We were back in my room before Tobirama finally broke down.

He just lay down on the carpet, curled up into a ball and started screaming.

I bent down, taking him into my arms and held him. "He's all right", I murmured, tears streaming down my face. "He will be all right."

"But what if they torture him?" Tobirama screamed. "What if they execute him?!"

I hadn't thought about that. A cold mouth swallowed my heart whole, chewed it and spit it out. I stood up, started pacing back and forth. I saw Tobirama, clad in a black T-shirt as he no longer gave a fuck about his scars, staring at his wrists and I knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Tobirama, no", I said, bending that. "We don't do that. We don't do that anymore."

He looked up at me. "Don't you understand?!" he screamed. Please. Please don't scream at me. It hurts my heart. "The thing he did that they didn't like! He was being tracked! They knew the three of us fucked! They know about him!" Shit, it was our fault. "And about us! Izuna, we're not safe!" Hadn't thought of that one either. Shit. "Remember they changed alphas because of homophobia! To prevent same-sex relationships!"

I slumped down on my bed, hugging my knees close to me. My brain just shut down. When Tobirama had calmed down, he tried to contact me. He couldn't. I was unavailable. Tobirama's panic attack had been raw, worn on the outside. Mine turned in on myself, swallowed me up in a void. I was aware that I was drooling, yet could do nothing about it but slump in Tobirama's arms. He sang to me then, his voice surprisingly soft and clear as he sung soothing song after soothing song, until I, finally, after I don't know how much time, came back to myself.

We didn't speak anymore. I thought both of us felt a tiny bit of jealousy regarding the other being so upset about Henry, yet we didn't blame one another for it, nor ourselves. We cried ourselves to sleep that night, close, but still an empty space between us, a space that represented him, and the three of us.

Our train left early two mornings after. We'd woken up with a lot more sense in our minds, and shamefacedly gone to Helen to admit why we thought they'd taken Henry, and thus that we were in danger as well. Helen had, thankfully, been very practical about it.

"We will go join the beta rebellion forces tomorrow. Pack what you need to stay for at least a few weeks. We leave tomorrow. Until then, do not go anywhere on your own. And don't go out only the two of you either."

We had skipped uni that day, just sat next to each other, talking. Talking about a bright future, where we could be open not only to ourselves but also to the world. Talking about what we wanted out of life. How strange it was that you bonded, even before you knew if you had the same goals in life or not. What if only one wanted a family? We decided on figuring everything about each other slowly, very slowly. That we would be alive long enough to do that.

"I can't take this", I finally said. "I need to run."

"How about you go with me to the gym?" Tobirama asked. "We should stay together. And somewhere where there's people. You know, to stay safe."

"But we can't be seen together!"

"Izuna, the fucking government knows. At this point, I could fuck you in the gym and not care."

He had a point in that.

I had enjoyed the gym immensely. Tobirama acted as my personal trainer, forcing myself to work beyond myself.

"You need to do more strength for your calves. Every runner should do toe lifts."

I stuck my tongue out at him. To my great surprise, his eyes teared up. I took a step and hugged him. "You know", he'd said last night as we spoke. "You give surprisingly comforting hugs for being so much smaller than me. It's like you keep the entire world out."

"The entire world can go fuck itself", I'd said.

"You know..." I said when I hugged him. "When you said you could fuck me in the gym..." I looked away shyly.

But Tobirama got the hint. He took my hand with his trembling one, happy for the distraction, and pulled me into a bathroom, not caring who saw us walk in. He bent me forwards, put two fingers into my mouth, pulled my trousers down and in two hot seconds from the moment he locked the door he was inside me, as if he was a hot sword and I was butter. My eyes watered from held-back screams and it didn't even take us fifteen seconds before we both came.

"Now we know we can fuck in the bathrooms", Izuna whispered. "If we won't be able to sleep alone when we join the rebellions."

I stood on the train station, clad my coat and with my suitcase next to me. Tobirama had a black- and yellow snowboard jacket and held his suitcase as well, holding my hand with his free hand. Helen stood next to us, so frail it looked like the wind could carry her away.

"Helen... Can you do this?" I asked.

"I will fight until my last breath", she said sternly.

Me and Tobirama leaned on each other, trying to catch up on some sleep. It had been a long, tearful night full of lovemaking and talking, and we had been even more tired when we woke up than when we'd gone to sleep. When we woke up from the nap, and had two hours left of the train ride, he handed me two cans.

"Choose one", he said.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Energy drink. One is white peach. The other is marshmallow and strawberry."

I thanked him and took the marshmallow one. It was delicious.

"Aren't they bad for you?"

Tobirama took a sip of his white peach, then offered it to me to taste. It was delicious as well. "What makes us think apples are healthy is their very high nutrient-to-calorie ratio. You get a lot of good things for vert little calories. Energy drinks are the same. They're fortified with a lot of good things but provide energy only in the form of caffeine. Not calories. It's like drinking water with vitamins. And caffeine is safe unless you drink a shit-ton of it. People are dumb."

"Haven't thought of it that way", I said.

"You don't know what you don't know", Tobirama said.

We continued the train ride solving crosswords. Tobirama was an expert, having devoted so much of his life to books. We found we really enjoyed our time together, and didn't want to leave our safe cocoon. When the train slowed down, I took Tobirama's hand, entwined our fingers. This is it, I thought. There is no going back.

We packed our crosswords, a piece we would tear out of the newspaper and cherish forever, and stood up. When we got off the train, I stopped dead.

"Wow", I whispered.

Outside stood hundreds and hundreds of betas, welcoming us. Or, mainly Helen, but I knew they were here for us, too. I saw my parents and Madara a bit away, waving at me. A thirty-something female beta with dark skin, amazing blue eye shadow and braids all over her hair that reached her waist too forwards, and gave her hand to Helen.

"Welcome, Dr Senju." She turned to us. "Mr Senju. Mr Uchiha. We are so happy that you're here. Come. Make yourselves at home."