M A X E N E

Dahil nakuha ko na ulit ang condo ko: thanks to dad; minsan sa condo nauwi si Travis may konting damit na rin siya sa condo ko, pero madalas sa penthouse pa rin ako nauwi, ewan ko. Malakas kasi mokong sa akin. Kainis!

Kakaligo lang ni Travis at pinaghanda ko siya ng almusal.

Bigla kong naalala, ano nga ulit yung pangalan ng tapsilugan na iyon, ah! "Sinangag Express."

Kumunot ang noo niya, umupo sa silya at uminom ng hinanda kong tubig para sa kanya. "Ano naman iyon?"

"Wala, minsan kasi niyaya ako nila Martin mag-SEx." Kaswal kong kwento sa kanya.

Bigla siyang nabilaukan. "Who the fuck is Martin?" Mahinahong singhal niya.

"Easy Travis." Paglalambing ko sa kanya at pinunasan siya, "Mutual bestfriend namin ni Sarah si Martin." I sit on his lap and kissed him bago pa siya magalit.

Pero nakataas pa rin ang kilay niya, "Sinangag Express ang pangalan ng bagong tapsilugan na kinainan namin also known as S-Ex." I spelled it for him para naman hindi siya mag-isip ng kung anu-ano.

He rolls his eyes. "Ha! Talaga lang ah." May konting inis at selos na naman sa boses niya. "Oo nga naman, masarap ang SEx, sino bang hindi masasarapan doon." Sarcasm, punong puno ng sarcasm ang boses ni Travis. Ugh!

"Ugh! Really Hayes?" I roll my eyes at him and take out my phone. I showed him the picture of me and some of Sarah's friends eating at that diner.

"Ayun si Martin, kasama si Abby na step-sister niya, tapos ayun naman si Alex, tapos si Kathleen, tapos Stephanie, tapos ayun si Sarah." I paused looking at his face I'm guessing hinahanap niya si Laurenz sa picture. "Nagkatampuhan si Sarah at Laurenz ng araw na iyan, kaya wala siya sa picture."

"Hindi ko naman tinatanong." Sagot niya. Hindi daw tinatanong pero hinahanap niya yung utol niya sa picture.

"Are we good, it's just the name of the diner Travis." I reminded him at mukha namang okay na siya kaya umupo na ako sa kabilang upuan. Kung makapagmaktol naman ito kasi.

"Kailan nangyari iyan?" He starts asking questions.

"Actually biglaan lang yan, kung makapagyaya naman kasi si Martin biglaan lang, ay actually idea iyan ni Alex kasi stress daw sa school, kaya tamang foodtrip at kain lang sa labas." He's observing me as I answer the possible questions in his mind, "Nasa school ka noon, tapos sa condo ako nagstastay that time, eh sakto sila naman kakatapos ng classes nila and I wanna hang-out with them since kasama si Sarah kaya sumama na rin ako, para syempre makapag-catch up din matapos nung nangyari sa amusement park."

"Bakit hindi mo nasabi sa akin?" Maingat niyang tanong sa akin. Hindi ko alam if naiinis siya or nagtatampo kasi hindi na naman ako nagpaalam sa kanya, to think na lumabas ako ng wala siya.

"Sorry na, kasi si Stephanie kinonfiscate lahat ng phones namin, ang bonding time daw, bonding time. Nakisama lang naman ako since it's been a long time noong nakasama ko sila." Sagot ko sa kanya pero pakiramdam ko nagtatampo siya.

"Hinatid naman kami ni Alex, may dala siyang sasakyan." dagdag ko pa, "Napasleep over nga that time sila Stephanie at Sarah sa condo. We may have some drinks, but hey, kami lang naman, no guys. To think na si Martin at Alex lang naman ang lalaki sa grupo noong araw na iyon."

He's still quiet.

"Are you not comfortable that I'm hanging around with them?" I asked.

"Do they know...me?" There's this insecurity in his voice and he looks away, "I remember them. Sila ang naging kaibigan ni Laurenz noong high school. I'm glad that they're still friends."

"I may have told them that you are my boyfriend." I answered him and he looked at me. "Well at first, hindi sila syempre makapaniwala, they thought that I'm still with Kenzo... but I told them I'm with you."

"Ah, is that so." Matipid niyang sagot.

I held his hand. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing." He looks down. I know I just have to force him to say it to me.

"Nagtatampo ka ba kasi hindi ako nagpaalam?" He shakes his head, "Nagtatampo ka ba kasi lumabas ako ng wala ka?" He shakes his head again, "Tell me Travis..." I can't help to feel helpless again seeing him like this.

"You're just with people who despises me." He answered with a weak smile on his face. "Ayos lang naman na makisama ka sa kanila, mabubuti naman silang tao." He looks away. Maaring nahihiya na naman siya dahil iniisip niya na yung mga taong galit sa kanya, ay mga kaibigan ko.

Nilapitan ko siya at tinabihan.

I made him face me. "You're no longer that person, Travis." He attempted to look away but I held his face and kissed him, "I'm not giving up on you," I kiss him again, "Mabuting tao ka rin Travis, maling tao lang ang mga sinasamahan mo." He chuckled holding my hand on his face, there's this familiar light in his eyes. "Well, si Baby G lang ang okay sa tropa mo."

"Stop calling him that." He uttered softly with a slight shake of his head.

"Wala naman siya dito." I said, "Ano namang masama kung Baby G ang itawag ko sa kanya?"

"I don't like it," Paglalambing niya sabay kumunot ang noo niya, "Masakit sa tenga." He shakes his head.

"You're not jealous, are you?" I asked but he hid his face on my neck. His reaction warms up my heart, pati ba naman kay Gerard may selos siyang nararamdaman?

Ugh! What am I going to do with you Travis Joseph Hayes?

I felt him savoring my scent as I embraced him. I pushed him a little to meet his eyes tracing his face. "I love you." I kissed him again.

He smiled at me. "I love you too."

"Don't worry, kapag free ka at nagyaya sila, isasama kita." He didn't say anything, but he just smiled. Nilipat ko na ang plates ko sa tabi niya.

"Kamusta na kayo ni Sarah?" He looks into my eyes.

"We're good. We came into understanding one another." I answered, "Sabi naman sayo mahal ako nun eh." Siniko ko siya at nginitian niya lang ako.

We silently continued our meal together.

"Did she tell you?" Maingat niyang tanong, "What I did in the past?"

I look away. Hindi naman talaga gagawin ni Travis iyon kung hindi siya galit eh. Masama siyang magalit, nakita ko na rin naman iyon ilang beses na. I can't blame him, isa sa mga taong nanakit kay Monique noon eh si Sarah. Dahil si Sarah naman talaga ang gusto ni Laurenz noon pa lang. Dahil doon, sobrang nasaktan si Monique at para lang makaganti, ginamit ni Travis ang kahinaan ni Laurenz sa kanya...at iyon ay ang best friend ko.

"It's all in the past Travis." I tell him. "We should move on."

"You're avoiding the subject." There's this uncertainty in his voice again.

I look at him, because I know he wouldn't let this go. Maaring iniisip na naman niya na iiwan ko siya dahil sa kasalanan na nagawa niya sa bestfriend ko. But it is all in the past now.

"Sinabi nga ni Sarah sa akin," I uttered, "Lahat." Napalunok siya at umiwas ulit ng tingin. "But I understand why you did it and I can't blame you. All that because you want to get even." I hold his hand and he hides his eyes from me.

"Hindi ka galit sa akin?" nahihiya niyang tanong sa akin.

"Kung dati at nasaksihan ko din iyon, baka," I answered him with honesty and he looks into my eyes, "I may also despise you back then. Sarah is my best friend, Travis. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her." He smirks with sadness in his eyes. "Pero tao ka lang Travis, nagkakamali ka rin."

"What if I told you, I don't regret anything I've done?"

Sa tanong niya sa akin, alam kong nagpapakatatag lang siya. Ayaw niya makita ko na hindi niya kaya, na kung anong ginawa niya noong nakaraan, paninindigan niya...kahit pa masakit iyon para sa kanya.

I looked into his eyes and I smiled, "That's a lie." He gulps again. "Anything that pains you, is a regret Travis." He blinks and in an instant I see the truth in his eyes.

He regretted everything.

Lahat lang naman ng iyon nagawa niya dahil nagpadala siya sa galit. Dahil mahal niya si Monique dati.

His love for her destroys him and I wouldn't want that to happen to him again. Especially now that I am here for him. I will redeem him in my own way.

I fix his hair, "Mas maaliwalas kang tingnan kapag nakikita ang mukha mo." Pagpuna ko sa kanya, "You don't need to hide your face beneath your bangs." I kissed his nose, "Ang pogi, pogi ng boyfriend ko, lagi nga lang nagtatago." I pouted and he smiled at me weakly.

"But still you see me." His eyes light up again.

I nod, "I do. I always do."

I walk him through the door and kiss him before he leaves. "Hope you do well in school."

"I will." He answered with a smile. "Are you going to stay here?" He asks, "O uuwi ka sa condo mo?"

"I think I'll stay." My answer made him smile.

"Wala naman akong schedule ngayon. Maybe I can fetch you later at school." He nods and smiles gently.

"Pogi talaga eh." He chuckles as he shakes his head kissing my hand.

The elevator arrives and opens for him. He gets in. "I love you Travis."

"I love you Maxene." He says and the elevator closes.

It's almost four in the afternoon, siguro susunduin ko na lang nga siya, pero bago pa man ako makasakay ng elevator bigla siyang tumawag sa akin.

"Hey Hayes," I greeted him, "Miss me already?" I teased.

"I still have a late afternoon class." He said, bigla naman ako nalungkot. "Biglaan, I'm-I'm sorry." Parang nagmamadali ang boses niya.

"It's okay." Sagot ko sa kanya, "Pasakay pa lang naman ako ng elevator. You know I can wait you-"

"N-No." His voice sounds uneasy. "Just wait for me there, okay? Don't go anywhere."

Bakit sa tono ng boses niya bigla akong kinabahan?

"Travis, is something wrong?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Baka makita ako ng prof, I gotta go. I love you Maxene. Always." He ended the call before I could ask him another question.

Bakit kabado ang boses niya? Anong nangyari sa kanya?

Mamaya tumakas na naman iyon para lang tawagan ako. Amp! Sabi naman okay lang ang text messages eh! Bakit kasi ang kulit, kulit ng boyfriend ko?

Heh! Dahil matigas ang ulo ko, hihintayin ko na lang siya sa school. Magdidisguise ako, since ayaw naman din niya na napapansin ako ng ibang tao kapag hindi ko siya kasama.

Pagkarating ko ng school, sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung saan siya hahanapin. Ang laki naman kasi ng school Tapos kung san-saang department pa ako napadpad.

May teacher akong nilapitan. "Excuse me po, saan po yung college of law?"

"Alam ko tapos na ang classes nila ngayon hija, sa pagkakaalam ko." Bigla akong kinabahan.

"Wala po ba silang late classes?" I asked again.

May lumabas na isang guro sa faculty at binati naman iyon ng teacher na kausap ko. "Mrs. Santiago, wala na po bang klase ang mga law students mo ngayong hapon?"

"Wala na." Matipid niyang sagot, "Excuse me, may appointment pa ako." Kaagad namang umalis si Mrs. Santiago.

"Are you a student here?" Tanong ng teacher na kausap ko.

Umiling lang ako bilang tugon, "I just thought po kasi may classes pa sila, may kapatid po kasi ako dito. Hinahanap ko lang." Pagsisinungaling ko. "Thank you po, sorry sa abala. Aalis na po ako kaagad."

Hindi ko alam kung saan na naman hahanapin si Travis.

I tried calling him but he's not answering my calls.

Siguro uuwi na lang muna ako sa penthouse.

Nagbihis na ako ulit at naghanda ng dinner, for sure hindi pa nakain iyon. Pero anong oras na, it's almost seven, wala pa rin siya.

Nauna na akong kumain since hindi pa siya nauwi, nagutom na rin kasi ako. Naghugas na ako at lahat wala pa rin siya. 

Now it's almost ten. Nasaan na ba siya? Maaga pa ang klase niya bukas.

Tinakpan ko na lang yung pagkain niya para pwede niya ireheat sa microwave ang pagkain niya. I'm still going to wait for him no matter how long it takes, even if I'm a little dozed off.

I want to wait for him, but I'm feeling a little sleepy.

NAGISING na lang ako sa sinag ng araw, nasa kwarto na ako. Lumingon ako at nakita ko siyang nakangiti sa tabi ko habang pinagmamasdan ako.

"Hey, anong oras ka na nakauwi--?" I started asking him but then he shuts me for a deep sweet kiss. "Travis..."

"I love you." He muttered with a soothing husky voice next to my ear. His eyes are closed with a faint smile on his face.

"Where have you--" He kissed me again and his hands started to wander my body.

"Travis...may klase ka pa." I teased giggling.

"Let's make it quick then." Pilyo niyang sagot na may sabik at sabay na hinalikan ako sa may leeg. I just let him do what he wants and respond to his kisses. His kisses feel like he missed me for a very long time. His kisses feel like I'm giving him the air in his life. His kisses feel like he wasn't able to breathe for a very long time.

"Travis..." Muli kong saway sa kanya.

"Less talk, please," He pleaded, "May klase pa ako, let's just make love before I go." He says holding a strong request. I look into his eyes and see that tiny ray of fear in his eyes.

"I love you." I told him and immediately his lips devoured mine.

He left me breathless again as we finished together. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "I love you very much."

I wanted to talk to him but I can't move. He went straight to the bathroom, removed the rubber and took a shower.

Umupo ako at pagkalabas niya nakangiti pa rin siya sa akin, pero sa mga mata niya napansin ko ang matinding pag-aalala.

May nangyari na naman ba?

"Travis." Nanghihina kong tawag sa kanya. Pero tinalikuran niya ako na para bang may tinatago siyang sikreto sa akin. I watch him wear his clothes. "Hindi ka ba kakain dito?" I asked, "Hindi pa kita napagluluto ng agahan."

He turns around and plants a kiss on my forehead. "I should go." He kissed my lips. "Baka ma-late ako sa klase ko. I love you."

Hindi ko na siya naabutan dahil dali-dali siyang umalis ng kwarto.

Pinagod na naman niya ako sa session namin. Ang daya niya talaga!

Hindi ko alam kung ilang araw siyang ganoon. Late siyang nauwi, tapos sa umaga, pinapagod niya ako sa session namin. Tapos kapag may schedule ako sa shoot hindi na niya ako nasusundo. Hindi ko alam kung anong nagbago, pero hindi ako mapakali.

Kahit na sabihin niya na mahal niya ako, may takot akong nararamdaman sa tuwing gabi na siya nauwi.

One time, talagang inabangan ko siya umuwi, pero kita naman sa mukha niya na pagod na pagod siya kaya dumarecho siya kaagad sa kama at natulog din agad. Pero kinabukasan, bumawi na naman siya sa akin ng todo hanggang sa mapagod ako bago pa man ako makapagtanong.

Nagbago ng ganoon ang routine namin sa penthouse man or sa condo ko, ganito ang naging bagong set-up namin. Hindi ko alam, pero pakiramdam ko may tinatago na naman siya sa akin.

There's this one time na binihisan ko siya pagkauwi niya, dahil ni ang magpalit ng damit hindi niya minsan magawa. Pero nang may makita akong bakas ng lipstick sa polo niya na hindi sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong kinabahan. I tried smelling him, but he's wearing an unfamiliar cologne that wasn't mine.

He wouldn't cheat on me. He wouldn't. But can it be?

One day I received an MMS from an unknown number.

My heart drops.

It's a picture of Travis and Monique and looks like they're dating. They're holding hands.

But no, impossible.

I don't know what to believe anymore, even if the facts are all over the place. I still don't want to believe it.

Kung may isang babae pwera sa akin sa buhay ni Travis, si Monique lang iyon.

But then why?

My stupid heart says the evidences aren't enough.

This is not enough Maxene.

You're the world to him.

This is just a stupid picture.

He loves you.

Yet my mind says that I should go there and see for myself.

Why would he change all of a sudden?

Why would he lie to you?

Why would he cheat on you?

Maybe you weren't enough for him Maxene.

The unknown number called me. I don't even know if I should answer, but all of a sudden, I have the urge to answer the call.

"They're currently strolling at the park." Lalaki ang tumawag sa akin. Hindi familiar yung boses at kaagad naman niyang binaba ang tawag.

I know where he is. Sa picture pa lang alam ko naman na. Hindi naman ako tanga. Pero bakit pakiramdam ko, kapag pumunta ako doon ngayon, pakiramdam ko hindi ko kakayanin?

Still my stubborn heart says I should go and I should get what's mine.

Travis is mine. He's mine!

I know I have to go. I'll stalk them if I must.

Kaagad ko naman silang nakita, hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinaguusapan nila, pero magkahawak kamay silang dalawa. Mukhang masaya ang pinag-uusapan nila kasi nakangiti sa kanya si Monique. Nang naglakad sila papunta sa parte ng park na walang ilaw, gusto kong magpalamon sa lupa sa nakita ko.

I see how she kissed him passionately and he's kissing her back.

"I love you Travis." She cups his face, hindi ko makita ang mukha ni Travis, pero sa mukha ni Monique, ang saya saya niyang tinitimgnan ang lalaking mahal ko.

"I love you...Monique."

Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang luha ko. Ito na ba iyon? Ganito na ba nila pinagpapatuloy ang naudlot nilang relasyon?

Kasi kung ganito, sana sinabi na lang sa akin ni Travis. Hindi yung dapat pa sila magkita ng patago.

Bakit? Bakit? Bakit Travis?

Bakit mo nagawa sa akin ito?

Akala ko ba sapat na ako?

Akala ko ba ako ang mahal mo?

So all this time, si Monique pa rin?

Ano ako sa buhay mo?

Nasaan na ang sinabi mo na mahal mo ako?

Minahal mo ba ako talaga?

You liar!

Dali dali akong tumakbo paalis sa lugar na iyon.

Ang sakit! Ang sakit sakit.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako dinadala ng mga paa ko ngayon. Hindi ako makahinga ng maayos. Parang may pumupunit na naman sa dibdib ko.

Para akong naliligaw na bata na naglalakad ngayon sa may baywalk. Ito yung huling lugar kung saan ako iniwan ni Kenzo. Dito kami huling nagkausap at nagkaroon ng closure.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta ngayon. Siguro uuwi na lang ako sa condo ko, pero baka pumunta doon si Travis bukas, kaya huwag na lang.

Hinahawakan ko ang kuwintas na binigay niya sa akin, ito ang unang regalong nakuha ko sa kanya.

Why do I feel like he's drifting away from me?

Where is my Travis?

Siguro uuwi na lang muna ako sa mansion at doon magpapalipas ng gabi. Hindi ko siya kayang harapin ngayon. Hindi rin naman niya sasabihin sa akin ang pagkikita nila ni Monique.

Ano ba namang laban ko sa taon na hinintay niya ang babaeng sobra niyang minahal, kung buwan lang ang meron kaming dalawa? Luging-lugi ako. Tanggap ko naman, noon pa man. Sana sinabi na lang niya sa akin para hindi ganito kasakit.

I took the cab and went home. Tahimik ang buong bahay, hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari. 

Nang pumasok ako sa bahay narinig ko si Mommy, sinisigawan si Daddy.

"Totoo ba Ben?" Singhal niya, "Sumagot ka!"

"Miranda, please..." Pagsusumamo ni dad.

What happened?

Hindi ko kailanman nakitang nagkasagutan ng ganito si Mom at Dad.

"How could you do this to me?" Hindi ko alam kung anong hitsura ni Mom but her voice sounds in great pain. "Labing-walong taon mo ako niloko Benjamin!"

Sumilip ako sa kung saan sila naguusap ni Mommy at biglang narinig ko ang isang bagay na hindi ko alam kung paano ko matatanggap.

"Pinagsamantalahan mo ako Ben, para ano, sayo ako mapunta?"

My whole world just shattered right in front of me.

My loving father...took my mother's vulnerability?

Tama ba ang narinig ko?

"Miranda, I was drunk that night, I just lost it, ayokong mapunta ka kay Franco, mahal kita Miranda, please..."

"Pero arranged ako sa kanya, alam mo iyon. Kaibigan mo iyon Ben!"

"But I love you," Nanghihinang sagot ni Dad, "Kulang pa ba iyon? Mahal kita, oo nagkamali ako, pero nagpakasal tayo, hindi mo man ako minahal kaagad, pero since hindi ka na makikipag-divorce sa akin, that means mahal mo na ako, hindi ba?"

Mom didn't answer him.

"Miranda." Dad is now kneeling in front of her. "Please, I'm sorry. Please..." Dad is now crying in front of her.

"You are selfish Ben. You took away my future," Mom uttered in great pain, "Malaki ang pangarap ako sa buhay, pero nasira iyon noong nabuntis mo ako."

Everything is falling into pieces. No wonder bakit ganon na lang ang frustration ni mommy sa akin.

Pagkakamali na nabuo ako.

Isa akong malaking pagkakamali sa buhay ni Mom, ni Dad at ni Travis.

I should just die.

"Miranda please, I love you. Lahat gagawin ko, kahit panghabangbuhay ko bayaran ang pagkakamali ko, gagawin ko, huwag mo lang ako iwan."

I don't know what to feel anymore.

With the remaining strength that I have left in my system, I opened the door for them to see me, they were surprised to see me hear everything.

"Maxene." Fear is evident in mom's voice.

"Princess." Dad is still crying in tears.

I tried smiling at them. "I love you Mom and Dad." I suddenly feel that pain emerging all over my body, I'm suffocating. I can't breathe.

Before they were able to approach me, I forced out a smile one last time and the next thing I see is darkness.

T R A V I S

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pumayag sa set-up namin ni Monique.

Alam ko naman na hindi madali ang pinagdadaanan niya sa buhay. Pero ang malaman na halos i-overdose niya ang sarili niya dahil pagod na siya mabuhay; hindi ko alam... hindi ko alam kung bakit pumayag ako na kumapit siya sa akin.

Dahil hindi kaya ni Monique mag-isa.

Tinakwil na siya ng Daddy niya. Yung stepmother naman niya salot ang tingin sa kanya, miski yung half-sister niya. Yung mga kaibigan niya dati hindi na naman niya kaibigan ngayon.

Hirap siyang umahon dahil napasok siya sa school tuwing umaga, trabaho sa gabi. Hangga't maaari ayokong magaya si Monique sa nanay niya na sumuko na lang noon.

At nalaman ko na rin mula kay Monique ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin na matagal na rin niyang tinatago-tago. Totoo nga ang sinabi sa akin ni Maxene.

Mahal ako ni Monique.

Inamin niya iyon sa akin pagkagising niya noong pinuntahan ko siya sa hospital noong hapon na dapat ay kikitain ko si Maxene.

Alam ko na matagal kong hinintay na marining ang mga salita na iyon mula sa kanya. Matagal ko siyang hinintay. Ngunit nang marinig ko na ang mga salitang iyon mula sa kanya, para akong nakalunok ng kinakalawang na pako sa dibdib ko. Hindi ako makahinga sa tuwing hinahalikan niya ako. Pakiramdam ko nasasakal ako sa tuwing niyayakap niya ako. Gulong-gulo ako sa araw-araw na dumadaan. Hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos lalo na at alam kong ako lang ang maasahan ni Monique.

Aaminin ko na mayroon pa rin sa parte ko na iniiwasan na masaktan si Monique. Dahil iyon ang pinangako ko sa kanya noon.

MY PHONE RINGS and before I was able to check who was calling me, I answered the phone. Buti na lang naka-earphones ako. If this is Maxene, it is late. Hinihintay na naman ba niya ako? Pauwi na naman ako eh. Buti nga mas maaga aga akong pinakawalan ni Monique ngayon.

"Hello." I answered, starting the engine.

"Kuya, it's Beatrix." naiiyak na tawag sa akin ng kapatid ni Maxene.

"Trix, what's wrong?" Tinigil ko saglit ang kotse ko at kinausap siya.

"Si Ate Max..." humikbi siya at hindi ko alam kung paano hihinga sa susunod na maririnig ko mula sa kabilang linya na: "Si Ate Max, isinugod sa hospital."

"Tell me where." I asked her and immediately she gave me the information I needed.

Dumiretso ako ka agad sa hospital at tinanong sa reception kung nasaan si Maxene at tumakbo papunta sa kwarto niya. Pagkarating ko sa palapag kung saan siya dinala, nakita ko kaagad yung mga magulang ni Maxene kaharap ang isang doktor. Mukhang kaka-admit lang ni Maxene dahil may ilang nurses din na lumabas mula sa kwarto niya. Nilapitan ko sila at bago ko pa man sila mabati, biglang tinanong ng mommy ni Maxene sa doktor, "Doc, what do you mean we almost lost her?"

That question alone made my heart stop.

"Her heart is getting weaker. It's no longer a prolapse, but a regurgitation." the doctor started and I hear her mother crying anxiously, "I highly suggest an open heart surgery. We wouldn't know what happens if she had another attack and I'm not sure if she could make it next time."

With all my remaining strength I faced the doctor, "Wala na po ba tayong ibang options?"

"Travis." that's Maxene's dad beside his wife.

"I'm sure may iba pa kayong magagawa, hindi pwedeng wala." my voice is firm keeping myself together from falling apart. Bakit sa isang iglap lang pwede siyang mawala sa akin?

Hinawakan ako sa balikat ng daddy ni Maxene, "We'll wait for her to wake up hijo."

"She's stable for now," The doctor guaranteed, "Let's wait for her to wake up." the doctor put up a small smile trying to ease my uncertainties.

I contained my emotion and turned my back at them approaching the door of her room. I help myself to enter the room and see her laying unconscious with an oxygen mask on and a dextrose that her hand is wearing.

Nanghihina ako na pinagmamasdan siya ngayon na halos mawalan siya ng kulay. Just this morning she's smiling at me. I remember the sound of her laughter when I tickled her. She's just blushing earlier. Her eyes is filled with light... but now...

'Nasaan ako noong inatake siya?' sumbat ko sa sarili ko, 'what the fuck am I doing? Where the hell am I? I should be with her, I shouldn't be with Monique.' Paulit ulit sa utak ko ang tanong ng mommy ni Maxene kanina sa doctor.

I almost lost her...

I wasn't there for her when she had an attack.

Kung pwede lang ako na lang ang magdala ng sakit niya, ako na lang!

I hold her hand, "Maxene, I'm here." I kissed her knuckle, "Come back to me." I pressed my lips onto her hand, "Come back to me please..." I saw how she cried a tear. Is she responding to my voice? "Maxene..." I wiped her tear away, "I'm sorry...please...please come back to me..." I uttered, "Hindi ko kaya, please. Kahit gaano katagal, hihintayin kita. Bumalik ka lang sa akin. I love you Maxene. I love you so much." I whispered enough for my world to hear.

I hide my face with her hand as I hear her parents approaching the other side of the bed, "Pwede ko po ba malaman kung ano po ang nangyari?" nanghihina kong tanong sa parents niya.

Hindi ko maiangat ang ulo ko para maharap sila.

"She just collapse right in front of us." sagot ng daddy ni Maxene, "Hindi rin namin alam na uuwi siya kanina sa bahay."

'Umuwi si Maxene sa kanila? Bakit?'

"Kasalanan mo ito Ben," may diin ng panunumbat sa boses ng mommy ni Maxene na dahilan kung bakit ako napatingin sa kanilang dalawa, "Everything is your fault. I won't forgive you if something bad happens to her."

"Miranda," huminga ng malalim ang daddy ni Maxene at hinarap ang kanyang asawa, "I'm sorry," pagsuyo niya sa mommy ni Maxene, "Please let's not discuss it here. We're here for Maxene."

Napapikit ako habang pipakinggan kung paano sila magsumbatan. Hindi man nila sabihin lahat pero naintindihan ko na.

Nalaman na ni Maxene ang sikreto ng daddy niya. Hindi ko man lang siya naprotektahan sa katotohanan na iyon.

I couldn't help to clench my fist. I should have been there for her.

"Just leave Ben." Her mother's voice is as cold as ice speaking to her husband, "You don't have any rights to be here."

'This is just unfair.'

"Kung tutuusin, wala naman po kayong karapatan dito." my subconscious speaks for me that made them look at me in disbelief.

"What did you say young man?" Maxene's mother is raising her eyebrow at me.

'I'll stand for you Maxene.'

"You give her pain that she doesn't deserve." I face them, "Ikaw po na mommy niya, ilang beses niyo na po ba ibinubunton ang frustrations ninyo sa kanya?" I scoffed in front of her, "Sobra niyo na po siya kung sakalin. Kulang na lang maging manika mo po siya na lahat ng gusto mo, dapat niyang sundin." I totally lost my cool as I snap at her mother, "Alam niyo po bang na-haharass ang anak ninyo sa trabaho niya, and do you even care?" She looked at me defeated and offended, "You weren't even there for her." sumbat kong muli sa harapan nila, "Money, fame and material things doesn't matter to her."

"You don't know what you're talking about Travis." mahinahong singhal ng mommy niya sa akin.

"I know what I'm saying," I look at her eye to eye. "I know because I was there for her." I tried to control myself as much as possible. I convince myself to respect her because she's the mother of the girl I love. Kahit pa hindi maganda ang nangyari sa nakaraan niya, gusto ko pa rin marinig niya ang mga hinahaing ni Maxene sa kanya na ayaw niyang pakinggan.

I still have to stand for Maxene.

"She did everything for you. She doesn't want to disappoint everyone, especially you. Maxene loves you so much. Kahit na nagawa mo po siyang saktan. Kahit ikaw pa ang totoong dahilan kung bakit sila naghiwalay ng first love niya." My emotions were all over the place as I recall how Maxene cried in a dark room where she hides herself using a pillow to scream for help. She is screaming internally because she's restrained.

Matagal na siyang nakakulong kaya gusto niyang lumaya.

"You took her happiness and freedom from her," I forced out a smile, "And then what else," I shook my head, "You made her feel that she owed you her life? That her whole existence is a mistake," I couldn't hide my sarcasm while containing the tears inside my heart.

What happened to her is unfair, but what she's doing to her daughter isn't fair as well.

"Hindi niya po kasalanan na maging anak ninyo," I hold myself together but a tear just betrayed me, I swallowed bitterly, biting my lip, "Maxene is never a mistake." my voice is weakening in front of them, "She's not...a...mistake..."

I closed my eyes and bow my head down. My energy has left me and I close my eyes. I took a deep breath and uttered, "I'm sorry if I overstepped," I paused, but I'm not yet finished, "But I will never be sorry for voicing out her unsaid words. She's been restricted for a very long time."

Her mother approached me as her heels echoed the floor, "Lift up you face young man." she commanded with her voice is as cold as ice. I obeyed. Sa isang iglap isang malakas na sinampal ang binigay niya sa akin na halos mabingi ako. This is nothing compared to what Maxene felt. I accepted her wrath openly as I meet her mother's eyes once again and see that hint of bitterness in her face that she's trying to--- "Ang lakas ng loob mo pagsalitaan ako ng ganoon." her mother cried a tear, raising her finger at me, "You--" she narrowed her eyes at me but she can't say a word, until the shade of her eyes were filled with guilt and regret.

Looking at her this close, I see her resemblance with Maxene. They have the same eyes.

Umatras siya sa harapan ko at umalis na ng silid. Nang magsalubong ang mga mata namin ng daddy ni Maxene, nginitian niya lang ako at pinakiusapan manatili sa tabi ng anak niya para sundan ang asawa niya.

Kahit hindi niya sabihin, wala akong balak iwan si Maxene hanggang sa naiwan ako sa loob ng kwarto niya na mag-isa. Napaupo na lang ako at muling hinawakan ang kamay niya. Isa-isa kong naramdamang bumagsak ang mga kinikimkim kong luha mula pa kanina.

"I'm very sorry Maxene." taimtim kong ani sa harapan niya. Naninikip ang dibdib ko. Nanginginig ako sa sobrang pagkikimkim sa nararamdaman kong bigat sa puso ko. Nilagay ko ang palad niya sa pisngi ko habang taimtim na pinagdarasal na sana ay gumising na siya.