M A X E N E

I'm currently at work and Travis had his afternoon classes.

But then for some reason, something is odd with him the past few days.

Especially when he's not with me.

He always wants to know what I'm doing, who I'm with, my whereabouts, everything.

Kulang na lang pati pagkain ko kailangan alam niya. Para na siyang si mommy kung makabantay sa akin. He's not usually like this, I don't know why he just changed.

He should be focusing on school but he always finds a way to check on me.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa tuwing nadedelay ang pagsagot ko sa mga texts niya, ikinaiinis niya iyon.

Tapos kapag hindi ako sumagot in thirty minutes, tatawagan niya ako to think na nasa shoot ako. Kapag hindi ko naman nasagot ang tawag niya, he'll just freak. Alam ko naman na masama siyang magalit. Kaya todo ang pag-aadjust ko para lang hindi kami magkagulo.

But then isn't this a little too much?

Alam naman niyang busy ako. Lagi ko din naman siyang inuupdate kapag free ako.

Something is off, hindi ko lang alam kung ano, pero mas sumobra ang pagiging possessive siya sa akin. Sobra.

Tapos yung mga marks na iniwan niya sa akin, kulang na lang itago ko dahil nakakahiya naman makita iyon sa shoot. Pero sa tuwing ginagawan ko ng paraan para mas mabilis mawala yung bakas na iniwan niya sa akin, pinapatungan niya ulit iyon, minsan sa ibang parte ng katawan ko niya iniiwan iyon. Gusto ko man siyang tanungin dahil hindi naman niya usually ginagawa iyon, pero pansin ko lang lagi siyang may palusot o kaya naman lagi niya akong pinapagod tuwing session namin.

Hindi pa ako humihindi sa kanya sa session, I tried one time, just to tease him, but he didn't take that as a joke. He almost looked offended when I said no. Para na lang hindi sumama ang loob niya, pumayag na lang ako.

Tapos mas naging mainitin ang ulo niya. Mabilis siyang mainis. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sa kanya at nagbago siya ng ganon.

Natapos na ang shoot ko kaya naman tinext ko na siya kaagad.

Me: TJ, tapos na ako sa shoot. Tiring day, how's school? :)

TJ: Malalate ako ng konti. Yung class namin para sa isang araw, nalipat ngayon dahil sa schedule ng professor namin.

Me: Okay lang. I'll see you later? xx

TJ: Saan ka pupunta after ng shoot? Sino ang kasama mo?

Sino ang kasama ko? So far wala naman akong kikitain.

What's with his question?

Bakit kulang na lang sabihin niya dumerecho ako sa penthouse? I don't want to assume unless he say it, but the way he say it, parang ganun ang gusto niyang ipahiwatig sa akin.

Me: Ako lang as usual. Don't worry. I'll wait for you. I love you! xx

Super weird talaga ng exchange of messages namin. Bakit ba pakiramdam ko na pakiramdam niya lagi akong may kasamang iba? Or may nililihim ako sa kanya? To think wala naman talaga.

Did I do something again?

Matapos ng shoot, nagbihis na ako. I wear my casual clothes at dahil hindi ko kasama si Travis, I'm wearing something that won't stand-out that much. Ayoko din mapagkaguluhan ng mga tao. Pumara ako ng cab at dumerecho na sa mall.

Nag-ikot ikot lang ako saglit, then I noticed the peaceful sunset outside kaya lumabas ako ng mall at dumerecho sa cafe na malapit sa baywalk.

Now I'm currently drinking my venti coffee jelly.

Nagvibrate ulit ang cellphone ko.

TJ: Classes is over. Pupuntahan na kita.

Me: Okay. Nasa baywalk ako. See you. Ingat sa biyahe ah. I love you. :)

He didn't reply with that last message. Baka nagdridrive na siya. Oh well.

"Maxie." Nagulat ako sa pagbati ni Kenzo sa akin.

"Hey!" I greeted him and noticed that he's doing better. In a short span of time, malaki din ang naging improvement niya kumpara noong huling beses kaming nagkita. Bumalik na ang sigla niya kahit papaano. Nagpagupit na din siya ng buhok. I smiled at him as I see him smiling back at me with sparkle in his eyes.

"How's everything?" I asked as he takes a seat in front of me.

"Naghahanap ng trabaho, the usual. Kailangan kumita ng pera, of course." Humble niyang sagot.

"Buti naman at bumabawi ka na, pogi natin ah?" Pagpuna ko sa new look niya.

He just smiled at me like the way he used to and asked me, "What are you doing here alone?"

"I'm just buying some time." Sagot ko sa kanya, "And I'm actually waiting for Travis. Susunduin niya ako eh."

There's this ray of mistrust in his eyes, "Kaibigan niya sila Pierre, hindi ba?"

"You can say that." I answered drinking my coffee, halos paubos na rin pala yung coffee jelly.

"Maxie, sa totoo lang hindi ako palagay sa kanya, I don't like him for you." What Kenzo thinks, he'll just say right in front of my face. Ganoon kaprangka si Kenzo.

Totoo na sinabi ko sa kanya na involved si Travis sa nangyari sa kanya noong high school. Pero kung paano naman siya magsalita tungkol kay Travis, parang ang unfair lang pakinggan. It's like he judged him as a person just because of the nature of his so-called friends.

"Arranged lang naman kayo hindi ba?" He questioned. "It's nothing serious Maxie. Sinet-up ka lang ng Mommy mo sa sitwasyon na iyan."

I don't want him to go there.

"Ken, sinabi ko na sa'yo. Mahal ko si Travis." I want to understand that he's still grieving, he made it clear that he only has me, but I can't let him cling on me. "What I have with Travis isn't planned, but it is real." I told him.

"But you also told me that you can't just unlove me, right?" He holds my hand. "Maxie, that means mahal mo pa ako."

It's true I can't unlove him. I closed my eyes.

"Maxie, let me make up with you." His voice is insisting, "Ika mo nga, gawan natin ng sequel."

"Ken." He's reopening my wounds. It's sad and painful.

"Mahal pa kita." He looks down and defeated, he holds my hand, "Alam kong hindi ako katulad ng mga prospect sayo ng Mommy mo, pero sapat na mahal mo ako. Sapat na iyon sa akin."

The way he holds my hand pains my heart.

"I can't unlove you, that's true." I paused, "You'll be always my first love Ken." I close my eyes but I'm not yet done, "Kung siguro dati, baka may pag-asa pa tayo. Pero ngayon, Ken--" I called him as he looked at me. "He's my everything."

"But Maxie...I still love you." He uttered almost in a whisper, "Ikaw na lang ang meron ako Maxie. Hindi ko kaya na pati ikaw mawala sa akin." Paikusap niya sa akin.

"I know, but you will heal." I assured him. "Yung Kenzo na nakilala ko, kahit ilang beses pa siya matumba, lalaban siya." He cried a tear. "Naninindigan siya sa mga desisyon niya. Lahat ng bagay na para sa kanya, may dahilan. Siya ang naging lakas ko ng loob noong mahina ako."

Pero tapos na ang lahat sa amin.

Natapos iyon nung iwan niya ako.

Namatay na ang puso ko noong iwan niya ako.

Namatay ang puso ko ng paulit-ulit hanggang sa gusto ko na lang tumalon noon sa bangin.

Pero noong dumating si Travis sa buhay ko, siya ang naging pag-asa ko para magpatuloy.

He is everything I have when I had none.

"Kenzo...to be honest, I almost betrayed you." I admit as he looks into my eyes, "Noong pinuntahan kita na nagmakaawa ako sa'yo dati, I'm just lying to myself that I still want to be with you." I look down feeling a little embarrassed, "Noong panahon na iyon, mahal ko na si Travis, dinedeny ko lang sa sarili ko iyon Ken."

"Maxie..." sorrow is visible in his eyes.

"Ang sama ko Kenzo. Ang sama-sama ko. I'm one ugly liar, but I want to tell you the truth now--" I take my hand as I wipe my tears, "That time I kissed you, I saw him." I look down, feeling guilty of myself, "That's when I knew..." 

"Nasaan na ako sa puso mo ngayon?" He asks as if he's ripping a piece of his heart.

"Kenzo..." I shake my head, "The day you left me, I gave everything for us. I have nothing left to give. I have poured everything. Alam mo naman iyon." I see him closing his eyes.

"Kahit konti?" His voice is still hoping, "Kahit konti, wala na?"

Umiling ako, "I'm very sorry Ken." I look at him softly, "I can only give you my friendship Kenzo."

"But I want us Maxene."

"I can't give us." I tell him apologetically, "I don't want to make this hard on you." I paused, "I don't want to lie to you. Let yourself heal Ken."

"Paano ko gagawin iyon ng wala ka?"

I smiled bitterly, "You still owe me a promise." I reminded, "You promised to reach for your dreams in life. That soon, you'll own yourself a restaurant where you can be proud of. Magiging chef ka pa, hindi ba?"

"Maxie..." he uttered my name softly.

"Hold on to those promises we made when we were still young." I smiled at him, "Life is short Kenzo. I'm sure your father or your brother wouldn't want you to give up."

He was able to give me a small smile.

"I want what's best for you, because you deserve it." I held his hand again, "Even if it means that I'll be just a friend to you, I'll still support you in any way I can, Kenzo. I believe that you can be whatever you wanted to be."

He held my hand tightly.

"You are my dandelion." He looks at me with light in his eyes, "Strong and tall. The winds may blow your petals away, but young dandelion, let yourself grow after the storm."

He laughs with tears in his eyes as he listens to some part of the poem I made for him from way back. He puts my hand on his cheek and kissed it.

"Kenzo, don't let the storm stop you from flying. You'll get there. I'm your number one believer."

He nods with his eyes closed still holding my hand.

"I can still love you, right?" He asks with tears in his eyes.

Our love towards one another didn't just fade away, it just changed through time. You can love a friend, but that is different from how you love your siblings, your parents and your significant other.

Love is limitless and universal.

I nod at him.

He let go of my hand.

"Ikaw ang one great love ko Maxie." He said with a sad smile.

I nod again.

"I'm sorry for being selfish. Dahil mahal na mahal pa kita." He said, "I want to regret that I left you."

"I understand why you did it Ken." I uttered, "I forgave you."

Nginitian niya ako, "Susubukan kong bumitaw, kahit na ang totoo, hindi ko kaya." He cried a tear again, "But you deserve to be happy Maxie, kahit na hindi na ako ang taong makakapagpasaya sa'yo."

I nod again as a tear falls from my eye, "Thank you Ken."

He chuckled and wipes his own tears, "Mauuna na ako sayo, ayoko yung ikaw ang mauunang aalis. Ikaw na nga yung umalis dati, ako naman ngayon." There's this familiar humor in his voice as he save some part of his pride.

Tinawanan ko siya at tumayo naman siya kaagad mula sa upuan.

"I hate goodbyes, but can I say, see you when I see you?" He asked before leaving.

"Okay." I smiled at him as he turned his back on me, "See you when I see you Kenzo." I uttered almost in a whisper. I know I'm still crying, but this tears are happy tears.

Nagkaroon kami ng closure sa isa't-isa na pinagkait sa amin dati ng pagkakataon.

I told him everything he has to know. He deserves to know the truth. We no longer hold any regrets from our past.

He will always be my first love forever.

Biglang nagflashback ang memories namin. Masaya, masakit, malungkot, lahat ng iyon parte na lang ng alaalang babalikan namin pagdating ng panahon.

Sana sa susunod naming pagkikita, pwede na kami maging magkaibigan ulit. Tutal, doon naman kami nagsimula eh.

Dear Lord, heal his heart. Let him have the happiness he deserves. Let him achieve his dreams. Let him love again. Huwag niyo po sana pabayaan si Kenzo.

I face the sunset and I hear my phone ringing. I checked my phone and I smiled. Kanina ko pa hinihintay na tawagan niya ako.

"Hey, Hayes." I answered with glee containing the sadness in my voice.

"Are you okay?" He asked with uncertainty in his voice.

Now why would he ask me that? Na-traffic ba siya? I'm willing to wait for him anyway.

"I'm okay, nasaan ka na ba?" I asked him, "I'm still waiting for you."

"Behind you." He said as I stood up, turned around and faced him. He dropped the call, so I did too.

He approached me looking into my eyes.

I tried to smile at him but my tears just betrayed me.

"You liar." His voice is deep and he wipes my tears away.

"It's happy tears." Depensa ko at niyakap siya ng mahigpit, naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa likuran ko.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asks next to my ear.

Bahagya ko siyang tinulak palayo sa akin at tiningnan siya sa mga mata niya.

"I saw Kenzo earlier." I started, ni wala siyang reaksyon, but the way his eyes looked at me seems like he's assessing if I'm telling the truth or not.

"It just happens that he found me here, he told me that he's looking for a job." I added. Totoo naman.

Insecurity is again visible in his eyes and he tries to look away hiding himself from me.

"We just talked, Travis."

"I know." He admits with bitterness in his voice, "Nag-usap kayo at hinalikan niya ang kamay mo."

"How did you--?"

"Kanina ko pa kayo pinagmamasdan Maxene." He said with pain in his voice. He gulps and his jaw hardened.

Kung kanina pa siya nasa area, bakit hindi niya ako pinuntahan kaagad? "Why didn't you--"

"It's a sweet reunion," he smirks bitterly and scoffs, "Ika mo nga three is a crowd. Bakit ako sasali? Ang sweet niyo nga pagmasdan eh."

"Travis..." Looking at him, his mask is now breaking in front of me.

Ito ba ang dahilan kung bakit siya biglang nagbago?

Pero sinabi ko naman sa kanya na kaibigan ko na lang si Kenzo ngayon. Akala ko malinaw iyon? Sinamahan pa nga niya ako sa ampunan.

Ito ba ang tinatago niya sa akin? Ito ba ang kinikimkim niya?

Now seeing him that he's at his limit, he couldn't contain his emotions anymore. Jealousy, anxiety and insecurity is seen in his face all at once.

I plant a kiss on his lips and look into his eyes, "I love you Travis." But his response to my kisses are guarded.

Is he doubting me?

"He loves you too, right?" His eyes are in fear and distress, "He told me that you're aware of his feelings towards you. That he is still in love with you Maxene."

Kenzo did that?

"Pero tapos na kami Travis." I reasoned.

"Well, para sa kanya, hindi pa. Hindi pa kayo tapos." His voice is angry and frustrated as he tries his best to contain himself, "So tell me," he faced me, "Kayo na ba ulit?"

I shake my head.

"Babalik ka na ba sa kanya?" Anxiety is obvious in his voice.

I shake my head again.

"Iiwan mo na ba ako?" His own question suffocates him.

I shake my head again.

"Mahal mo pa ba siya?" This question terrified him.

"I love you more Travis." I meet his eyes. My voice stands firm but fear is still visible in his eyes. "Kenzo knows how much I love you Travis." He cried a tear and I wiped it for him, "I'm sorry if I didn't tell you about his feelings, as much as possible, I don't want you to misunderstand him."

"Misunderstand?" He looks at me with disbelief, shaking his head and scoffs. He's trying to control his restlessness. "Maxene, simula pa lang inuunawa na kita. Nag-alala ka sa kanya dahil sa trahedya na nakita natin sa TV, oo. Nagpunta tayo sa ampunan para makausap mo siya, oo. Pero ang hindi mo pagsabi sa akin sa bagay na iyon, ikinatakot ko iyon na halos hindi ako matahimik." He said with overflowing fear and anxiety.

That was the real reason?

Bakit kasi sinabi ni Ken iyon sa kanya?

"I'm so fucking scared to lose you Maxene." Distress is obvious in his voice.

I kissed his right hand and I put it on my face. "I'm still here Travis, I'm not going anywhere."

Both of his hands are now cupping my face as he looks into my soul.

"I love you so much." He uttered impatiently as he planted a deep passionate kiss on my lips.

I pushed him a little and teased him, "Hey, isn't this PDA?" I giggled.

He chuckled, "The hell I care."

He kissed me as if there's no tomorrow. I feel his heart as he cages me in his arms. By the time we cut the kiss he looks at me as if I'm the world to him.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you more." I smiled at him.

He kissed my forehead and take me in his arms. "I love you most."

T R A V I S

We took a stroll and stopped as we saw a vacant bench to sit.

"Nag-usap lang kami kanina," she started, "We got the closure that we needed from one another so we could move forward."

I just listen to her as I hold her hand. I will never let go of this hand no matter what.

"It's true that he still loves me." She meets my eyes as if she's giving me the security that I failed to see because of my overflowing jealousy.

Ano ba namang laban ko sa taong una niyang minahal? Naging boyfriend niya iyon. Si Kenzo ang unang lalaki sa buhay ni Maxene. He is her first love.

Nagtangka nga siyang magpakamatay dahil iniwan siya ng hayop na iyon. Halos lahat ibigay sa kanya ni Maxene, pero sinaktan pa rin niya si Maxene. Tapos nagawa pa siyang habulin ni Maxene bago nagkaroon ng linaw kung ano kami ni Maxene.

Fuck this fact! Sino ang hindi magseselos doon?

Tapos sasabihin niya sa akin, mahal pa niya si Max?

That he'll do whatever it takes to win her back? He's a fucking joke!

Kung wala lang si Maxene doon, baka talaga nasapak ko na yung gagong iyon noong araw na iyon!

It takes me too much control not to. Because that'll upset her. As much as possible I don't want to give Maxene any reason to hate me.

But the thought of what he said, I don't know what I'll do. I might go crazy kung mapagtagumpayan niyang mabawi si Maxene sa akin.

Tangina lang talaga! Magkamatayan na. Akin lang si Maxene, akin lang siya!

"But I told him I love you more." She smiled as she kissed my hand, "It wasn't easy to reason with him." She held my hand tightly, "Especially that he just lost his father and brother recently." Nakatingin na siya sa malayo.

I didn't expect to hear that. I don't know what to say.

Yung inis na naramdaman ko ng ilang araw kay Kenzo napalitan bigla ng awa.

I saw her take a deep breath.

"Seems like my Mom knows about Kenzo's roots all along," She paused, "Kaya ganoon na lang ang kontra ni Mom sa relasyon namin dati. Kapalit ng impormasyon para malaman ni Kenzo ang tungkol sa pagkatao niya ang hiwalayan ako."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla ako nakaramdam ng takot sa narinig ko.

Will she take her away from me if she learns the truth about me?

"I can't really blame him for keeping this from me, tulad mo, may ugali si Kenzo na maglihim sa akin tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay sa buhay niya hanggang sa maayos na lang niya ang problema niyang mag-isa. Mga soloista." She humors me comparing me to her ex.

"You dare to compare me to him?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at tiningnan naman niya ako pabalik. Hindi ko gusto ang idea na ikinukumpara niya ako sa ex niya.

"Bakit, mali ba ako?" She reads me like an open book, "May mga bagay ka din naman na hindi mo pa kaya sabihin sa akin at sinosolo mo pa, kaya wag kang magmalinis diyan Travis." There's sarcasm in her voice facing me with a smile on her face.

Very well said. It's just I still don't know how start talking about it.

She locked our hands together and she continued.

"Ken, just shut me out that day when he decided to leave me and as promised, Mom gave him the information he needed to find his family. It took him months para mahanap sila. Kenzo isn't privileged like us." She closes her eyes and sighs, "Baka nga kung sinabi niya iyon sa akin, malamang pinahiram ko siya ng pera, but ever since back then, he didn't asked for my help, specially financially." She paused, "Dahil nasangkot ang Tatay niya dati sa isang krimen dati, mas pinili ng Tatay niya na iwan siya sa ampunan. His biological mother died giving birth to him. His father remarried soon after and he found out that Ichirro is his half-brother." She smiles, but her eyes were sad for him.

"Nakakalungkot lang na nadatnan na lang niya yung puntod ng Tatay niya na pumanaw noong nakaraang taon. Tapos yung balita na nakita natin sa TV," her hand grips mine tightly, "Kasama sa mga hindi pinalad sa trahedya na iyon yung kapatid niya."

Wala akong masabi sa nalaman ko tungkol sa ex niya. Napaka-unfair ng mga nangyari kay Kenzo Mihara.

"He just lost everything all at once." I felt her tear on my hand and I wiped her tears. "Hindi sumang-ayon sa kanya ang panahon at oras para makasama ang mga taong mahalaga sa kanya. Buong buhay niya akala niya wala na siyang pamilya, tapos isang araw malalaman niya na hindi pala siya ulila; na may pamilya pa pala siya. Hindi ko magawang magalit sa pag-iwan niya sa akin kapalit na malaman ang totoo sa pagkatao niya, dahil, kung ako si Ken, hindi din ako matatahimik. After he told me that he still loves me, to be honest, I can't just shut him down Travis." She faces me with complete honesty.

"You should know that, I couldn't unlove Kenzo," her confession either scares me or overwhelms me. I really don't know how to weigh my feelings properly after hearing those words that pinches something in my chest.

"But I love you more, Travis." She looked deeply into my eyes. I'm overwhelmed.

"Noong gabing umalis ako sa condo-" she avoids my gaze as if she's embarrassed opening this topic with me, "That's me denying my feelings for you." Her smile breaks.

I remember that memory vividly. But she never said the real reason. Hindi ko inaasahan na ito ang totoong dahilan.

"Gusto ko na lang bumalik kay Kenzo noon dahil bumalik na naman si Monique sa buhay mo noon. Pinaniwala ko ang sarili ko na si Ken pa rin ang mahal ko kasi noong mga panahon na iyon, hindi naman din tayo sigurado sa kung ano tayo." She forced herself to smile in front of me with sadness in her eyes. 

"Pero kung tinanggap man din ako ni Ken noon, alam kong magiging unfair pa rin ako sa kanya." She smiles bitterly, "Kasi sa mga oras na iyon, ikaw na ang mahal ko Travis, kahit akala ko dati wala akong pag-asang mamahalin mo rin ako pabalik."

She avoided my gaze, looked down and shaking her head, "Just remembering our arrangement before," she scoffs, "Ako pa naman ang nagsabi na no feelings involved. Pero ako ang unang nahulog sa atin. Odd, huh?"

She laughs at herself as if what she said is a joke to her. I held her hand tightly.

I once said that want is different from love, but looking back, I just realized that I liked her from the start and the set-up that I suggested, was just an excuse for me to understand myself. Because I am already attracted to her, yet no matter how I reason myself, I just can't understand the effect she has on me aside appreciating her beauty.

True, that it's all physical at first, but as days pass by being around her, it starts to become something alarming. It's alarming that her words sometimes scares me. It scares me that I keep reminding myself that we're in this arrangement because we're arranged, no more, no less.

But everyday, our connection just grows deep, like the roots of a single seed that reaches the core of the earth.

I didn't realized that she already reached my soul and I'm just too stubborn to admit it in the first place, because it's a fight I know I can't win, yet after how things turn up between us...

"I loved Kenzo, that's true. He's my first love forever." She says with a small smile on her face, "But you know what, in a short span of time of being with you." She looks at me wholeheartedly, "You became someone I look forward to waking up in the morning."

Her words fuels my heart and soul again. I see her smile with tears in her eyes.

"You're my one great love Travis." She puts my hand on her soft face. "I love you so much."

Her words made me speechless. I am melting. Looking in her eyes, all I see is me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you about Kenzo's feelings." She looks down feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry for making you doubt me, I just don't know what I'd do for him not to be in pain anymore." She admitted, "But until he has those feelings for me, I know we can't be friends. I wanted to help him to be better, but I don't want to give him any false hope."

She's always consider others first before she thinks about herself.

She's this selfless.

I get it why he still loves her.

I get why he regretted letting her go.

I get it why he wants her back.

I know, because by the time I lay my love on her, I know I'll do anything to keep her... to keep us.

We might have some misunderstanding along the way but taking a break isn't an option for me. It will never be.

"That's why we talked earlier." She looks into my eyes again. "But our meeting today wasn't planned. Please believe me." She looks at me like an apologetic child.

"Pero sa tuwing iisipin ko na isang araw na magkikita kami, walang magbabago sa desisyon ko." She holds my hand tightly, "I will still choose to be with you."

This is more than enough for me.

I kissed her. "I believe you."

She looks at me as if she's assessing me.

"But why is that after we got home from the orphanage--" she started asking questions.

I cut her, "That's me being scared."

"What's with your odd texts na parang lagi akong may kasamang iba?" worry is obvious in her voice, "Pati yung late replies na ikinaiinis mo?"

"That's me being paranoid." I answered embarrassingly as I avoided her gaze, but she held my chin and made me look at her again.

"What about the marks you gave me?" She looks at me like a spoiled child.

I gulped. Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated?

"That is me being possessive of you." I replied in defeat.

She takes a deep breath.

"How about that reaction you gave me when I teased you by saying no to a session?" She looks into my soul.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng hiya sa harapan niya.

"That's me asking myself, if I'm still enough for you." My voice almost breaks. "If I'm still worthy of you." I said almost in a whisper.

She smiled at me adoringly.

"You are Travis." She said pulling me to her so her lips could reach my forehead, I inhaled her scent. "Thank you for telling me."

"I'm the worst, am I?" I put up a cynical smile. She adjusted herself to face me again.

I wasn't the person I was before I met her.

My emotions are all over the place when it comes to her. It scared the shit out of me hearing how Kenzo will do everything to win her back.

At nasakal ko ng sobra si Maxene dahil doon.

"I love you through your worst and your best Travis." She closes the gap between our foreheads.

Her statement made me cry a tear again and she wipes it for me. I'm never this vulnerable around anyone.

Only to her.

She saw my demons yet she never left me. She loved me during the darkest days of my life.

She just loves me for who I am.

"Aren't you angry of me?" I asked almost in a whisper feeling disappointed at myself, "I fucked up again." I scoffed, "I hurt you because of my stupid jealousy."

She just smiled and caressed my face, "But that's your feelings Travis."

Her kindness drowns me.

"Your feelings are what makes you alive Travis." She plants a kiss on my cheeks and meet my eyes again.

"Whether you're annoyed, sad, angry, jealous or happy, lahat iyon, karapatan mong maramdaman," she pauses as she reached my heart, "Because you're alive." She smiles, "Kaya nga dapat na idaan natin sa usapan ang mga gumugulo sa atin, para maayos tayo, hindi ba?"

Natin. Atin. Tayo.

Siguro napakababaw ko para ikasaya ko ang mga salitang iyon.

"I love you so much Maxene." Always.

She kissed my cheeks.

"And I love you too Travis. Only you."

She smiled and everything was alright. I feel that peace in my heart and takes her in my arms.