SixStringGuy: hey, welcome to our usual Sunday night date Sydney!

I'd logged on a little later than usual after getting lost in writing my current research paper. I think subconsciously part of me was hoping he wouldn't be on. I know it's stupid and selfish, but I wasn't sure if I could stomach hearing about his fiancé and his engagement.

Grumpybluebear: Hey there Jamie!  But you might want to reconsider your wording on the rest of that 

SixStringGuy: What are you talking about?

Grumpybluebear: I'm not sure your fiancé would appreciate you referring to this as a "date"

SixStringGuy: She knows about our Sunday night dates, and yes that's what I call it, and she doesn't care.

Grumpybluebear: well ok then. I just don't want to get you in trouble

SixStringGuy: oh don't worry about that lol. I find enough ways to get in trouble all on my own ;)

Grumpybluebear: if you say so lol.

SixStringGuy: Did I do something to upset you last week?

My heart sank to my feet at his question. Sure the honest answer was yes, but we're friends and I want to be a good friend. There was absolutely no way I was going to tell him how I really felt last week, or now for that fact.

Grumpybluebear: No, not at all. Sorry if I made you think that. It had just been a long day and I was tired.

SixStringGuy: you wouldn't lie to me would you?

Grumpybluebear: Jamie if I was gonna lie to you I'd make it some huge, elaborate lie. Classes are just getting the better of me and I'm high strung about all of that.

SixStringGuy: you wanna talk about it?

Grumpybluebear: not much to talk about really. I knew this would be a heavier workload since I'm working on a more advanced degree, I guess I just didn't expect it to be this heavy. And I've been distracted by some other things as well.

I regretted that last line as soon as I hit send. I knew he was going to ask about it and then I was going to have to make something up. I couldn't tell him he was my other distraction.

SixStringGuy: what's going on that's got you distracted? Anything I can help with?? Anything at all?

Grumpybluebear: no, lol. It's nothing, just normal college stress and that whole thing with Miko.

SixStringGuy: don't let that thing with Miko get to you. It happened and that's that. Move past it and live for today instead of dwelling on the past.

Shaking my head I give the screen a small laugh thinking about how I could apply his words to my real issue.

Grumpybluebear: yeah, you have a great point.

SixStringGuy: So...

Grumpybluebear: So...?

SixStringGuy: did you get a chance to check out the album I recommended.

Grumpybluebear: Yeah I did and thanks for the suggestion.

SixStringGuy: you know last week when you told me you had a question, that wasn't the question I was expecting.

Grumpybluebear: really?

My heart gave the loudest and heaviest thump I'd ever felt in my chest

SixStringGuy: yeah. Are you sure that was your question?

It felt as though he could sense my questioning glare piercing him through his computer screen how ever many hundreds of miles away. My fingers worked against the black keys without a second thought as to what they wrote.

Grumpybluebear: no that wasn't the question I intended to ask you, but there are certain subjects you don't discuss with people when they're engaged Jamie.

SixStringGuy: You're wrong. Me getting engaged doesn't change how we are. We're friends and we're just talking.

Grumpybluebear: so you know the question I was going to ask.

SixStringGuy: I believe so and you still can. I'll still answer you honestly.

Grumpybluebear: you mean to tell me you wouldn't be pissed at your fiancé if she answered that question for another man?

SixStringGuy: as long as she was only answering with words and not actions, then I don't care.

Grumpybluebear: that's bullshit and we both know it.

SixStringGuy: I know you're curious.

Grumpybluebear: it doesn't matter if I am or not.

SixStringGuy: I'd make your breath catch in your throat while you toes curl against the sheets. Your back would arch as you feel all you muscles contract then spasm causing your entire body to tremble, before you go limp from exhaustion, trying to steady your heartbeat and catch your breath. You've been with a boy for 8 years who couldn't make any of that happen. I know your curious what a man would do with you. You want to know how I would touch you, where I would touch you, that could cause that reaction.

Grumpybluebear: no.

SixStringGuy: just ask.

Grumpybluebear: not going to.

SixStringGuy: Have you at least figured out how to get your self off?

Grumpybluebear: I'm not having this conversation.

SixStringGuy: you could try it right now. I bet I could help you get there.

Grumpybluebear:  Stop it !

My cheeks were burning as I watched the screen waiting for his next statement. I cant lie, I am very curious, but the underlying tone to his conversation today didn't impress me. Something was different.

SixStringGuy: I'm sorry Sydney. I didn't mean to push.

Grumpybluebear: what's wrong with you tonight.

SixStringGuy: she's decided we're not having sex until the wedding. I tried to convince her we should get married next week, but she ain't having it. 

My laughter rang through the room and all the tension was suddenly gone.

Grumpybluebear: you poor thing.

SixStringGuy: I know you're laughing.

Grumpybluebear: well it is kinda funny.

SixStringGuy: sure it is. But I was serious. We don't change and you can ask any time.

Grumpybluebear: ok. I'll remember that my poor celibate friend lol

SixStringGuy: yeah keep laughing.

Grumpybluebear: Sorry.

SixStringGuy: anyways. Anything else new going on in your life.

Grumpybluebear: not much.  Oh I think I'll be going on vacation in December.

SixStringGuy: Hey that might be good for you. Have a little vacation romance ;)

Grumpybluebear: yeah I don't know about that lol. I've been talking with an old friend of mine and she wants me to fly out to visit her in early December. She thinks a change of scenery might help me get past everything.

SixStringGuy:sounds like a smart friend you got there.

Grumpybluebear:  yeah. So I've been looking at airfare prices. Looking like I might head out her way on December 6 or 7 and spend maybe a week.

SixStringGuy: well I hope its someplace tropical.

Grumpybluebear: anything but actually lol. She's in Minneapolis.

SixStringGuy: Oh.

Grumpybluebear: it's supposed to be pretty cold out there. You ever been there?

SixStringGuy: A few times. It is pretty cold that time of year. Make sure to pack layers.

Grumpybluebear: thanks. I'll keep that in mind :) Hey I need to go. Have an early morning meeting tomorrow. Next Sunday?

SixStringGuy: yeah, next Sunday. Talk to you the.