TW: DV

JIMIN: Lilly? Are you awake?

JIMIN: LILLY!

LILLY: Jimin it's so late at night, what's up?

JIMIN: Come outside.

LILLY: What?

JIMIN: Come outside, I'm hiding in your garage.

LILLY: Jimin, why are you here?

JIMIN: I need to talk to you.

LILLY: About?

JIMIN: Tomorrow night.

LILLY: What about tomorrow night?

JIMIN: I want to take you to dinner.

LILLY: Jimin...

JIMIN: I know you like Yoongi too, but I want to try one last time. Give me this chance, Lilly.

LILLY: Who said I like Yoongi?

JIMIN: I can tell.

LILLY: Jimin, I need to sleep...

JIMIN: It'll be quick I promise!

LILLY: Fine... I'll come get you.

. . . . . 

Jimin:

Jimin beams down at his phone, pocketing it excitedly. No matter what, he must try harder than Yoongi.

I will visit her at work, I'll buy her flowers, I'll send her cute messages, just like we were before. I won't let Yoongi take her from me.

Jimin bounces on his feet, waiting for Lilly to appear at the stairs leading from the garage to the apartments.

He hears little taps, running down the stairs. He beams as Lilly rounds the bannister and spots him. She smiles shyly, still in her pyjamas.

She gestures for him to follow her without saying a word. He jogs up the stairs, tripping every once and a while because he can't stop watching her.

Soon, they're in her apartment, standing a few metres from each other. Jimin steps forward shyly, ignoring Lilly's tell-tale blush.

"This is a nice apartment," Jimin peers around the corners into the rooms and living areas, "How many rooms do you have here?"

"2," she replies, shyly rocking on her heels.

"What are you going to do with the extra room?"

"Nothing yet, I'm planning on maybe having a roommate,"

"Huh? Seriously?" Jimin raises his voice, startling Lilly.

Lilly raises her eyebrows, folding her arms across her chest.

"What? Am I not allowed roommates? Do I need your permission for friends too?"

Jimin winces, already regretting raising his voice.

"I didn't mean it, Lilly, I got excited. It won't happen again," He steps forward, pulling her hands out of her folded arms.

"You make my emotions get all messed up. I don't know what's wrong with me," Jimin whines.

Lilly tugs from his grip, clearing her throat and folding her arms again.

"What did you want to talk about?"

Jimin sighs sadly, taking a step back.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with me tomorrow night,"

Lilly stares at him, mulling it over in her head.

Please say yes, please say yes...

"I guess..." Lilly frowns, "But as friends,"

Jimin winces again before deciding to ignore those last words.

I'll win her over! I know I will!

Yoongi will be the one begging me to leave her alone!

"Then it's a date," Jimin beams, "I'll pick you up at 7 pm?"

Lilly looks like she is going to say something, but decides against it.

"Sounds good," She smiles awkwardly.

Suddenly, Jimin can't take it. He steps forward and wraps his arms around her, enclosing her in his embrace.

Lilly immediately begins pushing on his chest, but he just tightens his grip.

"Jimin..." Lilly breathes, "Please let go,"

Jimin slowly releases her, keeping a firm grip on her shoulders.

Lilly looks up into his eyes sadly.

Don't look at me like that, please.

Not me...

. . . . . 

Lilly:

Today I worked with P-Dogg in his recording studio. I got to play around with all of the recording equipment they have around the building. So far, this would have to be my favourite day. I was worried that working at Bighit will be tiresome or different from what I wanted to do, but it's everything I have been dreaming of.

P-Dogg was very impressed with how well I understood the equipment. I even did well on the ones I've never seen before.

They have a lot of equipment here, things I had only heard of but never seen. They make music production so much easier.

Right now, I am at home getting ready for my date with Jimin. I'm not dressing up too much, but I am in a really chic mood in Korea.

I have decided on black, high-heeled lace-up boots with blue denim jeans. I have matched these with a long white singlet and a nice leather jacket I obtained when I went shopping during my first week here. I also have my hair down, styled in slight waves over my shoulders and down my back.

This outfit really matches my mood right now and it makes me feel independent and sexy.

I wonder if this is the style Yoongi likes?

I shake my head, frowning.

Yah! You shouldn't be thinking about Yoongi when you're about to go out with Jimin!

I bite my lip, feeling more and more guilty. I like Jimin, I really do, but I have a feeling he is more of a friend to me than a boyfriend. When we were in Australia, going on dates and eating together, I was happy. I enjoyed holding his hand, I enjoyed his company, and I felt happy around him. But right now, I have a feeling I was just swooned by him, looking at him through lonely, rose-tinted glasses. Now that I have gotten to know him, I don't get the butterflies anymore. Messaging him doesn't bring me the pleasure it used to 3 months ago.

But, then again, was I really in love with him but fell out of love when he started acting differently? Is it because I met Yoongi that my feelings subsided so much? Or am I really an evil girl who is playing with their hearts because I like the attention?

I push aside these thoughts as I finish getting ready. When I finish applying makeup it's 7 pm on the dot.

I decide to go wait downstairs for him.

I head to the door, my mind still straying to Yoongi.

We're just going out as friends, right?

Or do I want to confirm my suspicions?

As I open the door, I squeal.

Standing there with his fist up to knock on the door is Park Jimin, looking just as shocked as I am.

"Yah!" I smack him playfully, "You scared me! What are you doing standing there with your fist raised?"

Jimin just grins as he places his hand shyly on the back of his neck.

"Sorry," He beams, "Are you ready?" He asks, his arm out for me to take as I lock my door.

I nod as I take his propped arm. He leads me down the stairs and out into the garage. He has a car waiting there, driven by Jin.

"Hello lovebirds," He giggles, "Where are we headed?"

"Take us to that restaurant that has the private booths and back entrance,"

"Good idea," Jin nods as he leads us away from the house.

"How was your day?" Jimin asks, clasping my hand between his.

As I tell him about working with P-Dogg and getting to use the equipment he starts stroking my hand. Guilt bubbles in the pit of my stomach making me feel nauseous. Am I doing the wrong thing?

Finally, we arrive. Jin promises to pick us up in 2 hours and we thank him and exit the car.

At the back door, a waiter is waiting to take us in.

He gestures inside, and we head into a small hallway. One direction leads to an area behind the bar, and the other direction has 4 doors leading into private rooms.

These sorts of things must be really popular for businessmen and kpop stars who want to eat out with their friends in peace.

He leads us to one of the rooms, passing us a menu each before closing the door behind him. We take a seat.

"Woah, this is so romantic," Jimin purrs, glancing at the roses in the middle of the table.

"It is a bit," I mutter, looking through the menu.

"How about we order the platter? That looks tasty and has a lot of different things for you to try," Jimin grins as he shows me the menu.

"Sounds good," I smile shyly, letting him press the button for service. The waiter comes, takes our food and drink order, and leaves.

Jimin and I sit in silence for a while, awkwardly peering up at each other.

"Well, this is a lot more awkward than I was anticipating," Jimin leans forward, clasping my hand with his, "Tell me more about yourself, anything you haven't told me yet,"

I look down at our entwined hands, my emotions gnawing at the back of my mind.

"I've told you a lot about me already," I blush, "There isn't anything else to tell,"

"Well, tell me about the recent things I don't know," Jimin's finger brushes over my knuckles idly, "How's the new apartment? Has work been good for you? Are you enjoying Korea?"

I pull from his grip as an angry thought pulses through my mind.

I can't ignore this.

"You mean to tell you the things I've been wanting to tell you, but couldn't because you were ignoring me?" I mutter darkly, watching Jimin's expression fade. He remains expressionless as he decides what to say.

"You know why I was like that," Jimin replies blankly but I can feel his emotions boiling, "Do we have to talk about that now?"

"I feel like it's an important topic," I state firmly, "You can't expect me to be bubbly like before after the way you treated me,"

"Well, you were the one flirting with all my friends," Jimin snaps. I stare open-mouthed, shocked he has the nerve to say something so degrading.

"I have never flirted with any of your friends!" I reply sternly, "I never even flirted with Yoongi,"

"Don't mention Yoongi to me again, okay?" Jimin growls, raising his voice. I frown.

"No, Yoongi is your friend, he's my friend too. I'm not going to let you tell me who I can and can't talk to or about," I grumble, allowing the words I have been meaning to say to sink in.

Jimin scoffs, leaning forward as his eyes narrow.

"You want to talk about that guy right now? Is that all that's on your mind? Do you even think of me?" Jimin mutters angrily as he glares at me.

No, no fucking way, I am not letting this guy push me around.

"You haven't given me time to think about you. The only thing you've done is get angry at me and ignore me," Before I can continue, Jimin slams his hand on the table, startling me.

There's a knock on the door.

"Enter" Jimin yells. The waiters scurry in with the platter and the drinks. Jimin nods for them to leave and they scuttle out, obviously sensing the danger in the air.

I ignore him, starting on the platter and taking a sip from my drink.

How dare he treat me like this? How dare he treat me like I'm the one messing with his emotions? It's not my fault Yoongi started to like me. I can't control his behaviour and actions. Plus, I haven't exactly been encouraging Yoongi. If anything, I have been pushing him away. With all that happening, Jimin has been pushing me away. What do I even do with all that?

Jimin breaks the silence.

"So, I'll ask again, are you enjoying Korea?" He mumbles darkly. I scoff, understanding exactly what he's suggesting right now. He thinks I'll crawl under the rug and hide because he snapped at me.

Well, I'm not a pushover, mate. I'm an independent girl and no one can push me around!

I will never be the small girl I once was. I need to be firm.

I fold my arms and lean back, raising my eyebrows angrily.

"You'll ask again? You didn't get the hint the first time?" Jimin stares at me, a little shocked, but pulls himself together quickly.

"I want to change the subject," Jimin says firmly as if he's telling me off.

"What if I don't want to change the subject?" I ask angrily.

"You will," He snaps.

No, this is not happening.

I stand, pushing my chair back roughly. Jimin looks up at me a little startled before he stands up as well.

"W-What are you doing?" He asks, trying to pull himself together.

"This isn't working, Jimin," I say as-a-matter-of-factly, "If you'd like to be friends, we can. But I will not!" I pause, emphasising the last word, "I will not be with anyone who uses fear as a motivator, okay?"

"Please, Lilly, I didn't mean it. I just didn't want to talk about Yoongi,"

"SO?" I snap, causing him to wince, "Are you going to use fear to control me if we have a relationship? Are you going to guilt me into apologizing every time we argue? Because I am not going to be in a toxic relationship like that!" I pull my bag over my shoulder and head to the door.

"MIN LILLY!" My resolve falters as his anger vibrates through me.

Stay calm... this isn't like that time...

It'll never be like that time ever again.

I spin around to face him. He has taken a few steps closer to me, closing the gap. I gulp, ignoring the memories that flood my mind.

Just don't hit me. Please, don't hit me.

I can't stand my ground if you do.

"Are you really going to do this? Are you going to choose him over me?" He whispers angrily, leaning over me. My heart beats faster as my anxiety heightens.

"I'm not choosing anyone over anyone, I just can't be with you," I mutter through gritted teeth. I can't show him he's affecting me.

"ANSWER ME!" Jimin screams, suddenly slamming his fist into the wall beside the door. A small dent is left in his wake.

No... no, no, no, no.

My breathing becomes quick as my lungs beg for more air. I become dizzy and nauseous as unbidden thoughts come streaming through my head.

He's going to hit you.

He's going to bash your face in.

He's going to kill you in a fit of rage.

You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead.

"Lilly, I'm so sorry," I barely hear Jimin's words as I feel my legs grow weaker.

Run.

"Lilly? Are you okay?"

Run.

"Why are you breathing like this?"

Run.

My vision begins to darken around the edges.

Run.

"What's wrong?"

RUN!

I spin around and tumble out of the door, falling to my knees. I sense Jimin behind me. He tries to pull me to my feet, but I tug out of his grip.

I have to get out of here.

I stumble as I try to stand. Eventually, I realise where I am and head to the back door. I burst out, clutching my chest. I can hear a whistling every time I take a breath.

I hear Jimin call for me, but I don't respond, I just run.

I try to ignore the memories, but I can't. They stream through my mind like a film reel stuck on play.

"No! No! Get away from me! Don't do this!" I beg and beg as he bears down on me, his fists raised.

"I'm sorry! Please don't! Please!" I beg, but that never stops him. Nothing stops him.

Tears stream hot and wet down my cheeks. I try to wipe them away, but they fall down fast. I learnt to control my breathing 2 years ago, and I use the same strategies now.

After a while, I fall to my knees, curl into a ball, and cry. I try to be silent, but screams of anger and distress wrack my body.

So useless. So weak.

Can't even breathe properly.

"Useless..." I whisper as a violent sob leaves me heaving.

Useless, weak, whore, ugly, pathetic.

These words run circles around my mind as I try to control my heart rate and breathing.

Suddenly, I feel arms around me. I sit up quickly, ready to run if he's here to take me back. The man from my nightmares, the one I hoped to never see again.

I won't come back, I won't!

But no, it's a familiar face.

"Min Yoongi..." I whisper as I black out.

. . . . . 

I wake up a few hours later lying in bed. I freak out for a moment, unsure where I am. As I sit up I realise I am in my own apartment. I didn't recognise it after all the violent nightmares pulling me back into my first apartment after high school.

Don't think about that.

I take my advice and begin to get out of bed. Suddenly, I notice a figure standing in the doorway. I take a sharp intake of breath, the panic rising inside me. Then, I recognise the figure watching over me.

"Yoongi?" I whisper, standing up. Yoongi is watching me warily, trying to gauge if I'm okay.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his voice gruff.

"I am now," I mumble, rubbing my chest as the tightness and pain start to subside.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asks gently, moving towards me. I shrug, trying to decide what part I should tell him. Jimin is his friend, and I keep feeling like I overreacted because of my stupid anxiety. He gently guides me out of the room and into my living area.

"Well, can you tell me why Jimin has been ringing for the past few hours, and why his texts are very apologetic?" Yoongi asks, passing me my phone. I have 15 missed calls from Jimin and a lot of texts.

JIMIN: Lilly! Where are you?

JIMIN: Are you okay?

JIMIN: Lilly I am so sorry, I don't know what came over me.

JIMIN: Please answer my calls, we were so far from your house.

JIMIN: Don't walk home! Please!

JIMIN: Just tell me where you are so Jin can take you home. I won't be in the car I promise!

They continue on and on, begging, apologizing, and asking me where I am.

"Have you told him you took me home?"

"Not yet," Yoongi smirks, "I feel like he deserves what he's going through. Judging by how I found you..."

Yoongi's voice trails off, leaving questions in his wake.

Can I tell him?

Lilly, if you can't tell him, who can you tell?

I nod, resolute.

"I'll tell you what happened," I mutter, allowing Yoongi to lead me to the couch, "But first, let me tell him I got home,"

Yoongi nods, leaving me to compose a specifically worded text.

LILLY: Jimin, I'm fine. I'm home. I got a lift from a friend. I'll talk to you later. Don't call.

I put my phone down and turn nervously to Yoongi, who is waiting patiently beside me on the sofa. He is leaning back with his arm draped over the couch behind me. I want to lean into him, but I decide not to. Not yet.

I begin explaining why I was out and why Jimin was looking for me.

"A date?" Yoongi mumbles blankly, "Okay..."

I continue to explain how we had an argument and I refused to back down. At this, Yoongi smirks.

"Fair," He mumbles, encouraging me to continue.

I reach the point where Jimin yelled at me and hit the table. Yoongi stares at me for a moment. I can already feel his anger building. He takes a deep breath and mumbles gruffly.

"Continue,"

However, I can't continue. I can't explain how I got anxious because I was scared he was going to hurt me. If I do, then I'll have to explain why I have anxiety about that, and I have buried that part of my life for a reason. I don't want to talk about it. Who would?

Sensing my hesitation, Yoongi pulls me into him, so I am laying my head on the crook of his shoulder. I shuffle closer, breathing in his scent, his aura. It calms me almost instantly. I want to wrap my hands around his middle, but I ignore this impulse.

"It's okay, I think I understand what happened. He didn't hurt you, right? You just got scared?" Yoongi whispers, his breath tickling my nose.

I nod, even though 'scared' is definitely an understatement.

"It's okay, let's just stay like this, okay?"

I nod again, closing my eyes and allowing him to pull me even closer.

"We can talk about this stuff another time, together,"

I smile, feeling relaxed and content, as his breathing and heartbeat lull me into a deep, happy sleep. No nightmares in his arms.