Happiness

Landon

"Come on now. How much work could you possibly have?"

Marten sits bored on the sofa as I stay glued to my computer screen, meaning to complete week's work before the night ends. All my focus on the bright screen, not even a minute's break, or my mind will wander back to her face from this morning. Of the swaying of her hips, her elegant strides, of how she smiled through her bittersweet words, of how she once again walked away, and I just watched, unable to stop her. To hold her.

"Come on, Landon. Let's do something tonight. I even left work early today so we could hang out, get some drinks. Just anything but let's get out of here, Lan."

His whine continues as he slides on the sofa, further down with every passing hour. But I sit firm to my decision. To complete the task at hand. But then my phone's screen lights up announcing an incoming message.

Without giving it much attention, I now flick through the pages in my hand. But then again it lights up, and again a minute later. Sighing, I shut my eyes for a brief second before I reach for the phone when another notification comes through. And I just freeze.

It was her.

The last time she sent me anything included him. The man she loved.

And as the image of them together invades my mind, my grip on my phone tightens. No wonder she was hesitant to answer when I asked about us.

"And now, I guess it doesn't matter anymore..." She had said.

But it does matter. Her happiness matters.

If being with me is stopping her from loving whoever her heart desires, then she'll never be happy. And knowing that her smile is not genuine, I will never be able to let the guilt off my heart.

So, I chose to let her go. When I can. Before I fall so deep that I won't be able to live without her constantly by my side. Before I need her scent in every breath I breathe. Before I go insane.

But why...

But why do I want to hold her so tight when I have already decided to let her go? Hide her deep in my embrace so no one will see her. So, no one will take her away from me.

A déjà vu surges through me as I see a photo messages once more, making me scared of what it might hold.

I was not ready to see anything like last time. But regardless of my plea, my finger clicks the notification, and it immediately pops open with a picture of her. With another man.

Or rather the same man.

My world falls apart. I thought letting her go was the best thing to do. But why is it that when she is happy... in another man's embrace... it feels like my heart is getting stabbed through and through? Like I am slowly dying with the poison I fed myself.

But somehow at the same time, I feel betrayed. God, it hurts.

She was cruel. Why would she do this to me? Was this her revenge for all the hurt I have caused her?

I know I was harsh, mailing her the divorce paper. But I would never be able to do anything in front of her. I would never be able to tell her to leave me. No, I could never.

Then another message comes through. It was an address.

Without a second thought, I get up my seat and grab my coat, heading straight for the door. "Hold on, you done already? Where you going now?" Marten follows right behind.

"For a drink."

"Could have said so." Chuckling, he rubs his palms together as he follows me in the elevator.

"Alright."

***

I scan the dark corners of the club as soon as I enter. However, the dim light was not in my favour, I could hardly tell people apart. And with it constantly flashing a different shade every second, I was as good as blind. And the music on top was not helping much, except make my heart even more anxious and afraid than it already was.

Just where are you?

I inch further inside, my desperate eyes hungry for her. Clenching and unclenching my fists, I look around until I see the back of a girl, covered almost in nothing, sinfully moving her curvy hips against him. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. She was not mine.

But I just couldn't help it.

"Where are you going now?"

I don't think as I take long strides towards them, unbuttoning my coat as I get past a couple of people on the way. I snatch her by her waist, slamming her against me and drape my coat over her body which struggled to be let free.

"You're drunk?"

With eyes closed, she rolls her head up, a wide smile on her angelic face. But the strong scent of alcohol wafting off her makes me clench my fist tight.

"Yes sir, I am. And you know why because today I'm free." It pricks a little but then she giggles like a child, and every thought, every hurt melts away... Just like that.

"Ay, back off man. Who the hell are you? Mo baby, come here." The man reaches his arms for her.

"George, there you are. I was wondering where you went." And she too reaches for him, but before she can move out of my arms, I pull her right back, flush to my chest.

"No."

"And you are?" The guy questions again, squinting his eyes to get a better view of me.

"Her husband." I possessively place one hand on the back of her head and place it on my chest, the other already snaked around her waist. "Who are you?"

"Husband, you say?" He laughs like I had told him some kind of joke. "Well, I though her husband-" He mocks me raising his eyebrows. "-already divorced her. So, with what right are you stopping me-"

"She's mine." I seethe back between my clenched teeth, already hating those papers that now sat in my office drawer, shredded in pieces.

But when I think that he will raise hell, fight back like all possessive lovers do, I'm quite taken aback when he puts both his hands up as if in surrender. He then returns back to the sofa where a boy sits with his head rested on the side, equally as intoxicated as her.

"Wow. Umm..." He clears his throat.

"I wasn't expecting you to confess that quick. And here I thought I would have to do a lot more than that." He raises his glass to me. "But it wasn't that hard to admit it now, was it? See, it's that simple." After taking a sip, he shakes his head and spreads his arms wide on the sofa, leaning back.

"How about you try telling that to her when she comes about? Or are you waiting for someone else to do so and take her a-"

"She's mine!"

"As I said, say that to her." He simply states, leaving me baffled, making me even more curious about his identity. And his relationship with her.

"Just who are you exactly?"

"Sorry man forgot to introduce myself. But it's kind of is your fault really." He clicks his tongue, making me look anywhere but him.

"My name's George. Mo's best friend." He reaches out his hand, but my heart filled with jealousy, I cannot even bare to look him in the face.

Best friend huh? He was still lying even though he was clearly the one to send me the pictures tonight. He even has access to her phone. It only fuels my anger the more I think about it. "Never heard of you."

"Had you been around her enough, you would have known all her friends including myself." He chuckles, muttering loud enough for me to hear as he looks away for a moment.

"Of course, you haven't, and I could say the same right back at you, but I would be lying if I did." He mumbles the last part, but again, I hear him clear as the beat drops to a slower tune.

He sighs, the playful smile now gone from his face. "Look man, I don't know why you did what you did. Including all those other things in the past. But looking at you right now-" He scans me as I stand there possessively holding her body. "-even a blind person can tell that you want her. So, what game are you trying to play here?"

I clench my jaws and look away from him for a second. I hear him sigh as he continues, shaking his head. "I just want her to be happy. And this-" He points his hand at her who's now completely submerged in me.

"- this- whatever you are doing is not making her happy."

Sitting straight, his hard eyes glares at me. "You clearly do care about her. And you don't even deny it. So why would you do that? Why are you pushing her away from yourself when you want her just as much? And when she is already yours too? You know that there's no going back from where you are headed to right now?"

I look at the crown of her head as she remains still in my hold. "I want her to be happy too. I want her to love whoever she wants." I look back at him, fists hidden under the curves of her waist. "For once in her life, I want to give her a choice. A chance to do what her heart desires."

"But what if you are her only choice? What if you are the one her heart desires? What if you are her happiness?" I look him hard, jaws clenched tight. Oh, how much I wished his words to be true. If only they were all true.

"And what if you just snatched her only chance at happiness? Have you thought about that?"

But that can't be true. I know she'll never be truly happy with me because she loves him. She's only with me because of our parents. Her laughter will cease from her life if I tie her down with me. Even if it hurts, I need to let her free of this knot that binds her to the ground, to me.

"She has someone else who can keep her happy." I stare at him, keeping my hold tight on her. But I know that whatever his answer was, I wouldn't be able to let her go anymore.

"And who might that be?" He shrugs his shoulder, looking around.

"I'm not stupid. I know you... and her-" But before I could even finish my sentence, he starts laughing like he had lost it. "Wait. Wait. Hold on now a second, you thought-" He huffs in disbelief and shakes his head. "Now why would you think that there's something between us?"

"Don't try and hide it. I know it was you on that video. And the pictures just now too, clearly it was you who sent them to me. What more proof do I need-"

He turns to the boy beside him and snakes his arm around his waist, pulling him up and onto him. The boy in turn wraps his arms around his neck. "Meet my boy, Liam. Also, Mo's best friend."

There's something in his eyes when he looks at the boy. Pulling his chin up, he kisses him on his lips and chuckles when he groans. Even in this dim light, I can tell that he was the one he loved.

Then looking back at me, he smirks. I know how shocked I must have looked. I must have looked hilarious. "Sorry man, Aleks made us do it. It seemed like you didn't care enough about our friend here, so she thought to tease you a little. Damn didn't know that it would actually work though."

He shakes his head. "You really are stupid."

I release a breath in disbelief. But boy, was I glad. "So, you are telling me-"

"I'm telling you that there's no man in her life-" He points at himself. "-definitely not me-" Then he points at me "-other than the obvious. But you messed up big time man. It's going to take a lot more than apologies and hard work to bring her back. She's one strong willed woman. Once she sets her mind, it's hard to stop her or bring her back even."

He whistles a breath out and chuckles. "I can only wish you all the luck, man."

"Thanks for ruining this for me."

He chuckles hard but when the boy in his arms starts shuffling, he immediately stops and softly caresses his hair until he stills again. "Well that one's on you though. But hey if you need some advice, feel free to come to me. I'll fill the rest once they come around."

Rolling my eyes, I carry her in my arms. Just then the same guy from the office comes in. "Sir, may I?"

"That will not be necessary. I'll bring her home myself." I simply decline him, my jealously sipping in as I see him hovering around her again. Why were there so many men in her life?

"Let him, Henry. Why don't you worry about Aleks? Where did she disappear to now?"

I slip away from them, not caring about their conversation. I had what I needed right here in my arms and that was more than enough. Happiness. I'll shower her days with it. Love. I will unconditionally.

***

Gently laying her on my bed, I pull the cover over her body and sit beside her. Her black hair sprawled across the white fabric tempted my fingers to play with them. Her skin glowed in the light, peeking through the tall glass wall. God she was beautiful. And mine.

"Never again."

I place my palm against her soft cheek and gently caress her with my thumb. "I'm so sorry."

I was not deserving of her forgiveness. "But I'll do anything to earn it. Anything."

Just then she nudges her face into my palm. "I'm sorry Maeve."

She turns her body to the side, my hand now a pillow to her face. She then snakes her small fingers around my arm and holds it tight as she once again lays still, deep in her sleep. A smile escapes my lips as I lay beside her making sure not to disturb her.

"It's okay if you never forgive me. It's okay if you never accept me. It's okay even if you never love me." I place my free hand on top of hers. "Even if your happiness lies somewhere else, I'll forever only love you. I'm all yours."

I bring her hand over my heart. "Here." Placing it there, I too close my eyes.

"This heart too is now in your hands."