T R A V I S

Hindi ko alam kung nakakailang araw na ako dito sa hospital. Pero hindi ako kailanman umalis sa tabi niya.

Bigla kong naalala, ganito rin ba siya noong naaksidente ako? That thought alone made me smile. Hindi pa kami noon mag boyfriend-girlfriend, but then from the start, she was there for me when I have no one.

She's all I had when I have none.

"Don't you have school to attend to?" Tanong ng daddy niya sa akin. "I heard that you're taking law."

"Hihintayin ko pa po siyang gumising sir." Mahina kong sagot na parang nagmamakaawa ako na huwag niya ako paalisin sa tabi ni Maxene.

"Ilang araw ka na rin walang tulog Travis." Kumento ng daddy niya sa akin.

I don't mind. I smiled and looked at him, "I'm fine."

Hindi pa ulit dumadalaw ang mommy ni Maxene sa kanya matapos ng harapan na nangyari sa pagitan namin. Baka masama pa ang loob sa akin ng mommy niya. I can't blame her though.

Madalas yung daddy lang ni Maxene ang dumadalaw sa kanya, minsan na ring dumaan sila Maxwell at Beatrix kapag maluwag ang schedule nila.

Ako lang ang bukod tanging hindi umalis sa tabi niya.

Hindi ko siya kayang iwan mag-isa. Laking takot ko na lang na tumigil ang puso niya na wala ako sa tabi niya.

Hindi ko kaya.

Just the thought of it, I know it would be the end of me.

"You..." Her dad started, "You really love her...don't you?" napatingin ako sa daddy niya, "You love Maxene."

I immediately look away concealing my tears.

"Hindi naman po mahirap mahalin si Maxene." Mahinang sagot ko sa kanya. Si Maxene pa nga ang kauna unahang taong nagmahal sa akin.

She just sees me through.

"It's true." He uttered. "But you also said that she had someone before you." He's pertaining to Kenzo. "Tama ba?"

"Yes. yes she does." Matipid kong sagot.

"Hindi ko kailanman nakilala ang binatang iyon. Pero knowing Maxene, I'm sure he's also a fine young man too." He paused, "It just so happens that Miranda overstepped...and I wasn't able to defend Maxene because of that."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. Baka nga siguro kung nakilala niya ang first boyfriend ni Maxene, baka mas magkasundo sila, di hamak naman na mas matino sa akin si Kenzo, pakiramdam ko kasi matapos ng nangyari noong nakaraan alam kong nawala na ang pabor na dapat pinagsisikapan kong makuha sa kanila.

My emotions are just all over the place when it comes to her.

"Are you embarrassed of me?" His father asked me.

"Opo." matipid na pag-amin ko, "Hindi ko nga po alam kung paano kayo titingnan ngayon," Napalunok ako, "Nakalimutan ko kung saan ako dapat lumugar."

I heard him chuckled. "Oo nga eh, isang sampal kay Miranda ang mga nasabi mo sa kanya, no one dared to speak to her like that." Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya, "Ikaw at ako lang ang nakagawa noon sa kanya." Halos pabulong niyang sabi sa akin.

A wave of silence fills between us. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip ng daddy ni Maxene. Pero sa nalaman ko kay Natasha, parang ang lalaking katulad niya; hindi niya iyon magagawa ng walang malalim na dahilan. I still should give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you familiar with the story, The Man in the Iron Mask?" He asks as he looks at the window, "Kasi iyon ang pinanood namin ni Maxene dati noong bata pa siya, she's just eight that time, but the way she understands the story, is different from what I expected." He's smiling as if he's recalling a nostalgic memory with her.

He takes a deep breath and continued.

"The main story involves around the arrogant king Louis who was the ruler of France. At lahat ng meron siya, nakukuha niya kahit pa dahil doon, maghirap ang bansa niya. Wala siyang pakialam, basta nabubuhay siya sa karangyaan; pera, ginto, babae at ang buong France, ay hawak niya sa kanyang mga kamay.

Lahat ng kumakalaban at kontra sa kanya, kung hindi niya ipapatapon, pinapapatay niya, miski pa ang sarili niyang mga tauhan na tapat sa kanya, kaya niyang ipapatay. Ganon kalupit at kasama si Louis XIV.

Biglang nagbago ang ihip ng hangin noong dumating sa eksena ang kakambal niya, si Philippe. Ang lalaki sa likod ng bakal na maskara. Ipinadala siya sa kulungan kahit wala siyang kasalanan. What he didn't know is his face, is the biggest threat to the king of France.

It's a huge conflict to have two kings in France, kaya ipinag-utos ng hari na ipatapon ang isa sa kanila. Pero nang bumalik si Philippe sa palasyo, tinulungan siya ng sikat na sikat na Three Musketeers para makuha ang dapat sa kanya. Pero dahil sa matinding inggit, selos at galit, nagawang ipag-utos ni Louis na ipapatay ang sarili niyang kapatid.

Pero imbis na mapatay ni Louis si Philippe, isang tao ang sumalo ng bala para sa kanyang anak.

Ang kanilang tunay na ama na si D'Artagnan." Napangiti ang tatay ni Maxene.

"Maaring magtataka ka kung bakit naging hari ang anak ng isang Musketeer," Napatingin siya sa akin at kaagad naman sinagot ang tanong na namumuo sa mukha ko, "Because he's the the Queen's one true love."

I listen to this story as he continues.

"Si D'Artagnan, ang pinaka tapat na tauhan ng hari ng France bago pa isilang si Louis XIV. Alam niyang anak niya si Louis, pero hindi niya iyon pwede angkinin na sa kanya dahil ikakapahamak iyon ni Queen Anne.

Para sa minamahal niya, lahat ng inutos ng hari ginagawa niya ng walang pagtatanong, miski ang pumatay ng mga inosenteng tao, lahat iyon, para mapatunayan ang katapatan niya sa hari, sa bansang France... at lalong lalo na kay Queen Anne.

Pero ang tinik sa dibdib niya na hindi siya kailanman kinilala ng anak niya na bilang ama niya, panghabang-buhay niyang dinala iyon hanggang sa huli niyang hininga."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko biglang naalala si tatay sa kwento niya.

"Hanggang sa huling sandali ng buhay niya, isang babae lang ang minahal niya ng buong puso at pinag-alayan ng buhay niya. Kahit pa hanggang sa huling saglit ng buhay niya, lahat ng naging kasalanan niya ay sinama niya hanggang kamatayan ng may ngiti sa kanyang labi."

"Hindi rin po pala maganda ang kinahinatnan ng kwento." Tanging kumento ko.

"Maganda naman. Pinagpalit si Louis at Philippe. Si Philippe ang tumayong hari ng France na nagtatago sa pangalan ni Louis at samantalang si Louis naman ay ipinadala sa malayong lugar, pero syempre hindi sa kulungan." He chuckled. "Kahit naman pa paano, may konsiderasyon pa rin si Philippe sa kanyang kapatid."

Napangiti na lang ako sa nasabi niya.

"Sa tingin mo, sino sa kanila ang totoong, Man in the Iron Mask?" He asked.

"Si Philippe po," tanging sagot ko, "Siya naman ang nagsuot ng maskara simula pa lamang hanggang sa huli." Napangiti ang tatay ni Maxene sa sagot ko, "Pati ang pangalan ni Louis, kinuha niya para pamunuan ang bansa nila, hindi po ba?"

Bigla kong naalala kung paano ko akuin ang pangalan ni Laurenz para lang mapasaya si nanay.

"Parehas tayo ng sagot, hijo," Natatawa niyang sambit, "Pero mali tayo parehas."

Kumunot ang noo ko sa naging reaksyon niya. "Ano po ang ibig ninyong sabihin?"

"The real man in the iron mask, is D'Artagnan himself." He paused recalling a memory from his past, "I can still remember Maxene's answer vividly when she told me that D'Artagnan was the man in the iron mask."

"Pero paanong--" Nalilito kong tanong.

"Kung iisipin mo nga naman, si D'Artagnan, simula pa lamang, itinago na niya ang sarili niya sa paligid niya. To prove his loyalty to the King, he did everything even if it kills the person inside of him. He became the right hand of the king in exchange of turning back his friends. He gained soldiers and lost comrades." he explains, "He takes everything in, his sins and heartaches, he lives in a mask that no one could ever see his real face..." he paused, "Except for the Queen."

"Her love alone is what keeps him from holding on. Pero dahil sa mundong ginagalawan nila, hindi niya pwedeng mahalin ng malaya ang babaeng mahal niya ng buong puso. That's why he's the real person in the iron mask." Her father speaks of his daughter's answer.

"Bata pa lang si Maxene, iba na siya mag-isip. Iba ang nakikita niya sa pangkaraniwan. She just sees a person through."

Nakaramdam ako ng nalungkot at napatingin sa kanya. Hanggang ngayon, dahil hindi pa rin siya nagising.

'I see you Travis.'

Those were the first words from her that touched my soul.

I miss you Maxene.

"I can tell that she loves you Travis." Muli akong napatingin sa daddy niya, "I can see that when she looks at you." Napalunok ako habang kinikimkim ang luhang namumuo sa mga mata ko.

"Alam kong nasaktan siya sa nalaman niya tungkol sa amin ng Mommy niya," Panimula niya na may konting pait sa boses niya, "Pero tama ka, Maxene wasn't a mistake."

Hinawakan niya ang anak niyang natutulog sa kanya ng pisngi. "In fact, she is my hope." He kissed her forehead.

"Alam kong panghabangbuhay kong pagbabayaran ang kasalanan ko kay Miranda. Pero ang ibunton niya kay Maxene lahat ng sama ng loob niya," his voice almost breaks, "Wala man lang akong magawa para sa anak ko. Sana sa akin na lang niya ibinunton lahat ng sama ng loob niya at hindi kay Maxene."

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako sasagot. Hindi naman alam ng daddy ni Maxene na may alam ako tungkol sa nagawa niya sa asawa niya bago sila ikasal.

"I just love Miranda all my life, kahit pa hindi niya ako kaagad natutunan mahalin." May konting pagtatampo sa boses niya. "I just love her unconditionally."

"Masyado kasing goal-oriented si Miranda. Maaring sa mata ng ibang tao, masyado siyang malamig, strikta at mataas ang tingin sa sarili. Hindi niya ipinapakita sa iba ang kahinaan niya at bihira siyang ngumiti ng totoo sa puso niya." Natatawang kumento niya na parang ibang-iba ang nakikita niya sa kanyang asawa, "Pero noong kasing-edad niya si Maxene, para siyang si Maxene, punong-puno ng pangarap, inosente at mapagmalasakit sa kapwa."

How he describes his wife brings light in his eyes as I see him recalling his memories with his wife in the past.

"Mataas ang pangarap ni Miranda, sa sobrang taas, hindi ko siya maabot." He smiled bitterly as he speak of his wife's name.

"I wouldn't wanted to be in her way as much as possible. Pero may mga bagay na kailangan mong gawin para sa taong mahal mo..." He paused with a faint smile on his face.

"Have you ever sinned so bad that you couldn't save your own soul from that hell?" He asked with a ray of regret and sadness in his eyes.

He closed his eyes, "Is it a sin to love someone that much that you'll do anything for her? Kahit pa ikaw ang maging pinakamasamang tao sa mata niya?"

Sa huling tanong niya parang may iba pa akong hindi alam.

Tiningnan niya ako mata sa mata, "How far could you go for the woman you love?"

I look at Maxene.

"Kung alam mong mapapahamak siya sa isang desisyon na hindi niya pinag-iisipan, anong gagawin mo?" He asked again.

I felt my jaw hardened.

"If you see that she's about to throw herself in hell, what would you do?"

Bigla kong naalala yung tangka niyang pagtalon sa banging noon.

"What would you do for the woman you love, Travis?" Muling tanong sa akin ng daddy niya.

"I'll do anything," I answered with honesty, "Everything...for her." My emotions just speak for me.

Her father smiled at me.

"You're a lucky young man." He uttered almost in a whisper.

"Mutual ang feelings ninyo ni Maxene sa isa't-isa, unlike some arranged couple na one sided lang." He might be pertaining to his marriage with his wife.

"Yung iba pa nga, ilang taon nilang hinintay na mamahalin din sila ng taong mahal nila, kahit gaano pa iyon katagal."

True, it happened to me too. But things are different now.

I won't let go of Maxene no matter what.

He sighs with a smile on his face, "But then, she's worth the wait." He chuckled, closing his eyes.

I look down and he hits me playfully on my shoulder, "You better take a nice shower, para naman kapag nagising si Maxene, hindi siya mahimatay sa amoy mo."

Bigla akong napangiti sa sinabi niya. Pagdating sa humor, parehas si Maxene at ang daddy niya. No wonder kung bakit sila close.

"Pero sir-"

"You can call me Tito Ben." He smiled at me. "I know we had a rough start. I just want you to know that I'm glad that you're here for my daughter."

Did I just get his approval?

"Tito Ben..." Nahihiya kong tawag sa kanya habang tinitignan niya ako sa mata.

"Ako na muna ang magbabantay kay Maxene, babalik ka rin naman kaagad, hindi ba?" Tanong niya na tinanguhan ko naman. "Off you go then, hindi naman siya aalis dito."

I smiled at him and kissed Maxene's hand and forehead.

"I'll be back, okay?" I whispered to her ear.

Pagkabalik ko ng penthouse, naligo ako at lahat ng kailangan kong dalhin, dinala ko na.

Nagdala na rin ako ng extrang damit para doon nalang ako maliligo kung saka-sakali, para hindi na muna ako bumalik dito.

Ilang araw ko na ring hindi chinacharge ang phone ko.

I've never been this disoriented in my life.

Pang-ilang beses ko na ba sinabi iyon sa utak ko?

I opened my laptop and saw that my professor gave me the breakdown of my grades.

I'm failing my majors.

It doesn't matter for now, I turned my laptop off and closed it.

Ang school, nandyan lang iyan, pwede ko namang balikan lahat ng majors ko kung sakali at tuluyan akong bumagsak. I don't care kung maging repeater pa ako.

Si Maxene, kapag tumigil ang puso niya ng wala ako sa tabi niya, wala na.

I can't and I will never accept that.

Kaagad akong bumalik sa hospital at naabutan ko ang parents niya na nag-uusap. I think they just made up because Maxene's dad just kissed his wife's hand while smiling at her.

Napangiti na lang ako sa nakita ko at sinarado ang pintuan sa likuran ko.

"Yiieeee, who would have thought that my parents are this sweet."

That familiar cheery voice.

Bigla kong naibaba ang daladala kong gamit.

That voice made my heart beat again.

"That's enough young lady, I'm not going to tolerate this attitude." Her mother answered her.

Pakiramdam ko nag-autopilot ako na naglalakad papunta sa kanya.

"Oh come on Mom." From her voice I know she just pouted.

"It's okay princess, liligawan ko nalang ulit ang Mommy mo." Her dad answered her and I see her smiled at her father.

I stopped and saw her lock eyes with me.

The life in me is back as I approach her.

"What is he doing here?" May inis pa rin sa boses ng mommy niya, but I didn't bother looking at her.

"Let's just go get some coffee Miranda." Pagyaya ng daddy ni Maxene sa kanyang asawa.

Napaupo ako sa tabi niya at hinawakan ang kamay niya. I put her hand on my face.

"Am I dreaming?" I uttered weakly and she just smiled at me. I kissed her hand as a tear fell from my eye. "Maxene..."

"Are you lost, pogi?" She greeted me with that familiar humor and a warm smile on her face.

All of my tears just fell at once in front of her.

"Ano ba iyan, naiyak ka na naman," she wipes my tears away, "Namayat ka, hindi ka ba nakakakain ng maayos?" I can't voice out my answer as I take both of her hands and kiss them repeatedly. "Are you getting enough sleep?"

Ako pa rin ang iniisip niya.

"Sinabi sa akin ni Dad na hindi ka pa napasok sa school ulit?" Her voice is sad but still she's putting up a smile on her face, "I'm sorry that you're obliged to--"

I'm what, obliged?

She may have mistaken her words.

"School will always be there for me Maxene," I cut her looking down still holding her hand, "But your heart...your life..." My voice is weakening.

"Travis."

I meet her eyes again, "I can't...lose you..." I gulped as my tears couldn't stop from falling, "I love you."

She doesn't say anything but she smiles weakly.

"I love you so much." I told her again as I put her hands on my face, "I love you." I say those words repeatedly as I cry in front of her.

She held my face as her thumb wipes my tears away. Her hands felt weak. She looks into my eyes as if she's looking into my soul.

Her silence holds a thousand thoughts that she couldn't say through words alone. She closed her eyes as if she's hiding something from me.

Why isn't she responding to my, 'I love you's'?

She smiled with her eyes closed, "Kiss me, Travis." She asks like a child that seeks validation. Her voice is filled with uncertainty that I can't understand.

I close the gap between us as my lips take hers.

I kissed her like I miss her. God I miss her.

I kissed her, filling all the life in her.

I kissed her like I wanted to fill her weak soul with all of my energy.

I kissed her pouring all my love for her.

I kissed her with all of my heart and soul.

She cuts the kiss while we catch our breaths, I feel her forehead on mine.

She laughs a little, "Baka mahuli tayo nila Mom at Dad." She says warily.

Why do I feel like she's closing herself from me?

I cupped her face and looked into her eyes again, "I love you Maxene."

She closed her eyes with a smile. "Thank you."

I'm confused. Why is she shutting herself from me?

I don't understand. Bakit pakiramdam ko may iba sa kanya?

Her response to my I love you is a thank you?

Gusto ko man siyang tanungin, pero hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon, lalo na at kagigising niya lang.

Pero hindi ako matahimik. Matinding takot na naman ang namumuo sa dibdib ko sa naging reaksyon niya.

I couldn't take my eyes off her after that moment with her.

She pretends not to notice me looking at her, I'm holding her hand but the way she holds mine was like anytime she's ready to let me go.

I wouldn't let go.

I lock our hands together and see her smile a little.

A little wasn't enough.

Her doctor is currently inside her room discussing her case beside her parents.

"I strongly advise you to take the surgery Maxene," Pagpapaliwanag ng doctor niya sa kanya, "Checking the status of your heart, it's not getting any better."

She smiled a little, not answering her doctor's advice.

"Do we have any alternatives?" Pagtanong ng mommy niya na may takot at pag-aalala sa boses niya.

"Medication could help, but it won't take away her condition." Sagot ng doctor. "Kung hindi siya magpapaopera baka magkaroon siya ng heart failure."

"Pero doctor..." Her mother's voice is persistent.

I look at Maxene but she's not talking as if she's not considering either of the options given to her.

"What triggers her attacks?" Tanong ko sa doctor. I just have to know how we could avoid her attacks.

She looks at me but this time I am looking at her doctor.

"It could start in many forms," her doctor started as her hand grips on mine, "Possible psychologically, like having an anxiety attack or panic attack. Anything that could stress her out will trigger an attack. Lahat ng sobra na pwede niyang maramdaman, hangga't maaari, hindi pwede. Physically, bawal siyang mapuyat at mapagod. But again, mostly her attacks were triggered psychologically."

"Pero parehas lang naman ang panic at anxiety attacks hindi ba?" Her mother asks with confusion in her voice.

"There's a difference Ma'm, panic attacks are caused by fear, anxiety attacks are caused by worry." Sagot ng doctor.

I think I'm starting to figure things out little by little.

"Mas mabigat kung sabay mo silang mararamdaman, lalo na sa sitwasyon ni Maxene," the doctor looks at her patient, "Before an attack, her heart will beat rapidly as if she couldn't breathe. All of her system will malfunction and she will feel pain that she can't describe herself, until slowly it will shut her down."

I look at Maxene and she's looking down as if she's guilty.

"Tell me Maxene, tama ba ang sinabi ko?" Tanong sa kanya ng doctor niya.

"I don't really know." She answered with a smile. "All I know is I just collapsed."

That's one fucked up lie.

Alam niya kung ano ang nararamdaman niya, pero nagpapanggap siya na hindi niya alam.

Why would she deny it?

I know she knows better, but she just lied to our faces.

Her doctor sighed, "Anyway, the best option we could offer you is surgery, we need to fix your heart Maxene before you experience another attack."

"I need more time to think." Matipid niyang sagot sa doctor niya.

"Until then you can stick with pain relievers," Saad ng doctor, "Bibigyan na lang kita ulit ng panibagong reseta dahil kailangan taasan ang dosage ng gamot mo."

"Kailan siya pwedeng umuwi?" Tanong ng dad niya sa doctor.

"We still have to run some tests and if we see that she's stable, she's free to go." The doctor answered and she left the room.

"Princess." Her dad calls her with a weak smile.

"I'll be okay dad. Don't worry." She says with pride but her eyes hide something that worries me.

"Umuwi ka na lang muna sa bahay Maxene," Her mom tells her, "para mabantayan ka rin namin doon."

Umiling siya, "I can manage Mom." Sa tono ng boses niya, gusto niyang mapag-isa.

Bakit?

"Maxene." Her mom speaks with authority again.

"Miranda," Her dad gives a light shake of his head and calms her mom down. "Anong plano mo Maxene?" Her dad asked her.

"I'll just stay at my condo." Matipid niyang sagot. "I'll update you from time to time."

"Gusto mo samahan ka ni Trix o kahit ni Maxwell?" Her dad's voice is insistent. "At least we can have someone watch over you."

"I'll do it." Sagot ko sa daddy niya. "I'll take care of her."

Napatingin silang lahat sa akin, "But you also have school Travis." Her dad reasoned.

"I'll manage." I answered with a smile.

"Kahit isa sa maids ipapasama ko sayo Maxene," Her mom is persistent, "Hindi pwedeng walang magbabantay sayo ng buong araw."

"But Mom-"

"That's final." Her mom cuts her, "Just one maid sa condo mo."

Maxene sighs, "Okay Mom."

DUMATING NA ang araw na pwede na siyang umuwi. Her father offered her a ride pero sabi niya sa akin na lang siya sasabay.

"Kung ganoon, ikaw na ang bahala sa kanya Travis." Bilin ng daddy niya sa akin.

Inalalayan ko si Max pagsakay ng kotse at noong nasa driver seat na ako, tinanong ko siya, "Would you stay with me?"

She just smiles hiding her thoughts from me. I don't know why she's near but her heart seems to drift far away from me.

I can't reach her.

She won't talk unless I talk to her. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip niya dahil gusto ko mang magtanong, baka naman mapaano siya.

I don't want to upset her as much as possible, yet I don't have any idea what to do just to keep her close to me.

She looks away with a faint smile, "I wanted to, pero kasi, baka magalit si Mom sa akin to think na sabi ko sa condo ako uuwi. She even rented a room para sa maid na mag-aalaga sa akin." May pag-aalangan sa boses niya na para bang isang scapegoat niya ang bilin sa kanya ng mommy niya para lang hindi siya sumama sa akin.

Your reason wasn't good enough.

"Kung ganoon, edi sa condo mo ako titira."

Napatingin siya sa akin na para bang hindi niya inaasahan ang narinig niya mula sa akin.

"May ibang damit ka pa naman sa penthouse, daanan na lang din natin, tapos kukuha na rin ako ng ilang damit para umuwi tayo sa condo mo."

She didn't say anything, though her face wanted to oppose me. She couldn't think of anything to say so she just forced out a smile on her face.

I really want to ask her what's wrong, but I don't know how.

It's like there's this invisible wall between us.

Whatever that wall is, I have to figure out what causes it and take it down.

Sa ngayon, ang magagawa ko lang ay ang pagmasdan siya at intindihin siya sa paraang alam ko.

Pagkarating namin sa penthouse kaagad akong pumunta sa kwarto at nag-impake ng konting gamit.

"You really don't have to do this Travis." She speaks almost in a whisper.

"Go get your stuff, aalis din tayo kaagad Maxene." Matipid kong bilin sa kanya.

Narinig kong tumunog ang doorbell, "I'll get it." Sabi ni Maxene at umalis na ng kwarto.

When I close the bedroom door I immediately approach the living room and see an unexpected visitor talking to Maxene.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang marinig ko ang mga salitang binitawan niya kay Maxene.

"If you love him, you will let him go."

It's Monique.