One Summer Day

Landon

The day I was dreading for has finally arrived. I remember when I used to not give it much thoughts. I always assumed that to be the way of life. But now, not so much. When the only girl to ever cross my mind was just her, I could not bear to be with anyone else.

Now that I stand in front of the full-length mirror and watch the reflection staring back at me, I see a man that is not me. He was fully dressed in his military uniform, ready yet not, to be committed to someone for life. The unhappiness lingering in the depth of his eyes which had turned dull over time could not be hidden any longer.

I did not want this anymore.

Even after all these years, her face still invades my thoughts. The image of her as clear as I had just met her the other day. I can still hear that melodic voice ringing through my ears and that enticing smile of hers surfacing in the back of my head makes me hope again.

But even if I had a package full of hope, giving me a whole lot of reasons to deny all this, I know that this could not be stopped. Not anymore. I had all these years to defy, but I had remained silent. Silent as the day she bid her farewell.

"You ready Lan?"

Marten opens the door just wide enough for him to stand between them. He knows just as much as I, that I was not. I don't think I will ever be now that I have met her, but with a curt nod of my head, I look at the man in the mirror one last time and move towards the door.

Marten holds the door wide open for me as I march towards him, but I halt and take one last deep breath before I exit the room. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. I guess I just wasn't meant to have her in this life. Maybe god will be kind enough to let me have her in the next one.

And when Marten taps my shoulder, I straighten up and walk forward, towards a life that was spread out for me. A life I was chosen to lead since birth.

I walk into the big but vacant hall with empty chairs, lined perfectly, rows after rows with a table at the front. There stands my parents on one side of the table and hers on the other side, dressed for a celebration of my sadness, along with a smartly suited elderly man at the centre of the table with a broad smile plastered on his face, ready to tie me for life to the said my 'the one'.

And there she sits on the chair in front of the table, her back facing me, covered in pure white fabric from head to toe, a sign of purity and innocence. The thick veil tries to cover her head, but the dark shade of her hair in a high bun still peeks through. And with one last look at my mother's tearful smile, I force a tight smile on my face and command my legs to advance forward.

'You can do it. You just need to print your name on a piece of paper and that's it.' I tell myself. But what's 'it'? That I'm ready to commit to her for the rest of my life? A girl, I just know as the daughter of my parent's friend.

A girl I know nothing about...

It was the truth. I don't know anything about her. Not even her name. Ever since I can remember, I have always been told that there was this girl that I would one day marry when I grow up. They had planned this even before our birth. Two best friends promised their children to one another, if they were born of opposite gender. What a cliché.

They have always talked about me and her for as long as I remember. They have even given me her pictures, set dates for us numerous times but fate decided that we shall not meet till this day.

I never gave it much thought as the path in my life has always been laid out there for me. And so, I never found a need to ever meet her or see her face or even know her name if one day we shall be together for life.

However, I never looked at other girls as anything but friend because in the conscious part of my brain, I always knew that I had someone for me. As she was promised to me, I too was promised to her. So, I just couldn't.

But why was it that when I saw her, all thoughts about those promises never crossed my mind once? Why was it that even the conscious part of my brain shut down? That one moment, I forgot about everything as my senses forged her face into my mind and imprinted her into my heart. Into my soul.

Now what?

I was heading towards the path of my life that I could never turn away from. She waited for me dressed in white, filled with promises of eternal love and care from both our parents. Like a good daughter, I heard that she was, she sat there silent, no words of resilient or opposition for the decision that was made for her life. She remained as quiet as the vacant space around us.

The loud tap of my shoes mimicked by Marten', the only sound that filled the hall as I take slow steps towards the front. My hesitant steps marched forward, opposing my turmoil thoughts. But as always, time was not on my side as I now stand right behind the empty chair meant for the man that was ready to make a commitment. For the man that was ready to say, 'I do'.

It was meant for me.

Clenching my hands into a tight fist, I take a seat, my eyes solely on the elderly man who too sits himself down. "Welcome everyone, we are gathered here today..."

The voices mutes as I focus on the sound of my heartbeat. It was now slowing. Beating almost lazily. Like it wanted nothing to do with what was happening here.

Yes. I didn't care anymore.

I will erase her from my memories like I should have done years ago. She was like the passing air that bought along a breath of fire in my life. Now that the fire was gone, there was no point in just adding fuel after fuel to save the flame that had long been extinguished. The fire had doused and so had she.

Just then the man passes me a sleek black coated pen with a freshly printed copy attached to a hard cover. And without a moment's hesitation, I take the pen off him and decorate the bottom of the paper with its black ink, signing my life away. Then placing the pen down, I slide the papers over to her, silently exhaling the heaviness in my heart.

Soon a pair of tiny, gloved hand reaches out for the pen, and just as she starts to draw the lines with her own name, I face the front. 'It' was done.

The elderly man closes the cover with a bright smile on his face like he had done some good to this world. "And with this, I pronounce you husband and wife." Joining of hands rings the silent hall as our parents celebrate the festive in pure joy. Happy that the dream they once envisioned had finally come true. They come forward and hug me and her, calling out congratulations to us and to one another.

While I put on my best smile as I circle my arms around them and lightly pat their back, trying my best to reciprocate their happiness. But the more the happiness oozes around me, the more my heart starts to thump as if it had finally decided that it has had enough.

It clenches tightly in my chest and for a moment it makes me feel as if I won't be able to breathe anymore. But it does nothing more, apart from giving me an immense pain. No, it wasn't physical pain, but it hurts more than an open wound ever could.

So, this is what heartbreak feels like, huh? I never knew that someone I didn't even share one percent of my life with, could bring so much heartache. F*** it hurts.

But with this, I truly had let go of any hope as I declared myself as someone else. I look at the silhouette of the girl, dressed in white, who now stood there as my wife. A part of my life now. Her back still facing me as she stands surrounded by our parents. Needless to say this now, but I somehow felt guilty.

Guilty that I may possibly have ruined her life. If I had voiced myself before and stopped this, maybe, just maybe, she could have had a chance to be with someone else. A man who would love her like she deserved because now, I can never love another like I did her. My heart and soul has already imprinted her face on them, her melodious laughter, her angelic voice. She was my the one. The only one.

And now she was my nothing.

I'm hauled out of my thoughts and shoved to her side, almost tackling her small shoulder. Our parents come on either side as Marten stands in front of us with a camera in his hand. Flashes after flashes of photographs are taken as a memory of today to remind me how I had denied her existence.

Not wanting to further fuel my sadness as the day undoubtly stretches further and further, as if mocking me, I turn my back to her and face my ever-joyful parents.

"Mom. Dad." I call aloud to get their attention and everyone quietens upon hearing my voice. "It's time."

A hint of sadness takes over my mother's face as she steps forward and takes my hand in both hers. "Can you not wait an hour longer?" She starts pleading, going back on her own promise already. The only promise I ever took from her.

I bring my other hand and rub the back of her hand gently. "You promised." I remind her to which she gives a sad smile. My father places a hand on her shoulder and smiles proudly at me while nodding his head.

"He'll be back in no time, dear. Let the man go." I smile at my dad and nod my head in acknowledgement. "And it will be the last goodbye anyways. After this you get to see him whenever you want to."

That seems to do the trick. My mother pulls me down as she puts her arms around my neck. "Oh, I will miss you." She gives me one last squeeze and placing a kiss on my cheek, she finally lets me go. I quickly hug my father and turn to face her parents and give them a quick hug as well.

I briefly take a look at her back who was now talking with Martens, her white veil concealing her view from me.

"Let's go Marts." I break their conversation and turn around just as they both look at me. "It was nice meeting you. I guess I'll be seeing you more often from now on." I hear Marten say, but I don't hear her say anything back. Maybe she replied with a nod of head or a smile, that I don't know.

I feel two hard smacks on my shoulder as Marten walks ahead of me. "Let's go then."

With a shake of my head and a loud sigh, I take a step before I pause. I guess I was being a little rude. Mean. Heartless. I was being cruel.

Even though I felt like my world was crumbling apart, I couldn't ruin someone else's just because mine couldn't keep standing any longer.

I turn my head a little to the side so I could see the lines of her silhouette in my peripheral vision. "I'm sorry. Take care." I clear my throat and start walking out the hall. That was all I could say to her. I had no more words for her.

One more chance. One last excuse. It was all I had to lengthen the time to be with her memories.

And after this, I will have nothing. This will be the last time that I will put on this uniform and leave. I have promised my father to help him with his business. Five years was all I had asked of them. To call it my freedom.

And I had promised to do everything they wished me to. To marry the girl of their dreams.

But with only a few months left to hit the five-year margin, I couldn't deny that fact anymore. Although completely aware, I chose this day to be wedded. Hence, the not so large gathering nor any celebration for the top businessman's children.

This bought me time. A little bit more time to be with her. Just for a while longer before I had to completely erase her from my memories. My thoughts. But I guess never my heart.

She will forever remain in my heart as some who came into my life that one day and changed everything. Without a name, she was just a ghost that I had an encounter with...

...that one summer day.