gusto ko sa susunod naming pagkikita may maipagmamalaki ako sa kanya.

We keep each other posted. Kapag nasa school ako either tinatawagan ko siya or tinetext. Halos siya na nga ang laman ng inbox ko pati ng call logs ko. Kahit na hindi pa kami nagkikita ulit, ramdam ko pa rin ang suporta niya sa akin sa lahat ng ginagawa ko sa school.

Minsan nga inuutusan niya pa si Natasha dalhan ako ng pagkain, gustuhin man din niyang puntahan ako, pero hindi naman niya matiis yung mommy niya na bumabawi na sa kanya ngayon.

Knowing that, made me a little happy for her. At least unti-unti nagiging maayos na sila mag-ina.

Matapos ng school, nagyaya si Pierre na tumambay sa bahay nila, kami lang ni Joshua ang nahatak niya dahil si Gerard sinamahan ang mommy niya sa kumpanya na hahawakan niya balang araw.

Matagal tagal na rin noong huling nakadalaw ako sa bahay nila Pierre. Wala namang nagbago dito, siguro nagbago sila ng pintura at masasabi kong mas maaliwalas ang bahay nila ngayon kaysa dati.

"Nasan si Tito?" Tanong ni Joshua sa kanya.

"Business, as always." Matipid na sagot ni Pierre.

"Eh si Tita?" I just have to engage a conversation.

He smirks at me, "Si Mom, nagpunta ng Macau kasama si Addy noong umuwi si Dad," He sighs, "Hindi naman nila kailangan pang magpanggap na maayos. Alam na rin naman ni Addy ang sitwasyon namin."

Kung tutuusin, hindi naman nagkakalayo ang sitwasyon ng pamilya ni Pierre sa pamilya ni Maxene. Political Marriage din ang nangyari sa pamilya nila, balita ko pa hindi naman talaga yung mommy ni Pierre dapat ang pakakasalan ng daddy niya. His mother was just his father's secondary option in case hindi sila magwork nung una niyang napili.

Minsan lang namin nakilala ang daddy niya, pero agad din naman namin nadama ang tensyon sa pagitan nilang mag-ama, lalo na noong mga bata pa kami.

His father pressures him to be the best. To be better than him.

Dahil sa kung sino si Pierre ngayon, he will always just be a second best to his father's eyes.

Hanggang ngayon masasabi kong pinapatunayan niya pa rin sa daddy niya ang sarili niya, na kahit gumawa siya ng ilegal, mapatunayan lang sa daddy niya na hindi siya second best, lahat gagawin niya para lang ma-please ang daddy niya.

Para kay Pierre ang maging second best ay hindi kailanman magiging sapat sa kanya.

Lahat ng gusto niya, kukunin niya sa paraang gusto niya. Lahat ng tao siya lang ang dapat tingalain at respetuhin. Hinding-hindi niya gusto na napapahiya siya sa iba, na para sa kanya, tama ang lahat ng ginagawa niya dahil ganun ang impluwensya ng daddy niya sa kanya.

I can't blame him for having that kind of mindset dahil pressured siyang mahigitan ang daddy niya, kahit na minsan hindi tama ang paraan niya, kaya lagi ko rin naman siyang pinaalalahanan bilang kaibigan niya.

Kahit naman paano nakikinig siya sa akin dati, pero nang nag-college kami, nagkaroon na kami ng kanya kanya naming mundo. Lalo na at magkakaiba kami ng course kahit na sa iisang school kami napasok.

Binaling ko ang atensyon ko sa frosted glass chess set na naka-display sa side table na katabi ng bintana nila.

"It's been a while since we last play chess," kumento ni Pierre, "Kapag kasi si Joshua ang kalaro ko, walang challenge. Boring."

"Grabe ka naman dude, hindi lang talaga ako matiyaga sa chess, alam mo naman iyan," Sagot sa kanya ni Joshua, "Alam naman natin na kayo lang ni Travis ang mahilig maglaro ng board games."

Totoo naman ang sinabi ni Joshua. Sa mga board games na tulad ng chess, othello, game of the generals, go, draughts, dominoes, backgammon, mostly strategy games ang nilalaro namin simula pa noong bata kami.

Sa pagkakaalala ko pa noon, noong bago pa ako sa grupo hinamon ako ni Pierre makipaglaro ng tatlong beses at kapag natalo ko siya, tsaka lang niya ako kikilalanin bilang kapantay niya.

Hindi ko naman siya binigo noon at nagawa ko siyang talunin sa tatlong laro na pinili niya.

What can I say, I learned from the best, all thanks to the people who raised me. Miski nga ata sa card games kaya kong makipagsabayan pero hindi sa point na makikipagsugal ako tulad ng minsang ginagawa ni Pierre sa casino.

"Laro tayo?" He says and I give him a friendly nod as he gets the chess board and puts on top of the table between us.

Hindi ko na napansin ang oras dahil kapag naglalaro kami talaga namang sineseryoso namin ang larong ito, kaya siguro mas challenged siyang kalaro ako dahil kami lang ang halos nakaka-abot ng dalawang oras o minsan mahigit pa depende sa oras na meron kami.

Muli kong kinuha ang bishop niya gamit ang knight ko pero kaagad naman iyon nakuha ng rook niya.

How come I overlooked that.

Napangiti ako, "Looks like I'm getting a little rusty."

He chuckled, "Then you should stay focused." He says sipping a glass of whiskey.

Muli kong tiningnan ang board at inisip ang susunod kong galaw, kailangan kalkulado ang lahat para manalo ako.

Ang ace piece ko sa chess ay ang queen, iyon ang paalala sa akin lagi ni papa dati.

Naalala ko pa ang sinabi niya sa akin dati na, kapag nakuha ng kabilang party ang queen, may chance na matalo ako agad, dahil ang queen ang pinakamakapangyarihang piyesa sa chess.

Naka ilang moves din kami at nakita ko naman kung paano mabawasan ang mga piyesa ko at piyesa niya nang umayon sa akin ang mga galaw niya, kinuha ng rook ko ang knight niya.

"Check mate." I couldn't help to smile at him and he chuckled, crossing his arms.

Kung hindi niya gagalawin yung king, makukuha ko iyon gamit ng rook ko. Kung pa-diagonal niya ilalagay ang king niya, kukunin siya ng queen ko at kapag bumalik naman siya naka-abang sa kanya yung pawn ko.

Muli siyang gumalaw at napansin ko naman na dinedepensahan niya ang king niya gamit ng mga natira niyang pawn hanggang sa nakuha ko ang queen niya.

I'm confident that I'll win this round.

He's getting a little cocky.

Typical Pierre.

Nang muli kong ma-corner ang king niya nagulat na lang ako nang makuha niya ang queen ko gamit ng rook niya at sa isang iglap, bumaligtad ang sitwasyon dahil ang meron na lang ako ay ang isa ko pang knight, ang dalawang bishop ko at ang king piece ko.

I heard him chuckle, "You have to sacrifice some pawns to take what's the most powerful piece in chess." Iwinagayway niya ang queen ko nang nakangiti sa akin na para bang nagtagumpay siya sa laro namin.

Nginitian ko siya, "Well played." pagbati ko sa kanya.

"Ang intense naman nito, dapat pala magpaturo ako sa inyo ng chess." Pabirong sabi ni Joshua sa amin habang nainom ng whiskey, mukhang may tama na ang loko, "Teka restroom lang ako."

"You're a little uncoordinated Travis." Pagpuna niya nang makaalis si Joshua sa kwarto.

"You're just getting better." I complimented him and protected my king.

"Maybe you're right." He takes his move again and boldly moves his pawn taking my knight.

Bakit hindi ko iyon napansin?

Mukhang nagkamali ako ng galaw doon.

I should focus.

"It's been how many days since you last see Maxene?" Tanong niya sa akin.

"She's busy." Matipid kong sagot. "They're all preparing for her birthday."

Hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang gagawin ko para manalo sa larong ito.

I heard him chuckled, "Are you sure about that?" There's this amusement in his voice that I find a little alarming, may alam na naman ba siya na hindi ko alam? O may sasabihin na naman ba siya na hindi ko magugustuhan?

Kinuha ng bishop ko ang rook niya at napangisi naman siya sa ginawa ko dahil nakuha ng knight niya ang bishop ko.

Isa na lang ang bishop ko.

"Aren't you going to ask me about what I learned about her today?"

"What do you want to tell me?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

Dahil kung tungkol lang ito sa kikitain niyang kaibigan na sinabi niya sa akin, malamang sila Sarah na naman iyon o si Martin. Iyon lang naman ang bukang bibig niya sa akin, kaya ano ba ang sinasabi nito ni Pierre?

Nakapalumbaba siya sa inuupuan niyang leather arm chair.

"Sinabi niya ba sayo na si Mihara ang kikitain niya bukas?" He paused, "Well, bukas nga ba?"

Nginitian ko siya kahit na ang totoo, hindi ko gusto ang narinig ko.

Biglang bumalik sa utak ko ang sinabi ni Kenzo na kukunin niya sa akin si Maxene. Kahit pa sinabi na sa akin ni Max na kaibigan na lang ang tingin niya sa ex niya, the fact na may feelings pa sa kanya si Kenzo, hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

Pero kailangan kong ayusin ang sarili ko sa harapan ni Pierre.

"She told me that." Sagot ko kahit hindi naman talaga ipinaalam ni Maxene ang tungkol doon.

Ginalaw ko ang bishop ko at kinuha ang knight niya.

He chuckled, did I just fail to convince him?

"Malamang sa malamang, palihim siyang nakikipagkita doon na hindi mo alam." That thought made me a little pissed. "Masama niyan, baka pinapaasa ka lang ni Maxene, in the end, kay Mihara pa rin siya babalik."

Tangina.

Hindi. Hindi niya gagawin sa akin iyon.

"Aren't you a little worried?" Curious niyang tanong sa akin, hindi ko na maramdaman ang mukha ko na nakangiti sa kanya, "What if she's just using you to get what she wanted the most?"

I force out a smile, "That won't happen," I tell him as I take my move, I'll take his king in three more moves para matapos na ito at makaalis na ako dito, "Official na kami." I declared.

He chuckled, "Maybe she did that just to divert her mother's attention," he paused as he took his move and took my bishop using his pawn, "I can't help to compare Maxene and Monique. Parehas lang naman sila kung tutuusin."

I composed myself and smiled at him, "You don't have to--"

"Si Moe nga, para makuha si Mendez, ginamit ka niya, hindi ba?" he cuts me just like that, "Hindi rin imposible na ginagamit ka lang ni Maxene, para bumalik kay Mihara, lalo na at ang usapan nila mag-ina, she doesn't have to love you, she just have to make it look real."

I gulped bitterly and made my move, I took his pawn using my king.

"Kaibigan kita kaya dapat ko sabihin ito sayo," he paused, "She planned this all along, to make everything real para kapag dumating na ang tamang oras, bibitawan ka na niya at sasama sa taong mahal naman niya talaga."

In an instant his king takes mine.

Para akong nawala sa ulirat nang marealize kong natalo ako sa laro namin.

I just lost the fucking chess game and it angers me.

I calmed myself down as I took another drink.

I took a deep breath.

I have to control my temper.

"Congrats nanalo ka." Pagpuri ko sa kanya at nag toast kami.

I just have to divert my attention to some place else. I approached the window as I looked outside.

"Sa bagay, in less than a year, she was able to sweep you off your feet." He speaks beside me and drinks.

Suddenly, a weight in my chest starts to feel heavy.

"Maxene is one playful vixen, mas tuso pa ata siya kay Moe." Dagdag pa niya.

I couldn't help to agree. Nagawa nga niyang i-set up ang pagkikita namin ni Laurenz dati.

Sabihin na nating ginawa niya iyon para maayos ko ang gulo ko sa nakaraan ko, I'll give her that.

Kahit na ang totoo, hindi ko gustong naiisahan ako ng ganoon.

Pinabayaan kong gawin niya sa akin iyon, dahil mahal ko siya.

Maxene is smart and cunning, but she's not aware that she is.

My phone rings repeatedly.

"Hindi mo ba sasagutin yung kung sino ang natawag sayo?" Tanong ni Pierre sa akin.

I took the phone out of my pocket and her call just went straight to voicemail.

I also received a text from her.

Maxene: Hey, Hayes, just want to update you. I'll be having dinner with a friend today, take care. I love you.

Dinner.

Today.

With a friend.

Sinong friend?

Bakit hindi siya nagsabi ng pangalan?

I checked the time it's almost six-thirty.

"Ah, baka ngayon niya kikitain si Mihara, mga ilang araw na rin kasi siyang dinadalaw ni Maxene sa trabaho." Napalunok ako sa sinabi ni Pierre.

They're seeing each other?

Why?

Bakit hindi niya sinasabi sa akin?

Nagkabalikan na ba sila?

The thought of it angers me.

Ininom ko ng derecho yung huling shot ng whiskey at ibinaba ang baso.

"I gotta go." Matipid kong sabi kay Pierre.

"Sige, ingat." He said and I left his house.

Dahil alam ko naman kung saan si Kenzo nagtatrabaho, dumerecho ako sa pizza store para kumbinsihin ko ang sarili ko na mali ang sinasabi ni Pierre sa akin.

He's wrong.

Nakita ko namang palabas na si Kenzo sa trabaho, mukhang nagmamadali siya kaya sinundan ko siya.

Para akong tanga, ano ba ang ginagawa ko na pati ex niya iniistalk ko?

Tangina.

Siguro dapat hindi ko na ito ituloy pero hindi pa rin ako mapakali dahil sa reaksyon niya parang masaya siyang nagmamadali na parang may importante siyang taong kikitain.

Napalunok ako nang makita ko siya na parang sabik na sabik na makita ulit ang ex niya .

Nakita ko kung paano siya yakapin ng ex niya.

Gusto kong magwala.

Ito ba ang ginagawa niya noong ilang araw na hindi ko siya kasama?

The last time I saw them together was when they had that closure.

Hindi planado na magkita sila noong araw na iyon. That's what Maxene told me and I fucking believed her.

Ngayon, mukhang pinagplanuhan nila ang pagkikita nila.

Ilang araw na nilang ginagawa ito?

Tangina!

Hindi ko mapigilang kumuyom ang mga kamay ko mula sa nakikita ng mga mata ko. Gusto ko siyang kunin mula sa kanya. Gusto kong ipaalala kay Maxene na akin lang siya, pero natigilan ako nang makita ko ang daddy niya na nakangiting nakipagkamay sa ex niya.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

Ano ba ang dapat kong maramdaman. Bakit kasama ni Maxene si Kenzo at ang daddy niya?

Alam kong close siya sa daddy niya at gusto rin ng daddy niya na makilala si Kenzo.

Did she tell her dad that she wants to be with him than with me?

Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses ko nang nilulunok ang laway ko, pero tangina!

Oo hindi pabor ang mommy niya kay Kenzo. Pero lahat gagawin ang daddy niya para lang sa ikakasaya ng anak niya.

Pilit kong kinakalma ang sarili ko. Pero pakiramdam ko sasabog ako.

'She doesn't need to love you, she just have to make it look real.'

Paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang mga salitang iyon sa utak ko. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko.

Si Kenzo pa rin ba ang mahal niya?

Tuluyan na ba siyang nabawi sa akin ni Kenzo?

Tangina!

Napupuno ng galit ang puso ko, hindi ako makapag-isip ng tama.

Hindi pwede ito.

Hindi ako papayag na iiwanan niya ako ng ganito.

Kahit pa kunin ko siya ng sapilitan ngayon, gagawin ko.

Akin lang siya.

M A X E N E

Nang matapos ang naging dinner namin ni Kenzo kasama si dad muli siyang pinaalalahanan ni daddy, "Huwag kang mahihiya, think of this as my gratitude."

"Pag-iisipan ko pa rin po sir," humble niyang sagot, as always.

"You're a fine young man, maganda ang future mo kapag tinanggap mo ang alok ko." Napatingin naman si dad sa akin, "Gustong-gusto ni Maxene na matupad iyon para sayo."

Tiningnan ko naman si Kenzo pabalik at nginitian, "Sabi naman sayo hindi ba, when an opportunity knocks, grab it." I tapped his shoulder and he chuckled.

"Still, please let me think about it," His answer is solid, "Ayoko naman po na isipin ng Mommy ni Maxene na tine-take for granted ko ang anak niya."

"Well, mahalaga ka kay Maxene, kaya hindi ka na rin iba sa akin, ako na ang bahala kay Miranda kung sakali, plus marami na rin naman akong tinulungan na tao, maganda rin ang ibinabahagi mo ang blessing na nakukuha mo sa iba."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi ni dad, "Kaya idol kita Dad eh." I teased him as I see him get in his car.

"Hindi ka ba sasabay sa akin anak?" Tanong ni dad.

I'm planning to surprise Travis sana, lalo na at ilang araw ko na rin siyang hindi nakikita.

I just miss my boyfriend. Kahit ngayong gabi lang.

"Tell Mom I'll be staying with a friend, alam naman niya na kay Sarah lang ako pupunta. It's just for a night Dad. Uuwi din po ako bukas." Pagpapaalam ko.

"Okay, see you tomorrow then." Sabi niya at nauna na sa amin.

Tiningnan ko naman si Kenzo na nakangiti, "So, anong plano mo?"

Napabuntong hininga siya at malambing na nginitian ako. "Well, madami. Specially you planned it all for me. It's all a surprise that I didn't expect, Maxie."

I giggled, "I just want you to have the best. Ayoko mapressure ka, pero kasi kailangan mo ng push. As much as possible I want to support you."

"Nako, ikaw talaga." He squeezes my cheeks and laughed at me.

Inalis ko ang kamay niya sa mukha ko at tiningnan siya, "Ken, please consider it." I look at him sincerely.

Sumeryoso ang mukha niya at napapikit.

Marahan niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at nakangiting tiningnan ako na para bang naghahalo ang hiya at pasasalamat na nais bigkasin ng kanyang mga mata sa akin.

Ngunit sa isang iglap, agad niyang binitawan ang kamay ko nang napatingin siya sa bandang kaliwa ko. Nang lingunin ko kung sino ang tinitingnan niya, nagulat akong makita si Travis. Sa isang kisapmata, sinuntok niya si Kenzo sa harapan ko.

"Travis... stop..." His eyes were on fire and he did not allow himself to be restrained by me.

Kinuwelyuhan niya si Kenzo na halatang may pangigigil at inis. Halos walang liwanag ang mga mata niya.

I'm afraid of what he'd do. He is in rage. Too much rage. I want to stop him, but I don't know how.

Nang akmang susuntukin na naman niya si Kenzo, humarang ako sa pagitan nilang dalawa at hinarap siya.

Sa sobrang bilis ng pangyayari hindi na niya napigilan ang sarili niya at ang kaninang nakakuyom na kamay niya biglang lumapat sa mukha ko.

He just slapped me as I fell on my knees. I just tasted my own blood.

"What the hell Travis!" Singhal sa kanya ni Kenzo at tinulak si Travis palayo.

Naramdaman kong naka-alalay sa akin si Ken.

"Maxie, ayos ka lang ba?" He lifted up my face and noticed that my lips just bled. Is it even possible that my cheeks are on fire?

Kenzo glared at Travis.

Alam kong gusto niyang gantihan si Travis sa ginawa niya sa akin pero mariin ko siyang hinahawakan sa kamay para pigilan siya.

Travis looks at me in horror. "No...Maxene..." He uttered in defeat and took a step backward.

Hindi niya ako kailanman sinaktan, pero ito ang unang pagkakataon na nasaktan niya ako ng pisikal.

I know he just won't snap like this unless his rage is too much for him to bear.

What I can't understand is why?

Something must have happened.

"Let's just go Maxie." sabi sa akin ni Kenzo, pero ang mga mata ko kay Travis pa rin nakatingin.

He's looking at us like a lost child under a flickering light post.

Kenzo holds me by the shoulder grabbing my attention, "Mabuti pang magpalamig muna kayong dalawa."  he attempts to pull me away from Travis.

My eyes meets Travis looking at Kenzo as if he's humiliated himself in front of us.

"Tara na Maxie." Mariin na sambit ni Kenzo na hawak ang kamay ko.

I see how Travis avoids my gaze, hiding his face away from me.

He must be thinking that I'll leave him like this.

Hindi ako nagpadala kay Kenzo at bumitaw sa kamay niya. "Maxene."

"Ken, mauna ka na." I tell him with a smile, "I'll be fine."

He looks upset and tells me, "Sasama ka sa kanya?" he says shaking his head, "Napagbuhatan ka niya ng kamay, Maxene."

"Aksidente ang nangyari Ken, hindi niya iyon sinasadya." I put up smile on my face.

"Pero Maxene..." Kenzo's voice is worried as I waked towards Travis.

Approaching him, he's still looking down, hiding his face from me.

"Okay lang ako Ken, sige na. Next time na lang tayo ulit mag-usap. Basta update mo na lang ako, ah?" I tell him as friendly as I could be and locked my hand with his.

"Uwi na tayo." pabulong kong ani kay Travis. Tinanguhan niya ako na parang masunuring bata.

Tahimik siyang nagmaneho na walang pinapakitang emosyon. Pagkarating namin sa penthouse hindi pa rin niya ako kinakausap. Sa sobrang pagkikimkim niya, wala mang ipinapakitang emosyon ang mukha niya, pero biglang nagpakawala ng luha ang mga mata niya.

Dumerecho siya sa kitchen para kunin ang cold compress na siyang nilagay niya sa pisngi ko.

I held his hand gently on my face and smiled at him.

In an instant, nabitawan niya ang cold compress na hawak ng kamay niya sa pisngi ko. Lumuhod sa harapan ko at tuluyan na siyang humagulgol habang paulit-ulit na humihing ng tawad sa akin.

How could he break like this in front of me?

"I'm so sorry Maxene." Nang akma niyang hahalikan ang mga paa ko pinigilan ko siya.

Hindi ko mapigilang umiyak para sa kanya, bakit siya nagkakaganito?

Ilang araw lang kaming hindi nagkita nagkaganito na siya.

"What happened?" Inayos ko ang buhok niya. Hindi siya makasagot. Halos hindi siya makahinga sa kung ano ang kinikimkim niya sa dibdib niya.

"Travis." I called him again and in an instant he embraced me tightly and inhaled my scent.

"I love you so much. Please don't leave me, please don't leave me," Patuloy siyang umiiyak sa balikat ko, "Hindi ko kaya mawala ka sa akin, kahit ano gagawin ko Max, huwag mo lang akong iwan."

What is he talking about?

"Travis..." I slowly pushed him as he cried helplessly in front of me.

He stared at my bleeding lip bitterly and started punching the ground repeatedly.

"Please stop." He's hurting himself.

This is him punishing himself.

"Travis stop." I took his hand and kissed it.

I cupped his face and looked at him.

"Sino ang may sabi sayo na iiwan kita?" I look and see him full of uncertainty, "What is going on?" I asked him again, "Please help me understand."

"Mahal mo pa ba siya?" mapait na tanong niya sa akin na parang sinasaksak ang puso niya.

"Napag-usapan na natin ito, hindi ba?" I answered, "Kaibigan ko na lang si Ken ngayon, Travis."

"Oo o hindi lang Maxene." Halos hindi siya makahinga sa tanong niya sa akin.

"No, I don't." I answered him, "I love you." Sagot ko habang nakikitang nalulunod siya sa sarili niyang luha.

Tinakpan niya ang mukha niya gamit ng dalawang kamay niya habang humahagulgol pa rin na parang bata sa harapan ko.

"Travis, please let's talk."

Magkatext naman kami kanina, tinawagan ko pa nga siya noong lunch nila, tapos nung pangalawang beses na tinawagan ko siya hindi siya sumagot kaya dumerecho sa voicemail ang tawag ko. Nagtext din naman ako after.

Ano ba ang kulang sa ginawa ko?

I took his hands and held them to my face, "Look at me, please." He obeys. Still crying helplessly in front of me. "Let's talk."

"Ano pa ba ang dapat nating pag-usapan, kung narinig ko naman na ang lahat?" He says bitterly, "I saw how the both of you meet with your dad. Matagal na niyang gusto makilala si Kenzo, hindi ba?" He hides his face, "Tell me, did he ask for your father's blessing?"

"What...no..." He misunderstood the whole situation.

"Then help me understand." He looks at me desperately, "Maxene, bakit hindi mo ito sinabi sa akin?"

"I told you I'm meeting a friend today." I reasoned.

"Tangina naman." Sinabunutan niya ang buhok niya, "Hindi mo naman kasi sinabi kung sino." his whole face is frustrated, "Akala ko ba no secrets?"

"I'm sorry." Tanging nasabi ko at inumpog ang ulo niya sa pader na nasa likuran niya.

"As much as possible ayaw ni Dad sana ipaalam kahit kanino." Sagot ko at napatingin siya sa akin.

His eyes looked hurt, "So gusto ng Daddy mo si Kenzo para sayo, ganoon ba?"

"No, please patapusin mo muna ako." I tell him.

I took a deep breath and explained the whole situation.

"Dapat bukas namin kikitain si Kenzo, pero ngayon lang siya available dahil sa trabaho niya, bukas kasi team building nila. The reason this dinner had to happen is because I told dad everything about Kenzo." I paused as I wipe his tears.

"Dad just wants to help Kenzo and sponsor him to go to a culinary school," I smiled, "Sa nangyari sa kanya, this is the least I could do to help him get off his feet. Ilang araw ko siyang kinukulit regarding that, dahil kailangan niya ng push, he deserves better than where he is now." I paused and sighed. "Iyon lang ang dahilan kung bakit kami nakipagkita kay Kenzo ngayon."

"Eh bakit hindi ka umuwi kasama ng Daddy mo?" There's still doubt in his voice. "Ano iyon, sasama ka sa kanya dapat ngayong gabi?" He gulped, "You even lied when you said that you're going to stay with a friend for the night, eh siya lang naman ang kasama mo kanina." he said with overflowing jealousy.

"Sinabi ko iyon para iyon ang sabihin ni Dad kay Mom kung sakaling magtanong si Mom sa kanya," I cupped his face, "Pero ang totoo, uuwi sana ako dito, susurpresahin sana kita."

His face softens, but then looks away. He still might be feeling bad about what happened earlier.

I made him face me but again, he's avoiding my gaze.

"I know, 'I'm sorry' wasn't enough." He says in defeat.

"Well, mind telling me what really happened?" I cupped his face and kissed his wounded hand.

He gulps and looks away, "Sobrang takot ko lang na isang araw, bitawan mo ako... na iwan mo ako."

"I promised you, right?" I cupped his face and closed the gap between our foreheads. Now he's looking into my eyes, "At the end of the day, I will still choose you."

"Then marry me." I gulped, he was looking at me seriously.

I want to say yes, but in his eyes I see too much fear.

Natatakot akong tingnan siya na para bang wala na siyang ibang nakikita kundi ako lang. Na wala na siyang pakialam sa kung ano ang mangyayari sa kanya. Na lahat kaya niyang itapon para sa akin. Na lahat gagawin niya para lang sa akin...

This Travis...

I look down, "If I say no, what will you do?" I look at him tilting my head beside.

He gulped bitterly. His breathing changes, he is anxious, frustrated, terrified and angry at the same time.

This is the same Travis who loved Monique that made him a monster a long time ago.

I cried as I touched his heart, his heart was drowning in fear and anger.

"Is this how you say, you love me?" I asked him and saw him confused with my question. I force out a smile, "This love...it destroys you Travis." halos pabulong kong sambit.

He shakes his head, "What the fuck was that reason?" His voice sounds offended.

He might be thinking the worst of the worst case scenario of why I said no. But he has to know.

"Ganito din kung paano mo minahal si Monique dati, Travis." I look at him trying to help him realize what's happening to him.

"Bullshit Maxene! Ano naman ang kinalaman si Monique dito?" His voice is angry. "Tangina, dahilan mo lang iyan para tanggihan ako, hindi ba?" he says agitatedly. He faces me impatiently as if he couldn't think straight.

He is still angry as if he couldn't listen how I want to reason with him.

He holds my hand firmly, "Maxene, if you say you love me, then marry me and be with me." His voice is upset and possessive.

How could I make him understand?

"Mahal mo ako dahil takot kang mawala ako; o sinasabi mo lang na mahal mo ako, dahil ayaw mo na mawala ako sa iyo?" I asked him with tears in my eyes.

Muling kumunot ang noo niya.

"Punyeta! Parehas lang iyon, Maxene!" May galit pa rin sa boses niya. Ilang beses na siyang nagmumura.

Umiling ako.

"Travis, mas nangingibabaw ba ang takot mo, kaysa pagmamahal mo sa akin?"

That question made him speechless.

I smiled as I explained my point to him, "If you feel more fear than love, then you don't really love me at all. Because how I love you, is different from how you love me." I paused, looking at him, "My love for you made me conquer my fears. My love for you makes me stronger. My love for you makes me the better version of myself. I became someone I thought I'd never be, because I came to love who I am, because of the love you gave me." I fixed his hair as he listened patiently like a child.

"I love me for loving you, not because I fear about losing you." I kissed his forehead.

"That's why hearing that I own your heart is enough for me," I cupped his face as my eyes mirrored his. "I trust you and there's no room for doubt or fear." I kissed his cheeks and smiled at him. "Ganoon katindi ang pagmamahal ko sayo, Travis."

His eyes soften as his face warms up. He cups my face. His thumb gently rubs my wounded lip and touches my aching cheek.

"I'm very sorry for today." His whole face shows great regret.

I shake my head again, "I'm also at fault," I look at him adoringly holding his hand on my face, "Kaya nga ako makikipagkita ngayon sayo, kasi gusto ko sabihin," I kissed his hand and smiled, "Pero, naunahan mo ako."

"I would never doubt you again," He says locking his eyes with me, "This," he closes his eyes bitterly. "Won't ever happen again. I promise."

He faces me with a regretful smile kissing my hand.

"I love you." I tell him.

He looks at me adoringly, "Say it again, please." he uttered with a warm soothing voice.

"I love you." I say, as another tear fell from his cheek.

"Again." I wiped it for him and see him smiling at me. He helps me stand not leaving his eyes on me.

"I love you." I put my hand on his chest and feel it beating for me.

He pulls me close putting his face on my neck muttering next to my ear, "Again."

"I love you Travis, Always." I tell him like a promise and in an instant his lips devoured mine as flames ablaze like wildfire.

He lifted me up to lock my legs on his waist as we deepened the kiss we shared with one another. I put my arms around his neck and let him take the air out of me.

He carried me to bed and gently laid me like a baby. His hands start its journey around my body as I feel his lips next to my neck. I released a breath and he smiled. He's pleased to see the effect he has on me.

He cuts the kiss and removes his shirt. I removed my clothes playfully teasing him and hid myself under the sheets. I hear him playfully clicking his tongue. By the time he joined me he was wearing nothing but the rubber.

"You're so naughty," he uttered with mischief kissing my nose and I pouted.

His eyes were filled with desire as he took my lips again.

"I love you Maxene. I love you so much." He says between his kisses.

I take him in my arms as we make love tonight.

We finished together catching our breaths. Our hands locked together. His face is hiding on my neck. I feel his kisses there all the way through my cheek and back at my lips again.

He cups my face as the other supports his weight as he looks into my eyes.

"Say, is my proposal rejected already?" He asks weakly, "Or am I rejected already?"

I giggled, "Sinong babae ang nasa katinuan ang makikipag-session kung ni-reject niya yung lalaki, ha?" I raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head with a small smile on his face.

"Susuko ka na lang ba dahil hindi ako pumayag the first time?" I asked cupping his chin.

He shakes his head with a little determination in his eyes.

"Pero naiintindihan mo ba kung bakit humindi ako?" I asked him, "For now," I paused with a little concern in my voice.

Gusto kong maliwanag ang lahat sa pagitan namin.

Hindi sa nagpapa-importante ako, gusto kong maayos niya ang sarili niya.

Ayokong masira siya ng pagmamahal niya sa akin tulad ng kung paano siya nasira sa pagmamahal niya kay Monique dati.

I wouldn't want him to be in that state again.

He kissed my nose, "I understand."

"I love you so much Travis," I tell him again as I take his hand to my heart, "I am yours, always."

His eyes sparkle. I fix his hair. He kissed me tenderly with a smile on his lips, "I love you too, Maxene."

I smiled at him as he pulled himself away from me. He might be going to remove the rubber.

"Shit!"

"Bakit?" I asked, approaching him from behind.

He looks defeated as if he embarrassed himself in front of me again, "It broke." His voice cracks looking down with worry in his eyes.

"Hey," I cupped his face, "Everything will be fine." I told him and kissed his shoulder and his neck.

He takes a deep sigh, "Masyado akong magulo ngayong araw na ito." He looks at me as if he is disappointed with himself, "Aren't you upset?"

I shake my head embracing him, "Why would I be?" I kissed his cheeks. "Parehas naman tayong magulo." I teased. I hear him chuckled holding my hand.

"I love you Maxene."

"I love you too, Mine."

He laughs as he hears me use our endearment. He kisses my temple, taking me in his arms where I feel his warmth. I listen as his heart sings my name.

"I love you so much Mine." His heart speaks for him.