Sinking back farther into the unfamiliar white couch I let my eyes close and head rest back against the soft material as Mayte continued to aggressively pace the room; I'm tired of watching her little tantrum. My left hand rubs my temple as her sharp voice continued through what had quickly started to feel like an endless rant, that was in no way going to change my mind.

"I can't believe you. You know dancing is my life and now you'r just going to sit there and tell me you don't want me dancing in your shows anymore? What the fuck is that about." Arguing was starting to become the norm between us, it's exhausting. Lately we've been become exhausting.

"Please, tell me how it's going to look," opening my eyes and focusing my heated gaze on her, "if I have my wife prancing around on stage in barely any clothes. You know how that's going to look and what's going to be said about us, about our marriage, but most importantly about you."

"Oh but it's been fine for me to do that up until now? For the better part of four years Prince." Crossing her arms and standing with one hip jutting out, expectantly waiting my response.

"Don't call me that, you know that's not my name anymore." Sitting in this sterile feeling hotel in the middle of Tokyo is not where I wanted to have this conversation, but that's where it's happening.  We were spending this month here making up a few shows that got cancelled last June and for whatever reason I'd made the mistake of telling Mayte I didn't want my wife grinding up on stage with me.  I knew she'd be upset, but I thought she would at least be reasonable. She is currently proving me wrong.

"Well what the hell am I supposed to call you?" Her eyes were focused squarely on mine, an attempt at intimidation I could only assume, but she was no good at it. "Fuck it maybe I'll just catch a flight back to New York." She lifts an eyebrow at me, punctuating her words. There's a tension in my body at her remark, but you'd never know it from looking at me. She thinks she's being cute. She thinks she's being sneaky. Maybe she's forgotten who she's talking to.

"Now there you go again with New York. What's really there?" Her eyes were no longer trying to intimidate, in fact they were looking at anything other than me in this cookie cutter suite. Her body language softens as her arms fell to her sides and she straightens her posture slightly. "New York, remind me now, that's where you said you spent Thanksgiving with your family, but I know damn well you ain't got no family there." She huffed and walked out of the suite's sitting room and into the large living room.  Springing from the couch I follow her into the other room; I'm done with this shit. "Then after the VH1 performance you stayed in NewYork and spent half of December there. Christmas Shopping I think it was that time." Cocking my eye brow at her she threw an annoyed glance at me over her small shoulder before storming off yet again, this time into the master bedroom. "So now," walking in to find her sitting at the opulent vanity with her back to me, nervously shuffling through her makeup, "here we are in Tokyo and you are threatening to go back, not home," standing behind her, bringing my arms down on either side of her, resting my hands on the table and trapping her on the bench, "but to New York." My left thumb stretches over to play with her engagement ring, twisting it slightly along the curve of her finger. "So I'm going to ask you again, what is in New York?"  Our eyes meet in the bright mirror in front of us and her eyes tell me she can clearly see the rage and suspicion that's been simmering just under my surface for months now starting to bubble to the top. Her lips move as if words were teetering on coming out and I could almost see the words running behind her eyes, trying to find the right thing to say; the truth doesn't take this long. "Whatever game you think your running, remember I've probably done it before," her eyes grew bigger than I'd ever seen, "so think carefully mama, because I'm gonna know when you lie to me." Her young eyes left mine, shifting nervously over the top of the vanity as I remove my arms from around her frozen form.

I don't hear a single sound come from her as I walk out of the bedroom, leaving her to think over my words. I know what's going on, I'm not blind, but I am furious. I'd anticipated she's come clean by now and apologize so we can move forward with a clean slate. Pacing through the suite as I let my frustration, my hurt, over this whole situation, start to take over my entire being, flooding my mind with questions. Finally I find myself in the office, sitting in an unfamiliar chair behind an unfamiliar computer. I couldn't remember the exact time difference, but I logged on anyways. I told myself I wasn't going to do this while I was away, that I was going to take this time away from her to get my head straight; detox from her words. I barely new this girl, but I was painfully comfortable with her. I wanted to tell her everything, unload everything on her, talk through all these problems, but I couldn't. If she really knew who I was this would all be different, and it was too hard to talk about a lot of this under the guise of some fictional back story. I wanted her input, her opinion. I'd craved her opinion of our first meeting, even though it was only me meeting her. This isn't anything more than a crush, a crush on someone I didn't really know but had created in my head.

Grumpybluebear: Hey Jamie! I thought you were going to be gone for the month?

Filling my lungs with a deep breath I thought about her voice, I wanted to hear it again.

SixStringGuy: I'm still out of town, just had a little free time.

Grumpybluebear: ok. So, what are you up to?

SixStringGuy: just waiting for my fiancé to tell me who she's been fucking around with.

Grumpybluebear: what?! She's cheating again and you know?! What!

SixStringGuy: she's been spending too much time away, I've known something was up since Thanksgiving.

Grumpybluebear: has she admitted it?

SixStringGuy: not verbally, but her eyes did when I called her out today.

With a loud sigh I run my hand over my face, I just want to be done with this. I just want Mayte to be honest with me.  Tell me what's been going on, so we can fix it. So we can move past it and fix us.

Grumpybluebear: so the wedding's off?

SixStringGuy: I haven't even given that any thought. I don't know.

It's a perfectly valid question and I had no reason to be mad at her for asking, but I just didn't want to think about that. Not right now. About how many failed engagements I've been through in the last decade. I don't even get to the marriage, I fail right out the gate at the engagement, I thought to myself with a sad laugh. I honestly just want to succeed at this for once.

Grumpybluebear: Jamie you can't still be considering marrying her.

SixStringGuy: I don't want to talk about this right now Sydney.

Leaning back in the chair and crossing my arms over my chest I wondered if this is how the conversation would go if I was just any other friend of hers. If I was just her friend down the street and showed up at her door with all this, what would she say? A smirk lifting the right side of my lips as another thought came to me.

Grumpybluebear: ok, what do you want to talk about?

SixStringGuy: what would you do if Prince showed up at your door?

Grumpybluebear: ask him if he had my jacket ;)

Shaking my head with a quiet laugh.

SixStringGuy: that's it? Just give me my jack and shut the door in his face?

Grumpybluebear: No lol. But what does it matter anyways? That's never going to happen.

SixStringGuy: why not? It would be easy for him to find you right? I mean your friend is dating his security guy you said.

Grumpybluebear: huh, I'd actually never thought things that far through, but you're right. If he really wanted to it would only take maybe two calls for him to find me. Damn!

To be exact it took one phone call to get her address. I had John call Meg from my office a few days after I knew Sydney had left. Meg didn't even make me ask twice, even after I explained I wanted to return her jacket, Meg never offered to take care of it. She was perfectly content giving me the information and letting me handle it. At the time it made me wonder what Sydney had told her about that night, but I know she didn't say a word. She only told Jamie.

SixStringGuy: right. So again, what would you do? You'd probably freak out.

The idea of just showing up at her place had crossed my mind. Hell, a lot of things that involve Sydney have crossed my mind since we started talking and even more since I met her. But I couldn't do that. If we ever meet again she has to know who I am, that's only fair. As it is I feel like I've taken advantage of her.

Grumpybluebear: I don't think so. He was a very calming person to be around actually. I'd probably just invite him in for some coffee and conversation. You know, get to know each other as friends.

SixStringGuy: sure you would. Last time we chatted I'm pretty sure I actually heard you cream your panties just thinking about the guy, but yeah if he showed up you'd be totally chill ;)

Chewing on my bottom lip I as I wait for her to gather her thoughts and respond. Part of me loves pushing her buttons, it's not my fault sex seems to be the biggest button she has.

Grumpybluebear: oh shut up. I guess it was a mistake talking to you about all that.

Laughing quietly as I pictured her red faced and scowling at her computer screen. It was so easy to get her riled up, but if she really didn't like it she wouldn't keep talking to me.

SixStringGuy: I'm sorry sugar. That's just how it seemed last time we talked. But, here's another question, what would you do if I showed up at your door?

The longer it took her to respond the more I thought about telling her. Now would be a perfect time to do it, if I wanted to drop that on her through a chat session from half way around the world. Looking around the cold feeling room I realized that didn't seem right, telling her had to be more personal than that.

Grumpybluebear: and why would you show up at my door? Not to mention, how would you find me?

The question has obviously freaked her out.

SixStringGuy: I just meant if you ever told me where you live and then I showed up. But never mind. I do have something serious I want to talk to you about. Some things I want to tell you.

Grumpybluebear: what?

Now it was my turn to sit staring at the screen with my hands poised to start typing just as soon as I figure out why I wrote that. I want to show up at her door. I want to sit down and talk over coffee. I want all of that, but I don't think I'd get that from her. As soon as I'm not Jamie this will all have to change; everything will become more complicated and less honest.

SixStringGuy: Not right now, this is not a good time. Forget I said anything sugar.

The sound of the door opening caught my attention and I swiveled the chair around to find Mayte stepping cautiously into the room.

SixStringGuy: hold on a minute. I have to take care of something.

"Is that her?" Her voice was soft as she came over and stood next to me, leaning against the desk. "Your online girlfriend?"

"She's just a friend." My tone cold and empty.

"Would you fuck her if you met her?"

"That's doesn't matter and we're not talking about her." Her body language told me she knew this topic was shut down, but she didn't like it. "Do you have something to tell me?" Leaning back in the chair and crossing my arms over my chest as I wait for a response, nothing but awkward silence hanging between us as she looks down at her joined hands, fiddling with the ring I'd given her.

"We ended it in December, the day after you flew out." Her eyes refused to meet mine. "I stayed because I didn't know what to tell you and I was scared to come home so early. You'd have questions." I should have felt something, hurt or shock, but nothing. I felt absolutely nothing.

"Who?" That one word finally brought her eyes to me and I knew in that instant it was someone close and oddly enough that's when I felt something. She's done this before, she betrayed my trust, but now so had someone else and I hadn't seen it. "Tell me or I'm going to fire everyone on this damn tour, because he's obviously here."

"Come on, that's crazy, you can't do that." Shaking her head as she spoke and as though she thought I was crazy.  Like she thought I actually wouldn't do it. She wanted to call my bluff, too bad I wasn't bluffing. Without looking away from her I picked up the phone and dialed my tour managers room.

"Ian, yeah, I need you to get everyone into a conference room here in the hotel. What? No. I'm going to fire everyone right now."

"Babe!" Her voice caught in her throat making a squeaking noise.

"No Ian, I have my reasons."

"Mark. The guitar tech." She was in such a panic I could see her heart beat in the vein running up the side of her neck.

"Never mind Ian, I just need to see Mark. Yeah. We're going to need a new guitar tech." Hanging up the phone I watched as she reached a gentle hand out to brush over my cheek.

"I'm sorry babe, I don't want to lose you." Tears were building at her lower lash line. What did she have to cry about? She did this to herself.

"Don't touch me." Anger. That's what I heard in my words and I know she heard it too, but I still couldn't feel a thing.

"That's not what you said on New Years morning when you finally came to bed." Her entire demeanor changed. She's always thought she could placate me with sex, I've always let her think that.

"I don't want to look at you even. Stay in one of the other rooms on the floor. I don't want to see you until you have to come out on stage tomorrow night." Without a second thought I turned back to the computer screen and waited until I heard the office door close. With the click of the office door I finally felt something.

SixStringGuy: sorry about that.

Tears. Angry, confused, hurt tears falling slowly and silently.

Grumpybluebear: that's ok. I figured you were just trying to figure out where I live. You know, because you obviously want to show up at my door ;)

Drops of pain slipping over my half smile.

SixStringGuy: As long as you promise not to hurt me, I'd show up anytime, day or night.

Grumpybluebear: well I do make the best coffee around here. So we can drink coffee and talk until you feel better. I'm sorry for whatever just happened Jamie.

Rolling my bottom lip in, trying to stop its sudden trembling.

SixStringGuy: for what sugar?

Grumpybluebear: for whatever happened when you stepped away. Something changed :(

SixStringGuy: something...

Grumpybluebear: you tell me when you wanna visit. I'll make coffee and we can talk all about life and Prince. That'll make you smile again.

A pathetic laugh forced its way past my lips.

SixStringGuy: yeah we can talk all about that little dude.

Grumpybluebear: hey he's not so little. I actually think we were the same height. But I'm certain he's just a little thinner than me, he looked so thin.

SixStringGuy: no way that's true mama. He's bulkier than he looks.

Wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my black turtleneck sweater. Good thing I hadn't put on any make up yet I thought

Grumpybluebear: sure he is. Are you ok Jamie? Can I help?

Words I've almost never heard from the woman with my ring, but are given so freely from a woman I barely know.

SixStringGuy: thank you Sydney. I have to go.

Grumpybluebear: where you going? I'm a little worried about you tonight :/

SixStringGuy: I'm fine I promise. Have sweet dreams tonight sugar. I'm going to go fire a man who touched something that didn't belong to him.

Before she could say anything I logged off. Taking a few deep breaths and relaxing for a few moments in my solitude, I finally felt my eyes start to return to normal and my composure return. All the emotions I let peek out while chatting with Sydney were pushed back into their normal corner; hidden. With a final deep breath I stood and thought for one more brief moment about that coffee in her living room and how much I wanted to be there right now instead of here.

"Here we go." I announced to the empty room before turning the knob on the door and stepping back into my reality.