M A X E N E

"Is that even edible?" he asks, looking at me suspiciously. Napakaarte talaga ng taong 'to.

"Masarap ito." I convinced him, but still he's looking at the food with great disgust. Nagawa pa niyang tingnan si manong na nagbebenta ng isaw ng may pagdududa. Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata, "Stop embarrassing me."

"Of all places, street food? Really?" he says in disbelief.

"Sabi mo you'll treat me anywhere." sagot ko sa kanya habang kumakain ng isaw. He's still looking at the food with disgust, "Subukan mo muna kasi, masarap iyan." abot ko sa kanya. Kanina ko pa kasi ito inaabot sa kanya, nag-iinarte siya. Banas!

Hinawakan niya yung isang stick na dinaig pa niya ang babaeng nandidiri, "Kapag sumakit ang tiyan ko dito, lagot ka sa akin."

"Promise, masarap yan," I convinced him, "Mamatay man ako."

Seryoso niya akong pinagmasdan at agad ding kumunot ang noo niya, "Don't say such words like that woman."

Napalunok ako sa seryosong hirit niya pabalik sa akin at bigla kong naalala kung paano niya ako niligtas kay Brandon kanina. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman nang sabihin niya ang mga salitang iyon, he just calls me his woman. Geez for all I know he's just- ugh!

Bakit ba masyado kang affected Maxene?

He's definitely possessive, but he is selfless. How can two opposite words describe Travis Joseph Hayes? Napangiti ako nang kumagat siya ng isang isaw pero konti lang ang portion na kinagat niya. Napaka arte talaga ng lalaking 'to, "Isang malaking subo kasi." iritang ani ko sa kanya ngunit muli niya akong tiningnan ng may nakakalokong ngiti.

"Sige nga, paano yung malaking subo?" pilyo niyang tanong at ngumisi. Nakakainis. Para matapos na lang at para makuntento siya, isinubo ko na lang yung isaw ng walang kaarte arte.

"Ganito oh." ani ko habang kagat-kagat ko yung malaking parte ng isaw sa bibig ko ngunit sa hindi inaasahan kinuha niya iyon sa akin gamit ng bibig niya na halos halikan niya na ako. Nakita ko kung paano niya nginuya iyon na para bang walang nangyari.

"Masarap nga 'no?" tiningnan niya ako at pinunasan niya ang labi niya gamit ng hinlalaki niya. Nakatulala pa rin akong pinagmamasdan siya.

What just happened?

Ngumisi siya at nakapalumbaba sa tuhod niya, "Saan ka disappointed, sa pagkuha ko sa isaw sa bibig mo o ang akala mo hahalikan kita?" Hinampas ko siya sa inis. Ginigigil niya ako. Mas nakakaasar pa dahil tinatawanan niya ako. "Bayaran mo na nga 'yan." utos ko sa kanya at dumiretso na ulit sa kotse.

"Ano, balak mo na ba umuwi?" tanong niya sa akin.

"Kahit ihatid mo na lang ako sa may terminal ng bus." I tell him yet he kept a straight face, "May gusto pa kasi akong puntahan."

"Edi, pupunta tayo doon." he says casually, "I can't have you roam around without me."

"Kaya ko naman Travis." I tell him with conviction.

"Just tell me where you want to go. I'll drive you there."

*****

"Dapat dito na lang tayo dumiretso kanina. Presko pa," reklamo ni Travis at tumabi sa akin sa may seaside.

Tahimik akong pinagmamasdan ang dahan dahang paglubog ng araw, "About earlier-" I really don't know how to start.

"I'm not asking." he says looking at the sunset, "Rule number 4. If it's too personal, do not ask." he grins, "Right?"

I look away, "Actually I want to say thank you," I tell him as he meets my eyes, "Baka kung wala ka doon kanina, hindi ko alam kung ano na ang pwedeng mangyari sa akin." alam kong hindi rin naman niya tinatanong pero siguro gusto ko lang huminga, "I told my Mom about it, but I never really got any help from it kaya tinatago ko na lang." I laugh at myself, "Ayoko naman na sabihin na naman niya na incompetent ako."

"Maxene..." his voice is softly reprimanding me.

"Yeah, I know, rule number 4." I say with a smile looking at him, "Kaya nga gusto ko mapag-isa dahil gusto ko huminga. You don't need to listen if you don't want to hear it."

"No, that's not it." he says with a weak voice as I notice how his face turned pale, "Nahihilo ako."

"Ha?" natumba na lang siya sa may balikat ko, "Gusto mo umuwi na lang tayo, hindi mo naman sinabi sa akin na pagod ka na." bigla tuloy akong nakonsensya, kaya ba niya ako biglang niyayang umuwi kanina? Tsk, he shouldn't have-

"Napuyat ako kagabi. Gusto ko lang umidlip saglit, kung pwede lang." he says softly almost pleading me, "I'll just nap, presko rin kaya manatili na lang muna tayo dito."

"Eh kung doon na lang tayo sa kotse mo?" I suggested and I heard him chuckle. "Doon ka na lang matulog?"

"Tapos ano, saan ka pupunta?" how does he do that? Bakit ba pakiramdam ko basang-basa niya ako? "Dito na lang para may dahilan na hindi ka umalis."

"Wala akong pupuntahan Travis." iritang sambit ko. It's not like he should keep an eye on me everyday. Bakit ba masyado niyang sineseryoso ang bilin ni mom sa kanya?

"You said that the other day. But when I arrived at the bar, a guy almost drugged you, you know?" nahihilo niyang kuwento at halatang nanghihina na siya kaya mas mabuti pang sa hita ko na lang siya mahiga.

Wait, how did he know I was there?

"Sure ka na ayaw mo sa kotse mo na lang ikaw matulog?" muling tanong ko sa kanya. Teka, dahil kaya iyon kay Baby G? Come to think of it, magtropa sila. Inayos ko ang hita niya para naman makahiga siya ng komportable. Kusang hinawakan ng kamay niya ang kamay ko. How come a hand like his, is cold yet warm at the same time.

"If I stayed in the car, there's a chance that you'll run away and leave me." he uttered subconsciously, almost sounding like something was pinching him, "I hate when people leave me." he said in almost a whisper and I saw him dozed off.

This Travis is vulnerable. The dark circle around his eyes are visible, he really needs to take a break for now.

This Travis sleeps peacefully. I noticed the fullness of his eyebrows.

This Travis looks nice. I adjusted some strands of his bangs and saw his face clearly like a sleeping child on my lap.

This Travis looks gentle. I couldn't help to notice his almost pointed nose, then his thin yet full lips. Those lips that once dominated mine.

This Travis.

I see him holding my hand as if he's offering me his security.

I like this Travis.

It took me a while to observe his face but as soon as I realized that I've been staring at him for quite some time, it makes me want to slap my face. I can't be attracted to him, right? I mean yeah, he's indeed good looking. We kissed too, but that was just pure adrenaline rush. I'm trying to reason myself because I know my heart is still committed to someone; and so, as he. We're just each other's company and someday, we'll be just one another's memory. "I'm just glad that you are here with me, Travis. I'm glad we met." I say in a whisper.

I didn't know how many hours had passed but seeing how peaceful the sunset was here on the sidewalk just creates a serene mood. I put on my earphones and turn my ipod on. I hit play when I saw Hilary Mercado's cover of When I Dream About You. (Cover Version of Gracenote).

[A/N: Hilary Mercado and Radcliffe Reynolds was another character from my book titled If Only, Maybe]

[How can I get you to see that I'm falling apart Since you've been gone
I can never be sure I could ever let go Your love is much too strong
There are somethings that I guess I'll never know
When you love someone You got to learn to let them go

When I dream about you That's when everything's all right
You're in my arms Here next to me, forever
When I dream about you boy you never go away
Just close my eyes wait for my dreams'
Cause I still love, loving you]

'I still love, loving you.'

I suddenly remembered 'him'.

Hindi ko mapigilang maiyak sa huling stanza na iyon. Masakit pero mahal ko pa rin si Kenzo hanggang ngayon. Mas masakit kasi hindi na kami pwede. Masakit kasi sa panaginip na lang ako masaya. Masakit kasi sa panaginip ko na lang siya nakakasama.

Kailan mapapagod ang puso ko na mahalin siya?

T R A V I S

"I'm glad that you're here with me Travis," the owner of that voice is vague. "I'm glad we met."

Pamilyar ang boses na iyon sa akin, hanggang sa nakita ko ang imahe ni Monique na nakatalikod mula sa akin.

Gusto ko siyang kausapin, pero ayaw niya akong pakinggan.

Gusto ko siyang harapin, ngunit ayaw na niya akong tingnan sa mata.

Gusto kong bumalik kami sa dati, pero paano?

Paano ko mapapaintindi sa kanya ang ninanais nais ko para sa aming dalawa, kung lagi siyang naglalakad palayo sa akin sa tuwing hahabulin ko siya?

Mula sa malayo, sobra ko siyang pinapahalagahan sa paraang alam ko.

Mula sa malayo, nais kong maring niya ang inaawit ng puso ko para sa kanya.

Mula sa malayo, kahit sa malayo lang... sana makita niya ako.

Naramdaman kong pumatak ang ulan sa pisngi ko, nang minulat ko ang mga mata ko nakita ko siyang lumuluha.

Maxene.

Nakatulala siyang umiiyak habang nakikinig ng musika mula sa kanyang ipod. Naka-full volume ito dahil halos marinig ko ang kantang pinapakinggan niya.

Gusto ko tumila ang ulan mula sa kanyang mga mata.

I reached for her face and instinctively wiped her tears away. I was too late when I realized what I just did because as soon as her eyes find mine, she force out a smile that pinches something in my chest.

She wipes some of her tears like she got something in her eye and removes her earphones asking me, "Sorry sa loud music, rinig mo ba? Maingay?"

I shake my head, "Why are you crying?" my thoughts fails to be quiet as I asked her that question with an obvious answer.

"Napuwing lang ako," she hides her broken voice with a childish giggle.

I hate how she lies in front of me.

Akala ko ba gusto mong huminga? Keep your thoughts to yourself, Travis.

"Nakakaiyak kasi namanhid na yung hiya ko. Ang bigat mo kasi." I'm not sure if that's a lie, but it's somewhat in the gray area.

Mukhang ilang minuto rin akong nakaidlip. Bumangon na rin ako agad at nagpasalamat sa kanya.

Siguro, hindi ko na lang siya pipilitin kung ayaw niyang mag kwento. Nakapag-vent out na rin naman siya kanina kahit papaano. Iyon nga lang, gustuhin ko mang makinig sa kanya kanina pero natalo ako ng antok.

I casually pulled her earphone and placed it on my ear. The song is familiar and I hear her voice. It's Hilary Mercado; she's Radcliffe Agustin's first love.

"Fun fact," I started listening to this one song, "I helped Radcliffe to arrange this song."

"Wait, kilala mo si Radcliffe?" Maxene asks like a curious child. I nod letting out a small smile, "The Radcliffe Reynolds?"

"Well he's still Radcliffe Agustin noong hindi pa siya sikat," paliwanag ko sa kanya. Oo nga pala sikat na rin ang lokong iyon pagkatapos niyang ma-discover sa reality TV show na iyon.

Maxene looks at me attentively, round hazel eyes looking back at me asking me to tell her more, "He wants to recreate a piece of music for Hilary. So he asks for my help para sa arrangement ng kantang ito."

"Awww." she uttered with sparkle in her eyes.

It makes me want to cringe just by looking at her reaction, "You look weird." don't tell me, she's-

"I want to meet Radcliffe, Travis!" she says enthusiastically, "I'm a fan! Please help me to meet him in person."

Kaya naman pala.

"Well the problem is, they're on hiatus right now. Hindi ko rin alam kung nasaan sila." I say and see her let out a disappointing sigh. "We arranged this music back when I was still in high school." kaya matagal tagal ko na rin siyang hindi nakikita.

"Sayang naman." she says almost sounding regretful, "Siya pa naman ang crush kong musician."

For real?

Kakaiba talaga ang tipo nitong babaeng 'to sa mga lalaki.

"I also ship him with Hilary. Pero sana nag-sail na ang ship ko." she says in a giddy manner. Almost sounded like a child imagining those happily ever after fairy tales.

Ang babaw naman ng babaeng ito.

She looks at me with a confused face, "Anong problema mo?"

"Wala ang weird ng taste mo." I blurted all of a sudden.

"Hey what was that supposed to mean?" she puffed her face, frowning, "You even said that you helped Radcliffe arrange that music, ang ipokrito mo naman, Hayes."

I shake my head, "What I mean is you're fangirling over a guy like him? That guy is a wimp." palibhasa hindi niya kilala si Radcliffe sa personal, kung tutuusin- "Mas magaling pa ako tumugtog doon." my subconscious slipped out. Siguro mas mabuti pang diretsuhin ko na lang ang gusto kong puntuhin dahil totoo naman na mas magaling ako sa kumag na iyon, "Kung hindi mo rin itatanong, I can also sing."

Way better than Radcliffe Agustin.

"Ang yabang nito," she rolled her eyes at me, "Huwag ka nga, di hamak naman na magaling si Radcliffe sa'yo." lait niya, "Magaling kaya siyang kumanta. Ikaw kung makalait ka naman, ang bully mo."

"Well, have you seen and heard me perform?" I asked her with a grin, "I might blow you away."

Kung alam niya lang kayang kaya kong tapatan yung ungas na iyon.

"Che! Maselan ako sa music," she reasoned, "Anything unpleasant to me like hard rock is a no. I consider punk, pop-" she's obviously bluffing. I just heard the song My Immortal of Evanescence after Hilary's cover of When I Dream About You. Technically Evanescence is a rock band.

"Not all rock music is unpleasant."

Sige panindigan mo ang kasinungalingan mo.

"What about Linkin Park, Evanescence, Paramore, MCR, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, there's a long list of rock bands. who has good quality music." I scroll her playlist and my assumptions were right. Bakit ba hindi na lang siya magpakatotoo sa harapan ko?

Pinakita ko ang playlist niya sa kanya dahil baka hindi siya aware na lahat ng sinabi ko ay nasa playlist niya.

So ano, random ang mga kantang nilalagay niya sa playlist niya? Again the irony.

"You liar." I tell her with a triumphant smile and see how her face turned red as if I embarrassed her.

Pikon na bata.

M A X E N E

"Give me that." asar kong kinukuha ang ipod ko mula sa kamay ng nagmamagaling na si Travis.

Tumayo siya at umatras sa akin. Dinadaan ba niya ako sa tangkad niya?

"Akin na nga yan Hayes!" natatawa siya na napapailing sa harapan ko, "What's funny?" I asked him as I placed both hands at my waist.

"That's just how my mother calls my father when she's mad at him." is he talking about his mother who died of cancer?

I couldn't help to soften up around him, "Akin na yung ipod ko Travis." mahinahon kong ani sa kanya.

"Concede your argument." he stands proudly, "Concede and I'll give this back to you."

Nakakainis, eh sa ayaw ko mag-concede eh! Kukunin ko na lang ng pilit iyon, akala ko pa man din nalungkot siya ng bahagya, lakas rin ng pakulo nito eh!

Nang-akmang tatalon ako para kunin sa kamay niya yung ipod ko, itinaas niya ang kamay niya at ngumiti sa akin ng nakakaloko.

"Eh kung sikmuraan kita?" pagbabanta ko at ipinakita ko ang kamao kong handa ng suntukin siya sa sikmura.

"Try." he looks at me with amusement.

Buong pwersa kong nilagay ang lakas ko sa kamao ko ngunit bago ko pa man siya masuntok, naiwasan na niya ako agad na dahilan kung bakit ako na-out of balance.

Buwisit na lalaki talaga 'to!

Hinila niya ako pabalik para mabawi ko ang balanse ko. Nasa likuran ko na siya pero nasa baywang ko ang braso niya na parang nag-aalangan siyang gumalaw. Dama ko ang init ng paghinga niya. Unti-unti ko siyang nilingon, hindi ko maiwasan na muling tingnan ang mga mata niya kung saan nakikita ko ang sarili ko.

Black hole. Here we go again.

I don't know what force pulls me through him. Just by looking in his eyes I am lost. It feels like we're in a competition and whoever looks away will lose.

He wants me to concede.

Pero matigas ang ulo ko.

Seeing his reaction towards the sudden change of mood between us makes me a little flattered because I have that effect on him. I remembered that he said that he's attracted to me. I also remembered the deal we agreed on, kahit wala pang kung ano man ang nangyayari sa amin maliban sa unang beses kaming nag-kiss.

Kung sa ibang lalaki, malamang pinagsamantalahan na nila ako. Pero hindi kailanman ginamit ni Travis ang kahinaan ko sa akin, lalo na sa mga gabi na lasing na lasing ako.

Now that I'm looking at him, I'm trying to read his thoughts. Like me, he's filled with uncertainty, but still he's such a mystery to me. I wanted to learn more about him, but I know I couldn't ask. Rule number 4.

I just want to understand why he turned out to be like this.

Why does he keep on hiding himself from a series of masks?

Parang kanina ko lang siya nakita ng siya talaga. Noong nagalit siya kay Brandon.

Inabot na niya sa akin yung ipod ko, sumusuko na siya sa kompetisyon na namamagitan sa aming dalawa.

I hate that he made me win by conceding.

Pumikit siya dahil ayaw niya na mabasa ko siya at umiling na parang may hindi siya sinasang-ayunan sa isipan niya.

A soft smile formed on his lips. It's a sad smile that he keeps on hiding behind a tough facade.

Something pinches in my soul upon seeing that reaction. I don't know what happened to me but I lost all reason and logic as soon as I pulled him close enough to reach his lips on mine.

He tried to push me back gently and chuckled, his eyes looking at me with uncertainty, "Hey, hey, isn't this PDA?" he asks playfully, almost teasing me.

"The hell I care." I answered and kissed him back. I feel his hand pulling me towards him. His left hand holding my waist while his right hand caresses my nape. Everything happens so fast as his kisses leaves me breathless. I don't know why I let him suck the air out of me. His kisses either give me energy or drain me, but it surely fuels my soul from a deep slumber.

Until I hear it, an unknown song that plays softly. A warm melody singing like a lullaby cradling me in a warm cottage during a storm.

We slowly let go of each other cutting the kiss that reminds us of our reality.

I look at him and see my reflection in his eyes. He is panting and so am I.

What was that? I keep asking myself the same question since the first time we kissed.

I rested my head on his chest and felt how he calmed himself from that intense moment we had a few seconds ago. I heard the beat of his heart like it's about to burst.

He may control his emotions, but not his heart.

T R A V I S

"This is embarrassing," I chuckled awkwardly, hiding my uncertainty. "Never had a PDA before."

I never imagine someone would kiss me in public. Lalo na at sa ayaw na ayaw niyang may makakita sa aming dalawa sa tuwing magkakaroon ako ng nakaw na oras na kasama siya noon.

I want to laugh at myself for letting me recall that memory with her.

Maxene adjusted herself to give me some space, "Stop lying Travis."

I'm not lying, not this time.

"I told you. I am invisible." this time, I am laughing at myself hiding the desires that I have been longing to feel for so long.

To be heard.

To be seen.

To see my reflection in her eyes

I cupped Maxene's face hoping for the impossible. She's unconsciously giving me something that I shouldn't cling on to. Whatever happens in this arrangement between us, will turn out to be just a fragment in our memory.

She's running for her Kenzo.

I'm still waiting for my-

"You're not invisible, Travis." Maxene says that caught me off guard. Words fail to leave my mouth. Something in my chest stopped functioning as I saw my face in her round hazel brown eyes, "I see you Travis." I gulped and felt my hand weakening. I'm forcing myself to believe that I am hallucinating, but her hand cups my face repeating those words, "I see you."

I know that I've been wanting to hear those words for so long.

I want to imagine that she's Monique.

I closed my eyes with a small smile telling her softly, "Thank you." I held the soft hand on my face as I imagined her face telling me those exact same words. I kissed the palm of her hand.

Gusto kong makita mo ako Monique.

Ako na lang ang mahalin mo Monique.

'I see you.'

Ang inaasahan kong marinig mula sa nag-iisang babaeng minamahal ko, ay narinig ko sa boses ng isang taong hindi ko inaasahang dumating sa buhay ko ng walang pasintabi.

Upon opening my eyes I see her face looking back at me. A pair of round hazel brown eyes stares into my soul.

Maxene Angela Campbell what are you doing to me?

She gradually takes her hand away from me, "I wanna go home." she says with a small smile and I nod fixing myself in front of her presence.

Get a grip Travis!

M A X E N E

Nang nakasakay na kami sa kotse, biglang nag-ring yung phone niya. He answered it not minding me, wala rin namang kaso iyon sa akin. "What's up?" he asks the person at the other line, "Wait, now?" ano kaya yung pinag-uusapan nila? "I'll be there after I get my guitar, ihahatid ko pa si Maxene." he looks at me and I couldn't help looking back at him while he adjusts his seatbelt, "Okay, I'll meet you there." he ends the call and starts the engine of the car.

"Who's that?" I asked. Shit. Rule number 4. I shouldn't ask nga hindi ba? Is my question personal?

"It's Josh. Gerard wants us to play at a bar." he answered as he looked in the rear mirror.

"Can I go with you?" I asked him with a grin, "Para malait kita, mamaya nagmamayabang ka lang na marunong kang tumugtog at kumanta."

He smirks, "Kakainin mo ang sinabi mo kapag narinig mo akong kumanta."

"Huwag kang mayabang!" I crossed my arms with a prideful smile, "Hindi mo matatalo si Radcliffe sa puso ko."

"Let's see about that." he said with a smug look on his face.