It was the worst hours of my life.

Helen had collapsed and had been carried to the treatment room for emergency fluid resuscitation. Of Caroline, Tobirama and the other soldiers, there was no trace.

"What do we do now?" the woman who had comforted me asked.

"We wait", Lana said. "We wait and we pray."

I sat down in a corner and hid my face in my knees. I counted the seconds for one minute, then another. I came to forty-one minutes before I couldn't bare it no longer. I stood up and walked back and forth. Lana came and gave me a yoghurt flapjack with sultana, which I ate dutifully because I knew I should. One hour passed. Then two. Then three. Four.

"How long will it take?" I asked Lana. I had tried to be patient and not bother her, or anyone else, but I couldn't take it anymore.

"They're one hour behind schedule", she said with a low voice, not quite meeting my eye.

I bent down and took my knees in my arms, hugging myself close. Don't be dead... Please, Tobirama, don't be dead.

"He's alive", Lana murmured, trying to convince herself. "They're all alive."

She did not sound as though she believed it herself.

Night came, and we started planning to send another group to the alpha base to fetch the remains. At this decision, I just lost it. I slumped down and got into that headspace where I was uncommunicable where I had been once before, drool running down my chin. The woman who'd comforted me, whose name was Hailey and was thirty years old, got me a cup of soup that she tried to feed me, but it was impossible.

"Chief!" It was a huge, black soldier in full military gear, including a machine gun. Shoot me. Just shoot me now. I have nothing left to fight for. "We're ready to leave."

"Izuna, come", Lana said. "Hank, help me with him. Take him out to the helicopter base. He needs fresh air.

I was carried through many long corridors and up many stairs, feeling my consciousness slowly creep back into my brain. I wish it hadn't, because it took me back to a reality where Tobirama just wasn't. I hid my face in the huge soldier's chest, pretending for just one moment it was Tobirama. When he put his hand on my head while carrying me, I immediately felt the differences between the two huge men, yet I tried to enjoy the comfort this other man, Hank, that was quite fatherly, in its own. I couldn't.

"Three helicopters ready", Hank said, and his chest rumbled like a volcano ready to explode. "We'll leave on your order."

There was a humming in my ears then, and I closed my eyes against it, as if that would help.

"Chief..."

The humming became louder and louder, and I tried to make my mind go blank, making it go away.

"Chief!!"

"I see them! Medics! Now!"

Suddenly, I was put to the ground and forgotten, and hectic activity started all around me. People were running back and forth, and five helipads were cleared.

That's when I looked up in the sky and realised where the sound was coming from.

Five helicopters, the same amount that had left here so many hours ago, were approaching. I had never seen one before, but I'd seen a picture once. They were so noisy, my brain had the audacity to think. Of course, I didn't care.

My heart was pounding, and I stood up and screamed. Tobirama!  Please please please please please! Oh, please! I'll do ANYTHING! In the entire WORLD! Just to have him back safe.

The first helicopter landed, and the squad started to pour out, some carrying dead or wounded comrades. Shit! I put my hand to my mouth and was close to vomiting. No!

Second helicopter landed, and Caroline jumped out. Lana went to greet her, grabbing her arms.

"Caroline!!"

"We couldn't get all out!" she wailed. "Some of us are left dead behind! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Fifth helicopter is empty. Only the pilot."

No...

"You did well." Lana embraced her. I never thought there was so much warmth in the military. "Go rest."

I didn't dare to even look at Caroline, because I one look and it would tell me all I needed to know. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to conquer this world alone. The third helicopter landed and emptied. No Tobirama. The fourth. No Tobirama.

I curlad up into a ball.

And all became very, very still.

This was the end. I knew it was the end of me. I had balanced on eggshells, managing not to crack them by holding myself up with a thin thread that hardly hell, and now that had burst. So had the eggshells that were my life.

It was over.

The fifth helicopter landed just e few metres in front of me, almost blowing me away.

I couldn't care.

The motor died down, and the pilots shadow loomed over me.

His body is not here. It's left behind. I must go back and get it. That will be my last task in life. I will go back and get his body. Bury it with Henry's. And then bury my soul with them.

The pilot jumped out, kneeled next to me.

"Izuna..."

Leave me alone!

Blood dripped from them down to me, landed on my cheek.

"Izuna..."

Oh, how I despise that everyone knows my name! I'm not important! I'm just evidence! Just like Henry was just a hacker! I have no worth without Tobirama!

I was carefully scooped up, and placed so I was standing. The pilot held on to me so I wouldn't slump back down.

"Izuna, look at me."

I think somewhere deep down, my soul had registered at that first "Izuna". But my brain would work with me. I looked up, and the man before me was battered down, bruises on his head, his hair a bloody mess, his helmet nowhere to be seen. His one ear was torn off, just a black clump of dried blood replacing it. His eyes were red-shot of all smoke, and his camouflage jacket black with soot. He was looking at me desperately, as if trying to gain access to my soul.

And my souls clicked the pieces together, even if my brain didn't.

I threw myself into his arms and burst into tears.

I cried fountain after fountain, clinging to him as he hugged me harder than he'd ever hugged me before, one arm around my back, the hand of the other in my hair, pressing me into his chest so harshly I could hardly breathe but I didn't need to, because he was all the air I'd ever need, all the oxygen my lungs would ever require to function.

"I thought you were dead!" I croaked. "I thought you had died!"

He couldn't answer, just hugged me closer. Time disappeared as it had done when I waited for his return. People around us disappeared. Vehicles disappeared. The helicopters were unpacked and cleaned and locked. The sun disappeared. But we stood put, just hugging, accepting a reality where he was alive, and I didn't have to do life without him.