Balthazar and Anna strutted down the empty school hallway, Cas and Charlie following close behind.

"Car," Balthazar said, and Anna whipped out her phone, texting away.

"On it." She paused halfway down the hallway and a boy stepped out of one of the classrooms and handed her his car keys. Anna smiled sweetly at him.

"Thanks, doll," She said all too innocently.

"You owe me one," The guy insisted. Anna winked.

"Oh, I know." He went back to class and they kept walking. "Cash?" Anna asked.

"I've got cash and I swiped Satan's credit card," Balthazar offered. 

"Getting out of school undetected?" Balthazar laughed and pushed open the front doors. 

"Honey, that's the easiest part."

***

"Have I ever mentioned how much I love your siblings?" Charlie whispered to Cas as they drove to the mall. Cas stared towards the front seat where Balthazar was driving and Anna was cranking a Marina song up.

"You wanna know the scariest part?" He asked.

"Duh."

"They HATE each other." Charlie stared.

Back at school, four teachers annoyingly checked 'unexcused' on the attendance list.

***

The flirting lessons started the second their feet hit the sticky mall floor, and Cas started wishing he had remembered to bring paper to take notes on.

"Alright gays, listen up!" Balthazar began. "The secret to being sexy and flirtatious is being confident. If you think you look hideous, you aren't gonna be rolling in pussy anytime soon."

"Why- why is that the image you went with?" Cas cringed. Charlie pulled out a pen, prepared to write notes on her arm.

"The second step," Balth went on as they went into a store and started searching the racks. Anna continued to play Marina from her phone, ignoring the fact that the store had its own music. She all but dared the employees to say something, ready to fight for her right to play 'How to be a Heartbreaker' at full volume. "Is to look hot as hell when you're talking to the people you want to ask out. They say beauty isn't everything, but damn, does it help. And even if you're an ugly shit like Gabriel, the right outfit can cover that up."

"Huh," Cas said, looking at the shirts and frowning.

"What?" 

"I always thought Michael was the ugly one."  Balthazar burst out laughing.

"Dude, where have YOU been? Michael's decent looking, he just doesn't date cause he's a loser."

"He's a Novak, Balth," Anna insisted. "That's the secret. Deep down, we're all losers."

"If being a loser means I can get Jo Harvelle to be my girlfriend, then sign me the fuck up." Charlie declared. Anna grinned.

"This one gets it."

"But isn't it better to not change stuff about yourself just to impress other people?" Cas asked. "I thought it was better to just be yourself."

"But that's what you're doing, Cassie!" Balthazar insisted. "We're just here to bring out your inner confidence and make you go HEY," He snapped dramatically. "I'M HOT, YOU'RE HOT, LET'S DATE, BITCH."

"And make you look good while doing it," Anna added, shrugging. "You don't have to change shit about yourself, Cassie, you're adorable. We just want to help you look good so you can get a date, because once you have Dean Winchester wrapped around your little finger, it doesn't matter how dorky the shirts you wear are."

"Again WHAT is wrong with my shirt?" Cas demanded.

"It's a hand-me-down from Michael for starters," Balthazar muttered. 

"Somebody's got to wear the hand-me-downs," Cas said.

"Yes but Michael doesn't get dates for a reason, and the reason is the outfit choices." Anna explained. "So Bal, I'm thinking I play dress up with Cassie while you and Charlie go looking for something less...." She looked Charlie up and down. "butch?"

"I like my 'Butch' style, thank you very much," Charlie insisted. "But I would be happy to shop for skirts with you, Balthazar." Balth clapped his hands.

"Meet up at milkshake shop in two hours!" He declared, grabbing Charlie's hand and pulling her out of the store.

"...I still don't understand how new clothes are going to help," Cas said. "It doesn't matter what I look like if I can't talk to Dean without making a fool out of myself."

"Well, you make a fool out of yourself and own it, so that's progress," Anna said. "And you CAN have a normal conversation with the dude, so that's already more then most people can do. You should find a way to compliment him, point out something you think looks nice. Flattery can help him know that you're interested, and you can see how he reacts to it."

"But how do I slip that into conversation? Or am I just supposed to walk up and say 'Hey, your knees are nice today?'" Anna stared at him.

"Oh my god, you're helpless. For starters, Don't compliment his knees! That's great if you have a sly pick up line, but you are not at that level yet, so NO. Tell him he looks nice, or.... What's a feature of his that you like? One that's not creepy, like earlobes." Cas fiddled with the shirt he was holding.

"He has really pretty eyes."

"GOOD! THERE! Tell him that! That's perfect. People love compliments about their eyes!" Anna grinned. "See? You're making progress already. You're gonna do fine. Now here," She threw a shirt at him. "Go try this on, I think I'm gonna go an emo route with you."

"Just don't make me wear eyeliner."

"Oh shit that's a good idea."

"It was Charlie's." Anna tilted her head.

"How does your lesbian friend have all the good ideas on how to make boys look cuter?"

****

"So how do I get a girl like Jo to notice me?" Charlie asked from the inside of a dressing room. Balthazar stood on the other side of the the dressing room door, admiring himself and his new skirt in one of the many mirrors. 

"Easy," He said. "A girl like Jo doesn't want bullshit. She won't get the 'hard to get' game. Your best bet is to literally just walk up to her and tell her you think she's cute and ask her out."

"BUT THAT'S THE SINGLE MOST TERRIFYING THING EVER!"

Yeah, but the literal worst thing that could happen is she says no. Either way, she has to respect you for having the guts to ask, and who knows, maybe you'll be friends even if she doesn't want to date you." Charlie let out a whine.

"But what if she doesn't like girls?" Balthazar laughed.

"Honey my gaydar is FLAWLESS. It's like my sixth sense. I can accurately tell you the sexuality of pretty much everyone at that school. Jo is not straight."

"But what if she-"

"She likes girls, Char, relax."

"But she was talking to Dean, and she's always flirting with Ash, so-"

"Jo and Ash dated in middle school but they broke up cause they thought they worked better as friends, and because they both realized they had a crush on Eileen, but then Eileen changed schools so now Jo and Ash have one of those awesome friendships where they flirt with each other but would never actually date."

"...How the hell do you even KNOW THAT-"

"Because I went to a party last year and hooked up with Ash and he told me."

"Damn, Cas wasn't lying when he said you sleep with everyone."

"I don't sleep with EVERYONE, but I do know the tea on EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE."

"Everyone?"

"Yes."

"Even Meg?"

"Yes."

"HOW."

"I'm a master at my craft, darling. I decided at a young age that I wanted to be Edna Mode and I'm living up to it."

"You got that right." The door to the dressing room swung open, and Balthazar stepped back. 

"Thoughts?" Charlie asked, walking out in a pretty red skirt. Balthazar stood across from her in a long bright blue skirt, nodding with approval.

"Looks good," He said. "But we have to make sure they pass the spin test."

"The spin test?" Balthazar nodded seriously. 

"Allow me to demonstrate." He walked to the center of the room, spread his arms out, and spun around. The skirt lifted slightly, floating around him in a pretty circle. "Ta da! It swirls, therefore it passes. Your turn."

So they spun around, giggling at their spinning skirts until an older woman came into the room and frowned at them.

"Boys don't wear skirts," She said haughtily. Balthazar smiled and flipped her off.

"Suck my ass, Karen." He deadpanned.

*****

The car they had totally borrowed and not stolen (although technically Balthazar wasn't legally allowed to drive them, so it was still illegal in a bunch of ways) had a sunroof. And four teenagers high off milkshakes, new clothes, and Marina were a dangerous combination with sunroofs.

Which is probably why Balthazar was wearing a pair of aviators and driving donuts in the mall parking lot while Charlie hung halfway out of the sunroof and Cas and Anna screamed out the windows, clutching onto the remains of their milkshakes as best as they could.

They were singing too, because why wouldn't they be.

"THIS IS HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER! BOYS THEY LIKE A LITTLE DANGER, WE'LL GET EM FALLING FOR A STRAAANGER, A PLAYER, SINGING I L-L-L-LOVE YOU!!" They screeched. Balthazar was practically howling from the driver's seat.

"Oh crap," Anna swore suddenly. "BALTHIE! SECURITY FOUND US!!!" Sure enough, a golf cart loaded with mall security officers was barreling towards them.

"DAMMIT THE MILKSHAKES BROUGHT THE BOYS TO THE YARD TOO FAST!" Balthazar yelled, and he peeled out of the parking lot. Charlie screeched, losing her milkshake as Cas tugged her back into the car. How to be a heartbreaker blasted louder as they sped back to school.

The final bell had just rung by the time they pulled into the school parking lot, and Gabriel and Hannah watched in shock as Cas, Balth, Anna, and Charlie piled out of a smoking car with windswept hair and shopping bags.

"...DID YOU GO SHOPPING WITHOUT US?" Hannah demanded.

"YOU GOT CASSIE TO DITCH?" Gabriel shouted at the same time.

"We'll take you tomorrow," Balthazar promised, flipping the sunglasses onto the top of his head. Anna sipped on the remains of her milkshake and skipped over to the boy she had taken the keys from, dropping them into his hand with a smile.

"Thanks!" The boy stared past her at his smoldering, milkshake splattered car in horror. Oh, Anna owed him big time.

"Oh, you better take me," Hannah said, pissed. Balthazar sighed.

"I know Hannie, I'm sorry, but it was a spontaneous thing. But look! I got us matching skirts!" Hannah grabbed the shopping bag and inspected the blue skirt inside before looking up at her sibling.

"You're forgiven." 

Chuck watched as his kids climbed into the minivan once more, half of them with shopping bags and milkshakes that were definitely NOT from school. He narrowed his eyes at them.

"It was for a good cause" Balthazar explained. "We had to teach Charlie and Cassie how to flirt with hot people."

"Did it work?" Cas shrugged.

"We'll find out tomorrow, I guess." Chuck sighed.

"How did you even get to the- actually, you know what, I don't want to know. Just try to stay in school enough that you all graduate, okay?"

"We will!" They chorused.

"You better," Chuck grumbled.