Our house was quiet, the clock in one corner ticking loudly. Had it always been that noisy? I was rustling in the kitchen, my trembling hands causing things to fall off to the ground that I didn't even notice. I put on the kettle, and five minutes passed before I realised there was no water in it. When I finally managed to boil the water, I took two mugs, dropping one so it shattered on the wooden floor. I took a new one, scooping up tea in it. I burned myself on the kettle before managing to fill the mugs with so much boiling water that they spilled over.

"Tobirama? You're not supposed to put loose tea directly in the water, love." Izuna...

I gave in then, putting my hands on the countertop, leaning against it, looking down and trembling. Tears were streaming down my face. Izuna came and put his arms around me, hugging me.

"Go sit down", he said. "I'll take care of this."

I just sat down on the floor, hiding my face in my hands. Izuna whipped up two mugs of lavender tea for us and came to sit next to me. We sipped the tea together. Usually, I waited about five minutes to the tea would cool down, but I  gulped it down, wanting to burn the insides of my mouth. Get it away. Every atom that has ever touched any part of him. Burn it away.

"Tobirama", Izuna said, grabbing my mug, preventing me from drinking. "I know what you're doing. Stop."

I put my mug then and cried. Izuna hugged me and started crying as well. I totally lost it; finally, finally gave way for everything. I curled up into a ball and started scream-crying. Izuna did as well. For two hours, we cried and cried. When our tears dried out, we kept crying without tears. I carried him to the small double bed on the second floor where we made love, crying. We broke down again in bed. Izuna was the one who got back to his senses first, cooking dinner for us. I sat on the kitchen floor, refusing the be more than two steps away from him at all times. I could hardly eat, not because I wasn't hungry but because I was crying so much.

"Tobirama, please". Izuna begged, crying too. "Please, eat."

We clung to each other at night, unable to talk. We couldn't fall asleep for hours, and when we finally did, it was an uneasy sleep, waking us up several times during the night.

Neither of us wanted it to be morning. Both of us wanted to be stuck in today; we didn't want it to become a new day.

Because that would be a day Henry wouldn't be part of.

We stood hand in hand in a white, sterile corridor. We had braided our fingers together, and I was massaging Izuna's thumb. I had tried to remain calm all morning, for Izuna, to take care of him today as he'd taken care of me yesterday. But I didn't know how long it would last.

Lana came out of a door. "Come", she said, bringing us down the corridor to a surprisingly normal-looking door. It felt wrong, somehow, that the door was exactly the same as the other doors in the corridor. I didn't understand why this upset me so much, but since it contained death, I believed it should reflect that. "I'll be outside", Lana said warmly. Her voice was warm like sweet honey. "Take as much time as you need."

I opened the door, sensing Izuna didn't want to. I didn't dare to look ahead of me before I'd closed the door. Izuna, however, didn't seem to have any such restrictions. His eyes were like magnets, Henrys body made of iron pulling Izuna's gaze in.

"Tobirama..." he whispered.

And I dared look ahead. His body was covered in a white sheet, and I could discern the shape of his nose. His body was on a metal bed, and it struck me how he didn't need anything soft beneath him because he was dead.

We took tentative steps towards him, our hands connected. Izuna had his hand out already, and as soon as we came to him, he pulled the sheet off.

Henry looked like he was dead. His eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open, his skin yellow and clammy. Izuna gave out a cry, and started to cry softly. I went to the head end, pulling my fingers through his hair. With my other hand, I pulled down the sheet further, and I was forced back as I saw the rash where the knife I had been holding went in. Fuck...

My tears were gone after a full day of crying yesterday; I was so dehydrated I could produce nothing but love, pouring from my beating heart to Henry's still one. My brain inevitably took me back to that day; how alive he'd been beneath me, the hot puffs of air surrounding his body, his hot breath against mine. Unbelievable that that has now been reduced to this dead body in front of me. But he never came alive beneath me the way he did when he was fucking Izuna, and I had enjoyed watching that tremendously; how his eyes burned like fire, how harshly he grabbed Izuna's soft waist, digging his fingers into his flesh to pull him closer and closer. The contrast between Henry on fire on Izuna's soft mattress and Henry still, dead, on a metal bed was horrible. It was absolutely and purely fucking awful.

I bent down and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Izuna was holding his hand. I took Izuna's other, and we just stood there, the three of us, one last time, promising each other without words that we would fix this, we would fix this world.

We didn't say goodbye. Not because we were sentimental, but because we couldn't.

The meeting room of today was much smaller, needing to contain only Lana, mum, me, Izuna and his family, the woman military leader who'd helped me out of that hellhole (a thirty-something strong lady with gorgeous, long, wine-red hair), and three of Lana's men.

"We now have a pretty good understanding of how their base is built, and we need to strike", Lana was saying. She was dressed in a light blue suit that complimented her colouring beautifully. "But not for it's destruction. We need information. About the poisoning of the water and how to stop it. We need to search every corner to find the computer where the information is hidden. We need all our hackers on board. But it's a difficult task. I..." Lana signed. "I doubt anyone but Henry could manage."

At this, I stood up, slamming my hands in the table. "He was more than just a tool for your war!" I screamed.

"Tobirama, sit down", Izuna said angrily. He's never snapped at me before, but I could see he was angry about how they spoke about Henry as well. I had to talk about him later and ask him why he was angry with me.

"Sorry", Lana said. "I'm sorry it comes across that way."

I slowly sat down again, but I could feel my eyes were boiling.

One of the men, a kind-looking man with brown hair and a moustache who looked more than a dad than a soldier, spoke.

"We need more trained people for the strike. Our military won't be enough."

"I'll do it", I said without hesitation.

"The hell you are!" Izuna screamed.

"Actually..." mum said, then looked up at me. "We we're going to ask you."

I was taken aback. If my mother wanted me to join the military force, knowing what risk it put me in, it must be serious.

"But I don't know dick about fuck", I said.

"We'll train you", the red-haired woman, Caroline, said. "For one month we'll train you and all else joining."

"Izuna, I'm sorry to separate you", Lana said.

"I know", Izuna said, looking down, seemingly ashamed. "I'm too small."

Lana looked horrified. "Oh God, no! That's not it at all!" Izuna looked at her quizzically. "You're too important. We need you and your brain as evidence. Especially now Henry's gone." I had to bite my knuckles and take a deep breath not to lash out again. Henry is a hacker, and Izuna is evidence. "I'm sorry, Tobirama. It's just the way things are in war. We don't lack heart. We just need to put them in a box, lock that box and swallow the key to win this as neatly as possible. Also..." She turned to Helen. "We need you to speak to the nation. The hackers have found a way to get into all televisions, radio stations, websites... You name it. It will happen soon."

"What shall I ask of them?" Helen asked.

"To join", Lana answered. "To join us against the government."

We lay in bed that evening, clad in t-shirts and shorts, me holding Izuna's head with one hand, his hand with the other.

"Why did you lash out at me?" I asked.

"It's because I believe Henry would understand", Izuna said softly. "You and I know he was more than what they make of him. He is more than a hacker. More than evidence. He was our friend. Our lover. Someone we fucked. Made love to, even." I thought about it. I had never made love to anyone before I met Izuna; I had just fucked. But I had made love to Henry as well. How much did the connection between us grow as we made love? Had Henry's death affected me so much if we hadn't slept together? I doubted it. "But this... It's bigger than us now. It's our families. Our university. Our cities. Our whole country and the world. I don't think diminishing it to emotions will do us any justice."

I kissed Izuna's hand. "I am ashamed. Of course. I'm not very good at controlling my emotions."

Izuna kissed me on the lips. "It's actually one of the things I love about you. You're doing fantastic but I hate that you'll be part of the raid."

I thought for a while. "I don't. It's as you say. This is bigger than us."

"Tobirama, just..." At this, my boyfriend turned away, hiding a little in his long ponytail, that he's continued wearing high up. He looked back at me, and his eyes spilled over with tears. "Please, be careful! Do not exchange your own life for information!"

"Izuna, you're going against what you just said about Henry-"

"I know!!" he screamed. "I know", he repeated, quieter this time. He pressed himself close to me, clung to me so desperately it broke my heart. "I just can't take it. I can't lose both Henry and then you. Please... If you have to disobey orders to stay alive, disobey them."

I kissed his head, his hand, his cheek. I bent down and kissed his abdomen. I bent down further and kissed his tip. He moaned. I took him into my mouth. I put him on his back and lifted his legs on my shoulders. I leaned forwards with one hand on his cheek, looking him deep into his eyes. I grabbed my length to push it inside of him. I made love to him with passion.

No promises were made that night.