They started training Tobirama and some betas from the next morning.

He woke up at six am, and didn't come back until the evening, sometimes six pm but more usually eight or even nine, exhausted. The first few days, he just seemed physically exhausted. I had always cooked something for him, and he ate with great appetite. In the evenings, he was too exhausted for sex, and I never pushed him; I was just happy to hold him close, kissing him over and over until he fell asleep.

But after one week of training...

On the Monday, he came home ashen. He just opened the front door and stood in it, and he drained the colours from all around him.

"Oh my God..." I whispered, dropping the spoon I used to cook on the floor, running to him. "Tobirama..."

He jerked and screamed when he saw me, trying to back away but bumped into the doorframe, then screamed and turned round, lifting his hand in a fist. When he saw no-one was there, he turned to me and grabbed my collar, fist still lifted. I closed my eyes, readying myself to be beaten...

Nothing happened.

I tentatively opened my eye to see Tobirama standing in front of me, panting, his fist lifted, his eyes wild. But behind them, I could see his soul, and I tried pouring mine into it, so that our souls could talk. And slowly, very slowly, his eyes lost their hostility, got back their mild, bright light of love as he looked at me.

"What did they do to you?" I whispered.

Tobirama started trembling as he lowered his fist, and he put his hand to his mouth in horror. His eyes crinkled. He was getting crow's feet in the corners of his eyes. They were beautiful.

"What did they do to you?" I whispered once more.

"Oh my God, Izuna, I'm sorry", he whispered, crying. I'd witnessed him cry so many times by then. I was suddenly frightened that all of this would leave Tobirama a broken man. "I was going to... I thought you... I was going to..."

"Shh, it's okay", I said, putting my arms around his waist. He hugged me back into his ginormous embrace.

"I need to..."

Tobirama slumped down on the floor, leaning against the doorframe that only a moments ago had been a hostile enemy.

"Tobirama, what did they do?" I asked again, this time in such a way that he knew I demanded an answer. I dreaded it.

He took some time to collect himself, but when he finished, he answered: "Military need to be trained to kill people without thinking. You need to disconnect yourself from the fact that the person in front of you is a living, feeling thing. That takes years. We have one month. So they have a different way of doing that..."

"They..." I looked at him. "Tobirama, did you kill someone?"

He shook his head. I sighed in relief. I knew he would have to kill people in the raid, but I was glad it wasn't now. Not yet.

"They are trying to desensitise me. They..." He hid his face in his hands. "They used Henry."

I just stared. My had slowly went to my mouth in chock. "Oh, good gracious me", I whispered.

"They forced me into a room and locked the door. Henry's body was in that room. It has started to rot."

Ohhhhh no. Oh no no no no no no way. No fucking way. I stood up and started walking back and forth, back and forth, hyperventilating.

"Izuna, I can't do this", he said, swallowing.

Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God.

I hated this. I hated all of it.

"Lana apologised so many times. I said I understood. And I do. But I..." The memory of Henry's dead old body, rotting, must've etched itself into Tobirama's retina, because I could see he couldn't get the image out of his mind. I sunk down on my knees, lay down in Tobirama's lap, crying.

"Henry..." I squealed.

"I can't do this, Izuna..."

I cried. I cried and cried. But still, I sat up. I sat up, and I took his face in my hands, and I looked at him. Like, really, really looked at him.

"You must", I said. "You must do this. Or Henry's death will have gone to waste."

More than it already has.

He did. He did do it.

For the three remaining weeks, Tobirama came home battered, sick, heartbroken. They mainly used Henry. They made him cut his heart out. They made him hold the knife that had killed him. They made him clean the blood off it. They made him take a gun and shoot his rotting body, threatening to kill me at home in the villa if he didn't. Well, thanks for that. Tobirama came home, refused food and just turned the shower on, sat down and let the water splash over him. For hours. I had to go there with a bowl of something and feed him. He could hardly lift his head. Several times, I woke up being strangled by him, as he'd woken up from a nightmare convinced I was someone who was going to force him to torture Henry's body. Then he would realise it was me and cling to me and cry his heart out as I soothed him, placing kisses all over. He was terrified of anything sex at this point, but I didn't care. I took care of that myself in the shower. I just did everything I could to get my boyfriend through all of this. And the last week, he didn't seem all that affected anymore.

He came home on the Wednesday, having only two days of training left, standing in the doorway, not really wanting to come in.

"Umm... Izuna?"

"Yes?"

He looked shy. "I... I wanted to thank you for what you've done for me these past weeks. I couldn't have done it without you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. I..." He walked in, and in his hands he had a ginormous bouquet of yellow flowers. "I know it's not the most masculine thing. But I picked these in a meadow I walk past every day. And... Umm, sorry for not eating the food you've been offering me." He walked in, taking my hand and leading me out. Outside, on the little table with two chairs outside our door that we sometimes used for breakfast before all of this, was a dinner setting of bread, cheese, olives and wine. "I thought I'd try to make it up to you."

"You didn't have to", I whispered.

"I know", he said, handing me the flowers.

I took them, eyes full of tears. "I'm so sorry for what they made you do to Henry. I'm sure he'd understands."

"I'm not sure he would, to be honest. But to keep you safe... He'd do anything."

"He'd do anything to keep you safe, too", I said. Tobirama started to protest, but I interrupted him. "No, Tobirama, I'm serious! He loved you!"

"Do you..." Tobirama looked away. "Do you think he was in love with us? Both of us? I don't know how that would work with the brain and everything, but... Could he?"

I sat down, hugging my flowers close. "I don't know." I said. We had talked a bit more to Helen, who'd told us that before all of this, when everyone was like me and Henry, breaking a bonding by death or divorce didn't kill you (the fact that it did was a huge set-back with alphas, and they'd worked on a solution for hundreds of years), and you could bond with someone new, too. But I didn't know how it applied to this situation. I realised a lot of research was still needed, and I was determined to research it once I graduated.

We had dinner then, talking about everything, starting from that day the three os us slept together, going through the good bits, causing me to blush and Tobirama to smirk, sensually twirling his tongue around an olive, very aware of himself. We talked about the day Henry died. We talked about Tobirama's training. We talked about us, about our future, about marriage and families and careers. And we ate. Finally, Tobirama lifted me up, took me inside and up the creaky wooden stairs to the bedroom, where he put me on our bed. He made long, slow love to me that night, and I to him, kissing, whispering little signs of love to each other. It was our first time in weeks and we were starving. We lay cocooned together for a couple more hours, just talking, before getting up, doing the dishes, showering and getting ready for bed.

That night was the first night we felt happy in a long, long time.

This is not the last time. This is not the last time you see him.

But hug him as if it were.

I hugged him close to me, digging my nails into the arms of his military jacket. I tried to ignore how hot he looked, but it was hard. He held me equally close, trying to melt us into the same person.

"Izuna..." he whispered.

"Don't!" I wailed.

"I know you don't want to, but you must listen to me." He bent down so he was my level, which was a long way down. "Look. Know that I love you. I love you and I always will. If something happens to me, move on with your life. You're not an alpha; you can bond with someone new if I die. Do that. Please. And there's a letter." I looked at him. It was strange, having him my eye-height standing up. "Underneath the mattress. Don't read it. Unless I die."

"Tobirama..."

"Tobirama, we need to go." It was Caroline.

"Take care of him", I said to her.

"Oh, hun", she said, smiling. "You have no idea what this man is capable of. He'll be the one to take care of the reta of us in this war."

Tobirama stood up, then bent down a little again, whispering. "I've seen the way you've looked at me in military gear. I will be back, fucking you", he promised.

"You better", I whispered back.

I pulled him in and kissed him. I kissed him like never before, eating his heart out.

It was over in a heartbeat.

He walked away.

He didn't look back.

I knew it was because it would hurt too much, because I felt the same.