Grumpybluebear: So thanksgiving is in a few days. Got big plans?

SixStringGuy: yeah not so much. I don't know. It's all really up in the air still.

Grumpybluebear: oh, well it's a little last minute to still be figuring this out don't you think.

SixStringGuy: well I offered to hold it at my home with a menu I found suitable, but my future in-laws said no.

Grumpybluebear: um, ok?

SixStringGuy: they are demanding a "traditional" thanksgiving, but I'm vegetarian. So we would have tofurkey and meatless stuffing and all that. They promptly refused to attend, which then upset my fiancé and I was quickly deemed the villain. So I don't know what the hell we're doing. Or if I even want to participate in anything they plan. What about you?

Grumpybluebear: I'm sorry Jamie. If you lived around here is invite you to my parents house. Big family meal and all that and they'd love the challenge of cooking a meatless thanksgiving lol. That reminds me, I won't be on next Sunday, I'll still be heading back from their place at this time.

SixStringGuy: That's cool. I've got some stuff I need to catch up on anyways.

Grumpybluebear: why don't you spend the holiday with your family? You could each spend time with your own families, last thanksgiving without in-laws type of thing. Just an idea :/

SixStringGuy: that's a nice idea Sydney, but I'm not close with my family. That whole relationship is complicated.

Grumpybluebear: as soon as I started reading that I somehow knew it was going to be complicated ;)

SixStringGuy: you've got me all figured out :)

Our conversation had been going on like this for sometime now. Just biding time with small talk, it seemed like neither one of us was willing to discuss anything more serious. Leaning back in my black chair and putting my feet up on the slightly unstable lower shelf of my desk I tried to figure out what it is I really wanted to say. I wanted to talk about last week, but what the hell was I supposed to say? After his abrupt departure last week I'd taken his suggestion from a few months ago very seriously and I tried taking matters into my own hands, but I was never able to quiet get there; instead I just left myself more frustrated and convinced that I might be broken. The thought had concerned me and sitting her now it still does. I just wish I new how to ease into a conversation like this. He didn't seem to have any trouble with conversations like that and he didn't even ease into them, he jumped in head first. Rubbing my hands over my face I tried to shake the my frustrations and insecurities.

SixStringGuy: Sydney?

A deep breath filled my lungs and my fingers grew a mind of their own as they effortlessly flew across the keyboard.

Grumpybluebear: I tried after to got offline last week, but nothing.

SixStringGuy: What?

Grumpybluebear: never mind.

I'll be damned if I'm going to explain that to him I thought as I felt a blush creep over my cheeks.

SixStringGuy: Oh. Oh I see.  I was going to apologize for last week.

Grumpybluebear: oh

SixStringGuy: But you liked it.

Grumpybluebear: maybe. Did you...you know...

SixStringGuy: New rule. I understand your uncomfortable, but the only way to get over that is to face your fears. So, if you wanna talk about sex you have to use your words. Now, what was your question.

Squinting my eyes, I glared at the screen as if he could see me and my annoyance with this whole thing.

Grumpybluebear: Did you come while we were talking last week?

SixStrongGuy: Yes. Why do you think I had to go so fast?

Grumpybluebear: I thought maybe you were embarrassed.

SixStringGuy: lol! Sex and masturbation are both perfectly natural, I'd never be embarrassed. I signed off because I had to go clean up, I was a mess ;)

The image of a man at a computer, pants open and leaned back in relief flashed through my mind and it made me wonder what Jamie looked like.

Grumpybluebear: you fiancée still holding out?

SixStringGuy: Why? You wanna repeat of last week?

Grumpybluebear: no. I'm just curious. I just don't understand why she would refuse you if you guys have a satisfying sex life.

SixStringGuy: yeah I don't get it either. Something silly about being pure for the wedding. I tried to tell her those days are long gone, but she just got pissed.

Grumpybluebear: lol.

SixStringGuy: were you thinking about me when you were masturbating?

Grumpybluebear: Jamie I don't even know what you look like.

SixStringGuy: ok, but were you thinking about my voice and my words?

Grumpybluebear: I don't know for sure what your voice sounds like either.

SixStringGuy: so my words.

My foot was nervously tapping on the flimsy shelf as I thought about those words. I'd read them over a few times this past week and they were now seared into my brain.

Grumpybluebear: no one's ever talked to me like that.

SixStringGuy: What? You mean you and your ex never talked dirty to each other? Never had phone sex or cyber sex? What the hell did you do together for 8 years??

Grumpybluebear: we just had sex.

SixStringGuy: But, ok. And that's literally what you mean isn't it? You didn't branch out from there did you?

Grumpybluebear: ok, I'm done with that. I'm not going to give you specific details about my sex life with my ex.

SixStringGuy: or lack there of.

Grumpybluebear: Jamie!

SixStringGuy: Sydney.

He did not need a play be play of what Miko and I did, or mostly didn't do behind closed doors. Sure I was getting slightly more comfortable with the subject, but there was a line. There had to be some boundaries. And besides it was starting to feel like he was judging me for what I haven't done.

SixStringGuy: ok, let's go back to last week. Can we still talk about that?

Grumpybluebear: fine.

SixStringGuy: what turned you on more? Reading that I want to bend you over my desk? Or how I would make you touch me?

Grumpybluebear: why does it matter?

SixStringGuy: oh it does! It tells me something about you. Might help us figure you how to get you off sugar ;)

Grumpybluebear: touching you. Watching your body react to me. Tasting you.

My whole body blushed with my confession.

SixStringGuy: you liked that idea of tasting me? Maybe there is a freak somewhere in you. Have you ever done that, Sydney?

Grumpybluebear: no

SixStringGuy: have you ever tasted yourself?

Grumpybluebear: no

SixStringGuy: did he ever taste you?

Grumpybluebear: no

SixStringGuy: Well then. If I could get you dripping with just my words, would you taste yourself?

Grumpybluebear: Jamie, maybe we should talk about something else.

SixStringGuy: I'm serious. Would you? And would you tell me what you taste like? Describe it for me?

Grumpybluebear: I'm gonna go.

SixStringGuy: I think you would. And I think this conversation alone is getting you wet which is why you're leaving.

Grumpybluebear: Good night Jamie. Talk to you next month.

SixStringGuy: Night Sydney ;)