Pretend

Maeve

My heart never felt tighter as I walked away. Fists closed, nails digging into my palms, I walk away. I walk away and like always he never says a word.

Do not show it Maeve. It is enough now. No more.

But I could see it in his face. He was hurting.

And I did that. I hurt him.

But I was hurt too. And he did this.

I could feel the thin string of hope holding us together, pulling, slowing ripping, breaking us apart. I denied ever loving him. Still loving him. Fighting the tears threatening to weaken me, I bite the corner of my lips until I start to taste copper.

Loving him was pain.

Entering the lift that arrived just in time, I turn around to see a glimpse of something sparkle against one of his cheeks. But I remain glued to my spot as the metal door slowly encases me in itself, letting me know it was safe now.

I was free to let myself out and say my goodbyes.

Loving you is pain. I wish to have never known you. Let this be the last time we meet like we know each other. Let's part ways. Let's say goodbye.

And if you ever see me in the sidewalk, walk away as if you have forgotten me. Walk away as if you never knew me. Like a stranger to another. Erase me from your mind, your life.

And I too will forget my heart ever knew you. Erase the memory of your warm eyes, your softest touch.

And I will walk away and pretend this heart still doesn't skip a beat every time you pass by. I'll hold my breath, so the shuddering of my soul doesn't remind you to think 'That girl. I think I have met her somewhere before.'

And I will pretend like I never loved you.

Goodbye love. My first love.

My only love.