My summer crush

Maeve

"That's the last of your stuffs, Mo." Aleks huffs loudly, exhaustion laced in her voice. She falls on the plush sofa packed with the fluffiest creamy cushion.

Dragging my foot over to her, I too let my heavy body fall on its softness next to her. "Ah." I sigh out loud and lay my head back, watching the city outside upside-down through the tall glass wall. "I'm tired." I close my eyes and breath out. My head feeling lighter.

"So am I, girl. I feel like I could sleep for years without ever waking up." I hear Aleks groan beside me, making me chuckle tiredly.

"You got that right." I mutter in agreement, placing my head further back. Tiredness was an underestimate of what I was feeling. I was beyond exhausted and ready to hit the soft cosy mattress across the hallway or better yet just sink deeper into this layer of softness.

"Promise me that you are not moving again." She grunts and I could feel the intensity of her grey eyes digging holes on the side of my face. "If you make me do this one more time-"

Opening my eyes, I turn to face her, my head still resting on the sofa. I give her a wicked smile and watch the grey in her eyes disappear in the back of her lids. Placing both her palms over her face, she moans and grunts at me.

"But don't you worry, I promise that will be the last. I will not move after. Then I will settle." I sink further down staring at the white ceiling dreamily. I could almost paint my life in this blank canvas. "You know that I always want to live-"

"-in a mansion." She finishes my sentence and I give her my best mean glare, correcting her. "Nice, warm, cosy little house that I can call home."

"Yeah. I have seen the 'little' houses that you keep on showing me repeatedly." She emphasis the word with her hands, mocking me.

But I just continue painting my very own little world on the canvas of the ceiling. I know my definition of little was not so little. Although, I loved to live in flats, I always envisioned myself living the rest of my life in a nice house with a big open garden that stretched over miles. The interior a perfect replica of the current room I was in, wide open, modern and with monochrome colours. That will be the place that I will one day call my home.

"Tell me Mo, what's so bad about living in a flat? If you even call this a flat." She scans the room that we are in before her eyes settles back on me.

"I don't hate it. In fact, I love it here." I too wonder my eyes dreamily around the luxury in front of me with a satisfised grin on my face. I do. I like this place a lot. I don't mind living here. "But I just cannot see myself living here for the rest of my life."

Exhaling a breath, I get off the sofa and turn around to get a full view of the place. "I see it more as a getaway place than a home. Somewhere to spend a week, a month even. Clear my head then return home." I smile to myself as I envision an older me, standing in front of the glass window, overlooking the beautiful view outside.

Ah. It was a dream. It-

"Okay. I get it. I'm hungry now. Let's go get something to eat before you have to drag my dead body from here." Aleks literally pulls me out of my thoughts, grabbing my arm and dragging me towards the door while shattering my dreams all the while. I roll my eyes but obediently get tugged along.

"What a friend I have." I mutter knowing that she heard me loud. But like always she pays no heed to my words as she carries on.

Since the building I moved to was in the central, we didn't have to look further for a nice restaurant. And when I saw a Thai restaurant in the corner, it was decided. I loved Thai and even more so after the few months that I spent there, years ago. Nothing beats the originality of the place itself, but I indulge them for the sake of the old, happy times. Even if everything disappears, memories stays for life.

We sit by the window, the interior, rich and classy. Glass chandelier decorated the ceiling, scattering its unique brilliance. I was surprised that I had never been here. I was a foodie. I mean like I loved- loved, absolutely all kind of foods. I was never a picky eater, but I do have my likes and dislikes but Asian food in general. I died for.

Maybe it was due to my oriental background. Although I was born here, I have perfectly inherited my Asian parents' genes. Like my ever so black hair and brown eyes. I was a typical Asian. One that you could pinpoint from far. One that could easily blend in the community as long as they didn't open their mouth.

Because unlike my looks, my accent separated me from them. The language barrier even more so. Although I understood perfectly well, speaking the language was always a little difficult.

And to top it off, my carefree attitude and my loud personality, I could never blend.

"You always get the same thing." Aleks complains yet again. I lean forward and put my elbows on the table, placing my chin on top of my intertwined knuckles. "Because I know what I like. And when I like something, I don't go for anything else. I don't need to."

I taunt her. My lips pulled up at one corner and an eyebrow raised. "Ow." I rub my forehead as I feel the pain caused by the flick of her finger. No matter how often she does that, I never seem to be able to avoid it. And like always, I get flicked on my forehead. But I asked for it.

"Aleks, you-"

"Forget Aleks for now. Remember the guy." This time she leans forward on the table with twinkling eyes and a big grin on her face. "You kept mentioning him so much when you just returned from Thailand." She bites her lower lip and wiggles her eyebrows, wanting me to spill more juice.

I take my hands off my forehead after giving it one more rub and exhale loudly, leaning my slouched shoulders back on the chair. Ah, him again.

I look out the window, tall lamppost and the string of bulbs across the street, lighted up the dark night. He did cross my mind over the years. I mean he was hard to forget. He was my only-

I release a deep breath as I reminisce that day once again.

With dark brown hair and those equally dark eyes, he was impossible to forget. Till this day, my heart squeezes a little at the mention of him. I still remember his tall nose, thin lips and his strong jawline. He was a man craved to perfection. Flawless even.

Even in his uniform, just a glance and one could tell that he was well-built. He looked strong, reliable and most of all with my encounter with him, I knew that he was kind.

He was the first to ever flutter this iron heart of mine.

There was just something about that man. He pulled me into those deep pool of black and sucked me right in. I felt this- this attraction towards a man that I had known no less than a moment. As if he were some angel that fell right from heaven. He was just magnificent, and he shined through his invisible halo. His pureness reflecting even through his inhumanely humane self.

But I don't think he noticed those glances that I sent his way as I looked back at him while he pushed the cart forward. His muscular arms, bulging even more so, veins popping out, showcasing the numbers of hard trainings he had gone through. He made my heart go wild. This man that I wanted all for myself.

But he seemed quite reserved. He didn't say much. No. He said nothing at all.

Not even when the tips of my fingers brushed against the palm of his hand. Just a touch and it ignited so much in me. Just me though.

I clearly remember clenching my hands so hard until my knuckles turned white, wishing, no praying for the almighty to make a miracle happen. Hoping that he will call out to me. I still remember the tight knot that formed in my heart as my lips remained sealed tight in a straight line, as I walked away and as he never called out.

That day, I walked away with a heart as heavy as steel, but my footsteps as light as a feather.

Something in me begged me to hold onto my thoughts. Maybe, just maybe he would return. So, I waited in a false belief that he would come back again. Days passed by, then a week. A month even. But he never returned. So, I did.

In a blink of an eye, it was time to say goodbye to that place and the memories that it held, including him. I returned home, never to see or hear from him ever again. He existed only in my memories. Maybe I did in his too. But I doubt it.

I smile as the bittersweet memories takes me back to my past that got lost in time. He does cross my mind every so often. His brilliance never erased from my mind. Years passed and I still though of the man that I met that one summer day.

Probably because that was the only time that a man or anyone even, made my heart flutter so. I was never known to be quiet. To be reserved. I had opinions and I let it out loud because I was raised to do so. But the moment that man entered my life that day, I lost my tongue, forgot my voice, I became mute. He made me nervous. Me.

And my thoughts ate me up for the first time in life. My thoughts full of 'what ifs'.

What if I stopped him first? What if I held on? But what if he didn't feel the same about me? What if he didn't like me at all? What if he runs a thousand miles away after I confess my feelings? What if- Damn those what ifs.

It just ruined my chances. And my 'what ifs' were left unheard. Unanswered.

"Yes, I remember."

The city lights buzz with life. Couples walk hand in hand, strolling, enjoying the night, the city. While I sit inside, watching others inhale their joy in life. "He was just someone that got lost in time."

I sigh as I look at Aleks' expectant face, which soon turns sour after I'm done with my words. "Don't say it like that. You might get to see him one day."

"And as hopeful as that sounds, it is already too late now, don't you think." I quirk my eyebrow.

"Yeah, right. Sorry, I forgot." She looks at me guiltily.

"No, don't worry about it. We already missed our timing, passed one another. Even if we were to meet again, we would just be strangers that once had an encounter in one point of our lives."

Not liking where this was heading, I was glad when the waiter just got to our table with platter full of our delicacies. And with a grumble of my belly and a clasp of my fingers, the conversation was dismissed for now. But not from my head. It will forever reside there.

"Girl, I'm starving." Aleks starts digging into her delicious looking bowl and I do the same, nodding my head, but my mind miles away.

As always, I will just let him sit there, by the corner of my heart, right at the far back and slowly push it to the back of my subconsciousness. From where even I will never be able to bring it back from. I will hold him there as a reminder that this iron heart of mine, did flutter. Even if it was just once. Even if it was for the right person whom I met at the wrong time.

My summer crush. My 'the one'.

That came into my life like a flake of snow which soon melted the moment it landed on my palm. He was the snowflakes that rained upon my life that one summer day. Whom I could grasp in the palm of my hand but would eventually just vanish, melt away into nothing...

To me, he was just unattainable.