The holidays were always an insane time in the Novak house. Well, more insane than usual, if you can believe, especially when the subject of Christmas and Christmas lists came up.

But today wasn't about Christmas, Chuck thought. Today was about Thanksgiving. The biggest Thanksgiving he had ever hosted in his entire life.

Because in addition to his ten kids (Lucifer, Michael, Balthazar, Anna, Gabriel, Castiel, Hannah, Charlie, Chloe, and Amara), he had also invited the Winchester family, and Balthazar and Anna had insisted on bringing dates, so there were 16  people coming to Thankgiving and all of them were bringing appetizers.

It was a disaster waiting to happen. Chuck had invited his editor too, but Marv had only laughed and said that he had read enough about Chuck's family to know never to go to his house. Fair enough, Marv, fair enough.

Thanksgiving morning, of course, was pure chaos. He, Hannah, and Michael had overtaken the kitchen, determined to finish all the food in time for dinner while the rest of the family went nuts. Gabriel was half shoved into a cabinet, screaming about missing candy, Anna was arguing with someone on the phone, Amara was four hours early and having a screaming match with Balthazar over Celine Dion as usual, and then Lucifer burst out of hell, furious.

"Who the FUCK STOLE MY GOOD TIE?" He yelled, and the house shook.

"Geez, Luci, it's just a tie, no need to go Hulk smash over it," Balthazar insisted. Lucifer shot him a glare.

"Where the fuck is it?" He demanded.

"I don't know!"

"Check the laundry," Chuck suggested.

"Didn't Michael steal a bunch of your dress clothes for that fancy college dinner?" Hannah asked.

"Oh shit-" Michael dropped the potatoes and ran as Lucifer charged toward him.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GOOD TIE, MICHAEL?!?!?" 

"I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T USE IT, I SWEAR!" Michael climbed on the counter, clinging to the cabinets like they were the only thing keeping him from falling off a cliff.

"MIKEY-"

"I JUST STOLE YOUR CUFF LINKS OKAY, AND I DROPPED THEM DOWN THE DRAIN AND I WENT ON EBAY AND BOUGHT ONES THAT LOOKED JUST LIKE THEM SO YOU'D NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, I'M SORRY!" Lucifer stared him down for a moment, then whipped back around.

"I believe you," Michael sighed with relief.

"Why does this stupid tie matter anyways?" He asked. Lucifer scowled and sulked away.

"BECAUSE IT DOES."

"Becaaaauuuseeee," Gabriel sang, climbing out the cabinet with a bag of outdated skittles. "CHLOEEE gave it to hiiiiim!"

"SHUT YOUR DIABETIC ASS UP GABRIEL OR I'LL TELL SAM YOU HAVE AN ANIME BODY PILLOW." Lucifer warned.

"I DO NOT!"

"LIKE HE'D BELIEVE THAT."

"DAAAAADDDDD-"

"God have mercy," Chuck whispered.

"Can't pray to yourself, Dad," Hannah reminded him.

Somehow, they got the food ready in time. Somehow, they got the tables set (well, that wasn't much of a surprise, Cas had been in charge of the place settings). Somehow everyone had gotten dressed and looked relatively nice. Now all that was left was for the guests to arrive.

Chuck did one final inspection of the house, making sure that there were no dirty plates or underwear left out. Sure, there was a paint mural on the wall still and his cabinets were unnaturally pink and the whole house could still bring horrified tears to a cleaning lady's eyes, but it was the cleanest it had been all year, and Chuck took pride in that.

And his children actually looked presentable too! Maybe he was God, for having pulled it off. Lucifer had found his good tie (it had been used as a noose to hang one of Hannah's teddy bears, but that was a different story) and he had actually cleaned up nice. Chloe had that effect on him. Michael, Castiel, and Anna always looked nice, so there wasn't much to worry about there, although Cas's hair was still its usual disaster. Balthazar was reluctantly in pants and Hannah was reluctantly in a dress (although Balthazar was wearing high heels, a look only he could pull off). Gabriel had actually put effort into his appearance, and Chuck was tempted to ask Satan if hell was feeling chilly today.

And then the doorbell rang.

Balthazar and Cas instantly started fighting on who should open the door, only for Hannah to roll her eyes and open it.

But the Winchesters were not at the door. Nor was it Chloe or Anna's expected date.

Instead there was a sleazy looking woman with too much makeup and not enough clothing standing at the door looking bored. Hannah gaped at her.

"He actually did it," She whispered before Balthazar shoved her aside and put on a dazzling smile.

"Lucinda! Darling! I'm SO GLAD you could make it!" He exclaimed, leading the woman inside. 

"Don't call me Lucinda when I'm on the clock," The woman said, sounding like she smoked three packs a day. "I charge by the hour, by the way."

The rest of Chuck's angels switched between staring at the girl and whipping over to watch Chuck's hair start to grey.

"Balthazar," Chuck started, unsure where to begin. "Who....What-......I-"

"Oh, how rude of me not to introduce you," Balthazar said happily. "Dad, this is Lucinda, but she goes by Chastity. She's my date for Thanksgiving!" Chuck sat down and buried his face in his hands.

"You..." Michael started. "You brought a stripper to Thanksgiving?" Balthazar gasped. 

"How DARE YOU," He said, offended. "I brought a PROSTITUTE to Thanksgiving, THANK YOU VERY MUCH." Lucifer quickly left the room, unable to contain his laughter anymore. Hannah didn't care to hide it. She was in near tears.

"Y'know Balthie," She choked out, laughing. "When I dared you to do this, I didn't think you'd actually go through with it!"

"As if I'd do this for a dare," Balthazar rolled his eyes. "I'll have you know that Chastity is an old friend." Hannah hit the floor.

"He hired a prostitute," Amara said, sitting beside her brother. "....Is that even legal for him to do?"

"No," Chuck said.

"Do.... Do we kick her out?"

"I...." Chuck looked up at Chastity, who was already chatting away with Anna and Gabriel. "I mean... She doesn't look like she's had a homecooked meal in awhile."

"CHUCK."

"And it IS Thanksgiving...."

"CHUCK!" Chuck sighed.

"The stripper is staying, Amara, I'm sorry." Now it was Amara's turn to bury her face in her hands. 

"This is why your wife left you," She whispered.

"Just because that's true doesn't mean I'm ashamed," Chuck admitted. The doorbell rang again, and Cas ran to open it.

"SATAN, YOUR SATANNESS IS HERE!!" He yelled as Chloe walked in.

"DON'T CALL HER THAT!" Lucifer yelled back before walking into the room and taking Chloe's arm in his. "She prefers the term Queen of Hell."

"It's more regal," Chloe said, grinning at him. "You wore your tie."

"As if I'd wear any other one."

"Do you even own another tie?"

"That's not important. Come! Let's meet Balthazar's prostitute."

"Wait what-"

The doorbell rang again, and this time it actually was Sam, Dean, and Mary Winchester.

"Oh good, you're here!" Cas said excitedly, grabbing Dean's hand and pulling him into the chaos. 

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!" Gabriel screeched, running to the door and effectively tackling Sam to the floor.

"Are you alright?" Mary asked, slightly concerned.

"He does this a lot," Sam insisted. "You learn quickly how to fall so that it doesn't hurt."

"Sammoose, you're so smart," Gabriel grinned. "Now c'mon, I wanna see how much it'll cost to get Balthie's date to prank our Spanish teacher."

"Why would Balthazar's date prank our teacher?" Gabriel started laughing.

"Ooooh, just you wait and see, Samuel. She has an hourly rate."

"WHAT." Sam and Mary looked around, spotting Chastity at the same time. "Oh boy."

"YUP, LET'S GO!" Gabriel dragged Sam away and Mary wandered over to where Chuck and Amara were quickly cracking open the liquor.

"You let your son bring a prostitute to Thanksgiving?" Mary questioned, not looking happy. Chuck let out a sigh and poured himself a drink, downed it, and then poured another before looking at her.

"Mary..." He started, shaking his head. "Mary, Mary, Mary. When you raise seven psychopathic, law breaking, sexually curious weirdos I call children, you learn pretty quickly not to question strange things. Now, one of my children is Satan. That desensitizes you to pretty much everything instantly, but Balthazar? Balthazar was born a 50 year old French sommelier who has a permanent middle finger in the air. If he wants to bring a hooker to dinner, there's nothing I can do to stop him, so you learn to just go with the flow, and more importantly," He raised his glass. "To drink your grey hairs away. Want a whiskey sour?"

"Now take however much he drinks," Amara added, "And double it. That's been my Fridays nights since he started having kids."

"....I'll take that drink then," Mary agreed.