It was Saturday, and the Novak children were losing their minds as usual. Chuck had retreated into his room, attempting to meet his writing deadline without having his children blow up the house.

Currently, Anna was screaming at Hannah and Balthazar, because Hannah thought it would be funny to dress her sibling up like a drag queen, and Balthazar was the only one who consented to being forced into a dress and given a makeover. Michael was wearing noise cancelling headphones to block out his siblings as he doodled on paper and procrastinated on his homework. Castiel, entirely used to the noise, was sitting calmly on the couch, reading a book. And Gabriel was watching, fascinated, as Lucifer played the knife game with a sharp kitchen knife.

"I have all my fingers, the knife goes chop chop chop," Luci sang, stabbing the spots between his fingers.

"Faster," Gabriel urged, leaning closer to watch.

"And if I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off, aaaaaand if I hit my fingers-"

"Luci, you should stop before you hit a finger and get hurt," Castiel warned.

"Fuck off, Cassie, I do what I want." Satan called back, speeding up. A screech echoed from upstairs as Hannah and Balthazar came running downstairs at top speed, closely followed by an infuriated Anna.

"GIVE ME BACK MY DRESS, YOU ASSHOLES!" She yelled at them. Balthazar was currently clad in a fancy blue dress, and he kept tripping on its end, not used to running in a long dress.

"It's Assbutts, get it right," Castiel muttered.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Anna shouted. Hannah screamed and kept running, slamming into a table and promptly crashing onto Michael, who jumped and let out a yelp.

"What the hell!" He cried out, shoving his sister.

Balthazar and Anna bolted into the kitchen, and Balthazar tried to swerve around Lucifer, only to trip on the dress and crash into him. Satan lost his balance and tried to grab at Gabriel to catch himself, forgetting that there was still a knife clutched in his hand.

And that was how all seven siblings ended up screaming in the kitchen as there was a knife sticking out of Gabriel's leg.

"Oh my god, OH MY GOD, OHMYGOD!" Hannah was yelling.

"MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!" Gabriel shouted, sitting on the floor in an incredible amount of pain.

"Oops," Luci apologized.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Anna inhaled before whipping around to glare at Balthazar. "YOU GOT BLOOD ON MY DRESS, YOU BASTARD!" Balthazar, still looking fabulous in a blood splattered dress, blinked.

"Annie, our brother's bleeding to death." He reminded her.

"He's always dying, he'll be fine! BUT MY DRESS!"

"I'll go get Dad," Castiel declared, wide eyed.

"NO NO NO!!" The others yelled.

"Dad would MURDER me," Lucifer offered, knowing that this was probably all his fault anyways.

"He'd murder us all, there's blood on the white floor." Michael commented.

"What, like the kitchen hasn't been coated in a different color before?" Hannah questioned. "Hell, the weird pink stuff on the walls has been there for a decade."

"Guys." Castiel stared at his siblings. "Gabriel has a KNIFE in his LEG. He's BLEEDING. He needs medical attention!"

"Or does he?" Lucifer questioned. They all glanced at Gabriel, who was texting on his phone.

"....Are you seriously texting right now?" Anna said.

"Yep." Gabe said.

"Who the HELL are you texting?!" Michael demanded.

"Sam." Balthazar threw up his hands.

"You're bleeding to death and you're texting your boyfriend?!"

"Well, yeah."

"WHY?"

"Dude asked me what's up." Castiel snagged the phone and read the texts.

Hey Gabe, what's up?

I'm in a pool of blood.

......Is it your blood?

Yeah I think so

where's it coming from?

Probably the stab wound.

You were STABBED??

Oh yeah, definitely.

"Real subtle there Gabe," Cas commented. The phone kept buzzing, concerned texts from Sam going off constantly.

"Gimme the phone back, you're making my moose worry!" Gabriel complained.

"Is it just me, or is his face more pale?" Hannah asked, concerned.

"We should get Dad." Castiel repeated.

"No, no, here me out." Lucifer offered. "What if we pull out the knife,"

"WHAT?" Anna yelled.

"I vote NO on that one," Gabriel declared.

"And then we bandage him up," Lucifer went on. "And then we clean up the blood, put the knife away, burn Anna's dress, and none of this ever happened."

"Except that Gabriel has a badly bandaged stab wound that's bound to get infected." Castiel explained. "And probably ignored to the point where they'll have to amputate his leg." Lucifer shrugged.

"Eh, he was gonna lose it one day to diabetes anyways." Gabe looked up at them, slightly scared.

"I don't wanna lose my leg!" He insisted. "What chick wants to date a one legged guy?"

"Gabe, you're gay," Anna reminded him.

"Still! I can't be a pole dancer with only one leg!" They all raised an eyebrow and looked at Gabriel, who shrugged. "Let's be honest people, what other career paths do I have?"

"True," Michael offered. Castiel slowly backed away from the kitchen and then bolted for the stairs.

"STOP HIM!" Balthazar screeched, and they barreled after Castiel, leaving Gabriel alone in the kitchen. 

"Sure," He commented. "Leave the dying guy alone." He pulled a lollipop out of his pocket.

"DAD!!!!" Castiel yelled before his siblings tackled him and pinned him to the ground.

"Shut up!!" Lucifer hissed, but it was too late. Chuck emerged from his room and stood at the top of the stairs, taking in the sight before him.

Six out of seven kids were staring wide eyed at him. They were all piled on Castiel, and everyone had a hand clamping Cas's mouth shut, just in case. Balthazar was wearing a bloody dress, Hannah looked traumatized, Anna looked pissed, and Michael and Lucifer just looked annoyed and slightly afraid.

And Gabriel was nowhere to be seen. That's what made Chuck concerned. Nothing else was out of the ordinary, even Balthazar dressed in drag.

"What happened?" He asked. Castiel wriggled out of his siblings hold. 

"Gabriel needs medical attention!" He explained. Chuck sighed and took out his phone.

"What happened?" He repeated.

"Luci stabbed him!" Michael offered.

"I did NOT!" Lucifer objected. "It was all Balthazar's fault!"

"NO," Balthazar insisted. "It's Anna's! She's the one who was chasing me!"

"No, it's Hannah's fault!" Anna proclaimed. "She's the one who stole my dress and started this mess in the first place!"

"Hey, that rhymed," Castiel commented. "Dress, mess," Chuck rolled his eyes. Just once he wanted a weekend without a trip to the ER.

They were in a hospital waiting room when Castiel's phone went off with a call from Dean.

"Hello Dean," He grinned.

"Hey Cas," Dean offered. "Um, weird question, but is Gabriel okay? Because Sam's freaking out and saying that he was stabbed and now he won't answer his phone and he's really worried, so, if you have any information on that, it would be greatly appreciated."

"Oh yeah, Gabriel was stabbed." Cas confirmed.

"Wait really? How? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine, we're in the hospital now. Just a flesh wound in his leg."

"How the hell-"

"Let's just say it involved Balthazar in a dress, an angry redhead, and Satan playing the knife game."

".....You know, every time I think your family can't get any weirder, something like this happens."

"What can I say, Dean, we're a family of weirdos. We like to keep you on your toes."

"Dude, I'm on my toes enough to be a ballerina."

"I would die if I saw you in a tutu and tights."

"Never gonna happen. Don't get stabbed, okay?"

"No promises. You know, I nearly stabbed Luci once."

".....I'm gonna need that backstory."