The townhouses that lined the street were all the same brownish color. I surveyed the numbers on the mail boxes of each house; 245, 247, 249. My nervousness escalated with each increasing number. I saw Marie's address -- 251. 

In front of the house, a balding man watered a small garden at the base of the porch. Hose water ran onto the side walk. I approached him, my feet slapping on the wet cement.

"Hi. Is Marie in?" I said.

The man pointed around to the side of the house. A big dog in the window next door barked as I passed. There was a wooden door at the side of the house with a tiny silver crucifix nailed to it.

I knocked twice, butterflies stirring in my stomach. Marie answered the door in a gray jogging suit, her forehead wet with sweat.

"You...you're early," she wiped her forehead with her sleeve.

"You said seven."

"I did? I'm...I'm so sorry. I thought I said eight," she motioned me to come in. Marie lived in a basement apartment, her door leading directly to a staircase going down a level. I followed her down the carpeted steps. The lights were off, and her apartment glowed blue from the television set in front of an elliptical machine.

"Sorry, I was exercising. It really helps... with my anxiety," she turns on the light in the living room and starts tidying up the cushions on her futon sofa. "Sit down."

"That's okay, I've been sitting all day," I crept around the small apartment surveying some items on the wall. An IKEA shelf held a few self-help books, from "How to Control Your Nerves" to "The Buddhist Guide to Christianity". Two golden elephant bookends held the row of books in place.

"Nice Elephants."

"Thanks," Marie said.

"Where'd you get them? India?" I said.

"They're just something I found at a flea market. You've been to India?"

"Sure," I boasted, my voice proud. "I love traveling. You've never lived until you traveled the world. Do you travel?"

"I... I wish," she said. "Flying is really hard on my nerves"

A statue of crucified Jesus hung on the wall. Jesus' face was drenched in so much agony that his eyes rolled up, his mouth hung open, and I thought that no one deserved to die that way.

"Do you want a drink?" Marie asked from the kitchen. She lit an incense stick beside a figurine of the Virgin Mary on the counter. I thought of Will and then forced myself to sneak up behind her, and when she turned around I took her by the elbows and pulled her close. For a moment, I was entirely disoriented by the feeling of being so close to the kind of girl I wanted to be close to. Her face tilted up, and then our mouths pressed together. I heard a tiny gasp come from her nose. My head dizzied, not really knowing what I was doing. Her lips were soft, and she parted them perfectly. I found her waist with my fingers, touching the strip of bare skin on her lower back, and slid my hands up under her shirt. She flinched, then relaxed.

Then our lips broke free and she looked down at her feet. I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"I look like crap," she said, her ears blushing.

"No way, you're as beautiful as a cupcake." I said.

"I should get ready," her face glowed.

I pulled her in again and kissed her with everything I had.

I came home after midnight. I threw the keys onto the coffee table and they slid off onto the floor. I muttered shit and bent over to pick them up.

Will's door was closed but I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him about my night -- eager to tell him that he was right.

"Will, you in there?" I knocked on his door.

I heard shuffling inside his room. Footsteps clomped and the door opened, Will behind it, scratching the back of his neck, his eyes closed.

"God, what time is it?" he said.

"We kissed."

"What?"

"Marie, I made a move, just like you said."

He walked passed me to the fridge. He pushed aside the milk carton and Tupperware containers, looking desperately for something. He looked into cupboards. "You got vodka somewhere? Wine?"

"No," I shook my head.

"Fuckin' shit," he said, and a thought hit me – I couldn't recall a time when Will didn't have a drink in his hand. "Got a smoke?" Will moved with half his normal energy. I tossed him my pack of smokes and my Zippo, and he plopped himself onto the sofa, opening a can of Coke he grabbed from the fridge.

"We went bowling," I said.

"Okay, details," he said, lighting a cigarette.

"It was amazing," I said, sitting down next to him. Will's eyes were closed and I wasn't sure if he was listening. "We went bowling. We held hands."

"Good for you, buddy," his eyes roll half open.

"You should meet her."

"I will," he said.

"No really, you should come with me next time. Have a double date or something."

At that second, I caught a certain look on his face that made me feel sorry for him, I wasn't sure what it was exactly, but I saw it. He took out his smart phone and ran his fingers across its edges. He stared down at the device in his hand in an affectionate way that made me feel strange.

A car alarm wailed from the open window. When it subsided, we heard the distant screams of the homeless man that terrorized the area. He cursed outside in the street, shouting cunt and cock in broken sentences.

"Sometimes the city gets to me," Will said. He was sleepy, docile, and sober. "Home was quiet."

"Where you from?" I said.

"A small town you wouldn't have heard of."

I was suddenly filled with a weird sense of wonder – a wonder of who Will was, who he really was. The man commanded the present as if each moment was his last, which compelled me to wonder about his past – was Will always like this?

"What were you like growing up? I said.

"Same as now—was always an actor. School plays. Town plays." He yawned.

"Shakespeare?"

"No, man. Not back then," his eyes glazed over. His can of Coke tilted dangerously, threatening the sofa cushions. "They were shitty plays about shitty things."

Will took a loud sip from his Coke and shook his head quickly as if shaking out memories that were invading his brain.

"Livin' there was a trip," he said. And then it seemed like his mind was not with me anymore. His mouth hung open.

"Do you miss it at all?" I wanted more. 

"There were some moments," he said. "Moments you wouldn't believe. North country has an energy, man. I saw things that I'm not sure human beings were meant to see. Sometimes I just couldn't take it -- how beautiful it was."

I tried not to breathe, afraid to distract him.

"At night, the lake was like a black mirror, and the northern lights danced over it," he murmured. "Green and purple spun and waved in the sky and at my feet. I've seen lightenin' crash out, settin' the treetops on fire, only to watch the rain wash it away minutes later. Alone out there in the bush, I had no one else to share that shit with. And when I die, so will all those memories. The longer I stayed there, the more all those beautiful fuckin' things were slippin' away forever." Will licked his lips and woke up from his daze, looking at me. "I left searchin' for somethin'," Will paused.

He kept talking, and my mind drifted from wakefulness to sleep, then back again, and I lost some of the things he was saying. Forcing myself to stay awake, a single thought haunted me, like a growing seed in my mind -- that maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he was the lonely one all along, and it was Will who was seeking someone.

Will sighed. The sky outside began to lighten into a violet haze.

"The sun's almost up," I said. I stood up and stretched my arms back, trying to touch my elbows together behind me. "I better sleep."

"God," Will whispered with his eyes half closed. I wasn't sure what he meant.

I took a few steps towards the hallway when he told me to wait. I turned my head to the side.

"Do you believe in God?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"You should," Will closed his eyes fully, his voice a whisper. Will's arms fell limp at his side. His head drooped down, his chin rested on his chest, and he let out a soft snore.

In my bedroom, stripping to my boxers, I almost forgot to take my pill. I swallowed one before falling face first onto my mattress on the floor. I only wanted to think of one thing – Marie. And so I did. I lied there, focusing on who I was, and I knew myself for the first time in a very, very long time. I was Marie's boyfriend. I was Will's roommate. I was hugging my pillow, rubbing my feet together for warmth, and I was someone.